BabyWhispererForums.com
EAT => Eating For Toddlers => Topic started by: Annabelp on November 24, 2011, 20:12:01 pm
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I have read all the websites possible for fussy eaters and have tried all the suggestions going. But I am constantly worried about my 2 year old's eating and feel insanely guilty that it is something I have created. Pretty much every night after he goes to bed his eating makes me cry.
A typical day of eating is as follows:
Breakfast - cereal, yoghurt, piece of toast
Snack - occasionally will eat an apple or some blueberries
Lunch - picks at a cheese sandwich, some organic crisps, raisins
Snack - I try not to give a snack but may offer what's left of lunch
Dinner - pretty much asks to get down from the table before he even knows what dinner is. THe only food he will eat for dinner is homemade chicken balls, fish fingers and cocktail sausages. Sometimes I offer a yoghurt or a small bowl of ice cream. He will not eat enything I serve the chicken/fish/sausage with (ie potato, chips, peas, beans).
THis is all he eats. I make homemade fish fingers and sausages as I'm conscious of salt/additive intake of frozen food but he refuses them point blank.
I have tried limiting snacks, limiting fluid, just taking the plate away no fuss, making him sit there until he tries something (which just ends up in just crying at the table until bedtime - he's stubbon!)
His speech and understanding is good and it is definitely a control thing.
His weight has dropped just below his growth line and he often looks pale although he does have a lot of energy. He does still have high sleep needs (will sleep 12 hours at night and have a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon).
I am really upset with myself for making him picky. I have always made him seperate homemade food (he never ate anything from a jar) but this meant that the range of food he has eaten has been limited. Up to about a year old he would eat pretty much anything he was given. But then in this last year he developed an issue with soft food (eg mashed potato, pasta and sauce, rice pudding) and would only eat with his fingers (hence the fish fingers and sausages which he can pick up).
I guess there isn't anything different anyone can suggest to try but really feel like I need some BW support. I also have a 6 month old who has been eating for about a month and has a good appetite. I had hoped that seeing her eat would make DS eat too but he just sits and watches her eat without eating himself :-(
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My ds is similar, and wont eat 'dinner'. Occasionaly he eats his favourites! I think its totally normal. It looks like ur ds is getting lots of healthy snacks, and dont worry! I try to encourage my DS to try his dinner, he often helps me cook, and i even tried swapping lunch and dinner in case he was too tird to eat. Now i just give him a small portion, encourage him to try, and dont stress. It sounds like ur offering him lots of healthy choices Xx
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{{{hugs}}}
I know how stressful it is. At this age the most important thing is to not get into offering a meal and then replacing it with something preferred if they refuse what you have made.
I see you have tried alot of things. Have you tried just offering him what you are having? So no catering to his favourites except for when you would have had them yourself in the week? He seems to eat a great breakfast which is good.
I think it is normal though for LOs to eat loads in the early part of the day and then not so much at dinner. I know my toddler did that for ages.
What volume of liquids is he drinking in the day? Is that having an effect? Does he tolerate non-preferred foods being on the plate with the things he likes ok or does he want them off?
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((((hugs))) I know how hard this is too and most likely it is not your fault. My DS1 was (and still is ::)) a really picky eater, whilst DS2 will try pretty much anything. If there was any difference between the way I treated/fed the 2 of them it is that I was way more relaxed with DS2 - I rarely monitored what he was eating (largely because I had an older more difficult child to focus on) and let him have a lot more food that was less than healthy (cake/biscuits etc - I was pretty strict with ds1). Whether any of that made any difference or whether it is just their personalities I'll never know. But I agree with you that it is probably largely a control issue, and in that regard it is probably best to ignore it as best you can, take away what he doesn't eat, don't react or get upset, and start again the next day. Just keep offering and try not to worry. And remember, NO child will ever, ever starve themselves!
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{{{Hugs for you}}}
I've never experienced what you are going through but I know people that have and it is very worrying for the parents.
I agree with Shiv, let him eat what you are eating. I have done baby led weaning with both of mine and they eat exactly what we do. Yes we have to watch the salt intake but generally we keep it low by cooking most food fresh. My two LOVE chilli and kidney beans, I have a great recipe that I make from scratch so I can control the chilli input! If you want the link give me a shout.
Where does he sit? Have you tried him on a little childrens table with a little chair? He might not like where he's sitting?
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It is so stressful when they do this!
Firstly, it is not your fault and not something that you have done. It's a phase that a lot of them go through, and he would almost certainly have done it anyway whatever you did.
Secondly, what he is eating really doesn't look that bad. It might not seem like very much, but it is all healthy. As shiv says, it is great that he eats such a good breakfast - could your maybe add some blueberries or chopped banana to his cereal to get some more fruit in him? I would imagine that he eats best at breakfast because he is properly hungry, so you have a chance to make the most of that. Remember, there isn't a rule that says you have to have cereal for breakfast - you could maybe try some new foods then when he is more likely to try them because he is hungry.
Thirdly, I agree with shiv that it is really important to make sure that you don't start offering him alternatives. He will not starve himself, no matter what it looks like to you, and the problems really start when you start desperately offering them other things in a bid to get them to eat something.
I went through this exact thing with dd1 - she was a fantastic eater and would eat absolutely anything that was put in front of her, and then she stopped eating. She always had a really good breakfast too, but the rest of her meals were really hit and miss - she lost over 1.5kg. We had a small range of meals that she would eat, so I gave those to her regularly, but I also made sure that she was being offered other foods as well to make sure that she didn't get totally caught in a rut, iyswim. Lunch was generally fairly snacky anyway, but I would make her a different supper 2-3 times a week and I just accepted that she wasn't going to eat on those days. Sometimes she would try a little bit, but I took that as a victory rather than having it as an expectation. Gradually she grew out of it, and now she asks to try food that she hasn't eaten before, and will tell me if she starts liking something that she didn't used to like.
It took me a while to work it out, but our food issues coincided with the arrival of dd2, and I'm guessing from your post that your issues have come about just before or since your baby. I think that the arrival of a sibling can be such a big thing where control is completely removed from them and their world is turned upside down that they turn to food as the only thing that they have control over. If you think about it, food is a big thing, and they work out pretty quickly how much we care if they eat. There is also the fact that they get quite a lot of attention when they are not eating and we are trying to persuade them, which is a big deal in a house with a small baby. From my experience, this is just something that you have to work through, and the main thing is to make sure that you don't make mistakes that make the problem worse - and it doesn't sound to me like you are doing.
One other thing you can do is to try to hide veggies in things - given that you make so much of his food yourself, I'm sure that you could find recipes that will hide veggies in them. Also, we gave dd1 those Ella's kitchen vegetable pouches (the baby food ones) to make sure she was getting them - she absolutely loved them, so you could maybe try that.
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Thanks Clazzat. I certainly don't offer any alternatives and no pudding if he hasn't even tried his dinner. So the last few nights he has gone to bed with no food. Doesn't seem to bother him.
Not sure the arrival of DD has affected the eating. I would say his eating has been like this certainly for a good few months before she arrived and he adores her so there is no animosity or attention seeking going on. Can't know for sure though!
The issue I do have now is that he won't eat my home cooked foods (apart from the chicken balls which are major hassle to make!!!!). I can't hide veggies in cocktail sausages!! I have tried him with mini pizzas (with or without extra toppings on) but this is mainly refused (apart from the M&S ones lol!)
He will eat the Ellas kitchen blueberry pouches and the innocent smoothies but these are soooo expensive to rely on every day. Especially when I know I could make the smoothies/purees for a fraction of the proce but he wouldn't eat them in a bowl. He won't even drink a smoothie from my glass even if he's seen me pour it from his carton!
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Yeah, the pouches are expensive - when dd1 was having them they were half the price!
Will he eat mini pizzas if you make them? You could make them together and make a tomato sauce with lots of veggies puréed in it.
It could still be linked to the baby even though it started before - if you think about it, things start to change several months before the baby arrives (you look different and can't do all the things you used to, baby things are brought out etc). I'm not trying to insist that I'm right, btw, but just trying to say that if it is related to that then it passes as they adjust. And my dd absolutely adored her little sister, no issues whatsoever with jealousy etc, but she still struggled with this huge transition, yk
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My kids have always ate what we eat,,,,I never make them a separate meal,,,,my friend always did what you did with making ds food seperate,,, her lo's are now 13 and 8 and won't eat a proper meal. She's making them sausages,,,smiley face potatos and beans that I just find is crazy,,,,she can't take them anywere to eat as they don't like meat like beef,,,mince,,, don't like veg,,don't like fruit,,,don't like butter,,,,list is endless
If your ds won't eat what your making him anyway,,,,do you think maybe you should just give him the same as yous for dinner,,,,instead of prepairing a separate meal?? Maybe you could offer chicken balls for lunch?? I agree that his breakfast looks great,,,,I just can't see the beifit of making him seperate dinners,, your wasting your time and I feel it just going to make him even more fussy as the years go on. My kids have ate what we eat from when they were weaned,,,,they love curry and so on,,,,
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((((hugs)))) it is so tiring stressing about food. I agree with pps though, I would just give him whaty oua re having for dinner, and leave him be. Also bear in mind that he just may not be a big eater at dinner time and may prefer to eat more at breakfast and lunch and then have a little bit at dinner. As pps have said, he won't starve himself. I know it is disheartening to throw food away, but try to look at it this way, it is NOT wasted. Even if he only looks at it, it is exposure, it is teaching him 'these are the kinds of food we eat in this house at this time'. It might take 20 exposures before he has a taste and another 20 before he eats a new food.
If it helps, I have a hierarchy of activities I've done with my son since about two years old which help expose him to new foods - we go through the steps together. It only works if it's done in a playful, happy way, with no pressure, but it's really worked well for us and he is quite open to tasting new foods if we follow this sequence.
1. Touch the food (what does it feel like)
2. Pick up a piece
3. Kiss the food
4. Stick out your tongue and lick the food
5. Put a piece of food in your mouth and take it right out again
6. Bite the food in your mouth
By the time you get to step 6, the food is totally familiar in terms of smell, taste, temperature, texture - so it's actually much more likely to be accepted than just presenting a new food and saying 'put this in your mouth and bite it' right off the bat. Does that make sense?
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It is great you aren't offering alternatives, That will really help in the long term. I really like Anna's hierarchy. It works really well.
I have always just fed my kiddos what we are having and tend to make up a weekly meal planner and go with it rahter than try and think of 7 lunches he may eat, maybe just plan your lunches/dinners and thats what it is even if it are things he doesn't eat at the minute?
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Your boy sounds a lot like mine! Although, while I don't say my DS is necessarily picky, he is selective. Semantics, I know!! I say he is not picky because he eats all fruits and many (most) vegetables, all different kinds of bread (we are in Germany so there are dozens of different breads of different colours and textures and he will eat most of them without questioning them), and all dairy products. Meats are a tougher one for him, he prefers processed meats (sausages, mortadella, frikadellen) or minced, such as turkey burgers or hamburgers. So I am not overly concerned about nutrition as he gets a good variety, but he does refuse a LOT.
He will also take one look at his dinner and just ask to walk away or not touch it. I say which part do you not like and he will just say "Not that one, not that one, not that one, not ALL of it..." even when there are many things that he DOES like...I am not sure what it is that prompts him to say that he doesn't like all of them though, we can't figure it out.
I know that the standard advice - not just here but everywhere - is to not make alternative meals for your LO, but I actually disagree with it in some regard. I have a child who WILL and who DOES starve himself out, and would prefer to hold off for 24-36 hours until there is something given that he likes. He will. And I can't do that. He is at kindergarten now (preschool) and they are given a hot meal at lunch and he did eat the first 2-3 days (I think it was not wanting to stand out as differnet) but now that he is settled he just does not eat. He doesn't like the food or the look of it or whatever it is, but he won't eat. And when I pick him up he is often crying that his tummy hurts and he is starving. Yesterday he cried the entire way home (25 minutes) because his tummy hurt and I had to make him some lunch when we got in. But then he did not like dinner either and was sobbing because he was hungry and did not like what I had made....how can you not make a child something else to eat in that situation? I refuse to allow him to cry from hunger when we have a fridge full of food that he does like!
I'm not meaning to criticize the advice of 'they must eat what you eat/don't make them a separate meal' because I do know where everyone is coming from with that,but I think that it is one thing to say it and another thing to live it iyswim. It's not as easy as people seem to think. When you have a child reduced to gasping for breaths through their tears over not liking what the food is in front of them, it is near impossible as a mother to say calmly "sorry but this is what is for dinner." No, what you do is have your own breakdown and wipe your own tears and then make them something that they want. And doing that is not copping-out or feeding-in to the problem or making it worse....it's making sure your children have food in their tummies. My son ate what we ate for a LONG time and just started getting fussier, so it's not like I started out this way. He ate xyz (name your crazy shocking food for a toddler to eat) many times and just got pickier. It happens, for whatever reason, and it has NOTHING to do with me having made him separate meals..that was not the cause of the problem, rather it developed as a survival tactic!!!!!!
I do try my hardest to make sure that every meal does include things he likes, but in that way it is still like making two meals, really. The other night I made homemade pizza - which he does not like but DH and I wanted pizza!! - and I cooked a couple of sausages for DS. I put everything on the table for him to select what he wanted and it was a mixture of things he liked and did not like...so really, it was a meal for us and a meal for him. And he selected the sausages, some beans and that was it. There is not much more I can do really - tell him that he needs to eat pizza or nothing and he will choose to stay hungry with the tummy ache. :'(
One resource I have found helpful is a woman named Ellyn Satter - it was Deb in Oz who pointed me to her as she has been giving me such amazing support as I work through this stuff with my DS: Not sure if you know her (Deb in Oz that is!) but she has started discussing the topic on her own blog this week .. http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/beyond-feeding-fussy-eaters-fears-texture-issues-and-more/ Deb outlines her own experience with feeding her one daughter and she has been supporting me over the past couple of months in working through this to stop it before it gets worse with my DS, and in helping me with the emotional side of it as a mother as well. Anyway, it was Deb that pointed me to Ellyn Satter I don't love EVERYTHING she says but I did find that it helped me to keep a clear head and a clear focus about my DS's eating.
http://www.ellynsatter.com/the-picky-eater-i-43.html
She does say not to make them separate meals, but one of the things she makes clear is that you need to make sure that you are putting foods out that they like. So you make pasta for dinner and your child does not like pasta, or it is a new food or you are just for whatever reason pretty sure he is not going to eat it. You need to make sure there are other things on the table for your child to choose from, and let him fill-up on the other things if that is the case. Her suggestion for this age is that there is a bread and butter basket as well and if your child chooses to eat 5 slices of bread for dinner and turn down the pasta, then that is fine. Put meals out buffet style and allow him to look at everything on the table and choose what he wants to eat and how much of it. Don't discuss with him what he has chosen or what he likes and does not like, don't comment on it, or put any pressure at all on him as to what he eats. Keep conversation around the table completely unrelated to the food. However, don't limit the food that is on the table to JUST things that your child DOES like. On nights that we have meals that I know DS loves (which has become rare as he has started refusing to eat spag bol/pasta with meat sauce which was a night when we knew he would stuff himself full...now he is refusing and insisting he does not like it...) but on nights like that I would stick a couple of things out and put them on the table to make sure there were other things to choose from....even if it was a plate with butter and a plate with butter mixed with parsley so that there was something new to choose from. I dump a few olives onto a plate, or some pickles...just so that the meal is not limited to things that he likes. If that makes sense.
A big thing with us - and I wish I had started this part sooner than 3yo - was NOT COMMENTING. My DH is horrible for it and tbh he has been since the day DS started on solids ::) but he is working hard as well. We say nothing about his food or what he is eating. No comments are made on how he gets it into his mouth or what kind of mess he makes or what he chooses to eat. There is a variety of foods on the table, take what you want and eat it how you want. Yes there has been a major regression in table manners for DS, but that is not important to me at this stage and are something that we will work on in the future...the eating is far more important IMO at this stage.
I think there is FAR more to it than 'just offer them your dinner and that's that' and not making separate meals.....I know that there is a basis to that advice but I have yet to find a single mother who can confidently say to me that they turned their picky eater around by just giving them food their child didn't like and eventually the child gave in and ate. :-\
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Mashi - what fabulous advice and how refreshing to hear. It really isn't as easy as some people think, and I don't think anyone can realise that until they have a fussy eater themselves. Reading threads like this make me feel awful about the way I feed my kids (ds1 would also starve rather than eat something he doesn't like) I too started out with such good intentions regarding eating the same meals etc, and I'm not sure exactly where it went wrong but it certainly did. :-\ :-[
I'll be checking out those links you posted, again (not my thread!) but thanks so much! :-*
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I found myself nodding along to everything in your post Mashi!
A big thing with us - and I wish I had started this part sooner than 3yo - was NOT COMMENTING.
This is something I've had to work hard getting DH to stop too, he is so bad for comments, or telling them there are starving children all over the world so they must eat their food up...where I am the opposite, I just don't comment, my parents never did with me so I learned from them. I was a super selective eater as a kid (still am to an extent) so I get where they are coming from. Supper is really our only planned meal, lunch, breakfast & snacks are a free for all as we are all grazers here!
With Spencer it has been a long road (ASD, sensory issues with food texture) of offering food and tossing it. It took a year of me offering roast pork once a week or so for her to actually put one small bite in her mouth and eat it! She has multiple food intolerances so her meals have to be different than ours most nights. I stick to the go-to meals I know the kids like most of the time, and if I have a desire to make something new or non-kid pleasing, I make a big pot of rice for the kids (don't ask, my kids would eat rice over even pizza!)
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Mashi, what great advice! My DD is very selective, and she has a devil of a time even sitting on her chair properly (in fact she frequently falls off of it.) I try to give her something she likes with every meal I make, but I usually dish her food out as out kitchen table is tiny, and doesn't really have room for serving dishes. I am going to change that practice though and see what happens. I am also going to really try to resist commenting!!!
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I think there is FAR more to it than 'just offer them your dinner and that's that' and not making separate meals.....I know that there is a basis to that advice but I have yet to find a single mother who can confidently say to me that they turned their picky eater around by just giving them food their child didn't like and eventually the child gave in and ate.
I agree to a point Mashi and I don't think I explained myself properly. When I say meal plan and include things he doesn't eat at the minute, I always make sure all out meals include 1-2 things my kids will eat regularly without fuss. And so if they decide not to eat that meal I feel confident it wasn't because there was nothing there they didn't like, it was obviously they just weren't hungry or else in some cases really would have preferred something else. And that is where I wouldn't make a new meal as there is plenty there they like. And in all honestly the meals I make as a family are really not that far out there that they wouldn't like them. If i do a dish with a sauce I always give M her sauce in a bowl and then its her choice to dip or pour the sauce over. And yes there is much more to it than just provide meals they don't like and they'll eat. Of course there is. There is exposure and there is getting them to try it.
I actually have seen the opposite to you. I have not seen any kids who have just started eating new things when they have been offered alternatives to meals after refusing or who just eat what they want even from a buffet type meal. Eventually it does come to doing something like Anna has suggested and doing exposure to tastes and textures or it comes down to doing trying one bite of things or whatever. In general I have found kids who start to cut back on the variety of foods they eat continue to do so until they are eating only a handful of foods consistently and generally then do need to push in the opposite direction to start trying new foods again.
Of course you aren't going to refuse your child food and many a night I offer M porridge or weetabix before bed if she hasn't had a great eating day and she has choice within meals. M is just coming through a very picky phase and all I heard every night was 'I hate stew/mango chicken/ carrots'...whatever was there and could she have soemthing else. In the end saying 'sorry this is dinner and her trying one bite of each food (and 3/4 she would normally love)' and not making a fuss turned things around. DH was starting all this 'right there are no treats if you don't eat'.....EH no, we don't do that.
But i think there has to be a balance. I do think it is ok to plan your meals and so long as you are providing meals that they can eat a few of the components then you are being fair and shouldn't then be scrambling to find alternatives.
I guess because I have worked with older children who are extremely picky and it is so socially isolating at times that i am wary of letting the pickiness go too far. I think though you have to weigh up does your child eat a wide variety of food and eat all the food groups and have a good healthy balanced diet. If they do then you probably don't have a lot to worry about. If you find they are cutting back and cutting back and refusing foods they normally would eat then I think primarily that can be control at play and thats where i feel you need house rules on meals.
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Shiv, I do know your experience in working with fussy eaters, and I do know what you meant about meals vs the opposite of not say, presenting pasta and then running off to make hot dogs and then running off to cook a pizza, etc. :) And I don't think that most of us moms of picky/fussy/selective eaters really DO go that far! But, at the same time you would be surprised (I hope...) at the number of people with good meaning advice who DO constantly say 'put it in front of them and if they don't eat it that's it/if they are hungry enough they will eat it/ let them wait until breakfast..." etc etc et. And it's not that simple is really all I am saying. Especially when it's your child and so you have the emotions surrounding it (a child who won't eat really is heartbreaking and totally destroying as a mother) and it being ALL the time...that fight 7 nights a week, 30 days a month wears you down pretty quick. Add in 7 lunches, breakfasts and snacks....
Fundamentally, you are right that it is about one huge thing and that is CONTROL. And that is where the idea of offering a "buffet" of foods at a meal time and allowing selection and no commenting comes in. Putting the toddler in 100% control of all aspects of the meal can help to turn things around a lot. It means less fear and fighting to come to the table (no fear that s/he will be forced to taste something for instance) and a much lighter atmosphere and eliminates stress (for everyone!) at the table. And obviously by buffet I don't mean a massive selection gone crazy, but a reasonable assortment of liked/disliked foods.
I also think that it is much different with older kids than younger. A child of 7-9yo is much different than one of 2-4...the whole way it can be discussed is different, and as you said it is socially isolating at an older age and thus even the emotions and concept of it are different for that child and you might at least be able to talk with them about it. A 2-3yo in a stubborn/independent/boundary pushing phase is much different to deal with.
We do use Anna's "steps" with tasting new foods but 100% keep it away from meal times. It brings the stress and fear to the table of what it might possibly be that he has to look at or touch or taste. Instead we do it at snack times or play times or even just randomly in the day for a game. And we have had some success with it - yesterday he put a slice of pickle in his mouth and when he didn't like the taste decided that it could possibly be the outer rind and so chose to take it out and turn it around the other way :P and he did chew it about three times before he gagged and spit it in my hand :-X But I do think that with a fussy picky eater where meal times are stressful, it needs to be avoided at the dinner table and looked at as an activity iyswim.
Zeri we don't really have space on our table for serving dishes either and it is a proper PITA!
Heidi my DS is a pizza hater, too. I thought he was the only one! We have a kids-make-your-own station at the pizzeria here and DS loves to wash his hands and get his dough and go through and select his toppings - he always puts carrots and corn on his pizza and that is about it. The first time we went he was so in-love with the whole thing ... getting a rice paper number put on it and putting it in the wood stove and everything. Then the waitress brought it over and put it in front of him at the table and he gave her the dirtiest look EVER! "I'm not going to eat it, it's just for making!!!!! Eventually he did pick off the carrots and corn but that was it, LOL!!
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I also would never sugest " there's your dinner,,eat that or do without" sort of thing,,,, I understand that some lo's are diff eaters to others,,,, but in my experince,,,and I'm not saying that this is the case in all,,,, I say its sometimes the way that they are fed.
My friend with the 13 and 8 year old,,,,,the ones who you can't take out for anything to eat/ feed in your hose because they are so picky,,,, it is her fault. When they were small she never offered them fruit,veg,pasta,,pizza,,fish,, because she didn't like them,,,,she made them sausage and smiley faces,,, ok for a small kid yes,,,,,but for a 13 year old boy no. He has no energy,,,,he has been knocked back from a football team ( as in for a full time place) because of his eating habbits,,,,their not intrested in a boy who can't eat to fule his body to do exersice.
My friend has a lo at 19 months,,,,who will only eat baby jars,,,because she has only ever offered her lo babyjars,,,,,
That was the point I was making,,,,, I gave my kids what we ate,,, if we had curry they had curry,,,if we had stew we had stew,,,if I have a sandwich for luch they fot a sandwich,,,,,, now there has been things I know my los will not eat,,,like they HATE mince,,,,so if were having mince,,I put in a pizza because I know they dnt like it,,, no fuss,,,,no saying " take that or go to bed hungry" ,,,if my kids don't eat their dinner,,,,for amn off night what we all have,,,,,or because they just dnt feel like it,,,,,they can have tea or toast,,,,
My point is again,,,,,that sometimes,,, some people foster bad eating habbits into their children,,that their children then take into later life,,,, and I really don't see the need in starting the whole making meals for myself and dh,,and then making meals for my dd's,,,,, what if one dd wants pasta and one wants pizza,,,do I make 3 seperate meals????
I really dnt think the person who started this thread was looking for a debate,, nor do I wish to start one either,,,but we can only pass on advice that we know from experience,,,,,and if my experience is diff from another member or two,,,I dnt feel it should be slated or put across as though we are giving missleading advice ,,,, the great thing about this site is the difference in opinions,, some that we all can learn from,,, we all should remember this
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Many {{{hugs}}}
Many pp's have said it, but what worked for us (D started the pickiness first). She literally ate hot dogs for 6 months. Then completely non-chalant added some new things. Pieces or cheese, grapes, pasta etc. I said nothing if it was eaten or not. If I said anything if it was eaten, she'd regress and not touch anything new for a week.
We just celebrated that after 6 months of trying, E FINALLY ate an egg. Not in front of her mind you, but I know your frustration. You did not do this, but you can gently change it. Just remember to be relaxed or at least pretend to be relaxed. You being visibly upset confirms to them their power, and I know it's hard hiding it.
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Many {{{hugs}}}
We just celebrated that after 6 months of trying, E FINALLY ate an egg. Not in front of her mind you, but I know your frustration. You did not do this, but you can gently change it. Just remember to be relaxed or at least pretend to be relaxed. You being visibly upset confirms to them their power, and I know it's hard hiding it.
I liked that vicki...
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Totally thinking outside the box but could you try moving the meals around? If he defs eats cereal, could you try giving him the cheese sandwich for breakfast and cereal for lunch ??? ??? If it is that he eats well at breakfast because he is hungry then try a newish food then and he may eat it?
Maybe just offer one food alongside what he does like at dinner. Olly is fussy and at 22 months we have just tried for a laugh one evening - eat more peas and you can have more chicken - and he ate his peas!
Have you been watching house of tiny tearaways? They have lots of fun with food for those kids who have food aversions etc. Maybe could you try a picnic for lunch and just get him to play with/touch new foods? They also have rewards for eating well - not sure how that sits here in BW but seems to work there. A sticker and lots of smiles for when they do eat something new, or in fact as Anna says even if they touch it.
Do you think that he is scared of food? Or just not hungry? What is your gut instinct?
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I find Ds Will sometimes eat nothing for lunch or dinner and other days he Will eat loads. He Will go hungry if he doesn't want something but it doesnt bother him. I Will offer cereal before bed if he hasn'T eaten much and he Will often stuff in a big bowl so is obviously hungry. I also find he Will refuse food if he is trying to speed up the next part of the routine like his bath so i try to not mention what comes next. I do try to only offer things i am happy for him to eat so that he doesn't get used to eating rubbish. I try to cater meals for everyones tastes. In the same way i wouldn'T cook something dh didn't like i try to cook things everyone likes some component off. I do know kids who only eat junk because they have only been offered junk in place of balanced meals the 1st time they didn't want something. I find k Will eat more things if presented as dips rather than sauce mixed in. He Will also say he doesnt like it but if i offer to help him he Will eat it which i think is an attention thing since 7mo B was born but i figure it Will pass.
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"I am really upset with myself for making him picky."
Wow. Take a step back from this statement and think. Jars are basically canned food. If you'd fed him canned food since he was on solids and he'd eat nothing else would you feel bad with yourself? Home made food, even restricted home made food is good! You should feel really proud!
I don't know if what I do is 'right' but I offer main course, fruit and normally pudding but I make sugar free or low sugar puddings so I don't get that stressed about it if that's all he eats. Some days he eats all of his main, refuses his fruit and eats his pudding. Some days he refuses his main, some days he refuses his pudding!
I just think, take a step back. Does it matter if he only eats banana, cereal and a yoghurt? Probably not unless he's losing weight. He might eat something else tomorrow.
I don't know. Is it worth just letting him eat what he wants just for one day and not getting stressed if he doesn't want it? See how you feel about it? I know if I'm in the mood where I *want* him to eat something, he picks up on it and gets rebellious!
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I am sorry if anyone here felt that I was attempting to debate or that I was saying that other advice was poor. It was not at all what I was suggesting or the message that I was hoping to put forth in my first post.
Rather, I was hoping to give an alternative perspective than what had, to that point, been put forth, which also does happen to be the most common thing that moms-of-fussy-eaters hear (which is 'offer them the meal you make and don't make alternatives'). As I said it was not just the posters before me who were saying that, but that is also the most common and normal advice that is put forth in general, and I hoped that my attempt at not being critical of that would be seen, while also trying to offer a perspective from a mother who has been on this side of it and looked for an alternative approach to the usual advice. I certainly did not try to come down on anyone's advice but instead wanted give the perspective from a mother who is in the same shoes rather than as someone viewing it from the outside, and give some constructive ideas that might help.
Regarding the offering different types of food at different times, as per posts above: that is something that has also had some positive success here. I am not so sure that it actually got my DS to eat anything more or different, but it definitely helps with my own stress!! If I know my DS has eaten some meat and had something warm in him at lunch time, it is not so stressful for me that he eats that at dinner iyswim! I suppose it can also depend on your meal culture ... my family has a light meal in the mid-day (ie 12pm / lunch time) and a larger warm meal in the evening (5pm / dinner). When I started giving a hot meal to DS at lunch it meant that if he just chose bread and butter for dinner, I did not care quite as much as I did when I had given him a cold lunch. But as others suggested when he is truly hungry in the mornings he is sometimes a bit more open to the idea of new foods or things he might otherwise turn down later in the day.
I hope you are getting some ideas on how you want to approach things with your DS and that you can find some successes soon. My DS has repeatedly started asking for "eggs with a hole in the top! (soft boiled eggs! LOL!) although he has only one time ever dipped a piece of toast into it and taken a bite. He did say "hmmm...that tastes ok...." but then didn't take any more ::) And despite me making them for him a few times since then he has still to take another bite. But celebrating the small successes (privately, when DS is not around :) ) and seeing the good in the baby steps keeps my DH and I on the path we are on with slowly getting him to open his mind (and his mouth!!!!!!) to new foods!
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I think the no commenting advice is spot on. The other night ds tried to offer me his food and before I'd even chewed 3 times he was offering me more and I saw myself doing that to him and I could see it was off putting.
I think I might give what he would normally have for dinner (chicken balls/fish fingers etc) for lunch then serve him our dinner in the evenings with also a choice of some bread and maybe some cheese which isn't hard to prepare. Kind of a compromise.
Could I now ask advice on whether he should sit there while we all eat or let him get down when he asks? Generally he doesn't ask if he is eating but what should I do when he either eats one mouthful and asks or asks before his plate has even hit the table? I would like to encourage him to enjoy a family dinner. Like I say though he is pretty good if he has enough food he likes in front of him and is well behaved in restaurants
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Could I now ask advice on whether he should sit there while we all eat or let him get down when he asks? Generally he doesn't ask if he is eating but what should I do when he either eats one mouthful and asks or asks before his plate has even hit the table? I would like to encourage him to enjoy a family dinner. Like I say though he is pretty good if he has enough food he likes in front of him and is well behaved in restaurants
I don't think there is a right or wrong with this. But that whatever you decide works best for your family and stick to it. I grew up in a family where we all sat until the last one was done eating but my DH did not. As kids they were allowed to go when they were done eating and as adults they stand up and clear their plates but then return to the table and sit down again until everyone is done. I find it strange - but he finds the idea of my family sitting at the table with a dirty plate in front of you strange! So we did struggle a lot with DS and what to do, mainly because we felt we had to come to a compromise for our own family with what we felt worked iyswim.
So for us, as long as DS politely asks if he can be excused /done /leave then he can. We decided that mainly because there are nights when he goes to bed at 5pm due to dropping his last nap, and it means that he eats his own meal at about 4pm, long on his own...so the idea of setting a strict rule with it all did not work. A year ago at 2yo, A honestly don't remember what we were doing with that idea...though I suspect it involved spoon feeding/begging/bribing/threatening/crying/etc to get him to eat, so the leaving the table was irrelevant ::)
So for us we decided that we did agree that a family should sit together at the table until all are done, we also decided to fight only one battle at a time! I think you just have to think out the options and possible scenarios with your child and see what works. If we made my DS stay at the table it meant he shouted or wanted toys etc etc, and we chose to let him go from the table rather than deal with that. I realise it sounds like we are perhaps parents of a wild child with no manners, but it's not, I promise!! We just chose what was important to us and what we are willing to live with - I don't think there is a right or wrong.
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In general I have found kids who start to cut back on the variety of foods they eat continue to do so until they are eating only a handful of foods consistently and generally then do need to push in the opposite direction to start trying new foods again.
Shiv I think this is exactly where I'm at. Spinach pasta used to be ds favourite meal. He literally laughed out loud when he knew this was for dinner. For the last 3 or so months he won't even touch it. Same with a few other things too. I am gradually seeing his food repertoire get smaller and smaller. And while I don't want to cause a debate on this I do think that just offering this same limited number of foods all the time will mean he will only eat these and nothing else and this is what I want to change before he ends up only eating Cheerios! I have probably offered oven chips and peas with most meals in the last 3 months and he is still yet to try them so I can't even get to the trying a food 20 times for them to accept it stage!!
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I think a lot of this "battle" (can't think of a better word!) is about working out what approach will work for you as well as him - if only offering the foods he likes is going to have you worrying that he will never eat anything else, then you should be trying to encourage him with foods he won't eat as well. If, however, the stress of having him refuse to eat what you put in front of him completely is going to really stress you out then you should go with giving him the foods he will eat. Does that make sense? For me, I found it the least stressful if I looked at the week as a whole, rather than day by day, and felt that I had achieved a reasonable balance of her eating the foods that she liked and me offering her things that I expected her not to eat to keep the exposure going, yk?
As for staying at the table, I think that we have relatively strict rules about table manners in our house, but I don't expect them to sit at the table waiting for everyone else at this age - I remember that being really hard when I was little and everyone seemed to be taking forever to eat. Now that my girls are a bit older, I ask them to wait when we have guests but otherwise they are allowed to get down whenever they have asked nicely to do so.
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The other thing I had meant to mention was that if I was getting particularly stressed about food being refused, I simply took a couple of days off, gave what she would eat, forgave myself for it and then tried again. I remember distinctly the day D asked for the apples with her usual hot dog. At breakfast lol.
I also had way more success at breakfast than any other time of day. New foods are rarely tried at supper. They're just refused. If I have a supper dish I'd like to try, it gets served one day for lunch. It's a bit of a PITA, but dh is pretty picky too and won't try a lot of new things so I get to do food trials when he's at work and the girls aren't picking up on him.
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so I get to do food trials when he's at work and the girls aren't picking up on him.
I have actually gone to the extent of texting DH while we are both at home and telling him I am making X for supper and that he must take a small helping and pretend to like it! Otherwise he will make negative comments at the supper table!
Masyn is allowed to get down from the table when she is done, but she stays for the social time! Spencer is such a slow eater that we are all done and gone and I am finishing the dishes when she is finally finished eating. She seems to eat better when no one is at the table with her though.
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Honeybun...been there, done it. It is super stressfull and I have found it hard to chill out about but I just want to give you some encouragement. I decided to offer things DS likes (on a little compartment plate) and new things he hasn't tried. Don't replenish the things he likes just give him enough. DS went through weeks and weeks of almost exactly what you describe. He's now 22 months and around 6 weeks ago I gave him one of the meals he used to love (he had gone off all hot proper food) and I was expecting it to go in the bin after 20 mins..to my suprise he picked up the spoon and hate the whole thing :o. There was no rhyme or reason to why ??? He just did it and has continued to do it regularly, but still has off days when he will eat hardly anything. He was one of those babies I felt smug about :P eating all day and anything and everything then BAM!!! Take that Mother ::). He used to love cheese and then totally refused it for 5 months! 2 weeks ago he saw cheese on a pizza box and said 'Mammy Cheese!!!' I said 'Yeah whatever ::)' and gave him a very small piece of mature cheddar..he ate it and asked for more :o and has been asking every day since.
Honey these are just 2 examples of what can happen. Try not to stress, I know for sure they pick up on it very well. Leave him alone to eat and don' even comment! it just pee's them off ::). Even telling Sam 'Well done' could result in food on the floor for goodness sake :-X
One thing that has really helped me is to put Sam on Abidec multivitamin with Omega 3. I know that every day whatever is lacking in his diet he gets from just a few drops of Abidec. It ensures he is doing well developmentally and takes the pressure off.
BIG HUGS Honey.
Vicki.x.
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Oh yes, ditto the multivitamin. Takes so much pressure off of trying to find the nutritional content of chicken fingers ::)
More {{{hugs}}}
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LOL Vicki :D so true.x.
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Hello,
Just wanted to offer more <<hugs>> to you.
You've already received loads of brilliant advice but thought I'd add something I heard last month in a documentary about 'fussy' eaters which you might find re-assuring (I hope!)..
Apparently, it's perfectly natural for kids to go through a 'fussy eating' phase around about age 2-3. It's just that some kids have this phase more 'intensely' than others. This phase is, supposedly, evolutionary since this is the age where they become more independent and mobile and the chance of them finding and eating something poisonous (imagine 1000s of years ago...) is much greater. So kids naturally become more skeptical about food and this is to stop them eating poisonous things.
Not sure I've explained that particularly well, but I hope you get what I mean. Basically, fussy eating is a kind of natural safety mechanism.
Perhaps if you think of it like this (i.e. that this is just a natural phase, not your fault at all) and follow the great advice you've received above you'll find it less stressful and upsetting for you to deal with?
<<hugs>> again
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PS I see you're in the UK... ..the documentary I mentioned was called 'My child won't eat' and I just saw it's on again tomorrow night at 8pm on ITV2 if you're interested.
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PS I see you're in the UK... ..the documentary I mentioned was called 'My child won't eat' and I just saw it's on again tomorrow night at 8pm on ITV2 if you're interested.
Thanks - I've just reserved that on my tv! x
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I feel for you - been super stressed about my DD's eating too! But since she eats lost of fruit and veggies I've finally decided to let go a little. :D You've gotten so much great advice, I really just wanted to send ***HUGS*** since I know it's stressful and just add a few things that I think work for us. I tend to offer her what I know she will like for breakfast and lunch and then she usually has a big snack after nap so by supper she may or may not be that hungry. I'll give her what we're having but if she doesn't want it I just offer whatever fruit we have on hand and leave it at that. I try to keep in mind that at this age one good meal a day is good - and remember too that the nutritional balance doesn't need to be right on every day - i figure if it balances out over the week I'm doing good. ;) One more thing, could it be the timing? my dd is usually hungry between 4-5 - before I've even started dinner sometimes! I was stressing about giving snacks etc. but now I'm trying just giving her dinner on her own some nights when she gets hungry (yesterday's leftovers) and then she just snacks at the table for our dinner. i figure this is just a stage and she won't need this schedule forever...
about the snacks - can you make smoothie at home? dd loves frozen fruit, yogurt, and a bit of honey all blended up - even in the middle of winter. :)
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{{{Hugs for you}}}
My two LOVE chilli and kidney beans, I have a great recipe that I make from scratch so I can control the chilli input! If you want the link give me a shout.
I'd love a link! Ours is really fussy and dropped a centile from his chart. He is Dairy and soy free and this sounds free of both.
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Lots to read here. Fussy eater on our hands. I am probably the mum you guys quote, as the don't like, wait till next meal. i am worried about weight issues and I am trying to work out what is offending DS in the meals but so far no real clue. He ate a jar again today but not my food. So lunch was 5 tea spoons and then he decied he won't have any so off to bed we go. Dinner was whole jar, plus toast with hummus plus juice plus carrot cake biscuit and then evn vomitted slightly from over stuffing himself. The jar in question actually looks like good home cooked food and tastes good. But why not my food? The other day I left him with DH and he ate my food fine defrosted and re-heated. So maybe power struggle or maybe toddler phaze. I try not to worry but am asking for a dietician referral for DS and his restrictive diet.
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Have set that programme on the tv planner!
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FWIW I had 2 limited eaters at 2yo & now at 6 & 8yo, not so much, 6yo we are still getting there but it is happening.
A bit of history... 40 years ago diet would have been about 30 foods & parents would have given their children about 4 meals in rotation with seasonal veg & friut... now we expect our children to eat 300 & if they eat 30 we call them picky... they aren't... diet has changed & they still tend to prefer foods in season (rare to get these days with supermarkets etc).
It is also normal for toddlers to eat up to 80% of their food before their nap.
I have had a 5 foods on the plate rule for as long as I can remember, so 2-3 things that will definitely get eaten, 1-2 normally eaten & 1-2 new foods, they couldn't have seconds of a prefered food until 4 things were eaten/tasted. These days it is often 6-7 foods & they are expected to eat 4 or 5 depending on child/food . But when they were 2yo I'd often have say chicken, apple, bread, & 2 veg. With DS1 I think he had to be exposed to foods about 200 times before he was interested (most books say about 20) Oh & my 8yo will eat brussel sprouts & spinach, but won't eat carrots???
Also children's taste buds are a lot more sensitive, Something like 10 or more times more, so food does taste stronger, so they do like the same flavours... so keep to the basics if they fit the healthy mix... if they aren't bored don't change things up.
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The exposure thing makes a lot of sense but child sensitivity as well. I was a really fussy eater texture wise and my relationship with my parents had too much unnecessary tension because of those cajoling/punishing experiences to eat food or being told off for not eating. Equally at nursery I remember sneaking off to the kitchen to chuck all the food off my plate in the bin before the teacher could comment. And flushing it down the loonat home. It was not about control I think because I was terrified of being told off or punished but I hated many foods. Mum says that she perfected the art of porridge to make it just so. So what I recall is that any lumps in porridge meant vomit potential. Butter felt strange unless well spread. Mince was good but all other meats to hard/grisly/ dry. Mashed and fried poatatoes good, but most veges not, except beets. And so on. Eggs were another palava, soft boiled or fried but that's it. I am mentioning this here because these were mostly texture issues rather than food issues. But of cause I could not explain it then. And a 2 y.o. can't. So I think it is important to try and work out what it is that makes the child avoid the food. Annabel Carmel, the baby food guru became famous because she had a very fussy eating child. So it is not wrong in my book to try and work things out for the kid. It differs from those days where previously eaten food is rejected for no reason. not hungry? And there is a practical limit to what a mum can do. So I cannot personally do 5 foods on a plate but maybe going forward I will have to. We'll see. So at the moment I do what Shiv has suggested and for most part it works. I think my kid has an exposure issue as first he does not like it, but later he does. But if it was just particular thing that would make him wretch then of cause I would avoid it. FWIW what worked for me when I was a fussy then 7 y.o. was my nan's gentle approach, and yes, smiley faces on porridge, books or radio on, etc., lots of talking about my day, etc. so in the end a lot of attention. by 8 I was fine and am fine now.
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So I cannot personally do 5 foods on a plate but maybe going forward I will have to.
I don't think 5 foods is hard, as an example, my DS1 had rice, the chicken casserole that DH & I had (so chicken, onion & sauce = 3 things) rice & then he had brussel sprouts, pumpkin & cauliflower (7 total)... where as DS2 had rice, a chicken drumstick from the freezer re-heated, green beans, pumpkin & grated cheese. I will honestly throw in a slice of bread or grated cheese or even cut up fruit to make the plate up, it often isn't cooked food it is just a variety of different foods... generally from most of the food groups.
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We tend to do 5 foods on the plate most days too. A couple veg, some carb and some meat or fish then some dip or sauce etc. K Will often eat all of one thing but it isn't always the same thing so i figure he eats what he needs at the time. I also remember having some really strong reactions to foods i like now. Lumpy mash or custard, any fat on meat or skin on fish or chicken would have had me heaving and leaving the whole meal. I remember hiding peas in a house plant at my friend's house because she said her ma would make us clear the plate.
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Ok, so you count things inside the dish as different foods... So if pasta had 5 types of veg and say protein it would be 6 things? Or 1? That is why I was saying I can't do 5.
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I would yeah. You cant make 5 dishes!
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I don't do 5 dishes, no way, but I would also count everything in a pasta (spag bol is pasta & bolognaise = 3 things pasta/ tomato & meat) - they are the obvious things... but I would put cheese & lettuce & green beans on the plate too. BUT when my children were 2yo they had pasta as one bowl & the sauce on the side & I knew that it was unlikely the sauce would get eaten if it had anything obvious in it rather than meat & tomato. IMHO many children do better if they have their foods into seperate flavours, which is why I keep it simple they can mix their foods up if they choose but rather than put 5 veg in a pasta sauce I would keep it simple & just have the pasta, keep some meat aside (out of the sauce) if it wasn't bolgnaise & then put some veg on the side & then put a small spoonful of it the same as DH & I are having... so it could end up with 6 different parts of the food. So if they only ate the pasta & green beans that was ok, but there would be no more pasta unless 4 things were eaten & then it would be fruit for dessert, if the 4 things got eaten then it would be a more sugar laden dessert, depending what I had.
But I will be perfectly honest, with my 'selective eating' children (& myself as a child) 7yo has been the turning point to eating 'mixed' meals like casseroles & pasta dishes with multiple foods in them (still not there with the 6.5yo, but getting there) Before that we had much more success with food being single items, so a peice of of chicken, a potato, some green beans, some corn, some brussel sprouts, rather than a chicken casserole. The mixed food was always rejected when they were 2-4yo... which I think comes down to the greater sensitivity of taste buds, a piece of broccoli could overpower the dish for them so the whole dish would be rejected.
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Just a bit of an update for all you girls that have really supported me on this:
I took on board that DS is probably hungry in the morning due to little or no dinner. So now in the morning before we go downstairs for breakfast I bring up his water and a small bowl of fruit to have while I give DD her bottle. This week he has eaten a whole banana, a whole apple and a pot of grapes this way. This makes me happy he has had 1 of the 5 a day before the day has really started.
I have then tried to get as many calories in him by lunchtime as I can. So after breakfast (which is often cereal then yoghurt and then toast or a crumpet with jam or peanut butter) I offered a snack at mid morning then lunch from his favourite lunch bag from about 11.30. So lunch has been really him looking in his bag and choosing what he wants and eating from this until about 1.00. This has been easy for me this week as we have been out and about and taking a range of foods to cover me as opposed to me just serving up a set sandwich and fruit at home and not giving him much choice in the matter. This has made me calmer and I have liked that he chose what he wanted which did include some sandwich and always fruit. So I think I will do this when we are just at home too.
This way he has had at least 3 and sometimes 5 of the 5 a day by lunch (admittedly though from fruit not veggies).
WHen he has woken from his afternoon nap I have offered a drink and maybe a piece of cheese. SOmething just to keep him going. But by this stage I know that even if he refuses all dinner he has had enough to eat in the day.
Dinner has been hit and miss but I have only offered what we have had as a family and not a seperate meal. He has only eaten the bits of the meal he knows (eg the yorkshire pudding and the cocktail sausages from a roast dinner/the garlic bread from the pasta dinner) but he hasn't cried about other things on his plate and I was calmer at dinner too.
One thing I did try last night is give him the salad in the form of a smiley face on his plate (he never eats salad!). Cucumber rounds for eyes, lettuce for hair etc. I then asked him as a game to show me where the eyes were and to pick them up and give them to mummy. I then told him what the food was called as he loves to learn new words at the moment. He didn't eat any of the new stuff but at least he showed an interest in it and touched it all. I think I will try this for a week and then progress onto seeing if he will lick the foods. I will also try to do the same foods next week as I have this week so they are all a little familiar.
A bit of success - he has been off eating grapes (a past favourite) for about a month but last night I made the mouth out of grapes. When I asked him to pass me one he picked one up and just put it in his mouth!!!! So maybe there is hope. Will see how we go in the next week.
Those of you in the UK, did you see the programme My CHild Won't Eat tonight? The toddler who would only eat yoghurt reminded me of my situation but I didn't find it explained how he came to try these things at nursery if all he was given to eat were his favourite foods? DS does go to a childminder 2 days a week and I have tried with giving him the same foods for lunch as his best friend there but no joy :-(
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Well that really sounds promising :) And what's really sounding good is that YOU sound positive about it too :D
It will come. We're still working on E also so you're definitely not alone.
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Great update! and best thing is you sound calmer and more hopeful! He will pick up on it. What kind of kid in BW Types is your DS? I am thinking of it as a clue for eating.
I think it is so personal and so deepends on a child and a parent and their lifestyle. See, I never make any sandwiches and always make soups, pastas, risottos, caseroles, etc. so splitting that into separate foods would be too bothersome for me. also nursery would not do separate food items except at dinner and I find my kids always eat better if things are in a warm sauce, so often it is the dinner that is not eaten. I did a buffet once last weekend on a whim to use all the fridge food in mini dishes and overall it worked but DS tried only a few things. he ate the hard boiled egg with mayo in a shape of a mouse and some bread and corn. Stil egg and corn were new foods! Clearly I won't be doing that much effort every day. But it is great that it worked that time and that it works for others. I can always add the corn on a side as otehrs have suggested. However I did Find that in my case exposure is key. Say a week ago he refused corn. Then I mashed it so to remove all the husks from corn kernels and put it into risotto. He did not eat much of it. Then when I was away he ate it with DH. Next thing I know he wants to eat the cooked kernels and eats all of them but does not touch the other stuff on his plate. So i figure it will come. Last 2 weeks he did not eat much noodles at home or nursery and fish was tricky. Today he ate tuna noodles there. Go figure! Equally mash potatoes, spaggetti, pasta, noodles can all be rejected at home. Some days he rejected even bananas and dry fruit. Since I can't pick a pattern I think it is either the exposure to new or the change in appetitie due to some bugs, energy levels, feeling sleepy, starting nursery full time, who knows. looking at DD I know that kids go through fads, change of tastes, not eating foods if it has offensive item in it (e.g. It has a hint of green because of parsley), not eating food if one of the items looks weird (steamed bits of spinach) and so on. These days DD eats pretty much most things. However it took about a year to accept broccoli, maybe half a year for pumpkin, and she will still pick out spinach. It seems to me that picky eating maybe in the family. I guess it means they will be good cooks one day. Pity that it means Some of my cooking goes to the bin, but oh well. Speaking of Ellyn Satter, I found a reference to her in Raising Your Spirited Child chapter on fussy eating. A great resource book for many of my struggles.
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Great update!
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He was a textbook child. Developmentally everything bang on time. You could (and still can) set your watch by his nap times. Don't think that matches his eating now! DD is 100% spirited and is already eating like a horse at 5 months!
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Annabelp - so pleased to hear you sounding more positive about things :) Hope things continue to improve for you.
It was a couple of months since I watched that documentary but I think the impression I got was that one of the (possible) reasons why that toddler ate more at nursery was that there was less pressure than at home - I think there was less coaxing and he was left to it a bit more. I might be wrong though..
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peer pressure plays a big big part in why children eat at nursery, they see what others are doing & so they do the same, it is as much about if every one thinks it is ok then it should be & also that the routine there is the routine.
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Also there is not much else to do at meal times, since no one really pays that much attention if the child spreads his sauce on a table and chucks his spoon out. I read somewhere that you put the food and eat your own not looking at the plate of your kid and he may decide to eat just out of curiosity. Equally they get more tired at nursery. Ours seems to be trying new things but appetite is sporadic. Still, part of being a toddler I guess.
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For me the 5 things would be all the componets so if it were spag bol for example....the pasta would be 1, bolonese sauce 2, garlic bread 3, grated cheese 4, some type of veg 5.....but I wouldn't count the sauce which has tomato, mince, onion, carrot as 4 things IYSWIM?
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Thanks for the clarification! Have to say the more I care the less it goes, so decided to make less effort (counterintuitive, I know). Today I gave him pasta, corn, hard boiled egg with mayo, cucumber wedges and some pack choi all separately. DH was feeding him. he had a go at 1/4 egg, 2 baby spoons of pasta decided he liked to take his corn himself, nibbled on cucumber, made a great mess, refused all spoons, and finished off by chucking pretty much everything on a floor. Then we had desert and I gave him 2 figs all eaten and 1/2 of 1 dairy free biscuit. But at lunch he ate lots of pita bread with hummus and felafels and 1/2 of dairy free biscuit. So maybe he was full by dinner? Having to adjust for # of portions of fish a week, no dairy, no soy, no seafood and trying not to overdo lentils but still being mostly vegetarian is hard. Bring on the jars for the meat eaters, I say!
Annabel, your DS is proabbly still a 'textbook' child! Toddlers do go through phases and these are described in 'Textbooks'. How old is he? How are things going now? So many things can affect their appetite. My moan above is just an example, but I think my Misha is younger. I am sure your DS appetite will return soon!
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Also it is important to note what they eat over a day & a week, they don't have the same appetite each meal or even each day & realisitically the size of the stomach, should be the size of a person's fist, so when you look at what htey eat really for a 2yo a 1/2cup of food is a BIG meal.
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Thank you all! I really taken this idea of looking over a day or few days rather than focussing on each meal. Makes things seem better.