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Offline onemodestdiva

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won't go down for dad
« on: June 23, 2006, 00:01:04 am »
Hi all,
My DD is almost two and we have a night time routine that works like a dream:
brush teeth
pajamas
two stories
prayers
and then lights out, noise machine on and a song
It used to be that sometimes she would allow my husband to sing to her and finish this last part of her routine but ever since the new baby came she has been leaning towards me.  I usually love doing this for her but sometimes that is also the time that my other DD needs to nurse.  I have tried to change up the 3 month-old schedule to get her to nurse earlier but mostly on the rare occasion that I have to be attached I would love to help my toddler accept her daddy singing to her instead.
This has recently extended to night wakings where she will wake and want us to sing to her and cuddle with her for a couple minutes. If my husband goes in she screams for me.  He used to be able to handle it but now she won't give up until I give in and my tired hubby is very short on patience with it all...plus I think it is beginning to hurt his feelings.  He either has to listen to the older one cry for 15 minutes or the younger one because she wants to nurse.   :-[  I am just at my wits end as to how to make it okay for all of us for daddy to do the last part of bedtime and some night wakings on the rare occasion...I can't keep doing all of it.
If you have any suggestions I would sure appreciate the help
Thanks
Alisha
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Alisha


Offline Vivismomma

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Re: won't go down for dad
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2006, 03:52:22 am »
Alisha,

I don't have much experience with this, but something came to mind.  Could your DH help your oldest with the first half of the bedtime routiene, instead of the second half?  Is he able to spend one-on-one time on the weekends or evenings (I assume he works during the day)?  This might lead her to be able to "tolerate" him putting her to bed later on... How does she handle being with him alone?  Has this occurred suddenly, or ever since new baby arrived?

I feel for you, and your hubby!  I'm expecting in Sept, so I'll be filing away others' responses in case the same happens with my oldest!

Best wishes:)
Shauna
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Offline onemodestdiva

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Re: won't go down for dad
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2006, 14:39:01 pm »
He already does the pajamas and brush teeth and then tries to read stories but she usually has me do it.  He is there for the entire process except the lights out part where I sing to her and do love you's (we go through a list of everyone that loves her).  That is the part that we are struggling with.  It usually ends up being about 10 minutes and during that time he is either dealing with a screaming hungry 3-month old or dealing with Eva throwing a fit that she wants mommy.  She loves her dad any other time.  He is her favorite toy...it is just the comfort part that she wants mom for.  I guess I am the one that she goes to for support...dad is the fun one...but that doesn't make bedtimes easier when I have to be gone and dad is doing it.  It has come on us gradually but only since the new baby...although she was pretty clingy right before we had the baby too.  *sigh*
thanks for the suggestion though.
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Alisha


Offline Florencia

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Re: won't go down for dad
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2006, 18:23:22 pm »
Would you be willing to offer a bottle to Mia for that feed? maybe dad can take charge of her then and Eva can still have her mommy time. I can totally get where she's coming from, she sees mommy comforting little sis and she wants the same for her. If you can give her that moment of attention she's asking for, it's more likely she'll give up the fights soon once she's sure she'll have mommy when she needs and will allow dad to put her to bed.

I don't have experience with 2 (too chicken for that yet LOL) but maybe in the "and then there were two" forum you might find some useful info. I could move this thread there if you want me to, since it seems to be more of a sibling issue than a sleeping one. Let me know about it and I'll do it if you want me to.

Good luck and congrats on your beautiful girls!
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Offline imsmum

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Re: won't go down for dad
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2006, 14:56:49 pm »
My 22 month old only wants me to do cetain things and not her dad--part of the control that they realize at this age they can exercise.  Sounds entirely normal if she is used to you doing it and she has the added incentive of trying to make you do it now that #2 is here! 

I have 2 but fortunately my older dd is a ddady's girl and he already handled the night routine prior to dd#2 coming along so i can't offer much by way of advice other than maybe changing the bedtime routine to include something new and nice with Dad instead of him trying to do what you did with her.  when my older dd started to be put to bed by dh they looked at a bird book since they both love birds.  Is there something like that that they like to do together that can be modified to be part of her new routine?
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