BabyWhispererForums.com
SLEEP => Sleeping For Toddlers => Topic started by: Edesanja on January 20, 2015, 01:00:44 am
-
It's been a while since we did sleep training of any sort (plus have never had to sleep train a toddler!), so I need some extra eyes here.
DS2 has just turned 2.5 but is developmentally a wee bit younger. We adopted him nearly 4 months ago.
Our problem is having to be in the room with him any time he's not asleep. He's never in his life slept alone so he is doing fabulously to be doing the sleeping part alone - it's the times when he's in bed and not asleep that we're struggling with.
Initially he would go to sleep amazingly well - like within 5 mins! And it was great. He needed us to be in the room with him, but that was ok since it wasn't long. He used to cry in his sleep a bit and wake up in the night from time to time.
Now he sleeps through the night fine, but it's taking longer for him to go to sleep at night. He's mucking around, fussing and crying and wanting us to sit closer to him (or be touching him). A month ago we were almost in the hall way (he would peep around the side of the bed (cot with side off) to see us, then lie down and go to sleep) but we've moved closer as he's wanted it and are now trying to hold our ground at least.
This week we introduced a light on a timer which comes on a bit before 7. When he wakes we go in there and he has to wait quietly until the light comes on. He can do it, but again, we have to be there.
His day is
W 6.20 -6.40
Nap 12.30-2.00
Bedtime 7.00 but lately he's not falling asleep till 7.35+
I have recently cut the nap to 90 mins (he used to do 1hr45-2hrs), but it hasn't helped him go to sleep earlier. Instead he's clearly tired but still holding out because we're not in the place he wants us.
He has great attachment to us, but of course we want to be very careful with how we handle this. On one hand, we just want him to feel secure, but we feel like we're moving backwards which isn't good.
Nap time he has always gone to sleep very quickly and often I have been able to kiss him and walk out. Today he put up a huge performance for 45mins. I hugged him when he wanted one, but returned to my spot and eventually he was quiet, sucked his thumb and was asleep in 6 seconds.
I think I need to tackle one thing at once and just work on getting him to sleep without moving closing to him and eventually edging myself out of the room. Then work on staying in bed in the morning? Should I sit in the same spot in the morning, or do that as a whole separate issue later? I don't mind the screaming and carrying on at night, but in the morning I don't want him to wake up the other two.
We have considered putting DS1 in with him so he has company, but logistically not sure how that will work. DS1 goes to bed at 7pm and reads till about 7.20-7.30 and wakes between 6.30-6.45. So not too far apart, but it won't work to have DS1 reading and being in the same room. Having him read elsewhere defeats the purpose, and if he doesn't read he's going to clown about in bed and that won't be conclusive to DS2 going to sleep!
Sorry for the random outpouring of info. Any ideas?
-
Please help! He woke up a bunch of times in the night - wide awake, at one stage demanded where he wanted me to sit (I didn't), and just generally wanting to make sure I'm there, but not because he NEEDS me there IYKWIM. It's different from any other NWs he's ever had where he's super sleepy - he's wide awake and listening for my every move (though it still only takes about 10 mins for him to go to sleep). I feel like it's a control / testing situation and I know I need to be consistent, but I need help figuring out if what I'm being consistent WITH is the right thing. I hate creeping out when he's asleep and then him waking and calling out and it starting all over again.
He's clearly tired, and still testing me today - definitely not my usual sweet and lovely boy!
(will put Tues here again)
Tuesday
WU 635
Get up 700
In bed 1235
Nap 1330-1355
In bed 1915
Asleep 2035
Wednesday was:
W 715 (yay!)
Nap 1245-1345 (so didn't fuss for the nap, but then only slept an hour)
Bed 1900
Asleep 2010
NW 0015
NW 0030
NW 130
NW 415
NW430
Thurs
WU 655
Any comments, ideas/ Please??!!
-
Obviously I have no experience of adoption, but...what if you just stayed with him, for now? We spent a whole year snuggling with DS at bedtime (kinda happened by accident, but hey) and looking back I wouldn't have been without that for the world.
Yes, independent sleep is important but so too is just being together. DS still comes in and gives us the best snuggles in the morning, and went back to IS from age 3.5ish.
-
Thanks MJ&N. You are right, there is no real hurry to leave him alone as he goes to sleep (and we've been doing that without worrying about it for nearly 4 months) - it's now these past few days that it's gone past that, and I can see that it's not healthy for any of us. He's wanting to call the shots for everything today and got a lot of attitude about it.
And what happens when he wakes in the middle of the night and we aren't lying next to him? This is why I was happy doing what awe were doing before, but I don't want to take the steps backwards.
-
Can you explain that you need sleep too, and will stay with him til he falls asleep and then will come to him if he calls? I don't know how his receptive language is :-/
If its any comfort, this could be developmental as much as anything else. My DS went through a phase like this when he was two and he's not adopted, so its possible its just that the age of fear has hit and he's genuinely scared. L had a lot of 'scary' dreams in that phase...
-
thanks Bec
Yes I suspect it is developmental. When I compare him to DS1 at the same age (easy to do since we went on a memorable trip when he was this age) DS2 seems much younger and I'm not sure when developmental leaps will occur (he was prem as well as institutionalised so harder to tell if it is since they probably won't line up like with my other two (who have them like clockwork starting about a week before their birthday and half birthdays)).
DS2 seems developmentally more like my nephew who turns 2 in 2 weeks time. I don't think he would get it if I tried reasoning with him but maybe if we go over again where mama will be sitting, where mama and dad sleep etc that will help a bit. He doesn't SEEM scared. Just on guard to check whether we're there or not.
I guess we can only ride it out then.
-
Maybe just checking you're really still there? I'm guessing it's not been an easy 2 years for him.
-
If I was him, I would sure as heck be checking you were still there! He's probably still got a lot of memories of not being able to depend on adults.
So I would probably stay with him, but each time before bed go over what you will do, where you will be in the night, where your other kids will be (in their own beds, read: big boy and girl) and give him a comfort object/nightlight.
Would that work, do you think?
-
Hey Hun, I do think some of this backwards behaviour could well be developmental. Even T who is very independent has been needing us to 'be with him' before Bt for s bit cuddling etc.
where is L at with his 2 yr molars, they certainly have caused havoc with sleep here too.
Lots of hugs. I'm not sure how I would handle the GW, I'm a bit of sook, but fwiw I think it sounds like he loves you so much already and your doing everything you can at such a developmentally tough time.
Random thought, but would your other son and him sleep well in the same room?
-
He was looked after well in the orphanage, but yes will still need reassuring we aren't going anywhere.
each time before bed go over what you will do, where you will be in the night, where your other kids will be (in their own beds, read: big boy and girl) and give him a comfort object/nightlight.
That's a good idea.
Sara, reading your thread made me feel so much better. If this is developmental, I can definitely ride it out. I suddenly panicked though!
Last night he was back to taking *only* half an hour to go to sleep and woke at 6.40am with only one wee waking where he was mostly asleep (not this wide awake with plenty of opinions rubbish!).
-
ps we put DS1 in with DS2 on Wednesday night and it didn't make any difference (I think he was monkeying about crying and fussing until 8.35pm that night despite DH being in the room too - DS1 slept through it!)- it's DH and I that he wanted. Had he been in a better frame of mind it might have. Might try again once he's settled down a bit again
-
I agree with the others that it could well be developmental. Perhaps ride it out for a couple of weeks and then if it doesn't get any better it might be worth another routine tweak. It looks pretty good for the moment, but perhaps another small change could make a difference.totally agree that it may just be worth staying with him for a bit longer though :)
-
It's funny because T has never ever been clingy and were doing GW for the first time since he was a baby in pain! - WI/WO just didn't work. DH basically has to go out then is called in, he sits with T until T is ok to go back in his cot on his own to sleep. Were down to 5 mins but it was 20 a week to so ago. I have no idea if this will continue to improve or not, but we have the first molar cutting finally so my guess is some of this is teeth, some is developmental.
I know your situation is different jenny but I do think IIWM I'd probably be doing everything your doing too. One thing, do you talk to him during the day about sleeping etc. we try to talk to T about sleeping in his bed, that we will always come if he needs us, that he is safe in his room etc to help minimise fears and anxieties.
If it's not one thing it's another aye ::) :-*
-
A month on, and we have him going to sleep on his own! (well for the past 3 days anyway - night and nap). We have to keep going back to check on him (and frequently for the first 5 mins), but then he settles down and goes to sleep! Yippee! So it's taking up to 20 mins for him to get to sleep now. Much better than the 35-60 mins that he'd been doing for ages! (We could tell GW wasn't going to work to get us out of the room. DH always had luck with nipping off to do a job or two, but he had me a prisoner sitting at his door.)
-
Well done :D it's quite normal for them to take 15-20 mins to nod off even on their own so sounds like he is relaxed and ready to sleep.
Toms sleeping on his own again but having a lovely whinge before he nods off sometimes ::) I swear it's all stupid teeth!
-
awesome news Jenny! I missed this post first time around - I am glad to hear it went well :)
-
Fantastic!!