9mo nap crying or settling?

[tryingtolisten]

Our daughter has a really hard time with some of her naps. Sometimes she'll go down without comment, but other times, like today, she'll fuss and fuss. I didn't think it was actual crying, but my wife worried about her feeling abandoned, so went in to comfort her, brought on a huge escalation and shrieks of world-ending proportions until the wee one finally passed out.

I think we may have to push activity time to a little longer (we're at about three hours from wake up to nap) but my main question is whether we should go into her room if she's doing some pretty major fussing, but when going in will almost certainly bring a huge escalation? How do you tell the difference between fussing and crying? And is fussing a forum of settling?

[lauradj]

At 9 months, most LO's are getting somewhere between 3-4 hrs of A time but it really depends on the child.  My DS had quite high sleep needs and didn't make that jump until he was 10 months old.
In regards to the fussing, it really is best to leave them to settle themselves.  Obviously, if the crying becomes an 'I need you!" cry, you should go in a help sooth your child.  However if it's just fussing, going in can actually stimulate them and, as you noticed, ramp their stimulation up as they were trying to wind themselves down.  It can be hard to handle the sounds of a fussing baby but it does them a disservice to interrupt their attempts to go to sleep independently.
What’s a mantra cry?

[tryingtolisten]

That's pretty much what I thought: fussing needs to be left to settle. I find it hard to distinguish between fussing and crying, though, as does my wife. Last night, for example, our daughter woke up wet and fussed with some escalation, so I went in and changed her, but after settling somewhat after I'd put her back down and left the room, she kept fussing for a long time, and very loudly. I don't think it ever turned into a real cry, but she would shout in a really high pitch and quite loudly. It really sounded forced to me, though, like she was trying to make herself cry, but not quite succeeding. Does that happen, or was she really crying and I just thought it was a mantra shriek? A couple minutes before she finally settled herself and fell sleep, though, my wife turned over on her side and asked, "How is this different from crying it out?" and I didn't know what to say except that it didn't sound like a genuine cry to me. It really did sound forced.

Am I misinterpreting it, and actually just letting her cry it out? Should I have gone to the door last night and sung to her until she went to sleep? Did I betray her trust?

[lauradj]

It's hard for me to say, because I'm not her parent and I don't know her different cries.  Though it sounds like you have a good idea of what her mantra is.  I can tell you that a mantra cry is often sporadic, it will come and go, will usually be sort of monotone in sound or you can distinguish a pattern if you listen.  The 'I need you!' cry escalates in volume and neediness and usually you'll find yourself naturally responding quickly.  The mantra can develop into I need you.  For example, last night our 17 month DS started out with a mantra at 2am.  He started and stopped for a solid 45 minutes, occasionally chatting to himself (about what I do not know) and then around 45 min mark, it suddenly ramped up to 'I need you!' so I went in.  He was easily soothed back to sleep but clearly he couldn't do it himself in that moment. 
The reason I let him mantra cry for 45 minutes is because I know that if I go in before he needs me, I will make the situation worse.  Much, much worse.  However it took some trial and error to figure that out.  Trust your gut.  If you can tell your LO is really ok, just a little ticked off because she can't fall back to sleep right away, give her a chance to be successful.  If you can hear that she is in distress, go to her and give her the comfort and support she needs.