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EAT => Eating For Toddlers => Topic started by: momtothomas on January 23, 2009, 00:16:05 am
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So seriously, at what point did you say, "I'm sorry if you don't feel like eating [insert normal food besides pizza here] tonight. That's what we're having for dinner, so eat it or go hungry." I've always cared WAY more about sleep at our house, so I'll always opt for giving him something (even if all he has at dinner is fruit and crackers) to avoid waking because of hunger. DS is approaching 21 months - am I being too easy on him?
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DS will be 3 next month and I still offer fruit cup, yogurt, pudding or something like that if it looks like he isn't eating what we are. I would like to know the same. Of course, like you, sleep is important so.... I had a post like that kinda and got a lot of responses of mother who offer a snack before bed too. So if they don't eat dinner then they still get a snack. Not sure when you say, eat it or else.....
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We just don't make a big deal at our house - but she eats what we're eating (unless it's too spicy for her, then I make her something else). We started that when she started eating what we were eating - some nights she'll eat all of it and ask for more, some nights, just a 1/2 or less of it - and she'll ask for more of whatever her favorite of the moment is, and we just say "when you eat the rest of __________ (whatever's on her plate), then you can have some more." Or if it's a new thing she's trying for the first time, and it's all that's left on her plate, we say "just take one bite" and call that good (most of the time, she takes one bite and realizes it's not evil nasty poison and eats it). I've had nights where she's barely touched dinner, but she's still sttn. She's 22 mos.
hth
michelle
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I actually believe that forcing that rule caused me more food issues than it solved, so with my boys I tend to say "this is for Dinner" if they aren't going to eat it, then they can have a sandwich or a piece of fruit... sometimes they (actually it is DS2 about 50% of the time) choose to eat nothing, but then DS2 eats 80% of his food before 1pm, but I would never force them to go hungry as I think - I choose what we eat & occasionally DH says "sorry but I can't stomach X tonight if I suggest X " & I think that is valid... I remember staying at my Bro & SIL's & they served up a meal & I was dog tired & it was the LAST thing I felt like eating that day (even though it wasn't a meal I disliked it was a roast) it was just I really really felt like comfort food like toast & soup. So I do understand the feeling that the meal wasn't what was desired or even what the body seemed to be needing.
I had/have sensrory issues with food & so it appears with my boys & so I can accept that the texture of foods is something they find hard & if say tiredness is added into an equation I think it is quite reasonable for it to be less than desirable to eat certain foods. But if my 5.5yo doesn't want to eat his dinner he is the one that needs to make the sandwich (which he can - but it is rare he doesn't eat dinner)... will enforce that with DS2 as he gets older.
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If it is something genuinely not liked then probably better not to make it too often. If he just plain doesn't like much, then just offer it, if he doesn't like it just put it on the table and if he doesn't like it, just gently say that there is nothing else. It helps if you don't do desserts because they don't have anything to hold out for. We don't desserts here for that reason.
If he walks off, don't try and coax him back at all, he will work it out on his own terms (even if he doesn't eat that night). We can't tell them. If he feels hungry later, just bring it back out of the fridge and put it back on the table (again if you think it's something he really won't like the taste of like spicy food, best to avoid those things). I often give the missed meal as lunch the next day (partly because we often have leftovers so that is not unusual). But If I do something new and I can tell she genuinely doesn't like it I'll give her a bit of extra milk before bed.
TBH I doubt he would wake at night because he is hungry. Once they are past the baby stage they can miss out a meal or catch up the next day.
If it's really matter of fact, that is what there is. Once you open the door of making more meals just for him you open a can of worms. If you are having something you know he really doesn't like I'd give him something else though.
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I guess I'm a hard one.
For a long while now (probably since around the 18 month mark, maybe a little earlier), my kids have gotten the "this is dinner and you have to make a decent effort." That said, I tend to cook what we ALL like. And still some nights one of them might say, "I don't want this". I shrug my shoulders and say, oh okay, well that's dinner. But no, I don't make them something else. And I don't allow them to leave the table and come back and pick. That's a personal belief for me that stems from a lot of reasons.
I do not believe in the "finish your plate rule", but I do believe in the eat all your veggies before dessert rule! (I came from a family where you didn't get down from the table without CLEANING your plate, and as a family, the woman have always struggled with weight issues.) I would also say I'm on par with a lot of what Michelle wrote as well.
And I do a before bed snack as well. Depending on how well dinner went over, kind of depends on what's for snack.
Good luck!
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I don't make seperate dinners either, actually I don't think I EVER have, after DS started eating with us (not purees)! That said my lo was not a picky eater, and I almost always make sure there is one thing he will eat, like a veggie he likes. There is times where he has barely touched a parcel, but as long as he tastes it he can choose if he eats or not. It sounds mean but we have never had a problem or one tear shed because he didn't like what we were having. :)
Devon
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DD is over 4yo and I haven't enforced that rule. I don't know if I will anytime soon. I tend to make something that the whole family likes or at least portions of it. Reminds me of the time I made lambchops (pre marinated from the butcher), nobody liked it (even me). So we end up eating lots of the side dishes (veggies & pasta). I sometimes have my off days when it comes to eating so I understand and respect dd & ds' eating preferences as well.
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I DO NOT want fussy eaters as DH and i aren't so we are a big believer in you eat what you are given if not then you get nothing. We started this with my girls at about 13months and i think it is the best thing i ever did both of them are fantastic eaters and will eat just about everything. DD1 went through a phase where she didn't eat rice then didn't want veges only meat but i still put it on her plate and she had to have a little of it otherwise she got nothing. My girls eat EVERYTHING we do and we eat together as a family every night.
I may sound mean but i am reaping the rewards now.
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I put new things on DD's plate and she will almost always try it. I think I have instilled in her a sense of adventure for foods, so trying and having an opinion on things is good. She talks about sweet, salty, spicy etc. It's a great way for us, she will see something completely new and have a nibble. The movie Ratatouille was a good influence too, in terms of enjoying food but also that mixing things or trying new combinations is really interesting. She still talks about adding cheese to strawberries LOL
Recently she says she doesn't like mushrooms, which is fine but we still have meals with them and she can separate them out if she wants, no dramas.
The more I read the other posts the more I think if us as adults have some things we don't like or like Kate says sometimes we don't feel like something we normally like. It's hard to rearrange a whole dinner because one person doesn't like it, but perhaps preferences could be given for snacks (out of a couple of healthy choices) so that they can have a say. Or more options in the dinner itself, as they say putting several different things on the plate. Or when meal planning in the week we can give our kids a say about what is served on one or two nights. In fact, I've convinced myself that is a good idea, I'll give it a go myself. LOL
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DD will be 2 this weekend. At this point I would rather offer "fill-up" foods than deal with a cranky hungry toddler at bedtime, so if she's hardly eaten and I know she's hungry I will offer wholegrain bread or yogurt or something to fill up. I do have to limit fruit as she will eat nothing else if I let her. I used to save fruit till the end of the meal and let her fill up on it, then I realized she was not eating her dinner and just gorging on fruit. Now we give a portion of fruit with the rest of the meal, she always eats it first.
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I'll offer a piece of fruit if there's a problem and I've done a version of this since the beginning - I don't word it quite like that though! I probably wouldn't go quite as far as a sandwich though I have put the contents of the dinner plate INTO a sandwich.
With Sam I talk about how food 'costs pennies' and we can't throw all the food away and get lots of new food costing more pennies. And Sam is big on the environment so we talk about waste in that context too. However he doesn't have to eat anything if he doesn't want to. I provide the food but I don't force anyone to eat it - "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink".
I make sure each meal will contain something that's a fail-safe even if it's just one particular veggie. One reason I don't want to be too 'firm' is that I think it would prevent me offering new foods and it would make mealtimes less positive.
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ds1 is 5 and likes only good stuff. i never forced food for any of my boys. so if they did not want to eat, i took it away when they were little. but now i do say, finish whats for lunch or else you go hungry till dinner, no snack at 4...i followed thru once and now he knows i mean it. (im a bit strict).....but on the flip side i think allowing a sandwich or whatever he liked earlier has given him bad eating habits. i dont think its too early to start....imho
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I must honestly say that we also don't make a big deal out of it if Courteney doesn't want to eat. I do give her a cooked meal once a day, usually she will eat some of it but if she refuses I will offer a healthy alternative like a yoghurt or fruit. I will not offer junk food though I f she still doesn't want to eat I just leave it. I suppose (as mentioned by pp) sometimes we as adults also dont feel like eating but rather just picking.
We have had days where she will have a tub of yoghurt for the whole day-that's ok with me. I feel that LO won't go hungry and they will eat when they are hungry ;D
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I do not believe in the "finish your plate rule", but I do believe in the eat all your veggies before dessert rule! (I came from a family where you didn't get down from the table without CLEANING your plate, and as a family, the woman have always struggled with weight issues.) I would also say I'm on par with a lot of what Michelle wrote as well.
My Mum used to have the opposite problem she'd make desserts & I'd refuse to eat most of them, I actually don't like a lot of sweets stuff (except chocolate) we grew up with dessert every night & My Mum would get so frustrated I didn't eat them, I always joke, I don't get dessert cos I ate my Veg not my meat!! my boys don't get dessert.. they choose their (1-2) "sugar foods" earlier in the day... like today a jam (jelly sandwich) & iced chocolate drink, so they are done for sweet stuff for the day.
We've also never done a before bed snack or milk, Dinner is at 6ish & bed at 7/7.30 & they do perfectly well if they choose not to eat, but I still feel they have the right to have a sandwich or fruit as they don't get a snack.
I agree with Stacy, I tend to put 5 things on the plate 1-2 they will eat, 1-2 sometimes & 1-2 new & also my boys don't do mixed foods (won't even eat bolognaise sauce) - I didn't like mixed foods as a child either) so for say spaghetti Bolognaise they have the pasta & cheese & lettuce & carrot & apple. or something like that. But if say I do a stirfry I pull out the meat, noodles & veg & serve individually, but as the meat serve isn't huge if they are still hungry I let them get a sandwich.
one of the reasons I flattly refuse to force my children to take a taste or eat food they don't want is I remember being forced to eat beetroot as a child & gaging on it & throwing it (& other food) all over my favourite T shirt... it took me until age 39 to eat it again & now I actually really like it, but for years I had a cold sweat at the thought of eating it.
I think it is REALLY important children have exposure to new foods but as their tastebuds are about 100 times more sensitive (possibly 1000 times in sensitive children) foods do taste different to us as adults & so the flavours/tastes can be overpowering... my Bro & Sis both have far less sensitive sense of smell than me (neither can smell a pooey nappy on their children) & I think that is why it took me so much longer to accept foods than them... likewise My Dad & Mum... my Mum can't even smell perfume & our tastes as children are indicative of that... BTW I am far more adventurous as an adult that either of my siblings despite (or inspite) of the fact I was a 10 food child at age 4!!!
Oh & I have a friend who has a 9yo nephew who was doing night raids on the kitchen when staying at the grandparents because if he didn't want dinner he went without, he is tall & athletic & often hungry & so missing a meal made him a sneak... not something I want for my children either.
Fact is my boys have the option of a sandwich or fruit, I think the last time it happened was before Christmas, so it isn't exactly an issue that happens often... just an option they know they have & Dh will nearly always have leftovers for lunch the next day LOL
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I also try to make a plate with a variety of foods on it for ds' tastes. I'm a fairly picky eater and recognize that not everything is for everyone. So if I am making something that will either be new to him or that I know he's not a huge fan of such as broccoli, I will make sure there's another veg (or at least something nutritious) on there that he does like. That way he gets at least something good and I am not trying to force the broccoli into him or feeling worried if he's not eating. Plus by doing it like this he tends to try more things too.
In principle I try not to make a big deal of his eating except in the privacy of my own thoughts. I do trust that if he flat out refuses to eat then he's not hungry, whereas if he doesn't like a particular food or it's not sitting right with him then he doesn't have to eat it. When he doesn't eat I do not start saying "do you want some____ or should I maybe heat you up some ____" - but if he expressed that he was really hungry and just didn't like the food I would definitely give him a yoghurt or some fruit or whatever. So far it hasn't really come up though! (and FWIW it has happened that he's just not been interested in food and refused dinner. And did not have NWs, etc).