BabyWhispererForums.com
ACTIVITY => E.A.S.Y. Forum => Topic started by: jaedagal on October 09, 2007, 21:26:21 pm
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Hi ladies,
I'm just wondering if anyone out their has "Grumpy baby" and hwo the heck do you deal with them?
I have one that's turning 6 months in less than a week and he's been a grumpy/touchy baby since day one. I've just finished week one of E.A.S.Y. ad let me tell you it's soooo not easy with a grump. I've been trying so hard in doing it and not giving in to my babe once at naps and bed time. I just can't seem to get him to take proper naps or sleep through the night (I'm soo tired and would love at least one 3 hour stretch at night so I can get to sleep). Activity time is hard. He can take maybe an hour before he's fussing and not wanting to do anything else. I have a hard time just getting him to last 2 hours. The only thing he loves is his jolly jumper and with that it's at the most 10 minutes (I take him out the first sign of a yawn if i don't he throws a major fit).
What activities can you do with a grumpy baby?! I've tried not over stimulating him and not under stimulating him with no success either way. He fusses and cries with everything and anything. The only thing he likes to do are these things (and they don't last long either) playing in his crib 5-10 mins, jolly jumper 5-10 mins, reading books 2 mins, walking/dancing 5-8 mins, me playing with a rattle with him 3 mins, going around the house and touching different textures and describing them 5-10 mins, looking in the mirror 2-5 mins... Anything else he hates and cries the moment I try to get him to do something.
I'm having a hard time also with changing his diaper or putting clothes on him. He loves his naked time and I give it to him (even though he pees everywhere ::) ;) ), but it's next to impossible trying to put clothes on him or even a diaper -- he screams bloody murder. But he's fine once you pick him up and calm him down.
I'm just wondering how you ladies handle it? I've been on cruise control since the beginning and just wanted to see if there's anyone else out there.... I see lots of posts on Angel babies, textbook babies, even spirited babies, but not grumpy babies. Am I the only one who has a fussy hot tempered babe?
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Oh I forgot to mention that he's a pretty big baby if that makes any difference. He's 21ish pounds and 30ish inches long in the 90th %tile for weight, length, and head circumference (gawd he's sooo heavy :o ;) hehe) Plus, it's hard to get him to eat more than 4-5 oz at a time even on the easy schedule. Before he would eat 4 oz every 3 hours but now on the EASY schedule (4 hour) I can't get more calories in him.
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hi can you post your routine for us?
well, I have no experiece with a grumpy baby but maybe if you show your day to us we can find sth to improve.
monika
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Hi there,
Halfway through reading your posting, I could have sworn you were decribing my Sam's life story (who is now 6mths old). Take heart, you are not alone ;D On bad days, Sam can work up such a temper that he hits and pinches :-[
I'm afraid I have no quick fix victory to share with you, however, I can share with you a comment that totally changed MY attitude towards my boy...
My dad (who was visiting from out of town) saw Sam for the first time (at 3 months then) said, "I think you have a wonderful child who is very alert and curious. He calls the shots, this little one." From then on, I dropped the term "grumpy" when talking about Sam.
Sure Sam's not an angel, not one of those baby you hear about who can spend time alone in the playpen entertaining themselves while you do your chores or have a cup of tea (do they really exists??). He's demanding, and needs to be spoken to and given attention all the time. I've come to learn that his fussing and crying came about mostly when I tried to get him to do things that I wanted (often so that I can have a break!). But if I stop and do what he wants (most of the time just sit with him and babble with him), he slowly got sick of me and started to want more time playing by himself (but no illusions here, I still have to sit right behind him!). Like now, he's playing in his playpen next to me while I type, but if I walk away, he stops playing and looks for me. This transition from a demanding baby to a slightly calmer one took a lot of time and physical presence, and most of the time doing what he needs, regardless of what the books/others say.
But it is happening slowly but surely.
I'm not saying that routine is not necessary, I put Sam on EASY since 3 months. But he calls the shots when its Activity time.
My method is to stop and listen (or look) at what your child wants to do, afterall its HIS playtime! Its tiring but much less heartache and less battles to fight!
Good luck!
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i don't remember much of our routine anymore but my ds was a grumpy baby too. a lot of what Sue posted above rang true here as well.
in our case, independence was HUGE! i have late crawlers & walkers; he did not start crawling until he was 11 months old. but once he could, i started to see a bit of change in his personality. after he turned a year, you would not have recognized him as the same baby!! he's still a grump at times (but who isn't!), but he is far happier in general the more he can do for himself.
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Oh my dear! Big hugs! We had a lot of the same struggles as you and I swore you were describing my DD. She always had a top score of spirited, but touchy and grumpy were never far behind. Depending on what we were doing, we got all of those personalities!!
One thing that helped with all the fussing was earplugs. I actually recommend a dozen pair to all new parents who all laugh at me and think I'm weird when they realize I'm being serious. But, there's just so dang much crying and it was making me edgy which DD was picking up on....and the pattern would spiral. You can totally hear things around you, it just brings the crying down to a manageable level.
Another thing was acknowleding/accepting my feelings and really trying hard not to feel guilty about them. C'mon, let's be honest here...who would pick a cranky, demanding baby if given the choice? Weren't we all really, really hoping that our infant would be "the one"? Happy all the time, eats great, sleeps great, completely portable...but DD is a little person, just like me. And, lord knows, I'm not always a peach to be around! Why would I hold her to a higher standard? It's just not fair, but it doesn't make my feelings invalid either. (I equate it to not wanting to be around DH or friends when they're in a grumpy mood. Just call me later, please. But you can't do that with a baby.)
Something else was to give DD a voice. Before talking, her only way to communicate was to cry. For everything - unhappy, hungry, scared, bored, frustrated, pain, etc. So, if I could "label" why she was crying, it somehow in my weird brain, made it seem like different emotions. And, also helped me cope because it wasn't "just more crying" but really DD asking for help.
I think Tracy also mentions a loooootttt of warning for grumpy's before transitions so they have time to adjust and get their opinions out. Can't say this always worked for us.
We found a walker was really helpful in getting DD some independence (I know they're controversial, but it worked out SO well for us) and like pp said, it gets SO much better with time. Well, there's so much more to love as they get older, the doing it THEIR WAY hasn't changed for us and I really can't see it changing. But looking at the positive side...she's really going to run the show later on, I have no doubt. If she wants to, she'll conquer the world.
Just curious what were the subordinate traits when you did the test? Sounds like a lot of touchy and spirited in there too. Isn't that just a wonderful combination? ::)
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Hi Majas_mom,
I try to keep to the easy schedule, but with his naps being short and night time sleeping broken it's hard to. I do pu/pd with all his sleep. For naps it 50% the pu/pd works to get him back to sleep, but it usually takes over an hour and then it's like a 10-15 mins more because he has to wake for the feed time. It's not too hard getting him down for naps and nightime sleep -- it's just when he wakes. At night it usually takes 1-2.5 hours to get him back down. If he's happy I usually play quietly until he starts to grump out on me then I try again -- this is the hardest because he never wants to sleep after this.
7 -- Eat 4 oz
7:30 -- Activity (usually lasts an hour before he really starts to fuss and then it's basically me trying to keep from having a melt down till it's nap time -- same thing happens every activity time)
9 -- Sleep -- anywhere from 20-45 mins then pu/pd hoping he goes down again -- if he's happy there's nothing I can do and if he's grumpy I just keep at it
11 -- Eat 4-5 oz
11:30 -- Activity -- trying to get to 2 hours
1 -- Sleep 20-45 mins then pu/pd till hoping he goes down again
3 -- Eat 4-5 oz
3:30 -- Activity pretty low key trying not to get him angry
4:30/5 (usually it's 5)-- Sleep 20-30-- I try to not put him down at 4:30, but he gets really tired (yawns, fussy, rubs his eyes etc)
6 -- Activity -- walking around, singing gently, dancing gently
6:30 -- Bath
7 -- Wind down & 4-5 oz bottle
7:30 -- Bed
I've been trying to get him to eat more, but he doesn't want to. I've been giving a night feed and he downs that bottle and he wants another bottle at 3 am (he's pretty hungry at this time), but I've been trying to break that. I also don't pick him up unless he does his real cry -- I try not to hover over the crib and if he's upset I put a hand on his chest and rub his head for a few secs and say the normal mantra. I can't do the shhh pat because it works him up too much.
Hope that helps,
Laura
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Thank you sooooo much SuePrice, Jamie-jaina&luke and Mom2katiebug!!!
It's sooo nice to hear from others who went through and are going through the same thing. **sigh of relief** My attitude has totally changed a few months ago too... I had to come to the realization that my Oliver isn't colicky anymore and it's lasting too long to be teething -- it's just his high needs temperament. It's just that he's grumpy almost 24/7 and there hasn't been a two hour span of time where he hasn't screamed/cried his head off and yes ear plugs do help take the edge off. I do realize that he'll change before I know it and this too shall pass. I guess it's just hard getting through the day to day routine. Actually, SuePrice what your dad said is wonderful -- it made me stop and think.. He's right my lo is very alert (since day one) and curious (well till a point because he gets overstimulated so quickly). I've called him Mr. Grumpy Pants since he was 3 days old and have always said "it's his world I just live in it" because he really does make mommy and daddy jump to attention! It's funny I heard my husband yesterday morning (he put Oliver down to play while he went to the washroom) leap to attention and in his highest pitch voice ever "Aggg I'm coming Baby" when he gave his "Come hear DAMN IT" cry. I still crack up about it.
I've learned that I can't get him to do things i want.. Trust me that came very quickly -- we do what he can handle. I'm just running out of ideas because I do introduce things slowly every couple days to see if he'll like it (if he doesn't like it he's pretty vocal about it and turns his head away). We do talk a lot to each other -- that's a lot of our quiet activities. Or I tickle him (sooo ticklish). He's just learned to stay sitting up (well for a minute at a time) and he likes that... I do have a feeling he'll be much happier when he an be more independent and crawl around.
I do love him to death and he's such a cutie and he has many moments of happiness (manly just after a nap and a feed)! He does smile a good amount and he does laugh (but he's kinda stingy with his giggles) and really it's only when we are tickling him or lift him high in the air (he's going to be a lil dare devil because he loves to be man handled and loves it when daddy flys him around). :D
How do you guys get your lo's t sleep?! I try so hard not to under/over stimulate him - try to keep him up for the full activity time and still have no luck with naps. And with poor naps comes the poor night time sleeps.
Thanks again for the kind words,
Laura
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Laura - Just had another thought...We were bottle feeding K with Nestle Good Starts and the Playtex drop-in lines as we found that really improved her disposition and sleep (still not a great but not completely horrible; must have been trapped gas). And, when we went to whole milk at 1YO, we actually tried rice milk and that seemed to tame things a bit too. Again, not great but down a notch. I wonder if trying another formula might work - maybe try soy? Or talk to your doc about other milk alternatives?
And, sleep has been a lifelong struggle for us (K's life). She is only now starting to sleep pretty well at night at 2YO. We usually still hear her 1-2 times per night, but she can mostly settle herself back to sleep, but it's only really been since July or so that this has started. Maybe a separate post, specific to sleep issues would be helpful.
And, regarding the food thing, K was the EXACT same way. Very light eater. I don't think she ever drank a 6oz. bottle in her life. We got stuck on 4-5oz. from about 4 months old and it topped out around 5oz eventually but never really got more than that. Now she's a very light eater on solids too. BUt, I must have mixed gallons and gallons of formula hoping, wishing, praying that she would somehow miraculously drink more.
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Mom2katiebug, we are actually trying to switch formulas to a lactose free one. Since i told the Dr. Oliver was still colicky at night (past the age for that now) he suggested I switch to soy, but I want to try the other type before i go to soy. I actually use the Dr. Brown's bottles which has helped a lot, but I'll give the Playtex ones a try. Anything is worth trying once! I'm also going to ask about silent reflux. He seems to have some of the symptoms, but I'm not totally sure. Like: still acting colicky, excessive crying, sudden crying, really hard to burp, when he has a wet burp he gives this face like he tasted something totally yucky, he doesn't spit up really -- if he does it's likely 30 mins or more after and it has like a cottage cheese look, and just something inside me tells me there's something wrong. I know he'll still be a grumpy one if that's the case, but it might help. I dunno I could still be grasping at straws trying to find a reason for such grumpiness.
Yeah, I'll try another post about his sleep problems. Argg it's just so hard when he won't go down and stay down.He's so picky with solids too. Just started . Dr. advised me to because he's a huge baby and he'll need iron really quickly (I think he said large babies like that their iron levels deplete really quickly) so he wants him on meat soon. I would stick to formula or rice cereal with iron but it bungs him up. The problem is he hates veggies (started it first) and very picky with fruit. He only likes bananas -- well I can trick him to eating other foods if I put a little bit of banana on the same spoon as the other food. The stinker has such a sweet tooth.
Thanks for you help! Much appreciated -- it's awesome to talk to other mom's how have gone through this.
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Thank danared! I do try and give my lo as much love and attention as possible. I sure love the babe and hope we have a great connection as he grows.
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Katie had silent reflux. Got her on Zantac and it helped too - started at about 5MO. We only needed it until about 10MO and then took a trip where I forgot it and she was fine so we stopped. Reflux can have a big impact on personality!
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Mom2katiebug, what was the symptoms for you lo having reflux? Did you know right away she had it before going to the Dr?
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Can someone look at my schedule and see if it's okay? My lo is still taking crappy naps and waking 2-3 times a night.
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I just persisted with it on the doctor - fussing, not eating well, on and off the bottle while eating, fussy afterwards. We had no spit up. He gave us a perscription to see what happened. If she got better, continue taking it. If not, stop. Might sound odd for a doc, but I liked it cuz I didn't have to subject DD to a lot of tests.
Sorry, I'm terrible at routines or I'd try to help. We never had two days the same (okay maybe one in June and one in November were the same, but not consecutive). I tried, really I did, but it just never worked for us. And, I hope K is the exception but she was still waking 2-3 times a night in January of this year (almost 18MO) and it's only been since June of this year that she's started to settle herself. But, please don't give up based on our experience.
You might try a separate post specific to routine help in the EASY forum and get better responses.
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Bumping:
Well, we are still having the same battles. He did have a good night sleep on Sunday night and he had a great day on Monday (actually hardly fussed at all and was all smiles), but Monday night sucked! For the last couple days/nights and before Monday he's been horrible with sleep (as usual). Actually yesterday he was impossibly grumpy all day...
I don't know how to keep to our easy routine when his naps are so short. It totally throws the routine off and makes for such bad nights. Last night he was up from 12:30-3:30 straight and was such a fussy babe. He just would not go back to sleep -- he got so worked up that he became hungry again (even after doing the dream feed). So I fed him at 3:20 (4 oz) and he fell fast a sleep 10 minutes later. What gives? I've been working on cutting those 3 am feedings he he's been okay with it.... I can't imagine him going throw another growth spurt (he just had one when he turn 6 months on the 12th)... seriously he's already a hugggge baby and the 90th %tile.
Oh I do have to mention I've had success with getting more calories in him during the day. He can eat anywhere from 5-8 oz now during a feed. But, that's the only success I've really had with the bw system/routine.
Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? Other than the few of us with grumpy babes can someone help?! I actually hit a wall of tiredness on Sunday and felt like I couldn't go on... I'm just soooo tired.
Please help...
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Cna you post what your routine has looked like for the past couple of days or so and we can see if there is a pattern?
Is he on solids yet? Any milestones? like rolling over? standing?
Hope I can help