BabyWhispererForums.com
EAT => Eating For Toddlers => Topic started by: alexandrafromHolland on December 25, 2007, 12:46:21 pm
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Hi, my 15 month old son refuses to eat unless he gets something to play with....
He points at something on the table, and only takes a bite when he gets it. Otherwise he keeps refusing his food until he has got what he wanted. Once the object (a jar, or something else) is in his hands he is happy to eat all his food. But now he has taken it a step further: he throws the jar away and demands something else from the table....and the whole thing starts over again.
I have tried emptying the table. saying NO, and not giving in, sometimes giving him his own cutlery works for a while or fingerfoods in between bites as well, until he starts throwing it again.
I let myself be manipulated, but he has to eat???!!!
he also throws his toys a lot, and his food or the objects given to him during dinner...
How do I loose this bad habit of throwing??
Anybody outhere with the same experience?
He is not a fussy eater, loved all his food so far and still does, except for wanted to play during dinner and end up throwing stuff.
Thanks in advance!!
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Well if you dont want him to have toys to play with then dont give them to him, if he complains and refuses to eat say "oh i see you arent hungry right now so I will let you get down to play". Same with the throwing food if he throws food you can say the same thing.
I realise that may sound harsh but he really will not starve himself, if he is hungry he will eat. In the end it comes down to what is acceptable in your home.
HTH
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I guess you're right, throwing food is definitely not acceptable.
But should I put him right back in his chair, if he complains being taken out of his chair after he started throwing or demanding toys? And try again? see if he eats then, if not, take him out and repeat this 3 times or so in one go? Or wait until the next meal to do this?
How does your child eat? Does he use his own cutlery or is he able to sit quiet and eat? Did he go through a throwing stage or something similar?
I'll keep you posted, thanks so far!
Alexandra
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i dont htink not giving him food is the answer to your problem...i think u need to teach him how to behave during meal times...so this may at the beginning mean shortening the length of time in the high chair so once he becomes fidgety then you let him down...
i also dont think its a bad thing to distract them either...i think we need to remember that they are still only babies and their attention span is limited to minutes.....so u could keep a box of fun toys nearby and only take these toys out during meal times that he can play with,
also i found talking and describing each food helped keep my LO amused and interested during meal times.
also it sounds like he is ready to start feeding himself. this will cause lots of MESS!! but its great to watch and may keep him interested in meal times longer then u think...
and yes throwing did occur ..but u just have to repeat. No we dont throw food we eat the food sweetie, and put it back on their plate, over and over till they get it and get bored of it...i think the less reaction or anger u show them the more they will want to please and they will get bored of the novelty of throwing food just to see u get angry. anyway this worked with my DD who is 19mths old. whereas a friend who has a 21mth old used to let her boy throw all his food everywhere, now she cant go out as she is too embaressed to take him anywhere and honestly its too much trouble to have them over then have to wash my floors /.....
good luck!!!
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Here is my recent post about food throwing in case it helps.
www.index.php?topic=111294.msg1141487#msg1141487
I have found that telling Lilly, 'we don't throw food' consistently, but not sounded exasperated (hard I know!) has worked, as well as taking her from the table if she does it again. Normally it is at the end of the food she is eating and sometimes I take the plate away and then give her something else that I have planned. I have figured that it's not so much that she is not hungry anymore, that she doesnt' want that anymore. If it's bad - she will seem to get angry! - then I take her down straight away. I was worried about her not eating, but it didn't last for long and after only a few days of this, she is eating more before she throws. And she's not starving - I make sure she sits at the high chair for 5meals aday so she gets more good manners practice, but also the chance to get the food into her if she hasn't eaten much.
I also found that paying her postive attention worked well. Praising her for eating well and not throwing is also important.
Also, make sure she's not tired - I found that being tired and getting her to eat, esp at the end of the day, is a recipe for disaster.
I hope some of this helps you.
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Ok this sounds good, I will tell him not to throw his food and try to keep calm :-\
But how do I get him to loose the habit of manipulating me in getting what he wants? First he demands something from the table and thén takes a bite. If I don't give him anything he'll refuse his food. I have kept jars and stuff aside only to use during meals and it worked for a while but then he started demanding other stuff and I gave into it too much I think. Now sky is the limit.
I started giving him his own cutlery and yesterday he ate his dessert by himself, he was sooo happy doing that. Also I give him bit and pieces of food in a plate of his own, and a fork. He does eat by himself then for a short while and then starts throwing the food and the fork. But today he was cranky anyway and tired (teething) so he wasn't into it and basically started throwing right away.
Could throwing also mean that he has had enough? And that's his way of telling: no more?
Pfff this is hard! I am so glad I can ask you guys!
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Hey Aly,
Just read your post and all the replies...it seems we're on the same track here! Ok, so the new stategy is telling him 3 times not to throw his food, and last time includes a warning, that if he throws again it tells me he is not hungry and out of the chair he'll go the 4th time. How does that sound? It sounds like a good combination of all the advice we've had and since it works for you this way...?
Let's hope it works as easy at its sounds...
Today I strapped his plate with tape to his chair to prevent him from throwing it on the floor...He became incredibly hysterical not being able to throw his plate. But he was tired as well, so disaster struck, like you said. I got him out and put him to bed.
I will cut out the morning and afternoon snacks as well.
And empty the table as well to avoid possible distractions.
I'll keep you posted!
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The most important thing is not so much what you do it is that you have a plan in place and then stay consistent. Babies and toddlers like things that are predictable ;D
And to answer your questions both the boys eat well and use their cutlery for the most part. Sometimes we have issues with table manners but we just stay consistent. And I started really early because it was improtant to ME that they not throw food or be heathens at the table :P
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Exactly what I found Lana - I just need to be consistent and then she doesn't test me. In fact this morning she had no cereal or egg on her bib for the first time, and no food thrown.
I really think throwing things, for her anway, is that she is done with that food.
I meant to ask too, are you eating with your lo? They need to see how to eat,a nd what good table manners are. The table set with the appropriate items so he can't want anything else. Having his own cutlery, sounds like it went well.
let us know how you go. Be strong!!!
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Hi guys, thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
Yes we eat at the table all together, but in daytime in it is just me and him, so all his focus is on me and my reaction. Just with dinner it is the three of us and occasionally for lunch.
Last night, he started throwing and now climbing out his chair right away...so I stuck to my plan..3 warnings and that was it, off you go, out of his chair on the ground, no food then. He was crying incredibly loud, since this never happened to him before and we ignored him. Once he was quiet I tried again. Same story. Third time I put him in his chair (once quiet) and I gave him dessert, one he had never saw before, and he downed that while playing with the desertcup and his spoon, he was feeding me and taking bites himself, suddenly no problems at all.
He is teething (molars) so his intrest in food is limited to yogurty stuff, if intrested at all.
Today we had lunch all together and he seemed to be impressed with that. I gave him a fork and a cup with raisins in it. It occupied him for a while, in the meantime I could feed him his yogurt and fruits. Once he started throwing his fork (his cue for saying I have had enough I guess) I gave him three warnings and after that no more, out of chair and finished.
This morning he was occupied with my food, feeding himself (and me) from my plate. So I decided the only thing he is allowed to be occupied with is, is cutlery and trying to feed himself. Making playing a usefull thing...
Gave him big compliments while he ate well...but was a bit unsure about this...isn't saying 'good boy' and all during eating, not implying: this food is not nice, you are very brave to eat it??
How long did it take to control this situation for you Aleesa? And was your daughter teething as well?
THT
Alexandra
So far so good but surely not there yet!
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Sounds like progress Alexandra. We are still there love - I only posted this last week. We have our good and bad meals, but more good than bad now. If L throws something, I take the food away straight away now and wait for her to calm down. Then depending on how much she ate I will give it back - if done again, away it goes. She doesn't seem to care though - no tears at all.....mmmm... She is teething her molars as well. I"m also beginning to understand what food she likes/dislikes based on what she throws. I think it's her way of saying - no, don't want that. funnily spoon feeding is easier - I'm doing more of that with the molars - lots of soft stuff.
I'm expecting this to take a while - and really on an off for a few months. I think it's something that will improve, but really not get fixed until she can communicate better. at the moment, this is her way of communicating, and just trying to get her to understand that she can't throw it. Give it to mummy or back ont he plate.
consistency is the key!
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I agree that does sound like good progress.
Gave him big compliments while he ate well...but was a bit unsure about this...isn't saying 'good boy' and all during eating, not implying: this food is not nice, you are very brave to eat it??
I agree it seems weird to praise for eating. For me instead of praising when they eat I say things like "oh you must be hungry" or "wow you are getting really good with your fork/spoon" .
Keep us posted ;D
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Hi Lana, Aleesa,
Here's my update: eating is MUCH better now since he is not teething anymore (or since it has stopped a while). Other than that I am used to the new amounts he eats since he is a toddler, finally figured out what his needs are now. Changed dinner time, a bit more early so less tired (I could skip the 3pm 'lunch' since he never ate any of that anymore). I give him something to play with but only foodrelated (big spoons, new desserts in colorfulpackages, straws etc). This keeps him happy while eating and as soon as he starts throwing I take it away, try one more Time if he wants to eat, if not (he throws again), then I guess he is telling me: no more. So that's the end of dinner or I give him dessert in a funny package. I take him out and off he goes. When he was teething he started throwing right away so he was telling me: not hungry or intrested. I give him compliments if he uses his own fork or spoon well and other than that don't pay too much attention to him during the process of dinner, because I don;t want to give him the feeling that this is a big issue.
all this together we are more or less over the throwing part, but he still demands something to play with. Which is fine, but only foodrelated, that's as far as he can go. So my boundaries are set and so are his!
Thanks guys!
Just one problem, I give him milk right before he goes to bed...(only in the evening) and he sleeps right away after that. How do you guys do this? No more milk before bed or milk half an hour before bed?
I am afraid he won't be able to fall asleep once I don't give him milk anymore or do they refuse the milk bottle in the evening at some point by them selves?
Alexandra
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I still bf DD Alexandra so no help there I'm afraid.
Glad things are looking up. We got better, then downhill again I'm afraid....getting real picky with food and I must say, getting me down a bit.....just part of toddlerhood I suspect..
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Great news ;D, glad to hear it is going well.
When we cut out our bedtime bottle it took a while to get rid of. B was having 8 ounces every night before bed and we just gradually cut it down like so
7oz for 5 days
6oz for 5 days
5oz for 5 days
4oz for 3 days
3oz for 3 days
And then that was it. When we got to the 4oz we started to do a small snack before the bath to take the place of the formula KWIM?
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I know how you feel ALy, I am experiencing the same with night wakenings (another topic), it went well and then downhill again. It is really demotivating sometimes but think of better times, which will surely come!! she will grow older and wiser and communication will be different. Hang in there!
Lana, your plan sounds good, I started a similar schedule as well, but didn't follow it up because then the teething (molars) started and he wasn/t eating well, so therefore the bottle continued. Once I have tackled the night wakenings I will start this next project.
Did you give some yogurt then instead? And did you give the bottle right before bed or before bath or so? Didn't your LO complain once the bottle was weened?
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We were doing the bottle as the last thing before bed after the bath. Once the bottle got to 4oz we started to do a snack before the bath. It changed from day to day. You could do yogurt or cheese and crackers or really anything you want.
Neither one of my boys complained when the bottle was gone. I think cause they still got the calories elsewhere.
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That's good to know, I am a little afraid that he won't go to sleep without his bottle, since it is the last thing before bed as well (feed to sleep?), but that shouldn't necessary be the case...We'll see! Thanks for the tip!
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Once the bottle was gone at our house we still had a cuddle after the bath so maybe that is why. Although he was not asleep when I put him down he was relaxed ;D