New school or Old school toddler feeding method better?

[Nick's Mum]

My DS is a very spirited 12 month old child and eating is just the last thing on his mind. I normally distract him or entertain him to get him to eat, but I feel that this is a very unhealthy habit as he does not develop any interest in the food and does not get enough practice chewing or finger feeding.

BUT I've tried letting him decide on the amounts to drink/eat but he doesn't feel hunger in the day when there's so much fun stuff to do, so that always ends up with me waking at 1am, 5am to the cries of a very hungry child.

The old school (my parents) thinking is "the child does not get to decide on anything, and it's fine to spoon-feed the child in whatever way necessary to get them to eat the right amount. It's as not important for them to enjoy food or learn to feed themselves as it is to eat up". We grew up with that regime and we still finally learnt to feed ourselves, love our favorite food and no eating disorders. So I'm confused as to what school of thought to subscribe to.

Was wondering if there's any good books out there? Or better still, who has grappled with the same confusion and decision point?

[Samuel's mum]

The old school (my parents) thinking is "the child does not get to decide on anything, and it's fine to spoon-feed the child in whatever way necessary to get them to eat the right amount. It's as not important for them to enjoy food or learn to feed themselves as it is to eat up".

There's something in the way you have chosen to word this that makes me think that you instinctively do know whether you are 'old school' or 'new school'.

After all, it's 12 months down the line and you DIDN'T choose 'old school' as you describe it, even though that was what you knew yourself. You basically rejected that method using your own parenting instincts.

It's going to depend a little on your parenting style generally. Some parents place a high emphasis on respecting their LO's personal space (i.e would never dream of forcefeeding - which reading through the lines sounds like 'spoonfeeding in whatever way necessary) and give their LO respect in as many aspects of their life as possible. Others feel 'respecting' their LO is an odd focus and the emphasis should be on obedience.


Why don't you tell us a bit more about your LO's schedule - milk feeds/ naps/ solid feeds.
What does he eat?
Where and how do you currently offer and serve meals?
How much self-feeding does he do at the moment?
How often do you all eat together as a family or you have your meal when he is having his meal?

Hopefully we can help you.

[Nick's Mum]

You are right...I am more new school but I'm also petrified that I'm wrong and that I should just be old school.

LO's schedule:
7am - 7oz milk
9am - 6-8 tbsp food
10am - nap
12.30pm - 7oz milk
2.30pm - nap
4pm - 6-8 tbsp food
6.30pm - 7oz milk
8pm - bedtime

He eats mostly pureed food like cereals, veggies, stews, fruits. I've tried giving him lumpy food or cut up food but he gags/vomits. He self-feeds biscuits only (practice daily) as I've offered him other food but he's never put it into his mouth. He sometimes stares at me eating and indicates that he wants to eat the same thing, but when I give it to him, he gags/vomits coz it's not pureed. 

He sits in a high chair next to the dining table and he's mostly spoon-fed with lots of distraction like things to hold/throw/bang or books to look at. He eats about 3-4 teaspoons of food, then he will get bored and fuss, hence the distraction. And becoz of this, we never have meals at the same time as it's so much work feeding him, we can't eat at the same time.

I've always noticed when I'm out how other babies love eating and they would open their mouths wide when the spoon appears and just keep going, and my child, even when hungry, will only open his mouth half-way and stop after 3-4 bites. Even when I was breast-feeding him, he always had problems latching on becoz he wouldn't bother to open his mouth wide. I so envy those good eaters!

[tylersmommy]

I'm pretty strongly in the camp of not force feeding. Encouraging a child to eat mindlessly worries me because it can teach them to continue eating after their bodies tell them they're full. It's hard to trust their innate ability to regulate food sometimes, especially when your LO wakes hungry during the night because he didn't eat enough during the day.

One thing that might help is switching up the order of things. Now that he's a little older, food needs to become his main source of nutrition. He may well not be hungry 2 hrs after downing 7 oz of milk. Their appetites tend to decrease quite a bit once they turn 1 as it is, so the milk may be curbing his appetite. I'd be willing to bet he eats if you switch things around and offer breakfast first thing in the morning instead of milk. Hungry kiddos tend to be less picky, too, so you might find he's more interested in finger foods and self feeding then too.

Is he still on bottles? If so, he may eat more solids once you've made the switch to sippies. Milk becomes a drink and not a snack or meal, so that make a difference. Also, when you say "milk," do you mean actual milk or formula?

As for when/if he wakes hungry at night...I'm all for feeding a hungry child, believe me, but I think there does come a time when it might perpetuate the daytime feeding issues if he gets to make up for lost calories at night. Do you feed him when he wakes at night to eat? Have you tried offering water, doing pu/pd, or anything like that instead?

[andibig]

I have to agree with Mel.
The thought of "force feeding" a child or encouraging them to eat "just a little bit more" doesn't sit very comfortably with me.
When Sasha was very young (about 8-9 months) I did start down the route of distraction whilst spoon feeding but stopped as this wasn't the way I wanted her to learn how to enjoy food.
She has always been pretty independent in regards to eating and the way she wanted to eat and could spoon feed herself by the time she was 13 months.I always made sure (and still do now) we ate with her so that she would understand that eating is a sociable thing to do and to be enjoyed.
We got rid of the high chair at around 13 mths too and she was in a booster seat at the table with the rest of us until about a month ago.
Well her appetite is just like any other toddler of her age.She'll either eat like a horse or sometimes shes just not interested.I respect her appetite as shes knows it better than me.
I also agree that i think the milk is curbing his appetite for solids.so you could switch b/fast around or reduce the ants of milk he drinks and add the rest to his meals.
HTH
Andrea

[Kimberly®]

I'm not old school, but I am also not new school. I'm kind of in the middle.

I am all for letting a child tell what they want and how much, to a degree. When DD was 12 months we were lucky in that she's always been a pretty good eater, however some days were deffinitly harder then others. I always started meals with her in control. She'd eat as much as she wanted, now if she ate very little or was playing more then eating I would interfear and push food. Not in a negative or scary way, but in a way that was as much fun as I could make it, while still ensureing she ate. Usually it would end up a game, how much could mommy make her eat. Tha said if she cried at any point, or seemed really full, and really not interested I would stop.

For us this balenced approch has worked wonders. She continues to be a great eater. We believe that she has her own prefrences and she has choice in what she eats. If we find a food she doesn't like (thankfully there are few) we simply don't make her eat them. On the other side though we are also believers in you eat what your given. I refuse to make 3 meals. She'll eat what I make, she has to try everything on her plate at least once. If we have a meal for example like lunch, where she was just not into eating, she gets that same lunch for dinner. She still has to eat.

We've always had issues with DD where she doesn't gain weight easily (I was the same as a child) so its imparitive that she eats.

So far our approch seems to be working queit well.

[Aly Mac]

Just want to offer some hugs and to agree with pp. Esp Melissa - try switching it around to see how he goes.

You really want him to have a healthy attitude to food and to enjoy it! so forcing him and him getting upset is not going to make him look forward to the next meal.  It's really hard not to worry about them, I know, but try to take a deep breath before each solid feeding, put a big smile on your face!!

[Katet]

While you say you don't eat at the same time because it is so hard. Maybe try to have 1 meal per day (breakfast) & literally share it with him if you can, we find our boys 2 & 4yo eat best when we eat at the same time.
I also note you give milk 3 times a day first & then only 2 solids meals. At 12mo I would be starting the day with a solids meal, then pretty much following a 3 meals /2 snacks a day routine & incorporate the milk either into the 3 meals or offer it as part of the 2 snacks & at bedtime. I actually think one issue you may have is you have a feeding routine that I would expect to see in a 7mo.
At 12mo my boys had the same as now
7am Breakfast (followed by milk - breastfeed)
mid morning (10amish) - snack with milk (in sippy as didn't take bottle)  (after 1st nap)
noonish Lunch
afternoon tea(3.30pm) snack with milk (bf)
6pm Dinner
7.30pm (milk - bf)
I think if you can offer solids meals more often then he will take more as 6-8 tbsp in a sitting is quite a bit for a 12mo to eat.

[Nick's Mum]

thanks...I'm gonna try to switch to 3 solid meals and let him decide on amount. I'm worried though coz I did that yesterday, he had 3 meals of 2-3 tbsp food each time and 2 bottles of milk but he woke up 3 times last night crying in hunger (I heard his tummy rumble once!) - 10.30pm, 2.30am and 5am and each time he drank about 3oz of formula! I've never tried water or anything else becoz my LO never normally wakes up at night unless it's a growth spurt, so I've never needed anything except to feed him. I'm gonna keep trying anyway and see if eating can be more enjoyable. Gonna cook breakfast for him now!

[Katet]

I'd still offer the 3 milk feeds (or the total volume across the day) but offer solid food more frequently, you don't have to leave 2 hours between, I never did, I'd offer a solid & milk at the same time... the milk was the 'dessert' or the drink. I also had a sippy of water with us at all times (now have sports bottles)

[Nick's Mum]

Ok, this is what I tried today:
7am - 7oz milk
8.30am - half slice french toast (ate 2 bites) + 5 tbsp cereal (he ate most)
12.30pm - 6 tbsp food (he ate 3 tbsp) + 3oz milk
3.30pm - 7oz milk
6.30pm - 6 tbsp food (he ate most) + 3oz milk

I ate with him breakfast and lunch, but I had to give him some finger food to squish/smear on his tray and a bowl/spoon to play with. He would get so engrossed with touching the finger food that he opened his mouth to eat. I was hoping he would try the finger food coz it's stuff he normally likes but he didn't even put it near his mouth. Then when he started getting upset, I stopped the feeding immediately.

I was wondering if giving him food/bowls/spoons to try or play with during mealtime is ok? Also, can I play some nursery rhymes on the CD player and sing along? He usually loves music and it puts him in a good mood. Or will that be again another unhealthy distraction?

[tylersmommy]

I usually give Mackenzie spoons or bowls during mealtimes so she can learn to use them. I don't think it's a distraction because someday she's going to have to figure out how to use them. Even though it's tough, I do try to eat with her. She often imitates me with the spoon and bowl, so I put some super-thick puree in there for her to learn with. I don't think music is an unhealthy distraction at all! Setting a laid back and fun atmosphere with music is very different from using entertainment to shovel more food in.

Personally, I don't see much reason for a 12 mo old to still need night feeds, even during a growth spurt. The extra calories needed can easily be consumed during the day and feeding at night throws that out of whack. Kids continue to go through growth spurts through their toddler and preschool years and do just fine without eating at night!

[Katet]

I don't see why you can't have music & sing, I mean adults often have music & definitely have conversation, it is just a form of communication. Food for a 12mo is learning, I used to have 4 spoons on the go with my 2nd child & he now can use a knife & fork pretty ok (he is almost 2.5yo) & we stopped using bibs for him eating at 19mo as he is such a neat & tidy eater.
playing with the food is learing about texture & while he may not eat it the first or even 10th time, the chances are he will one day & the more exposure the better... on average they say childen need to be exposed 7 times to a new food before they try (so some my try on 1st exposure... others like my eldest on 100the exposure)

[Aly Mac]

we've just finished bfast with nursery rhymes on the laptop!!  L loves it....

good to see you are progressing!!

[becky1969]

I'm late to the convo, but just wanted to say it sounds like you're making great progress!

We had some problems with Owen wanting to eat too. He was one hefty little babe until he got mobile, and then he was too busy to want to eat!

The best way to get food down him was to really punch the dense calories - this was hard at first for me, since I'd spent about 5 years training myself NOT to add calories to my food! LOL! But, it helps to give them really calorie dense foods to that what they DO eat gives them max nutrition.

One thing that worked well with Owen was fruit smoothies made with full-fat yogurt. He could drink it down, which was esp. fun when he was just learning to drink from a straw around your LOs age. We also added full fat cream cheese to EVERYTHING! Some of his first finger foods were toast soldiers with cream cheese, and mini-waffles with cream cheese.  He still loves both of those things.

You're on the right track, making sure solids before milk. At about 1 year old, they should be down to basically 16 oz. of milk/day. More than that they fill their little tummies and don't want to make room for the foods they should be eating.

And I totally agree with giving them spoons/bowls to play with. PP is right - they need to learn to use them, and it makes mealtimes more interesting for them! Fun sippy cups with favorite characters might help too. Another great idea a mom gave me was serving food on toothpicks! That might be too much for a 1 year old, but something you could try at 18-24 months.  Anything that makes it more interactive seems to work with 'busy' kids.  Now that Owen is nearing 2, we let him feed us a bit when he starts losing interest in the meal - so one forkful in his mouth, one in ours.

You're doing the right thing, following your instincts! I think the BW philosophy is right on: never make mealtimes a battle.  Sometimes that means my LO only has a few cheerios and some yogurt for a meal. But with regularly scheduled meals and snacks, I know he'll get the food later in the day at some point.

Last thought - make sure those 1 am, 5 am cries aren't from habit instead of hunger.  A good filling snack before bed may help with that problem. Carb/protein combos are the best for that.

[Nick's Mum]

I'm guessing the waking up at night is not so related to the food intake coz he ate less than other days yesterday and did fine last night, didn't wake up.

I'm feeling much more encouraged and will keep going with this! The worse part is how terrible I feel coz I work all day and my caregiver just follows my instructions to "make sure you feed him" coz I think things would be different if I were the sole caregiver and could see daily the feeding struggles that go on. Thanks for all the hugs and advise!

BTW, what about giving books to the baby to flip and look at while feeding - what's the general opinion on that?

[andibig]

I personally don't mind Sasha having the odd toy or book at dinner (sometimes she does more often not) as long as its not being used as a distraction to spoon feed them.
I also vary the place where DD eats.mostly she eats at the table with us but if the weather is good then outside on the lawn is a nice change.
we also found DD would eat a lot better if other kids who were great eaters ate at the table with her.
HTH