Pulling my hair out!

[Karin3]

Hey Everyone,

I'm not sure if this should be under sleep or if this is right forum...

A little background:  My dd (Miette, a.k.a "Mimi") is currently 12 weeks.  She was born 5 weeks early.  I think she was just as surprised as we were by her early arrival.  Even in the hospital anytime someone would put her down she would start screaming.  I'm not talking a little waaaa, I mean serious ear-piercing screams.  So, of course me and DH wouldn't put her down.  When we brought her home it was the same thing.  She ended up sleeping in the bed with us and took all of her naps on my lap after bf'ing.  (You can kinda see where this is going...)  When she was about 6 weeks old, all of a sudden she stopped taking naps on my lap.  I would try to put her down in her crib or pack n' play and she would still scream.  She would let me put her down on a blanket and she would play but wouldn't sleep.  She would sleep at night with us but because she wasn't sleeping during the day she was probably only getting about 9 hours of sleep per day.  (And I, like an idiot, couldn't figure out why she didn't ever like playing on her tummy and kept getting fussy...)     After a discussion with the pediatrician at 9 weeks, I decided that it would be best if I somehow moved her to her own bed.  So, I went to the bookstore and found BW when she was 10 weeks and we immediately began attempting to implement.

These last 2 weeks have really sucked.     I keep trying to follow EASY and Mimi's all over the place.  I feel like I'm trying to follow everyone's advice but her sleep is way out of whack.  I had to throw sh-pat out the window because all it did was stimulate her.  Now, if I even step foot into our room (we decided to start with her in the pack n' play in there before going for her room cold turkey), she starts screaming.  We started swaddling her because if we don't she startles and won't stay asleep.  I don't think she actually enjoys being swaddled.  Anyway, now I feel like my "wind down" routine only winds her up.  I usually hold/cuddle her, I tell her she's going to go to sleep, and then I swaddle, then try to put her down.  Usually if she hasn't started screaming when I walked through the door, she will when I start to hug her, and definitely by the time she's swaddled.  I usually walk around with her until she's in the beginning of Stage 3, and then put her down.  Sometimes she'll stay down.  Usually she doesn't.  I've recently started putting her down as soon as she's calm and then rub her tummy and tell her that she's OK.  I've had mixed results with that.  A few times when she calmed down, I just left the room and she fell asleep on her own.  That was gave me hope but alas it is not the norm.  If I miss her small window, forget it, she won't sleep until 10 or 11PM.  If she does have a good day with naps, then at night all of a sudden she'll refuse to go to sleep until 10 or 11PM.  Before I started this, she would usually sleep one long stretch from about 10:30PM until 4:30AM.  Now, she will only sleep for 2-3 hours at a time at night.

A few times she's slept past her feeding time and I woke her up.  I don't think I'll do that again.  Even the DF wakes her up and then it takes hours to get her to go back to sleep.  I decided today to switch her baths to the day because they're too stimulating for her at night. 

The weird thing is that she will scream in the bedroom and then come out to the living room and won't cry.     She won't go to sleep but she won't cry.  She'll just get fussy every now and again.  But, I know her getting more sleep is doing her a world of good.  When she does get enough sleep she smiles and coos and we really have fun.  It breaks my heart to hear her scream like this though. 

I've read Tracy's first book and I've read all of the FAQ's on this website.  I feel like I'm pulling at straws.  It's like nothing works.  Will she just grow out of this?  She's trying to find her thumb right now and I keep hoping that maybe she'll be able to sleep once she finds her thumb?  We haven't tried pu/pd because I thought she was too young.  Is she too young?  My dh is ready to throw in the towel and bring her back to our bed.  I'm beginning to feel like I'm not making good decisions. 

Sorry, I just realized how long this is.  If anyone has any good ideas, I would be very happy to hear them.

Thanks!

[estherofi20]

Ok hun, don't get discouraged, you are doing a wonderfull job!!!!!

Since she was born 5 weeks early, this means she is 7WO, as i remmember how my DS was at that age, he was pretty dificult to put to sleep, our wind down was at the first yawn, to put him on the crib for some quiet playtime (like 5 min  or so) then start the swaddling, place him on his side, and put him the paci. But he started crying his lungs out pretty much at every nap time (not bedtime though), so it could take me 45min to an hr of pat-shushing him just to get him to settle, he was at his worst from 4WO till 9WO, then at 9WO his need for the pat-shush decreased, and at 12WO he stopped needing it completely. Ohh but those where hard times, 'cause i had to stay patting him until he was asleep, 'cause many times at the 20min mark, BAAMMM he started crying again... so my point is... that it was a really hard time and really backheache, for like a month and a half, but it does work, now i can just place him on the crib and leave the room. So my recommendation of what worked for my DS is to try to keep to a 3hr EASY as much as you can, swaddle her, if she is really upset, then place her on her side (with the aid of a sleep positioner or a wedge) hold the paci gently with one hand and pat-shush her with the other, believe me it will eventually work, you will be teaching her the best thing you can: independant sleep!

HANG IN THERE!!!!!!!

{{{{{{{{{HUGGS}}}}}}}}}}

Hope this helps

[Zoey]

Oh my, oh my!  Is this your first?  Owen is my first and I can tell you the first 3 months are SO HARD!  First I will tell you it does get better, and you aren't alone feeling overwhelmed and second guessing - I think more of us have been where you are then haven't!  Sometimes when things get all mushed up it helps to step back, and just watch for a few days.  Stick with the EASY idea of eat, play, sleep - but watch him and write down when he seems sleepy, hungry, what he does for each - that sorta thing.  Then its all on paper with the times, and you can mull it over when you have a moment.  Just a thought!

I'll try to help a little.  Yes, she is WAY too young for PUPD.  I think her biggest trouble is - she is overtired and overstimulated because of that.  Usually at this age, when you SEE a sleepy sign they are already crossing into the overtired place.  The babies who hate the swaddle most often need it the most.  At this age they have little control over their arms and when they flail around its startling.  Have you seen the Miracle blanket - some moms have great results with it. 

I think at this age, the most he can probably handle is a feed, cuddles and loves, a diaper change and then start the wind down.  I know it will seem like he is sleeping all day lol - but he needs a ton of sleep to grow!  I would move him to his crib in his room now - but that is my opinion only.  I think it's easier for babies to sleep when they have their own space.  This is certainly up to you.

Are you doing the 4S's for the wind down?  Here is a link:  https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64277.0  Perhaps try some white noise?  A special white noise CD or a fan on high facing the wall is what I use.  Is he using a paci?  May help some too.

Are you trying for the 3 hour easy?  I made a little routine as a guide - I made the times a bit different then the book because I think he needs a bit more sleep...  this is just my suggestion and someone else may give you different advice.

E: 7.00 wake up and feed
A: after feed til 8am then go to the nursery and start the wind down
S: 815am asleep for 1h45m

E: 10.00
A: after feed til 11am then wind down
S: 1115am asleep for 1h45m

E: 1.00
A: after feed til 2pm then wind down
S: 215pm asleep for 1h45m

E: 4.00 feed
A: after feed til 5pm then wind down
S: 515pm - catnap for 30 - 45 mins

E: 7.00 (cluster feed at 7 and 9 if going through a growth spurt)
A: after feed do bath (if it isn't too stimulating) bedtime routine
S: 7.30 bedtime

E: 10 or 11pm dreamfeed

Again this is just a suggestion until he starts sleeping better - sleep begets sleep.  You should always wake for a feed - at this age they really need those calories.  Remember EASY is just an idea - eat, play, sleep - that's all ... we do it in this order to prevent AP like feeding to sleep.  The times... well try not to stress - so long as there is something even a little something between the E and the S all is good.

For pat/shh - you can find something that works for him.  Be it patting, rubbing back, butt, head, jiggling, just a hand on the back/belly, humming, soft singing, gentle words, nothing.  I feel maybe if he isn't overtired maybe the regular pat/shh will work?  Here is a helpful link:  https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.msg487695#msg487695.

Do you know if he is spirited?  Here is the quiz:  https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52283.0 - it helps to know, there are good links in the FAQ about each type of baby.

I hope this helps some.  I usually don't respond to EASY questions but your post tugged at my heart, and I hope something here helps you.  Please don't think you are alone.  I think the most important things to remember are - there is always a tomorrow, this too shall pass, Start as you plan to continue, and relax-breathe-and enjoy your LO cause man, this time is SO short!

Big hugs to you!
Zoey

[Karin3]

Thanks for all of the encouragement!  I really needed it.

Mimi is my first and my husband's second.  His first one never had any sleep issues as a baby so he's just as clueless as me on this one.

We had the grandparents watch Mimi last night, so me and dh could some much needed r&r.  We hadn't been out since the baby was born which definitely was a mistake.  I'm feeling very much rejuvenated now.     We went to dinner and a movie.  I had a beer!  And let me tell you that was the best tasting beer I've ever had!   

It's hard to remember that developmentally she's only 7WO because she's already caught up with her peers in height/weight and she's met all of her developmental milestones for her non-adjusted age group.  I'm so lucky and so blessed that we haven't had any complications.  So, I forget to step back and be grateful.  I've probably been putting undue pressure on both of us. 

I am definitely going to move her to her crib the week of 7 AUG.  We have my stepdaughter this week and her bed is in the nursery.  During the school year we usually stay at my husband's parents when we have her because it's a 2-hour drive between where they live and we live.  So, I've been putting Mimi in the crib when she's awake and playing with her to give her some positive associations until I move her in there.

She has been doing better this weekend.  I do think the key is to get her before she gets too tired.  She always has trouble in the late afternoon and into the evening until about 10-11PM.  When we came home last night, my mother n' law even said that Mimi seemed to be really fighting sleep during that time but eventually she went to sleep at about 9:45PM.  I took the quiz and she is definitely spirited.  When I first read BW, I thought she was more touchy but I think that's because she was sleep deprived. 

Today she's been like an angel baby (or close enough for me).     She fell asleep in her car seat and slept in the car the whole ride back to our place (2 hours).     Definitely a first - usually if she does sleep in the car it's only for 30 minutes.  Then, we got home and it was time to feed her and she ate, then acted a little tired.  I changed her diaper and she pretty much went right to sleep.  She woke up 1-1/2 hours later.  She was up for a little bit, I fed her, and she went back to sleep pretty easily at about 8:00PM.  I did leave one of our lamps on though because that's what they did at the grandparents' house and she seemed to go down a little easier.  I got her calmed down, put her in the pack n' play, she talked to pooh and piglet (on the mobile) for a couple of minutes and drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.  It was really too cute...I thought I was going to cry.  (Why am I more prone to crying since I had the baby then when I was pregnant?)    

I don't know how successful I'll be with EASY this week with my stepdaughter here.  She's 6 and she's a handful.     I'm going to try though.  Mimi's not used to the noise and the excitement of having another kid in the house so we'll see how she reacts.  So far, she just wants to sleep.     I'm wondering when that 3-month growth spurt is going to kick in too.  Her other growth spurts happened right on schedule like clockwork so we'll see.

Once again, thanks for the support.  I was really frazzled...

[Zoey]

Aww I am so glad you're feeling better.  I am glad you got out, I should take that as some advice since we have yet to leave Owen with anyone and he is 6months!  We should do that lol.

I think we get more emotional because now our hearts are on the outside of our body and far more sensitive .

I think you are a fabulous Mom, and I think that Mimi and your step daughter are lucky to have you.  I think you are Mimi are going to get on just fine.  Remember the light thing and maybe get a night light when she goes into her own room.  Try to make sure she doesn't get overtired.  Easy - remember it's a concept - so long as there is something inbetween the E and the S I think things will be ok.  Remember to start as you plan to continue, to avoid doing things you may reget and have to wean later lol.   White noise may help muffle the sounds of the house.  Above all else, please enjoy your baby!  This time is so short, eat up every minute you can!

Let me know it you need anything, really.  I am around often!  Good Luck!

Big Hugs
Zoey

[estherofi20]

i'm glad to hear you are feeling better, and also really happy you got to go on a date with hubby, it does relax you doesn't it? but anyways, don't worry if you can keep to EASY this week while your stepdaugther is there, you'll have time to catch up when she leaves. So just hang in there, and if you need any help, you know where to find us!