Need help from fellow SAHM's...please!

[Jacksmom77]

Hope I'm posting this in the right spot! My lo is almost 14mo. old & I seem to be having a "disagreement" with my MIL on housecleaning during the day while my son is awake.  Now, I know that he's my son and it really only matters what my husband how my husband & I feel about this, but...I would like to get the opinion of those who are in my same position & see if maybe she has a point.

I'll do some chores around the house while my lo is playing & her concern is that I should be playing with him as if I was a playmate - since he doesnt go to daycare, that is where he's getting his socialization.  Well, I understand that point but I'm just having a hard time deciding, just how much time you should spend playing with your children, when your home all day with them, and how much time it is okay to let them play on their own. Whenever I do chores, I'm always in the same room as him - he'll be in the kitchen playing with pans & I'll be loading/unloading the dishwasher.  I'll vacumn one floor of our house & he'll play or follow me with his "lawnmower".  I'm suddenly having a hard time with this, because now I feel like I'm being neglectful so I'm constantly paranoid about not paying attention to him - and my house is a mess! I normally only do a few little chores throughout the day with him -so my gut is telling me it's okay and that he's fine - but now I just dont know.

How do you all break up your day? I know this may seem obvious, but I'm just curious how other SAHM's spend their time with their children. Thanks for your help in advance! I really need it!

[Carys' mom]

Hi Brandi,

The way you've been doing things sounds a lot like what I do. I usually switch off and on playing with dd and doing chores throughout the day. I think they need to learn to play by themselves in addition to socializing. From the sound of things, it doesn't sound like your ds is crying out for attention or anything - he's entertaining himself. That's my two cents .

[woopster]

I do exactly the same.  Little and often round the house.  I tend not to do any after they have gone to bed unless it's really bad, because that is the only time I have to myself.
Take no notice of your MIL, you can bet your life she didn't spend all day playing with your DH!

[esthere]

I also would agree with the others. I do bits around the house during the day and play also.
The great thing is now Harry has started to want to help so we are doing some things together,
Hugs to you, you are doing great

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

What you are doing sounds PERFECT . I actually wish that ds would do that a bit more - he's terrible at independent play, and that's b/c I felt guilted into being permanently at his side at the beginning. The following you about with the lawnmower is lovely - you're teaching him that things need to be done, but you're also including him. If you were shoving him in a playpen and leaving him on his own, then I might be concerned, but as it is, you're raising a lo who is comfortable enough in his own self to explore the world on his own. I'm sure you do play with him too, so I really wouldn't worry

[calebs mommy]

I do the same things you do.  My son is happy to play on the kitchen floor with cars or balls or even chase the dog around, while I do dishes or laundry.  I think it is healthy for them to be able to have some independent play.  I usually devote a chunk of time to play with him, then I get some things done, then go back to him, etc.  As long as your son is happy playing along side you and he is getting enough one-on-one time, I certainly wouldn't worry about it.  Sounds like you are a great mommy!

[Mum to Ella Rose]

I agree with all pp's. Sounds like a great balance to me! 

{{hugs}}

[kim&savannah]

Sounds like you are doing a good job--I really do think that independant play is just as important as you playing with him--and so is keeping your house in a state that you can be happy with!   Plus, he will be able to "help" you more and more.  DD washes dishes with me, bakes, sweeps and fold laundry--its all a fun game for her and I love that she's "learning" to do chores.  I just hope she'll stay interesy=ted when she's older!

~Kim

[15milner]

Sounds like a perfect balance.

Bet she'd also be the first to say something if the house was filthy too!!  Afterall - you are at home all day.

Alex

[Jacksmom77]

Oh...thank you, thank you - to all of you! My instinct told me that I was doing just fine (which is rare!) - but, whenever someone doubts you, sometimes you just can't help but wonder. 

Thanks for making me realize I am normal! It's amazing how much advice you can get from the people who seem to help the least! But, that's another issue...thanks again so much!

[kcamelia]

I agree with everyone; I think it teaches them a distorted version of life if you are always a playmate because, well, because you're not! 

I do have a question, though: how do you play with them?  What do you do?  I am having a tough time with that.  I don't really know how! 

[TDR'smom]

Brandi,

I also agree that you are doing a wonderful job.  It is soooo important for lo's to learn to play independently.  It builds their self confidence.

So good for you!!!  Just be sure to take some time for yourself once in a while!!!   

Judy

[binxyboo]

We are just now at 16 months getting into things like blocks, shape sorters. He loves all rough and tumble play, being outdoors raking leaves is a fave at the moment, loves his teddy bears, and will play house with them on his own, feeding them, brushing their teeth etc. (I am really surprised with this as he started this on his own a few months ago) He adores books and will listen to me read until I get bored
I also bought a cheap watertable at Toyrus that we are using as a sensory table at the moment with leaves, pinecones, stones etc.

[jenisgump]

I agree I think you are doing a great job. Being a sahm is all about finding a  balance that works well for you, your lo and your dh.  If you feel like your doing a good job it's because you are. I think you being worried about spending enough time with your lo shows how much you care.  I love my mil, but sometimes they can drive you crazy. 


My lo and I play peek a boo, he loves walking and i let him touch and explore everything his hands can get on.  Pull toys are great.  Try pulling one with him and make it into a little race.  If he is old enough.  Roll balls back and forth.  Superman is a fun one.  just some ideas.

[Jacksmom77]

Wow...more replies - yippee Thanks - I hadn't checked the site in a few days - that was a nice surprise!

Michelle, this may be a dumb question but, what is a watertable? That sounds fun but I dont think I've seen one, unless we call it something different where I'm from

[katriona]

i think maybe michelle is referring to something like this:

http://www.onestepahead.com/product/117/225755/117.html

this is one of the more sy versions -- i think i might get it for DS for christmas, as it would just right for him as soon as the weather warms up.

we also throw balls to each other (well, i roll it gently in his direction), turning lights on and off, opening and closing doors (DH says he'll go nuts if he hears me trill "open! close!" one more time  ), putting our hands under the taps. big time peekaboo (i.e. jumping behind and out from behind a doorframe) gets lots of giggles, as does hiding under blankets. i also lie down and pretend to be asleep, snoring really loudly. when he pats my face i startle "awake," and that makes him laugh. i also play a version of "chicken" crawling, where we crawl really fast towards each other. he ducks under my tummy, and then it's hug/tickle time. we're almost hitting the stacking and sorting phase -- he's just figured out how to tidy things away; hence i've lost both my cellphone and my watch in the past week. fortunately i found my watch in the diaper wipes box...

hope that helps a little!

[binxyboo]

This is the one we bought, a pretty basic one, but can't beat the price http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2316866&cp=2255956.2273442.2255969.2257599&parentPage=family
He loves playing with brooms, dustpans etc for long periods of time. I need to put him to work!

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

Do you know what, Michelle? I followed your link and thought that'd be a great present for ds - $29.99, that's about £15. Perfect I thought .

In the UK Toys R Us, can you guess how much it is?








£49.99

That's $100
Here, look http://www.toysrus.co.uk/Product.aspx/TruHome/TruOutdoorSports/TRUOutdoorandSportsSandWaterTables/720666?ref=Search.

We don't half get ripped off in this country

[Critter]

I have to agree with everyone and add that your MIL would go NUTS in my house.  I clean while Luke is strapped in his highchair.  Sometimes we'll have an unscheduled snack so that I can vacuum.  I agree that independent play is so important.  Tracy even mentions in her book that it's important from an early age.  Another thing I want to add, and it's mentioned in a post somewhere on here, that we, as SAHMs, are showing our children how to "function" in a day to day life.  I know working moms do too, but this was on a SAHM thread.  Anyway, it's important for your lo to see you cleaning, saying thank you to people at the grocery store, taking time for you, etc....

You're doing GREAT!

[Jacksmom77]

The scrapbook story made me laugh Thank you!!! I have been trying to keep up with that, and the only time I seem to be able to is at night, before bed, I catch myself dosing off in the middle of it - put it away, then the next morning I look at it & wonder what I was thinking!

Amy - that is such a good point about being a SAHM & having the lo's see you function - I never thought of that but you are right.  Especially with teaching them manners, how you treat people & all that...I am feeling so much better  

[jumblebox]

Another thing I want to add, and it's mentioned in a post somewhere on here, that we, as SAHMs, are showing our children how to "function" in a day to day life.  I know working moms do too, but this was on a SAHM thread.  Anyway, it's important for your lo to see you cleaning, saying thank you to people at the grocery store, taking time for you, etc....

Absolutely agree with this! It can have an impact on generations, if my family is any example. I KNOW that my grandma never taught my mom how to keep a house clean. She did the same thing when I used to visit her for summers. (I never had any chores there!) My mom NEVER learned how to maintain the house around a family, or delegate chores, and it's STILL a constant struggle for me to get housecleaning/organizing done. (I had it pretty well figured out when I lived alone, but along came my darling boyfriend who still can't scoot his own chair in, or remember to take out the trash - after living together for 2 years! I suspect his mom also did a lot of the household stuff when he wasn't underfoot.)

[katriona]

i think i can outdo all of you -- i just b/f DS, singing gently to him all the while.... and i was checking out BW on my laptop by using my toe!

[jenisgump]

LOL!!!!

[Brandonsmom]

Honey, you aren't doing a thang wrong!!! 
I know you have gotten a lot of wonderful advice but I had to throw in my 2 cents! 

I am just like you. I will find myself doing little chores here and there while Brandon is awake. For example, after he finishes lunch I take his bowls and stuff and clean them up. While he's still in his highchair I take just a few minutes to load the dishwasher and wipe down the counters. This gives his tummy time to settle so when we go play he won't burp or spit up a lot. When he's on the floor playing I try to get down there with him for at least 15 min. Some days it's very hard to make myself play with him if I'm not feeling well or just having a rough day. But I try to do it. I also think it is very important for LO's to be able to play by themselves. What I like to do is put Brandon in his crib with a couple of toys and turn on some soft music. This works great in the evenings when he can get a bit fussy. Now, my SIL had a pack n' play set up in another room and would put her baby in there to play by herself. She didn't want to put her in the crib because she wanted my neice to associate crib with sleep. But we've never had a problem with that. The point is you are setting up a safe environment for them to play AWAY from you. And that's ok!

If you're gut tells you that you are doing the right thing then you probably are. Give yourself a hug, being a SAHM can be difficult.

[bicah]

Jacksmom77, thank you so much for posting this. I dont have anyone telling me what i should be doing, but I do get the feelings of being neglectful if I decide to do chores here and there. I am so happy to see the responses that you got because it made me feel that it is ok to do them while my son is up and playing. I always felt that I should spend every waking minute with him, and that really isnt helping him or myself. I tend to cram everything in to his nap or after bedtime which really never leaves any me time. So thanks again for posting and all the replies.