BabyWhispererForums.com
EAT => Eating For Toddlers => Topic started by: *Liz* on September 18, 2009, 16:20:42 pm
-
Jacob has always been the most dreadful eater - he was hard to wean due to reflux and has always had quite a small range of foods. I still make new things and try new things but he rarely accepts anything.
He used to eat a mixture of mashed food and finger foods, but this week he has started refusing all spoons apart from wheetabix or yoghurt. Seems to have come out of nowhere, and is refusing all his favourites. I've tried lumpy and softer in case his gums are hurting but it has made no difference.
So his range of foods has just halfed and I am really struggling with protein and vegetables. He has always refused to eat plain steamed veggies, and has always been funny about things that he can squash in his hands. He will squash and fling rather than eat.
So all he has eaten all week is
Wheetabix/ cheerios/ shreddies
Toast or Raisin Bread
Mini sandwiches with cream cheese (and one with ham but I think that was an accident ::) usually he removes the ham and eats the bread)
Cheese scones
Crackers
Banana
Raisins
Yoghurt
Potato wedges or smiley faces
That is it :o. It is just dreadful. I am just so upset. I know a lot of children go through this phase but he was very limited anyway, so this is just dreadful. I mean - no meat or veggies at all :'(.
He doesn't drink much milk either - usually 6oz am and 8oz pm. He only has the 2 bottles now, and TBH it is often a lot less than that. He has water with his meals and juice at snack time - but only has about 2-3oz of each in a day. So I don't think he is filling up on liquids.
Ugh.
Help!!
-
Liz we went through this at one, and it faded away for a while only to have returned. It's a nightmare isn't it? I have done and tried so many different things, some with different amounts of success. (My DS is also a 'squisher' ::)
A couple of things that have worked for us over the past few months (cheating because I am pasting them from another thread where I have posted this!):
--
I praise and cheer and clap when DS puts something in his mouth that he has never tried or previously rejected. Don't care if he takes it out or not, it's that he tried it that I tell him was good. And he gets a big thanks if he hands it to me rather than throw it!
Another thing that has been working REALLY well is taking the food that he likes and really wants (usually bread) and offer him a small piece, but tell him that he has to eat something else first to get it. So I may have a tiny piece (one bite) of bread in my hand, and a spoon of his meal (say a bite of meat or pasta) and show him the bread, and then say "Ah ah, you have to eat this one first!" and he opens his mouth wide and takes it and then grabs that piece of bread as fast as he can. After a few bites he just opens his mouth for the meal part and takes it without being told, but still grabs his bread. Tonight, he saw a piece of bread on the table within reach, picked it up, went to put it in his mouth but stopped and turned to me with his mouth open for his pasta before he ate the bread! We have done many meals this way! I'm not sure if it's "right" or not, but we never force him, never make him eat, the choice is always his and I justify it as an early start at teaching him a balanced meal - you can't just eat all bread all day every day, you gotta eat some other stuff too!
A word of warning though - this only happened once, but!
A few days ago he was so proud of himself using his spoon, putting his dinner in his own mouth (me helping hold the spoon and guide him) and then clapping after every bite, that he just kept taking bite after bite after bite. Clapping, cheering, oh so proud of himself. Then stopped, looked very serious, looked at me, then at DH, then at me, and reached into his mouth and pulled it aaaaaaaaallllllllll out! Had been stocking it up in there the whole time! Hahah!! Little stinker!!!
--
We don't have milk problems but we do have huge meat problems. When he does eat meat, it's either salami or sausage. Both of which I was totally against even letting him TRY until we moved to Germany. Now, I'm actually thrilled if he eats 1/2 a sausage once a week because at least there is some form of meat in it.
I have found that it really is a control thing in a lot of ways with DS. Today I gave him a tuna sandwich for lunch and he was SO ANGRY that he threw the rest of his lunch on the floor - including the bits that he liked and was happily enjoying before he tasted the tuna. So, I got him out of his chair, sent him off to play, and the grand total of his lunch was four peas. Thought he would make up for it at dinner, but he wasn't happy with dinner either, had a lick of salami, squeezed some potato wedges, threw a cupful of peas and chugged a sippy of water. I got him out of his chair and sent him off to play. Generally the way this works is that I could offer him anything in the world for breakfast tomorrow and he'll be so hungry he'll eat it all. We go through this every few days. I try not to get angry at the throwing food and try not to react, some days it's harder than others....
((Hugs))
-
Ugh - sorry your DS is being a bit of a pest as well. I've actually got very good at the 'not reacting thing' over the last few months. I think you get to the point where you honestly don't care what they do with it - or even if you do - there are just no suprises left.
J is taking one spoonful of his dinner, eating it, and then just shaking his head and refusing to have anymore. Defiant bugger has learnt how to say No!!
LOL about the hamster mouth of food. J does that sometimes. I'm telling myself it is just when he has overfilled - but that might be an optimistic slant.
I'm not sure if j will go for the bread trick but I will def try it. If he gets really cross with me for not giving me what I want he just throws his head back and SCREAMS at me. Not crying - just screaming at the top of his lungs ::).
It is that flippin' bread here as well ::).
((hugs)) to you too :-*
-
watched a program with picky eaters...
they got the toddler to feed you the foods...so put fruits meats veggies on tray and if they pick it up take a bite and make it a game..dont try and feed them any...it may take a while but soon they start putting it to their mouths and may too take a bite!...after a few days of no pressure you let them feed you a bit then you say your turn and feed them a bit!
Also my LO is only 7.5 months and I wanted lumpy food introduced early on so she didnt reject it too much so used a tip to paste food like veggies on toast soldiers and let them pick them up and suck them...dont give them plain toast with it just the toast they love to eat with some yummy veg or meat spead ontop...you can also use the toast as a spoon to spoon food in!
or another tip was put a bowl of food for example tuna pasta and just let them put their hands in the bowl and explore and play with it...eventually they start experimenting with eating it!!
also I have had huge success with adding ellas kitchen pureed fruit into her milk ...did this to get her to accept milk in sippy and she now has plain milk!!...the peaches and banana is her favourite...she absolutely loved it...she went from not wanting any milk or fruit to loving the stuff...could work for you to get fruit in him!! its so smooth its like a drink...you can also let him drink it straight from the pouches for a bit of fun!! the veg ones are brill too...if she refuses to eat veg I put it in a little cup and let her sip it from beaker like a soup...she loves this!!!
HTH!!
Annette.xx
-
How old were the children in the program?
I see the feeding team with J due to food aversion during weaning as a result of reflux and they always want lots of food play. Trust me - J does PLENTY of that!! But even after having soft fruits on his tray for months he still doesn't eat any of them.
He will wait for toast. I've tried to spread thing, and he will fling it on the floor if he doesn't like the topping. He wants pure toast.
And I always let J feed me and never try and put finger foods in his mouth. I genuinely do not do this. I just leave him too it.
I don't know - it is kind of more worrying that I do 'all the right things' but it doesn't help.
Oh and shop brough puree - forget it. He HATES it. Has always refused it. I think he finds the fruit too sweet and rejects the texture of the veggies but I obviously can't be sure.
I am having some success with drinking fruit smoothie out of a straw, so hopefully that will help the fruit issue.
Sigh. He really is an opinionated tricky little man. I guess that is spirited for you ::) ::).
-
He will wait for toast. I've tried to spread thing, and he will fling it on the floor if he doesn't like the topping. He wants pure toast.
Yep. Same. Makes me wonder who taught this little guy that he was allowed an opinion at this age. :-\
-
I have a picky eater on my hands too pffff. She wasn't picky at all until she turned 1. From that day onwards she started refusing all her favourites and non favourites too. She used to polish everything. And she used to eat a mini portion of whatever we were eating.
Now her favourite is pasta (and not any kind of pasta mind you...just farfalle and penne~sigh~). So veggies, fish, chicken and what not goes into the pasta sauce, and she'll have it that way. She likes couscous too, so I try to hide food in it too. In the meantime I still keep trying to offer the food she doesn't want overtly too. She likes fish cakes and fish fingers, pitta bread with hoummous, cheese, sandwiches, chips, that's pretty much it. The only fruit she'll have are berries and I halve them, dip them into yogurt and stuff it into her mouth while she's watching tv. I'm getting tired just by writing about it. Milk is not an issue. She'd have milk all the time if she could. However we do milk with meals and I think that helps. if she doesn't finish her milk with meals she gets to finish it with her snack. Water at any other time. Nothing else except for some orange juice occasionally eg at a picnic.
About a month ago I was letting her feed me, and she opens her mouth so that I open mine. And I tried to give her a small piece of fish that I was eating and she had it. And she went 'mmmm, yam yam!'. She had quite a bit of it. And the following day....back to being a pain in the food department.
-
hes still eating tho so thats the main thing!!...its so hard not to panic isnt it but they just get it in their own time!!
the bubs on the program ranged from 1 to about 3 I think...some had major issues that took a while to resolve (way more problems as not eating at all!!!! just yogurts all day for one kid!!!) I think the psychologists thoughts were as long as they are eating a few different foods it was normal and eventually they one day just do it!!...
have you ever tried the ellas kitchen brocolli pear and pea pouch...its amazing! its sweet enough so not yucky brocolli tasting but the veg takes edge off sweetness so babies love it!!...you could try using it as a little squirt into his mouth straight from pouch tube...something totally new and fun for him...you never know!!
my LO hates all veg and savouries apart from ellas kitchen...they have no texture just look like a smoothie...
she also has reflux and everytime she is sick after eating solid lumpier food she starts getting really angry with it so I just dont give it for a few days!!!
sounds like you are well in control of it tho and honestly even tho it feels like it I dont think its a major problem seems quite normal and as long as hes happy and not just eating yogurts then its A ok!!!!!!!!!
You seem like such a wonderful mummy...thats all he needs!
Annette.xx
-
Thanks Annette - but with J being that bit older I think I will need a bit of a different slant.
He has never taken stage 1 foods - with his reflux he actually prefers thicker/ solid food. He was eating mashed food at 6 mths and has always rejected proper puree.
I think this is all about him expressing a preference and trying to exert control over things. It isn't that he can't eat - it is that he WANTS bread and if he can't have it he just won't bother.
Broccoli, pear and pea sounds just yuck! I did once try pear and carrot when he was young and he HATED it. Would eat either seperately but doesn't do sweet/ savoury. Actually he is quite happy with strong savoury flavours. Eats beef casserole etc (or used to before this started ::))
I guess all I can do is offer a balanced meal and leave him too it.
I worry as I am always in trouble off the HV and hospital for poor weight gain. J is tiny - 0.4th centile - often loses. I haven't weighed him in 2 months as I just can't face it anymore, but my mum has had to put some tighter elastic in his 6-9 mth trousers to stop them falling down ::). He'll be like a beanpole when he starts walking. There is no fat on him anyway - no baby chubbiness left at all.
The thing is the only thing he is eating is yoghurts and bread, a few raisins and banana chunks.
All I can do is keep offering :).
-
Hugzz to you all. I would dread when this happens to DS!!! I know it will happen and I'm trying to be prepared.
Hey Mashi, was your DS a good eater before this phase?
SIL told me that her DS is also picky and he's 4.5yo. He would eat only beans one night but no rice, and then only rice but no beans the next. Completely random and she's very frustrated.
Have you tried starving them? :P I know it's hard to do. I keep saying it's just one big detective mystery unfolding every page everyday!!
-
I only offer food at his mealtimes - but I do always offer something that he will eat at every meal. Otherwise all he will do is hold out of bigger bottles of milk later.
I do put things he often doesn't eat on his tray when he is hungry and I am still making his meal. Sometimes that helps and he eats some of it before he gets his proper meal. Other times he sits there are screams pointing at the bread bin/ toaster or fridge.
And I only make him one meal - it is up to him of he eats it or not. But I do make sure there is something I know he will eat.
Charmie - I'm hoping I can get him to eat pasta. At least you can put some nice things in the sauce. And I guess that is the thing really - it IS tiring. DH watched DS this weekend as I had to work, and said how much he had enjoyed spending time with him, apart from mealtimes, which were just so infuriating.
-
koe2moe, before about 10/11 months or so, my DS ate anything and everything. world's greatest eater. sigh.
Liz, a few things pop into mind, but before I start waffling offf, need to give you some hugs. ((((((( :-*)))))))))) Pooh to your HV, it's not her role to be stern with you on J's weight gain. Does she realise that you are a doctor and not someone who doesn't have a CLUE? >:( I mean, save the lectures for someone who is not concerned about their LO's weight gain, IMO.
We did also go through the weight gain problems - DS was born on the 2nd centile and when we got him onto hypoallergenic formula he manged to work his way up to the 12th at one point. So subsequent dropping to the 4th, 2nd, and so on was met quite sternly. He's never had any baby fat, never at all. One of the nurses at the hospital once said to me, "Ohh I love the little chubby wrists that babies have..." and then looked :o when she looked at his wrists and not a trace of any sort of fat at all. This was when he was about 6.5 months - no baby fat. At his 11 month appt with the paed GI who was managing his milk allergy, he told me that at this age he stopped being overly concerned about weight gain/loss, unless it seemed to be causing him other problems or if the weight loss was caused by a "medical problem" rather than an eating issue. He said that the best way of judging overall health in a one year old is on activity level - is he active, is he happy, are his eyes bright and skin clear, and are his ribs NOT poking out of the skin on his chest (we barely passed that one, to be honest :-\ ) If he's active and happy, then he's eating enough, let him be. It was hard to swallow (pun intended :P ) but I've just had to live with it and get on with it.
DS also holds out for anything bready. Will attempt to climb up on the kitchen counter to look for bread, throws himself down on the floor flailing arms and legs if he doesn't get it. Sits in his highchair and points and screeeeeeeeeeches this high pitched whiney screech to get it. This is where we have started the "ahh ahhh you can't have the bread unless you take a bite of this one..." but many many many a meal have been nothing but bread.
We have only JUST gotten him to eat pasta the past couple of weeks. And it's limited, he will do a few bites and that's it. Again, I just cheer and praise, clap hands, tell him to clap his hands, and so on when he does eat it. Rice.....maybe twice have I managed? Meat is near impossible, in any form. Fruit we have no problems with, but veggies are also extremely limited. So, we have bread, cheerios, apples, kiwi, oranges, bananas, pears, blueberries, raisins and teething biscuits. I think that's about it most weeks. I am trying to introduce all different kinds of bread so that at least he is still getting variety - fortunately in Germany different types of bread is not a problem - light rye, dark rye, black bread, oat bread, etc etc etc. Some he likes, others he throws.
I agree with you that it is a control issue, Liz. I want what I want what I want. And that's it. You can't make me (but go on and try it, and then see how much you like cleaning the kitchen floor!) I try soooooooooo hard to not let it get me down but there are some nights at dinner when I end up sobbing at the table. :-\
The only other thing I can blame it on is teeth. ???
More hugs Liz. If I come up with anything else that gets us ahead a bit here, I'll let you know.
-
Thanks Mash - our situations seem so very similar. I think it might be one of the downsides of the spirited lo!!
He is bright (I think :P) and just knows what he wants. Hilarious at my parents house this morning. After a bad eating day yesterday he was just starving today. Breakfast is his favourite meal - most likely because I allow toast ;). I took him to my mum early as he was whining and I knew he needed an early breakfast. I did give him a dried apple ring to eat in the car - and he had a few bites. He was mooching around the kitchen for a few and then crawled off down the corridor screeching and yelling. Wanted Grandpop who he had heard coming down the stairs. Wanted him as he knew he would be about to have breakfast. My Dad picked him up and he pointed to the cupboard with shreddies in and the toster. Went nuts when put back on the floor ::) and tried to climb up Dads leg to get to the worksurface. Only when he got on my Dads knee with his little hand in the bowl of shreddies was he happy. I tried to give him some banana - flung it. Then ate a whole slice of fruit toast. He KNOWS what he wants!!
Different breads is a good suggestion. I guess we are just both stuck with endless rounds of sandwiches for now.
My HV knows my background - but I think she just goes on autopilot. Something like bla bla bla bla bla. Protein bla, veggies bla bla, more calories etc. And she always finishes it with saying 'but of course you know all that'. Grrrr. Interesting what your GI paed says. Mine is a little concerned about the centile slipping - but does say there is nothing seriously wrong. Which I know. He is just a stubborn little man who is slowly outgrowing MPI and reflux. J has the rib cage thing as well TBH - you can clearly see them as he is crawling along.
(((hugs))) Mashi. If I find a way out of this I will let you know as well.
:-* :-*
-
Was sitting here brainstorming other ideas, so was happy to see your post. I really DO think our boys are similar (always bumping into you on posts, must be more than coincidence!)
For us, I think that the MSPI had a lot to do with it. From about 9ish months when he was REALLY aware of food and wanting to try new things, a bite of mommy's etc, he couldn't. Learned to then say no to other things because I wouldn't let him try mine. I then lost a lot of weight because I tried to only eat things that HE could eat when I was eating in front of him, or stuff a biscuit in my mouth quickly behind his back :-X
But, cause is not the concern right now, solutions are!!
Fat boosting ideas.... I am not sure what point you are at in your milk introduction? But, have you tried Philadephia cream cheese? Fatty, mild taste, goes over well with LOs. I smear it on anything and DS will at least try it. Often only to lick the cream cheese off, but he manages to get crumbs of the offending item down I suspect. :P I mix the tiniest bits of cooked salmon in it and one out of four times he'll eat it. We go through a tub of it every 3 days I suspect. I fry his food in olive oil - the ONLY way I can get him to eat meat is the famous sausage recipe, so I fry those in olive oil for extra fat. Other fatty things he likes are muffins - not english muffins that you have at breakfast but muffin-muffins, liked baked cakey ones. I do up some healthy banana ones and justify the sugar in them with the fact that there are also eggs in there ::) And again, although it's bready and so he likes it, it's swaying him away from sliced bread and encouraging new things.
I've started making rice pudding - again, not that he NEEDS the extra carbs from the rice, but aiming to slowly cut down the milk in it so it is rice-ier and get him into rice. I often mix tiny bits of veg in it and he doesn't notice the odd pea or carrot :P I started making it with his Nutramigen but now use milk - not sure what J drinks?
Any chance he will do french toast/eggy bread? It was a good one here for about two weeks and then started getting flung at the walls as well. But may be something to try. For some reason mine won't eat pancakes, which baffles me ???
A couple of weeks I got by with adding coconut milk to his fruit - a few tinned mango slices, a few spoonfuls of coconut milk added and he loved it. Again, for fat boosting, rather than something "new". But, we couldn't get through a tin of coconut milk before it went off, it doesn't freeze well, and I got sick of dumping 2/3 of a tin every week and buying a new one. So we stopped.
Sigh. He's waking - first day on one nap and it's not gone too badly (1145 - 200, with a 15 minute wake at 1 when I had to rock him, so I shan't complain...) Which means snack time. Beware of the flying peas. Sigh.
-
If you want to use up coconut milk, it makes a really yummy smoothie with added fruit. Lots of extra calories, esp if you add yoghurt too. I give it to DS in a straw cup cos it's a bit thinck for a sippy. Or you can add it to puddings etc whenever milk is needed. I use several cans a week because we are still doing MSPI here, sigh!
-
Hi ladies - I have a 19mth old that's getting extremely picky too - all he wants to eat are crackers! He's been gluten free since birth so toast isn't an option!!!
Just a thought though - have you tried breadsticks? As I type, my DS is dipping (gluten free) breadsticks into yogurt and enjoying it immensely. Maybe you could use cream cheese or guacamole or something for a similar effect??
Anna xx
-
I just feel for all your frustrations. I'm lucky that I have a good eater in the house.
Just wondering if you would consider giving store bought baby food to your LOs to try? They are actually very yummy :P (yeah I always try first). Just without salt and additives. Well balanced meals and convenient (good for ahem lazy me). DS loves them. I even got my 10yo niece to eat it (she's super picky eater).
Do you always eat with your LOs? What about having other kids over to eat? Make sure you invite the good eaters only :P
-
Yep tried store bought food and he will NOT touch them I've tried all sorts of flavours, and TBH at this age I don't see that point anyway. If I know he CAN eat a piece of chicken and a ham sandwich there is little point returning to baby mush.
TBH I think part of my issue is rejection of anything mashed and I wonder if it is a textural thing or an 'I'm a big boy now' thing.
Anna - yep breadsticks are ON the list of foods. They are bread - so of course he will eat them!! He hasn't really got the hang of dipping yet, but I'm sure he will love doing things like that once he figures it out.
Smoothies are worth a try as he used to like lots of fruits and recently worked out how to use a straw.
Mashi - yey for the great nap - hope you dodged the flying peas ::).
I get the feeling that there is food out there he wants and I am just not providing it. I know that might sound mad but it is kind of the impression I get.
Fortunately my mum gets to feed him for the next 2 days. I'm thinking of taking him out for a pizza on thursday when I am home again. That is a food I would like to introduce now. And it is bread based so SURELY he will like it?!!
-
who wouldn't love pizza? :P burgers? :P (I forgotten that it's mush in the jar :P) lol...
-
Liz,
maybe this has alreadybeen asked, but do you eat with him??
DS had gone realy fussy at one point and although I never have a whole meal with him as I wait for DH, i started having a little snack with him and he has become a lot more easier wrt food!
-
I'm thinking of taking him out for a pizza on thursday when I am home again. That is a food I would like to introduce now. And it is bread based so SURELY he will like it?!!
Been to the pizza place, were told never to return. ::) Got the "Uh this is NOT BREAD!" look of disgust. "What is this red stuff you have put on my bread?" Ffffliiiiiiiing! (On the lovely wall tapestries). "Cheese? This is not cheese, this is some stringy melted gunk!" Toss! (Into the plants). "I do NOT eat mushrooms!" Ready, aim, fire. (Right at the waiter).
Hope you have more luck than me. It took us 6 weeks to go back to a restaurant.
We had a disastrous dinner last night. I walked away from the table in tears (mainly at DH though not DS!!!!) We have fewer feeding problems and more willingness to try things when it is JUST me and DS, nothing else on the table or in sight except his food, and no DH around. It's like ANYTHING that he can see that distracts him sends him into a headspin. If he sees DH or I eating foods that he doesn't like, he gets panicky that we are going to offer them to him. And because DH doesn't offer, he pesters until DS grabs it and throws it (which is where the throwing came from in the first place) it gets him really worked up.
Sigh.
-
Also - another thought. Does he snack at all? I've recently cut back on all snacks and it has had a big impact on how the meal goes....
Big hugs - it sounds like you're having a horrible time with it...
xx
-
really good point abt snacks, we do not snack at all, only emergency, DS loses all appetite if he snacks on even 1 cookies!!!
And despite having a carb lover pizza did not go down well at our end, not even home made, make it yourself, help mama kind :(
We actually have strict no food flinging and no toy flinging rules. Stuff 'vanishes; if flung...for me it was a cultural thing, wrt respect towards food, toys, books etc, would never step on a book or food etc.
-
Yes he does snack - but very small snacks only. For example his morning snack might be 10 raisins, but without it he will bust his nap as we are in the tricky final stages of the 2-1. It is definately an issue in the afternoon though as we are still phasing out his afternoon bottle. I'm sure it impacts on his appetite at tea time - hence why we are getting rid of it now.
Mashi - huge ((hugs)) - I often don't know who is winding me up more - DS or DH. DH often gets sent out of the kitchen for deciding to eat inappropriate things in the middle of J's mealtime. My experience of taking J out in the past has always been that he is too excited to eat anything at all TBH. Or he decided he wants one thing he has seen that is just not appropriate. Last time it was my sisters salt and cracked pepper crisps (and he was given a taste just to try and convince him that it wasn't nice and he would rather eat his own - but no - strong pepper flavoured crisps apparently taste lovely ::))
I had a nightmare with tea last night as well. Refused to eat anything I offered at all. 1 breadstick and 1/2 a fromage frais. Then tantrum to get down. Had a late catnap and woke up from the starving - tears streaming down cheeks type hungry but by then it was only 45 mins to bedtime bottle time - so I gave him some rice cakes and raisins. Had a 9oz bottle before bed but woke at 5.30am hungry.
So sigh here as well :(.
-
You know after having been through this with DS1 I think once babies are beyond the 10/11 month old stage their taste buds change - they don't want bland food at all. Maybe this is a no-no but now my DS2 is 1 I add salt to his food - unrefined sea salt, and just a pinch to give it some flavour... think how toddlers love all that salty food like crisps, chips, cheese, ham and breadsticks! So I thought, why not give healthy food some flavour? With his MSPI DS2 doesn't eat much processed food at all so the salt I add wouldn't be overdoing it.
-
Hey ladies
Been following along and just not had time to post.
Have any of you ever had a look through this book? (I wouldn't buy it, but its worth a read if you can get it at your library).
Just Take a Bite by L Ernsperger
In my other life (before my LO!) I worked on along side a number of feeding teams with LOs who had food issues. With the majority of them it boiled down to pure control. Your LOs are at the age (as you know!) where they know what they want and know how to get it!
And food is one of the easiest things to try gain control over. LOs have plenty of opportunity as meals and snacks happen so many times through the day and mummies just care too much when they don't eat (can you tell we're going through this at the minute too!?? If I hear 'mooooo-gurt' (Maeves attempt at yogurt) while she's swinging on the fridge door one more time, her and the mogurts may just end up in the bin! ;) ::)
You can be as proactive as you want (eating with your child, letting them experiment and play with food, offering different foods etc) but once a child has drawn a line where food is concerned you have to be a bit more reactive where mealtimes are concerned. Liz and Mashi {{{hugs}}} isn't it the most frustrating thing in the world this not eating nonsense? You are doing all the right things...not reacting, offering different foods etc.
Mashi, your strategy of 'first this-then fav food' is one we used successfully with lots of LOs but what we did as the time went on was increased the amount they had to eat before they got their fav food. This works well if LOs are open to trying new things, doesn't work so well if they are very resistant as it can actually draw attention to the battle they are waging more so than if you just ignore it.
Depending on the LO, the other strategy we used was to provide balanced meals and not provide their favourite food or a preferred food at every meal, as some LOs just held out for their preferred food and made it do and then filled up on liquids.
Reading back though your LOs are still quite young but I'd keep an eye and see how it goes over the next weeks/months and see do you see an improvement before you panic too much. Although I really did only mean to come on and recommend the book and I'm rambling away.
At the minute I am providing a meal and/or snack each day of things Maeve will normally refuse and we are slowly but surely getting there. Other meals I just give what I know she'll eat and don't stress myself. Its all things shes ate before and I know she likes them. My LO will NOT touch shop bought meals, never has been impressed by them at all and I really want her to be eating more of what we're eating now so I felt I had to do something. I had also been offering her favourites of bread and cream cheese but had to stop because she was then not eating the 'new' foods! SO hard though to make a meal and it be refused and then not to give them anything to eat! Nightmare for a mummy! :(
Hope its going well for you all xx
(As an aside, I was just talking to one of my ex-pupils new teacher yesterday. When he was with me he would only eat Bikers crisps and Smiley potato faces. And drink ribena. Talk about limited. Should make us feel better about our LOs!! I got him eating yogurts, pancakes, toast, cereal, fish fingers, chicken nuggets, chips, grapes, raisins, other crisps and am sure some other stuff and the new teacher told me since coming back after summer, hes now only eating the bikers again. What a waste of hard work. So long story short, at least our LOs aren't that bad!!!)
-
Hey Shiv, thanks for the tips. Good to know that I am not doing wrong by playing the "this that" game with his food. We have had to back off of it for a bit because last week I was doing it and he just really truly didn't like the "other" food I was offering, and so he ended up getting his fave food without eating the other one. So, he remembered that and now just insists on the reward food. Went through this before and a couple of weeks break and he was willing again.
So what is it you do, anyway? Are you a HV?
-
Its such a hard one, eating, to get the right balance!
Definately not a HV! I did psychology at uni and worked got work as an autism therapist. From there I worked with a number of kids (mainly on autism spectrum but some not) who presented with development issues-some behavioural, some cognitive, some language based. I then got a job with a charity as a early years intervention therapist providing home intervention for kiddies and their parents who were having problems (bit like Supernanny but much more focused on the proactive strategies than consequences) and then this extended to working in a special needs school helping teachers manage difficult and challenging behaviour. Feels like another life these days but have to say I loved it! I enjoyed the parent/home intervention much more than the school bit! Hard work but mostly very rewarding!
-
Sounds like an interesting job Shiv. And thanks so much for your input.
Would I be right in saying at this age it is mainly about offering and not reacting. I know Mashi has some success with the 'one bit of this and then that' thing, but I don't think Jacob has the comprehension level needed for that really. Although maybe he does as he certainly knows how to point at the toaster to demand toast instead!!
I think J has some textural issues as well as he just seems to be rejecting any sort of baby mush - be it puree/ mashed or lumpy. I really think he partly just wants real food but doesn't recognise a lot of things and also doesn't have enough teeth to manage fully yet. He is quite happy to eat a slice of cooked meat for example but can only really suck it or nibble it (so it needs to be roasted and soft and obviously I can't make stuff like that every day). Maybe he will improve a little with some molars? Or maybe wishful thinking!!
-
Was reading along as I also have a picky eater - only eats certain things, won't eat anything if not 100% perfect eg a grape with a spot on it, a slice of toast with a miniscule burnt bit..
To be honest I try not to worry about it too much. As far as I am aware, no child offered a range of food ever died of starvation, and provided I offer her a range of foods at least she gets to see and touch a wider range of things than she actually eats (IYKWIM). Apparently for a whole year, when I was two, I only ate orange juice, melba toast and bacon - and am now a healthy adult who eats a very wide range of foods! (so obviously this is where Katie gets it from...)
If there is something I know she will eat but is currently refusing (eg grapes - one of the few fruits she will eat) I will tell her she needs to eat eg 4 grapes before she can have something else that she *does* want - in an attempt to get some fruit into her - but don't want to manipulate her or for food to become an issue
We eat together whenever possible and I will tell her what I am eating and offer her some (she usually declines). I also never offer her snacks as she certainly won't eat anything if she snacks, and only offer her water to drink so that she doesn't get "empty calories" from juices etc.
So - I'm afraid I don't have any magic answers, just the knowledge that you are not alone...
-
Would I be right in saying at this age it is mainly about offering and not reacting.
Thats exactly it! The key though is to not get into manipulation or allow him to develop 'control' over mealtimes and food. You just present a meal and if he eats it, fine, if not then thats also fine. Its important though to not then provide a preferred food instead or if the LO then starts to request a preferred food to give it. Sticking to meal times is the best way. Its important to try not stress yourself and give yourself a break. I know there are days when we are going to be out and about or we're busy or I'm not in the best form and I just offer the foods I know she'll eat and thats fine.
I find it especially hard to not offer something preferred at lunch as I know if she doesn't eat well, her nap is disrupted and then its a nightmare!
-
I know Mashi has some success with the 'one bit of this and then that' thing, but I don't think Jacob has the comprehension level needed for that really
Liz, I started doing this at 9 months, so my LO definitely had the understanding then! It took giving him something he desperately wanted (which I believe was a slice of cooked sandwich ham), letting him have loads of it. Then, I held another piece right within reach but before he could grab it held it back and offered him a piece of something else first. As SOON as he took the other thing and put it in his mouth I praised him and immediately gave him the ham. He clued in instantly. As I said, it doesn't always work, if he KNOWS that he does not not not like the other item he will just cry and scream until he gets the favoured item, but when it's just something that he doesn't WANT rather than doesn't like, it works very well.
-
don't mean to offend anyone but its a lot like training a little puppy at that age!
Even the sign langugae thing its all about lesson and reward
-
Sorry Mukta - I don't understand? Do you mean just that when they are so young they are just learning by repeated patterns of what will and won't happen?
-
I think Mukta means they learn what you teach them. At his age your LO will understand the approach of first-then. Its important to be consistent though and follow through.
So like Mashi says, you'd give him a bit of his fav food so I'll use toast. Let him eat it and see there is more waiting. Then you give him something else and say 'eat the grape, then more toast'. He'll prob throw the grape so make sure you've plenty and you just keep saying 'this first' and then the minute he eats it (and swallows!) he gets the toast! I'd probably only do a couple of rounds of that per meal then just let him get on with his toast. Initially I would only do it with foods he has previously eaten and is now refusing. after he gets the idea you can try new foods but I would only do it once, so he has to try it to get his toast otherwise as Mashi has said you run the risk of making him eat something he doesn't like and ruin all the progress you have made. Make sense?
Prepare yourself for a few mealtimes of tantrums while your LO gets used to you setting new mealtime rules if you go this route. And its important to not give the preferred food if he refuses to eat the other food as you just teach them to hold out as they realise they'll get their favourite food eventually and it leads to even more control battles.
xx
-
Thanks Shiv, thats what I meant, that you can teach them what you want by giving them praise or a reward...by about 2 they will refuse reward if they dont want to do something you ask them to
-
Mutka, I tried this method today and it was a disaster for me. :( My LO started screaming when I wouldn't give him the food he wanted and then threw such a fit, that he was thrashing around in his chair (yes, he already has a temper). After this, he wouldn't eat anything. Everything I put near him caused a freak out except these stupid "cookies." We are now at the point that he refuses practically all foods except fruit and our "pancakes." He will no longer touch his beloved sweet potatoes, no meats, forget veggies unless they are in the pancakes. I hate meal times and this last one ended up with both of us in tears. He is on such a limited diet as it is and this is making things even more difficult. How many times did it take to get your LO to eat with this method?
-
mmom
big hugs for you! I think if you keep at it consistently, your LO will be hungry pretty soon. 3 days max, they always say... probably sooner. I hope it will be sooner for u.
-
Hey hun
Sorry it was difficult today. What age is your LO? It can take a few meals over a few days to get a LO to realise you aren't going to give in but it does depend on age and how long they have been limiting their diet. Was the food you were trying to get him to eat a food he previously loved?
Am sure Mukta will be along soon too x
-
Thanks. The food was one that he loved. All of the sudden, he doesn't like anything. It started over a month ago, with limiting meat and veggies and I was able to get him to eat them by making "meatballs" that had everything in them including sweet potatoes, which were his favorite. Now he won't touch them. I am really struggling with meal times.
-
(((hugs))) Liz - I know you have struggled so much with this for months. We have had the 'not eating because I can control it battle' with M, and I think (after over 18 months) we are finally getting past it. She had a very limited diet (about 4 different meals, I think, but plenty of fruit) and lost 1.5kg (slipped from 50th to 25th centile - bounced back up to the 50th in the last week ;D). I had a lot of very frustrating days, but reassured myself that she wouldn't starve herself and that it was just a phase ( ;)). Over the last week she has eaten 5 meals that I know she wouldn't have touched a month ago - so it does end, honest.
I think you just have to keep doing the things you are doing (including coming here for support whenever you need it :-*) and trust that it will work out in the end. He won't starve himself, and in the long term you won't let him eat a truly unhealthy diet, so for now you should try him on new things as much as you can but accept that making a bigger battle of it won't make it go away any faster.
I know you try not to do snacks - is that from having tried and found that they are an issue, or is it a gut feeling that snacks will make his eating worse? I found with M that I was more likely to get a decent meal (or at any rate a less stressful mealtime) when she had had some snacks during the day - not least I think because it kept her blood sugar a bit more stable and so it was a less emotionally fraught process. Have you tried the organix carrot puffs and sweetcorn rings? They are vegetables...
-
Another thing I have just thought of to try is frozen peas - I know loads of picky eaters who are happy to eat frozen peas (and yesterday morning I had both girls begging for more as their morning snack ???). They are a real superfood too - vitamins and protein, so if he will eat them it could help.
-
He gets peas every day - the odd one makes it into his mouth but pops straight back out again ::). Been offering for about 2 weeks now but no joy yet.
We do snacks here - it is a chance to get some more stuff in without resorting to a bottle of milk. His meals are not improved with no snacks anyway TBH. But I think that is because, at least in part, a behavioural thing.
I have worked out that his spoon refusal is related to a lack of trust thing after months of lacing his meals with his reflux medication. It makes it rather chalky :(. Realised this when he started refusing yoghurt for him, but would happily eat someone elses off their spoon. He will also eat his with a metal spoon and no medicine in. I'm sad that we have lost all his favourite meals because none of my doctors will prescribe his medication in a form he can tolerate, but it is his GI appointment today so I am hoping for some help. I think if we can rebuild some trust that his meal is what he expects it to be he may eat it again. His spoon refusal has always been a bit odd - he hungrily opens his mouth for the first spoonful - takes one mouthful and then cries and won't eat anymore.
I know he won't starve, I would find peace if I could just make it a balanced diet, even if it was with very limited foods.
-
By frozen peas I mean uncooked, straight from the freezer - not sure why they love them but they do. Not sure how you feel about nuts, but you could try him with peanut butter - loads of calories!
-
Hi Liz
you poor thing it sounds so hard ...I feel for you ive been going through the same thing on and off with DD...when I say on and off i mean I get it sorted (with all the tricks I said about earlier in this thread) and then its back to fussy mealtime tantrums...
I asked a friend (who is a real expert on these things...lucky her!!) and she said its all about a trust issue combined with independance ...when I started weaning it was hard then when she was happy with it I upped amounts and before you know it was time to move on to the next stage mashed...she hated it...I persevered every day and eventually she ate it then confident she would eat it I tried to get her to have just a bit more etc etc and soon enough she was rejecting again...
so she told me to not worry about using all those tricks and go back to square one... and do what I did when I first weaned her... just a few spoons of puree in the morning, afternoon and then tea time...make it something really simple like she used to have like squash or sweet potato or baby rice ...then work through the food groups each day again until she has a variety of foods again....then start introducing lumps etc etc... again slowly....
I did this all of last week and she is now taking 2 tbs for breakfast of porridge, 3 tbsp lunch pasta and 2 - 3 (if im lucky) tbsp of veg or fruit for tea...this is alot less than I had worked up to but she seems to look forward to meals now so im really pleased...and she also said dont let her go hungry before the meal (like pp said) so I give finger foods inbetween meals...it feels like shes eating all day but seems to have helped me a little...
sorry if this is useless to you...I know your LO is alot older than my DD (8 months) so its probably a completely different ball game!!...
you've been through so much with your LO and you are so patient to be coping with this...every setback I have I go into complete meltdown...I need an instruction manual!! ::)
Annette.xx :-*
-
clazzat! how funny about frozen peas!!! Perhaps it's like eating ice blocks lol... i shall try some day :D thanks
-
You poor dears! Hugs.
My LO is pretty fussy, but is a robust size. Perhaps I've spoiled him by offering multiple options in one meal? He seems to take after me though (started 'garnishing' his puree with peas or cheerios, bite by bite at a young age!). So I find I get more in total if I offer variety.
In case this can help anyone, here is what we are doing right now:
Meat = zero (except the odd hot dog!!). Vegetables are pretty pathetic too. Right now, cucumbers I can get him to eat only if dipped in vinegar (then, he gobbles them). Won't do potatoes unless they are fries. Sometimes carrots if really overcooked. Peas very occasionally (heavily buttered!!). Sometimes I can hide very small bits of veggies in his rice. Doesn't like pasta but the other night we were out for chinese and he ate the baby corn, the fat noodles (greasy and spicy!), and some ginger chicken (fat, sugar, and spice!??). I've tried mixing ranch dressing with sour cream and he'll sometimes dip bell pepper strips in there. No guarantees of course!! ;)
I would say at least 50% of DS's meals involve soup. He's picky about which kinds (and generally prefers commercial ones which I give even though they are salty). He too is a bread/crackers guy too but loves the concept of 'dipping' so he ends up getting in a decent amount of the soup.
-
Just wondering, if your little one eventually started eating? this has been a great thread to read!
-
Goodness me - I wrote this when DS was 12 mths old and now he is going on 3!
Jacob is still not a big eater really, but he is better than he was. He is still very small and has a teeny appetite, but that is just him, the way he is :).
Obviously the food flinging and that sort of nonsense ended. These days he eats nicely or tells me he doesn't want it.
There is still a very long list of refused foods, but slowly slowly slowly he adds to it. A key thing with J has been to not fight him over food. If he wants it he will eat it. I always make sure the is a part of every meal that he will eat, and I still do that now.
A typical day now would be cereal and toast for breakfast, maybe a yoghurt, cheese crackers or fruit for a snack, lunch is usually sandwiches and 'buffet food', dinner a bit more substantial.
He even eats 3 types of vegetable now ::) ::), carrots, broccoli, and cucumber.
BUt TBH I don't stress very much anymore - essentially his diet is varied even if it is met by limited foods. And a lot of them are childrens favourite foods. But it still does hit all the nutritional boxes :).
-
Thanks for the update! Good to know he eats more now!! Hoping this will just be a phase as my LO used to eat very well but now he has hit one it's a different story! Too busy to sit and eat lol!
-
Jacob never ate well. Personally I think teething triggers a lot of this and most improve when it passes.
-
FWIW we are currently doing sleep talk for picky eating and it seems to be helping "some". But otherwise we too are trying to relax and not stress...
-
Liz, actually now J is doing better than mine. Mine won't eat any veg that he could identify. Only once in the past months had he eaten broccoli when he used to eat a quarter of a head easily along with starch and lots of meat. I don't tell him what to eat but he just doesn't and sometimes he takes a bit and makes a very sad face and spits it out. He will not eat any salad/raw veg.
-
Jasper eats very well in general now, but veggies are still tough. Would you believe he'll actually ask for extra helpings of fish?? Not always recommended, but here, he knows that if he doesn't eat his vegetables, he cannot have dessert. Note that it's always a tiny portion like one spoon of mixed peas and carrots, a bit of cauliflower mashed up into his potato, and to my surprise, coleslaw he actually likes. Most of the time it is still cucumber and soups. I always cheer when he manages to choke down itsy bitsy pieces of foods he really doesn't like such as broccoli. He washes it down with milk and tells himself 'healthy stuff makes me big and strong'... I also allow him to 'dip' into ranch dressing, hummus, or even bbq sauce since most meats have more 'dressing' than veggies.
The other tip that helps us to make up unique names for foods such as "lilypad sandwiches" which are small pieces of lettuce with some filling on top such as tuna or hummus. DS1 loves frogs so this helps him. He even helped me grate some "butterflies" (carrot) to decorate the top with and ate those too. Otherwise, he won't touch lettuce with a 3ft pole.
Liz's tip about making sure there is something you know your LO will eat at every meal is a good one.
Hang in there. It will get better!
-
I've got some recipes with veg in if anyone wants to sneak more in but did you know that 'supertasters' find foods like brocolli very bitter? Genetically there will just be some fussy eaters out there whatever you can do.
-
thanks ladies! I checked his mouth and he is definitely cutting molars, 2 have come through but there are lumps everywhere. He has also been grumpy with low temps so hopefully he will improve when those teeth come through.
For now I will continue to give him his pureed/lumpy food. He is happy to have 1-1.5 weetabix for breaksfast, then his lumpy puree of meat/veg/potato combo for lunch. I put some butter in it as well to fatten him up! He is happy to let me feed him and eats quickly as long as he has something in his hand to keep occupied! After lunch I will give him a yogurt which he eats on his own with a spoon and his hands(messy but fun for him!) With that he also has some broccoli he was happy to eat that today. It all goes a bit wrong in the afternoon but I manage to get him to have some mashed banana, he doesn't want it chopped up for some reason even though he was happy to have it before?
And then dinner he will only have f it's pizza or something like that! A lot of it goes on the floor... Shall I look at dinner as an extra? how much are they supposed to be eating now?
Thanks!
-
Also wanted to add, it's the fruit that he won't even try at all, like apple, grapes etc... Is that normal?
-
Mine has gone right funny recently and since reading this I'm noticing it more. He wouldn't feed himself cheese earlier! He loves cheese!!!
-
My DS took ages to eat pieces of fruit - he didn't like the slimy texture in his hands so would just fling it.
He also refused any spoon feeding at all from about 11 mths.
TBH I think most of your issue here is teething - and as long as you keep offering a full range he will get back to good eating later. If you restrict his range too much to make sure he 'eats a big meal' it will limit his range and textures and make him even more picky iyswim?
Even if finger foods get flung keep offering. They need time to fiddle and practise, and handling them is the first step to eating them.
-
Watermelon is great for teething - biting into cold soft fruit helps!
My dd#1 (almost 2) was such a great eater and is turning fussy now - perhaps her 2 yr molars are to blame. I made a tomato/bacon/vege soup the other week which has a ton of veggies purreed in it and while she only ate half a bowl, I felt relieved to know she had eaten some veggies for the day iykwim?!
These kids sure keep us on our toes!!!
Mel
-
Small victory this morning!! I chopped a a large blueberry int about 8 pieces and put it in his weetabix. He had it no problem! Also last night he had some tortellini which is a new one and also some raisins. Hooray!
-
Yay! We had a mammouth eating day yesterday. He ate a portion of pasta which wasn't far off what I'd eat! I think toddlers can be a bit feast one day then famine the next.