EASY for 8.5 mo - can't seem to get it right... HELP!

[c0c0mon]

Hello!

I just joined this forum as I am at my wits end and have no idea what I should do. For some moms, taking care of a baby seem so effortless but for me, even when I'm giving my best and then some, it's still not working.

A little bit of background about my boy. He's 8.5 month old. Everything about him is challenging. I don't even know where to start. He has never been a great sleeper since day 1. He would cry and cry when it was bedtime. Because of that, I used to wear him alot when he was a newborn. He would sleep on me or in a sling for naps. And for night time, he would not sleep in the bassinet and we resorted to bed sharing. Up till he was 5 month old, he had to be held for naps and he would nap great, on average 1.5-2 hrs nap. Night time, different story, we would just put him down and he was able to fall asleep on his own. He was using a pacifier to fall asleep and once he was asleep, he would spit it out. He was sleeping next to me so in the middle of the night when he fussed, I would just replug the paci and he would settle immediately. About a month ago, he started waking up 8-10 times a night and I had to replug his paci. He knows how to replug it himself when he's fully awake but not when he's sleeping. I decided to stop giving him pacifier cold turkey and we're on day 2. He would fall asleep just fine but he couldn't stay asleep. I also started his transition to his crib 2 months ago during naps and a week ago for bedtime.

Day 1 of paci removal:
First nap, he went down fairly quickly and he fussed 40 mins into his nap. He was able to go back after I shh/pat him and he had 1hr 20min nap. Second nap, he went down fairly quickly as well but he fussed at 36 mins into his nap and I tried to get him back to sleep but it wasn't successful. Bed time, again, he went down pretty quick and stayed asleep for 5.5 hours then he woke up. First he was just fussing then he was crying hard. It took me 2+ hours to get him back to sleep. He was so frustrated and he didn't know how to soothe himself without his pacifier in the middle of his sleep.

Day 2 of paci removal:
Same as day 1, he went down fairly quickly but he fussed at 40-45 mins into his nap. And he woke up fussing for his second nap followed by hysterical cry as if he was still tired. First nap lasted 1hr 15min and second nap lasted for an hour.

His EASY routine:
7:30 - wake up
7:45 - Bottle
8:45 - solid
1030 - nap (1hr - 1hr 20 min)
11:45 - bottle
12:15 - A
2:30 - nap (1hr)
3:45 - bottle
5:00 - dinner
6:15 - bottle
7:00 - bedtime

With or without paci, he always fussed at 40-45 min into his naps. With or without paci, he wakes up at night. With or without paci, he has never slept over 1hr 20 mins on his own (while not being held by anyone).

During his awake time, I have him on his tummy trying to encourage his to crawl or sitting down playing with his toys and try to encourage him to get to tummy position from seated position. I take him out for ±30 minutes walk twice a day. I also let him play in his jumperoo although he's not jumping. He just stands there playing with the stuff around the jumperoo.

Any suggestions or criticism are welcomed as I really don't know what else I should do... I'm exhausted emotionally because it feels like I've failed him that he doesn't get good naps/sleep.

Thank you so so much in advance!

[jessmum46]

Hi, welcome and (((hugs))).  Being a mum isn't easy, even those who make it look a breeze to the outside world will meet challenges and difficulties, I'm sure you are doing the absolute best you can for your LO

Everything you're describing about getting rid of the paci is very normal. It will take some time for him to learn to settle without it.  The important thing is that whatever you replace it with ie shh pat that you don't allow that to become a prop either.  To avoid that issue you need to only intervene when he really needs you, and as soon as he is calm let him go back to settling himself.

Routine wise although the fussing at 40/45 mins could well be that he is coming into light sleep and looking for the paci, I also think he could do with a bit of an overall push in his A times.  Naps between 45-80 mins often indicate that LO was undertired (UT) when he went to sleep, so wasn't able to have a full restful nap.  And the problem with that is that LO ends up overtired (OT) by the end of the day because none of the naps have been properly restorative.

I would suggest maybe adding 15 mins or so to his first A time, and then if the nap is good trying a bit longer for his second A time as well.  So maybe something like:

WU 7.30
Nap 10.45 to hopefully 12.15
Nap 3/3.15ish for 1-1.5h
BT 7/7.30pm

Do you think it's worth a try?

[c0c0mon]

Jessmum46 - thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post.

Yes, anything at this point is worth a try. Bedtime of day 2 of paci removal was not pretty. I put him down in his crib and he fell asleep within 5 minutes. He slept only for about 1.5 hour before he started fussing followed by crying hysterically. I talked to him and told him that everything was ok and pat him to sleep. He was able to go back to sleep after about 20 minutes or so. He fussed again at 11 but it didn't take him very long to fall back asleep. Finally at 5am, he was crying hysterically for a bit and I was able to calm him down and I sat on the floor hoping that he would work it out and fall back asleep on his own. He continued to fuss, blowing raspberries, and kept talking. He finally went back to sleep on his own after an hour. He was still sleeping at 730am but I woke him up to start the day.

I was (still am) determined in getting rid of his pacifiers and willing to do what it takes. I am hoping that I'm doing it right...

I will add 15 minutes to his A time per your suggestion and report back the result of it for day 3.

Thank you again for your help and most importantly your encouragement. I really need it. 

[<Catherine>]

Just some reassurance that you're not on your own, my 8.5 month old isn't a good sleeper either. I don't have a lot of advice but would agree that you probably need to push his A times a bit - we are roughly (I'm restricted a bit at times because of work/commuting as DS comes with me) at 3hr45 here. We also seem to be stuck on 11hr nights here too.

Our routine, if it helps, is:-

WU 7.00am
S 10.45-12.15
S 4.00pm ish (he never sleeps for more than 30/40 mins here)
BT 7.30/8pm

Hope the increased A time helps, good luck

[c0c0mon]

Another unsuccessful day. I increased my LO's A time from 2hr 45m to 3hr 10m in the AM and still resulted in 1hr 20m nap. Before his PM nap, I gave him 3hr 15m A time but he still was not tired (no cues of being tired) but I still put him down and he woke up 45 minutes later.

Here's our EASY for today:

730: WU
1040 - 1200: S
315 - 400: S

Should  I increase his A time even more tomorrow?

Please help... Thank you!

[jessmum46]

That's not at all a bad day, many of our days were pretty similar at this age.

I would stick with 3h10 first A time for another day or two, and then re-evaluate.  If you're still at 1h30 then you could add another 10-15 mins and see if that gets you a longer nap.  Really though I think one long and one short nap at this stage is fine, just keep the day to around 12h to prevent OT