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EAT => Food Allergies => Topic started by: We Three on October 05, 2011, 19:26:35 pm
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UGH.
Amelia is allergic to chocolate...or should I say she "has a sensitivity" in that she gets hives/rash and is itchy everywhere. It happened the first time she had chocolate, and again recently when we decided to try again and see if she had outgrown it. Awful rash...even on her palms and soles.
Her school was told abt the sensitivity, and the teacher did announce it at open house with all the parents present. Now today, and for the second time this week, there has been chocolate at snack time and she was given goldfish crackers. I never asked them not to have chocolate, but kinda thought they wouldn't. But Monday was M&M cookies, and today was brownies. Brownies and juice for 4 year olds at 10am...already I'm wondering wth?
What should I do? I know it isn't an "allergy" in that she can't get sick or go into anaphylactic shock, but still. Can I bring something to school and leave it there for her in these events? Like, bring in a cupcake and leave it with the teacher so that she isn't having crackers while all the others are having cake? :'( I have no way of knowing what snack will be, or when there is a birthday celebration.
What do you guys do with regard to school? I'm beyond upset about this, and there have been ALOT of issues with me and the school already...but this is so unfair to her it's breaking my heart.
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I've taught children with allergies and the parents have generally sent in a supply of safe treats for them to have in school time if the others were having a treat. In my early teaching career it was more common to have sweets/ candy for birthday treats so I made sure I always had a stash of sweets/ candy that the Muslim children I was teaching could eat as the poular sweets generally had pork gelatine.
To be honest though, if she is getting hives/ rash and itching all over I would consider that an allergy - allergic reactions tend to get worse with repeated exposure (school nurse told us that on epi-pen training sessions so apologies if that info is wrong!). You may be able to get them to tell you when the birthdays are in class - they wouldn't have to match names to dates, so you would have some idea that treats are more likely at these times.
Laura
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Ditto to what Laura said. A stash of 'Amelia friendly' snacks. I am shocked though to hear that they are having chocolate and cake as a snack. If it's a childs birthday here, we send those treats home at the end of the day, rather than having them in class.
Alex
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Yes, ask them to no longer give her snacks, you will provide them.
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Wow! The school give them chocolate?
M starts bringing a packed lunch in a few weeks and we just got a letter about it and her nursery operates a healthy eating policy so we aren't allowed to send sweets/chocolate/juice/crisps. They provide a morning snack and it is cereal/toast/pancakes/fruit. No junk.
I would send some snacks in that you are happy for her to have and ask them to let you know if they need more. I do though think it is their responsibility to change their policy in relation to allergies. A school I worked in ended up being kiwi free as a little boy had a bad reaction to it.
Was it a special occasion for the chocolate or just normal practice? I am baffled by that.
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That is crazy, what it is birthday party every day at school!? How do the children have anything to look forward to a treat when everyday is a treat. I would for sure bring our own snack.
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I feel your pain. I send in a snack with Josie daily still in 4th grade (her lunch isn't till 1PM). And at least once a week I find yet another staff member I have to tell about J's food sensitivities/allergies; today I found another one. ::)
And it does sound like an allergic reaction; hives counts as allergies. May want to also keep Benadryl at the school for her.
BTW, many preschools have "produce-only" snacks; you may want to approach them about something like this, if you think they'd keep an open mind about it. :-*
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Hi, I agree that it does sound like an allergy. May be worth getting it checked out? I had a letter from the hospital with instructions what to do with Olly if he has any of the foods that he is allergic to and they have a bottle of his anti histamine. They may take more notice if you take a bottle of medecine to administer if she does have chocolate!
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Hey, my dd has a sensitivity to yellow food coloring - makes her psycho, like scary wild demon-possessed, screaming and flailing. Only the yellow. We've told her school and her Sunday school teachers, and they still have lots of junky snacks sometimes, as well as "juice" that is really not. I offered to send a supply of snacks, but they said they would just watch out for it. Yeah, right. I do make sure and always send her own cup full of water or watered-down fruit juice.
Dd understands that yellow makes her feel bad, and refuses to eat it. She's 4. But she's also into a big "negative" stage right now, and I think she kinda likes having an approved reason to refuse stuff.
I agree with PP's - hives are an allergic reaction, and indeed providing Benadryl with a warning, or a copy of safety procedures in case she starts having an allergic reaction, may make them sit up and take notice. Allergies can escalate suddenly - dd had penicillin several times with no ill effects before suddenly developing hives all over and her face swollen 2x normal size. Does she react to nuts also? Sometimes chocolate is processed on equipment that also processes nuts, and I have heard of cross-reactions.
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Agree with pps about a supply of safe snacks. Dylan has a little basket with various snacks (crackers, rice cakes, biscuits, etc.) and I bake safe muffins, loaves, and cupcakes that the kitchen supervisor keeps in the freezer and defrosts when something similar is being served. There's always fresh fruit and/or veg that's safe for him too. And cake is only on birthdays, with ice cream or pudding as a dessert maybe once every 2 weeks. I also get a weekly menu every Friday for the following week so I can provide alternatives for unsafe meals.
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Joining the queue of baffled mamas on the chocolate for snack thing (and even goldfish really) - DS's playschool provides them with a snack mid morning which is milk or water, and a selection of cheese, raisins, apples, bananas and breadsticks so far.
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The brownies today were for a birthday, but the M&M cookies on Monday were just "snack". I am scared to alientate them any further, as I did voice concerns about Amelia being dye-free. The teacher sent out a written notice saying "Remember, we are encouraging healthy snacks here at XYZ Nursery School" and included a list of ideas. On the first birthday celebration, the 2nd day of schhol, the parent brought in Dunkin Donuts. I totally understand that the dye-free thing is our choice, and the other kids (and parents) shouldn't have to be dye free too. I did think they'd honor the chocolate thing.
We had agreed that when it was a birthday, they would let me know, and I would bring something in. That night I made cupcakes and I have 8 of them in my freezer at the ready. I was furious today when dd told me she had crackers when all the other kids were having brownies. I asked her what the teachers' said, and she told me they said "Sorry sweetheart, you can't have any of this." :'( I would have had the effing cupcake there for her.
With regard to snack, I have a stash in her bookbag that they have been told to get in the event that snack isn't dye-free. I NEVER thought they'd serve chocolate. So in both of her school days this week she has had to have a different snack than the others. I am really upset about it.
Millie has no nut allergies, and eatts pb&J all the time. They did mention (at school) that any child with an allergy needs a doctors note....and I'm sure our ped would provide one, but would that mean they stop having chocolate at 10am? I know our decision to be dye free has the same effect, but it isn't that much of a departure for her to have animal crackers when the others are having colored goldfish. But when they are having cupcakes and she is having pretzels? I think that's not ok!!!
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Posted at same time as Steffi....I am baffled as well. Especially after the note went out with a LIST of ideas, AND there is a bulletin board up as well.
FYI...parents provide snacks. At the first of every month, we bring in one snack, all 17 parents (say, a box of animal crackers) and one jar of juice. So if one of the parents' bring in Oreos, they will be served, the director told me exactly that. It makes me want to cry.
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So if one of the parents' bring in Oreos, they will be served, the director told me exactly that. It makes me want to cry.
That disgusts me! They should be monitoring what the children eat, not some random parent!
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My mum and sister both have a chocolate allergy. My sisters became apparent t around 6 (at least that's when they realised what it was) and by that time the children were a little older and her friends would usually bring something different for her or my mum would give her a treat when she got home. But again that's when they were given at the end of the day.
Posted as you did Anne. I think the school were out of order for not honouring their agreement with you since they made it in the first place.
Healthy eating and 'Fit 4 Life' are big government initiatives over here at the moment and have been for a few years now so most schools will operate a healthy snack only policy.
OMG- (posted at the same time as you again) - That would make me so mad. Don't they - the parents, the school - care what these children are putting into their bodies? How do you even cope with a class of 3/4 year olds who have had brownie as a snack??!?!
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How hard is it to make up a calendar to send home with a weekley menu plan, this is what our nursery school did...argh these teachers! Here, here is one for them:
Monday-Mrs. Jones-cheese, crackers, milk
Tues.-Mrs.Amelia-pita, hummus, apple juice
Wed.-Mrs Smith-apple slices, pretzels and milk
Thurs-Mrs.Spaghettini-carrots, digestive/tea biscuits and grape juice
Fri-Mrs.Percival-Carrot muffins, grapes and milk.
Done! :P
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Ok Anne, this school just doesn't seem to be cutting it. The kids' preschool and now their school both request no sweets / chocolate / sugary treats at all. And they literally send nasty-o-grams home to parents who do otherwise. One mom sent in soya butter on a sandwich but forgot to mark it and they sent the uneaten sandwich home with a really nasty note.
Ameilia (and you) are nor being respected here. End of story. Rock the boat. Tip it if you must, but in no universe are brownies an appropriate 10 am snack for anyone, especially not 4 year olds wherein one has a chocolate allergy. There are so many things wrong here. They aren't teaching healthy eating, they aren't teaching respect and safety for our friends, and sure and certai. They are not insisting parents abide by the rules.
>:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
I am so sad for Amelia. No little girl should be excluded like that when grown up teachers can do something about it.
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At Josie's preschool there was a fridge/freezer in the kitchen where they kept milk for lunchtime; could you keep something at school for Amelia?
And you know what? I'd go ahead and get a doctor's note, and the Benadryl, and the whole 9 yards, and scare the heck out of them with paperwork. I can guarantee that NO school wants to be the one who has to call 911 or frantically hunt for an epi-pen because they were too lax on food rules. It's bad enough they don't think twice about excluding her, but that's not OK.
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And you know what? I'd go ahead and get a doctor's note, and the Benadryl, and the whole 9 yards, and scare the heck out of them with paperwork. I can guarantee that NO school wants to be the one who has to call 911 or frantically hunt for an epi-pen because they were too lax on food rules. It's bad enough they don't think twice about excluding her, but that's not OK.
I agree- if you are keeping her in the school- scare the $h!t out of them medically and be very up front about your worries. TBH, if you already feel like it's a rocky relationship, THEY should be doing their best to be super nice and keep you guys happy!! UGH. I'm totally fuming for you both.
Nick has the red food dye reactions- hyperactivity, etc. Our school dictates what snacks will be when. SO, there is a list of snacks, the dates they are needed and a sign up sheet for the parents. No brownies etc unless it is a party, and then the parents should be informed there is an allergy issue and make vanilla cake instead!!
HUGS HUGs huggityHUGS
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How hard is it to make up a calendar to send home with a weekley menu plan, this is what our nursery school did...argh these teachers!
Yeah, our preschool does this too (however, we still get parents bringing in junk). I have to provide Spencer's snack every day though as her intolerances are way to many to expect other parents to deal with. In Masyn's kindergarten class the teacher has banned parents from bringing in food on birthdays, but I learned they still have food on celebration days and I can just picture the kind of food that will be!
I would for sure get a Dr.'s note if you can and a bottle of benadryl, the thing with allergies (and I would say this is one) is that past reactions do not predict future ones...so something like hives from chocolate one time could result in a worse reaction the next.
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Ok Anne, this school just doesn't seem to be cutting it. The kids' preschool and now their school both request no sweets / chocolate / sugary treats at all. And they literally send nasty-o-grams home to parents who do otherwise. One mom sent in soya butter on a sandwich but forgot to mark it and they sent the uneaten sandwich home with a really nasty note.
Ameilia (and you) are nor being respected here. End of story. Rock the boat. Tip it if you must, but in no universe are brownies an appropriate 10 am snack for anyone, especially not 4 year olds wherein one has a chocolate allergy. There are so many things wrong here. They aren't teaching healthy eating, they aren't teaching respect and safety for our friends, and sure and certai. They are not insisting parents abide by the rules.
I am so sad for Amelia. No little girl should be excluded like that when grown up teachers can do something about it.
Exactly this ^^^^
and this :
And you know what? I'd go ahead and get a doctor's note, and the Benadryl, and the whole 9 yards, and scare the heck out of them with paperwork. I can guarantee that NO school wants to be the one who has to call 911 or frantically hunt for an epi-pen because they were too lax on food rules. It's bad enough they don't think twice about excluding her, but that's not OK.
Honestly I am so speechless I don't have words of my own!!
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I am speecless too....very angry. The more I think of it, the more upset I get. :'( I fear this might be what I was afriad of...that because they don't like *me*, they are going to take it out on Amelia. That may be my paranoia at work, but maybe not. :-\ That's why I'm scared to bring in the note and all that. :-\ I really think it would be to dd's detriment to pull her out of this school...she is getting used to it now and I would HATE to pull her. I'm scared that if I say anything else that I'll be asked to leave...honestly. I just thought we were clear that I'd be told when there was a birthday so that I could bring in a cupcake for her. They didn't even bother to tell me yesterday that there were brownies and dd had crackers. Can I just tell you that every time I picture that I start crying?
I have some time here, because tomorrow her school is spending the morning at a farm on a field trip (all parents are going) and then Monday there is no school. So I have time to think, to decide what to do. Dh thinks I should go straight to the board and ask flat-out "What is your policy with regard to allergies? We were under the assumption that if a child had an allergy, that the offending food would simply not be offered in class." That's the differnce though with hives vs. "major" reactions I guess, in the eyes of the schools. :-\ I agree 100% that it would be SO SIMPLE to just give parents a list of approved snacks, the fact is they won't, they have already told me that.
I don't understand why it was even brought up at Open House...why bother telling everyone there was a chocolate allergy if everyone was just going to ignore it?
It is not even 10 am and I am furious again.
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I am baffled by the fact that they allow those sorts of snacks to be provided. Regardless of allergy I would be horrified if cookies and brownies were 'approved' snacks in any young school setting and would be making a complaint from that stand point alone. This month M's topic in school is healthy eating and exercise and they send any 'treat' food home.
{{{hugs Anne}}} Its hard enough to let them go to school and get used to them being out of the hous without having to worry about stuff like this which shouldn't even be an issue xx
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Hives IS a major allergic reaction. Anyone who thinks differently has never had them. It is the warning shot that lucky people get before their allergy becomes life-threatenting. Sorry, but your child has to almost die before we take any precautions?
Get her out of there. This has nothing to do with you or paranoia. I was kinda feeling sorry for the teacher on your other thread, because dealing with very sensitive people can be difficult when (like me) you are not very sensitive yourself.
However, this is not about "sensitive" or emotions, or anything. This is plain common sense and they are incompetent.
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Ann--you mention a "board." Is this a parent-run preschool? Or is it a for profit preschool? I'm on the board of a parent-run preschool and, honestly, we're all bumbling along doing our best because we are just parents and don't have tons of experience.
It's possible that because of the dye-free thing the teacher/other parents are not taking the chocolate allergy very seriously. Thinking something like . . . "Okay, this lady is a health nut and doesn't want her kid having dyes, so she's exaggerating this chocolate allergy to keep her DD away from other sweets too."
I'd definitely get the note from the doctor. Perhaps in discussion with him you can find out if benedryll is the best approach or if she might actually need to have an epipen. I'm sure those things would help them address this more seriously.
You might also ask if they have a freezer at school where you could store cupcakes for her so that they are on hand should the need arise.
And, while they should be being more careful and respectful of her allergy, the unfortunate reality is that she'll likely just have to get used to not eating the same things as other kids. I think it's something you just need to talk her through. DS1 is intolerant of dairy and we struggle with the b-day thing too--but he's grown quite used to not eating treats along with others--he just rolls with it most of the time. Sometimes he's frustrated and then I try to provide him a treat at home even though it is after the fact. I'm looking forward to when he's old enough to really understand what causes his reaction so he can take ownership of saying no rather than feeling denied.
I'm thankful our preschool does not do group snacks except for b-days. Each parent sends a snack for his/her child each day rather than group snacks. With the wildly different notions of what is "healthy" these days and the prevalence of allergies, group snacks seem ill-advised.
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At our preschool it is the parent board that decide things like birthday treat policy, can you get in touch with the head of the parent board and express that you don't think it is appropriate to have biscuits and cakes as snacks, I would be surprised if you were the only parent to think that!
Maybe you could buy some individually wrapped cereal bars or cookies that can be kept at the school so she isn't left with a cracker ::) I am sure they could have come up with something a bit more exciting even if it was some chopped fruit!
Definitely get that doctors note! Allergies can change suddenly, my hay fever suddenly developed into quite a serious grass allergy, when I am around cut grass I start to itch all over and if I don't take anthistamin and asthma inhalers my breathing gets restricted, it only became that severe this summer! Honestly if you said she was allergic to peanuts it would be a much bigger deal ::)
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WTH, chocolate brownies?! What if a child had a peanut allergy and the brownies were made in a facility that also processed foods made with peanuts? I am surprised parents are allowed to bring in junk food for birthdays. That's a lot of junk considering there are what, 20 kids in the class that have birthday's at some point in the year? Your dd sounds like she has an allergy to chocolate. It is so unfair for them to let her sit there and eat crackers.
Maybe talk to other parents and group together those that take issue with chocolate/junk food for their 4 year olds. I'll bet you're not the only one. I'd push for a change in policy. My dd's school had a policy in kindergarten that when it's a birthday there are no food treats- just other treats; birthday get announced on the PA, they go to the office to pick out a "treat" from a basket (dollar store type of toy) and they get to assist the teacher with taking down attendance, etc., for the day. Her school is "green" and so all foods have to be in take home containers and have to be healthy (fruits, veggies, etc), with zero pre-packaged food for snack time. The teacher enforces by doing a quick check when they pull out their snacks.
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hugs Annie,
some things are strange here and surprise me about the school, but somethings I can see...
1. DS's pre school sneds out a lits of approved snacks including brands which the parents bring in so its a controlled and school managed snack. Normal routine is not to have browines or M&M cookies etc. those are treats for bday celebrations. school is nut free btw
2. I think its a lot to aks for the whole class to be deprived of a chocolate treat because DD is allergic to it. Na dthe reaosn I say that is, because DS has had a kid in his class for 2 years now who is allergic to a gazillion things, milk, nuts etc and if everyone strated not brining what N could not eat there would be little that the kids could eat. they get Milk pretty much every other day as part of snack time. so I think its a lot to ask for all parents to drop off chocolate from their list of treats.
3. DS's school does let N's family know when there is a treat and what will be served so his parents can send an equivalent and for other days his parents leave a stash with the teacher
I think your point about being told in advance is very fair and sweeties being served on a regular basis is just wrong, BUT asking for the whole class to skip chocolate treats mighht be a bit too mcuh too expect as well.
Just my 2 cents
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The best snack experience we had was when Josie brought in her OWN snack. Every. Single. Day. She lived.
Natalie's entire class isn't having ANY food in the classroom ALL YEAR because there is a kid in there with multiple severe food allergies. As in the whole class washes their hands, with soap, EVERY TIME they come into the room, as do ALL ADULTS, even if it's for a short visit. The class got over it, the adults got past it, we all moved on. Birthdays are observed with a song and maybe pencils or other non-food items, I don't even have to worry about Halloween and Valentine's candy and the effect they'll have on Natalie. I am THRILLED. I only wish the whole SCHOOL would buy into that. For real.
It's not asking a lot IMO because if there aren't food treats, the class doesn't know what they're missing, and if they want junk food they can get it at home. Observing a birthday is one thing, along with celebrating, but it should't take an Act of Congress to get junk out of a classroom. There may be more food allergies or sensitivities in there than even their parents know about, and besides, what preschool teacher doesn't *facepalm* when there's a sugary snack mid-morning? I know the teachers I've worked with always did. There's a reason it's a bad idea! :)
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Hi, if you are that upset then you need to take some action. When we started at nursery I feared that I was branded a PIA with Olly's allergies - then I came along with suspected 'fructose malabsorption' and I think they thought I had flipped. However we were the ones with a screaming baby at night time because they were giving him fruits he couldn't tolerate. Yes, I endured a few months of worrying about it but I stayed true to what was healthiest and best for my LO and now we are back on a stable playing field and everyone is happy! I am even on the parent committee myself now :)
I guess the only way to deal with it is to make it black and white - she CANNOT HAVE CHOCOLATE
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To answer a few questions...Ellen S....I am not willing to keep her out of school. I am a SAHM, so her going to school has nothing to do with work, just that she was so craving being with kids more often, and with full time kindergarten next year, and knowing her like I do, I wanted this year as prep for next. She was getting bored, and for sure she was lonely...even with 3 activities a week, (library, gymnastics, music) it wasn't enough time for her to just spend time with other kids.
Funny, when I toured the Montessouri school, one of the kids was gluten-free, so the only snacks they have (for 25 kids) is fresh fruit and vegetables. I was surprised that one child would affect the whole room like that, but I also know (from the director) that she despises junk food, so she was probably secretly glad that the whole issue was solved in that way. Even there, where they have a junk-free and dye-free policy, she said they still have the occasional parent bringing in donuts or brownies or whatever. The way they deal with birthdays is that the birthday child chooses 3 friends, and they go and bake a (healthy) cake that the whole class shares after lunch....how cute is that? Why am I not going there? It is more than double the cost of the current place, it is a long drive, and because I made this decision and I think moving dd would be detrimental to her. She seems to be getting used to it. Do I feel majorly ripped off by it? Totally. I asked about snacks before I even registered dd and they said "We encorage all parents to contribute healthy snacks...". They said it cheerfully and made me think snacks would be healthy. While it's true that they sent the note that said "We are encouraging healthy sncaks...", the fact is that they DON'T discourage garbage snacks. They should have said that they serve whatever parents send, that there is no real policy. Because there isn't.
Bunty...you're right, she just can't have chocolate. And the fact is, they didn't give it to her. But the way it was handled was ridiculous and hurtful and I was 100% out of the loop...I live 2 minutes away and they know it....AND I have cupcakes in my freezer at the ready...THEY KNOW THIS. They didn't even tell me when I picked her up. I mean, school has been in session for THREE WEEKS...and they have already forgotten the conversations and emails we shared about how we planned on dealing with birthday celebrations?
UGH. SO mad.
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We have fruit and veggies, only, in preschool. Every child has the same snack. Parents bring for the entire class. 1). For the healthy part and 2). So no one is left out. If anyone is allergic to a particular fruit or veggie than thst is off limits. So, that is pk3 and pk4.
Jump to kindergarten (same school). We provide for our own child. Yea!!
Appartently, I am the only mother who is sending fruit or veggies.m To be nice, I send a small bag of a "treat" like healthy crackers. Everyday I hear about it.
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{{Hugs}} Very frustrating. :(
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Dh thinks I should go straight to the board and ask flat-out "What is your policy with regard to allergies? We were under the assumption that if a child had an allergy, that the offending food would simply not be offered in class." That's the differnce though with hives vs. "major" reactions I guess, in the eyes of the schools.
Do they actually have a policy I wonder? Ours is just no nuts, but then it really doesn't take into account any cross contamination from home (if I had a nut allergic child I don't think I would ever trust home baked goodies coming into class unless it was my own!) I think it's a big assumption to think that they would cut an offending food because one child is allergic to it. I can't believe the Montessori school actually did that! In some ways I wish our preschool would, but then Spencer needs to learn that she won't always be able to have what everyone else is having and that she just shouldn't accept food from someone else without checking with a teacher or parent first.
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Dh said that in major anger. We know it isn't really realistic to think that nobody would have chocolate..but at the same time it isn't like we thought it was the hugest deal, either. The preschool is from 9am til noon...just didn't think there'd be all kinds of chocolate opportunities I guess. :-\
Millie is ok not having chocolate...but this would be her first time where every single person around her is having it and she is having none. And plus, we had a plan!!! I thought we were clear!!! AND THEN they didn't even tell me!!!!!!!!
UUUGGHHHHH.
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We apparently are the only ones that don't serve our lo chocolate during 9:00 to noon school. Perhaps we can start our own school.
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Ha! I'd LOVE IT!!!!!!!
Totally OT, (kinda)...but I just learned yesterday that there are 2 snack times...I drop my child at 9am, and I pick her up at noon. 2 snacks. I was astounded. Snack at 10, and snack at 11:15. So stupid.
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The preschool is from 9am til noon...just didn't think there'd be all kinds of chocolate opportunities I guess.
I know...I still have a hard time getting my DH to understand that chocolate anything is a treat not a snack! (in fact he fed them choc. cookies this afternoon, apparently I didn't hide them well enough ::))
What??? TWO?? Why does everything have to revolve around food so much? Are they trying to fill the time up or what?
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I know! That's what dh said....snack must take 20 minutes each time, and they go outside for the last 20-30 minutes...so....circle time, activity...and let's rush through it because you rascals need to eat every hour! ::) Dh was like "We're paying for this?" She just ate breakfast for goodness sake!
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It does seem odd.
I was so excited to learn that many schools do have snack time when they kids are passed first grade. I am picturing how i can fuel my lo so they will preform well. I remember starving in school (no snack time after preschool age.) Sometimes I would need to leave to have a snack and that was embarrassing even when I was pretty old.
was excited to hear you bring your own snack (vs. Our preschool when you bring for the whole class.) That way, I could provide what I felt was best for my lo.
Shocked to hear the moms who bake everything from scratch, eat nothing but super duper healthy things all day long who are sending junk to school. I joke, in my head, they must be organic, home made m &ms ;)
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Dh was like "We're paying for this?"
no kidding...and do the kids actually want to eat lunch by the time they get home if the last snack is at 11:15? I know my kids wouldn't!
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TWO????
Why on EARTH do they have 2 snacks?? That is totally ridiculous. ESPECIALLY if it's biscuits/cakes/chocolate TWICE!!!!!!!
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Two snacks?!?! ??? ??? ??? This place just sounds weirder and weirder.....
There is absolutely no biological need whatsoever for more than one snack in that duration of time for anything resembling a normal preschooler!
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Dropping off hugs, Anne- totally get why you want to keep her there- cost, drive time, she's starting to settle in. I agree 2 snacks thing is totally odd!
Hugs for what I feel has been a disappointment for you- not the warm fuzzy feeling about her first school experience. It should have been that way. :(
Hugs and I am glad she's adjusting, but UGH to all of the odd things about it and their failure to call you for a nonchocolate treat.
I think having some goodies for her in the school's fridge/pantry would be a good idea.
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2 snacks????
M's snack is from 9.45-10.30 and they can just go and help themselves throughout that time. 2 snacks seems a ridiculous waste of time for a 3 hour session!
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Cathie you hit the nail on the head. The first day of school was (while really sad!) exciting, and we were SO PROUD of her!!! But now I do feel robbed, lied to...like they did a "bait and switch" on me...they made themselves out to be one way, but in reality they aren't. And I am so, so sad about it. There is such a cloud over the whole thing, with the NTs and they way they just treated dd (and me) with this birthday thing...it makes me so angry! If I didn't think it would hurt dd, I would pull her out of there on that principle alone. :'( :'( :'(
I am considering just handing out a little note with a friendly sentence ot 2 to the Mom at pick up or drop off..."Hey can you guys drop me a quick note if/when you're brining in a birthday treat for you los? As you might know, my dd is allergic to chocolate, and I want to be sure I bring something in for her on those days in case the treat is something she can't have. Thanks so much! I don't need alot of notice at all...I have vanilla cupcakes at-the-ready in my freezer! :) "
Is that ok? Do you think I should just surpass the teachers entirely and go straight to the Moms? I can't handle the freaking drama. The teachres would likely find out about it, but how could they get mad? I'm sure they would, mind you...but.... ???
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Who cares if they get mad? Bypass and go through the Mums, I bet most of those will be a lot more understanding anyway!
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Who cares if they get mad? Bypass and go through the Mums, I bet most of those will be a lot more understanding anyway!
Ditto! I had considered doing the same for Spencer, but didn't bother. At least that way you have a better chance of a mom remembering to tell you in advance!
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Great idea Anne, I think most would make any birthday treats non chocolate if they knew, I have always asked if their are any kids with allergies or intolerances in Leorah's class because I would hate to leave anyone out but L was MSPI so I think I am more aware, I don't think there are many mums out there that wouldn't be understanding of that ;) :-*
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Love that idea!!! As for the 2 snacks/day: think on it ladies. Cookies at 9. Quick energy then splat. Sooo, cupcakes or such at 11. Make sense? Cheese and crackers at 9, no splat. KWIM?
On a similar type note, one of Mouse's classmates has alopecia. And will quite happily tell you about it. :) Mom/Dad sent home a note to all 1st grade about the condition, what it entails, what they have tried. Requested that kids watch out for teasing, hoping by explaining from the start, teasing could be avoided. Added a phone # if anyone had any other questions. Something like an e-mail or phone # might also help your side of things as people know you are approachable. Love and hugs to Millie Mouse!!!!!!
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As for the 2 snacks/day: think on it ladies. Cookies at 9. Quick energy then splat. Sooo, cupcakes or such at 11. Make sense? Cheese and crackers at 9, no splat. KWIM?
lol, good point Jenn!
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I cannot even describe how upset I am about all of this. More as the days go on, not less. :(
Ok, so I am going to type up a little note and give it to the Moms. But I do still want to approach the teachers/the board about what happened last week. Do you think I should tell the teachers that I am am writing the note? Or just email them about what happened last week, and say that it simply cannot happen again and I that I NEED to be notified.
UGH. Or do it nicey-nicey and say something like "I understand from Amelia that she was given crackers when the other children were having chocolate brownies. This was a situation that I didn't want my daughter to be in, as per our discussion/email about this subject. I know how busy you must be running the class, so in an effort to ensure that this situation doesn't happen again, I have instead asked the other Moms to just let me know when/if they will be bringing in desserts that Amelia is allergic to, so that I may provide her a similar "treat" from home and she isn't left out." That sounds b!tchy.....and all-business, which is not how I am in real life.
I feel like they're going to ask me to leave.
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I just have a second, but this has been on my mind since I saw it yesterday.
Again, typying fast and just have a sec. So I don't Want any hurt feelings.
Anne-I get that you went round and round and round again about this food thing. What I don't get is what if it was life threatening? I wouldn't want my child in this sort of situation. I am sorry, because i know how gosh darn uoset you are by this. First school sitatution, you were mislead, Amelia is haooy and you dont want to pull. Any thoughts on speaking to your dr. Get them involved a tiny bit? Thinking letter from them explaining it is a serious sitaution (even if you are lucky it is not life threatening. Leave this out.). What would they do with a child who has a life threatening illness.
Thinking to a few kids we have this year in school. This is not to metioned the other years. For some, it is life threatening. For others, they just can't be around, but shouldn't be around certain food. Can your story be changed a bit?
I realize it breaks your heart to think your child feels left out. I can appreciate this. I always hear this from parents of children will allergies.
All I know, is I would do whatever I could to have a child with allergeries be safe and feel good about their snack time. Right now, planning a bday party. Many conversations with the parents of those with allergies. Again, I am willing to do whatever is necessary to keep everyone safe and make the children feel good about this experience. I really hope the other parents can feel the same way.
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I know I'm not the most socially-aware person on the planet, but to me that note doesn't sound bitchy at all. You've phrased it in a way that suggests that you're offering to relieve them of a responsibility and make their lives easier. I might add that you'd like to be able to keep a stash of her things at school to prevent her being left out again, and while you're at it, I'd also look into getting a doctor's note about the chocolate allergy to keep on file at the school.
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Is it possible to leave a few cupcakes in the freezer at school? That way noone needs to think in advance....other than to let it thaw....easy!
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I think that note sounds great, and you may even find you have common ground with some other mums-I can't imagine NO other mums there take issue with the type of snacks on offer-not necessarily WRT allergies, but purely the fact that they're unhealthy!
X
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That's the issue, Charli, and why I am scared. The parents supply the snacks...so I cannot even let on that I think some of the choices are horrendous, since I don't know who brings what! On the 1st of each month, each parent brings in a snack (a bag of whatever, a box of whatever, fruit is ok too.) This way the school has 17 different snacks. The next month, it's juice from all 17 parents, the next month a snack, and so on. So they have a stocked pantry full of whatever...all from the parents. I have to be soooooo careful not to say anything negative for fear of offending someone...although whoever brought M&M cookies for 10 am snack...I'd like to shake her silly. >:(
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I know every school is different, but I am used to doing it differently--at our nursery school. 1). If a snack/ingredient is off limits then no parent may bring it. 2). Parents who have children with allergies must *check* the snack each AM and *approve* it for their child.
If they allowed you to check the ingredients and approve it then you would know what is being served when.
If someone had a child, with a life threatening allergy, the school would need to do it diffently. You usually sit down with the school nurse or director to talk about things, draw up a plan if an allergy occurenced, have the plan laminated and posted in the classroom so ANY qualified adult can walk into the room and see who has what allergy.
One of my lo is allergeric to a certain antibiotic. Our plan is still posted and laminated in the classroom. (nursery school and now preschool). The drs. Say you must post it. Somewhat silly because no one would administrate this medicine with out a prescription and I would be present for it. Schools look at it as what if I am not reachable and the school needed to get medical attnetion for my lo. Pretty extreme. Your situation is more likely to occur
In today's world, I find it hard to believe that they haven't experienced this before in their classrooms. I can only imagine the liability if they messed up.
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Wow, Anne. I'm just catching up on this thread. The things that stick out to me are: complete disregard by the preschool of Amelia's feelings, complete failure to follow through on a plan that was put in place for you to provide an alternate snack for her, total lack of respect for the children's nutritious wellbeing, and no plan on the school's part to remedy this. Totally unacceptable. I know Millie likes it there, but she'd like any preschool where there are kids her age to play with and where she'd be learning new things. Is it possible to address this with a letter to parents, the email to the preschool you had outlined, a letter from your doctor, and then a new hunt for another preschool? I just couldn't keep my girls somewhere where safety was at stake and their feelings were not being looked out for in special circumstances.
As for what happens in our preschool: every parent provides a single serving of fresh fruit or veggies each morning they drop their child off. The staff cut it all up, put it on a plate, and it is the 'sharing snack' of the morning. They are encouraged to try some of everything, so I often send stuff I know they're reluctant to eat a home (kiwi, peppers, mangoes, tomatoes) so that they at least get some there! There is only one morning snack (two is nuts by the way, like they're filling time!), then lunch and afternoon snack which are solely provided by the parents. If you include garbage snacks, like fruit-roll-ups or candy, they are not offered to your child and will get sent home in the lunch bag with a note encouraging better choices (nicely worded, but the point gets across, thankfully I've never gotten one, but I work very hard at providing nutritious choices). If you send baked goods from home (I make nutritious muffins) that's fine after they've eaten all their fruits and veggies. All parents are reminded in the monthly newsletter to please provide at least two more servings of fruits or veggies for the day's meals as part of Canada's Food Guide recommendations. Some parents need to be told this stuff. I don't take offence to it because nutrition is #1 on my priority list.
As far as allergies go, there is a child there with anaphylactic peanut allergy, so no peanuts or products containing peanuts are allowed. Period. You'd think a chocolate allergy would be easier to get around, since most kids shouldn't be eating chocolate on a daily basis anyways!!!
Hugs to you and Millie. This sucks! :-*
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Any headway on this one, Anne?
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Anne I'm just so sorry you needed to write this letter in the first place. I think you've come across so well. I've got everything crossed that this works out for the best and that they stand up and take notice xx
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Ps if they ask you to leave I'd be shocked and appalled, you're not in the slightest bit rude or confrontational, all you're trying to do is make sure this is a safe and happy place for your daughter xx
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I would probably try and make it shorter; as written it's on the long side and they may or may not have time to read it all before they react to it.
I also think I'd take out the sentence/question, "Is it because we choose to be dye-free? And so her chocolate allergy isn't taken seriously?" Given how they've responded to you so far on other issues, they might end up getting defensive at this. :-\
I might also add a sentence saying that even though her symptoms are relatively mild now, there is always the possibility, as with any allergy to any food, that symptoms can worsen the next time that food is given, so food allergies in general are a serious medical concern, not just for your child but for any child.
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You're right Deb...I will edit that...I had a feeling that part was OTT. Even though it's true.
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In lieu of that, should I add something like "If a doctors note would help for this to be considered a real issue, then I am glad to provide just that. I hadn't done so up until now because I thought we had arrived at a mutual underdtanding" :-\
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I like it. I agree with Deb about the length but I really do think it all needs to be said :-\ I agree to leave the bit out about being dye free and I would add your sentence about the doctors note but I would probably just leave it at you would be happy to provide it. I think the last sentence "I hadn't done soo up until now..." doesn't really need to be there :-\
I dont think they can kick you out over this and TBH, if they did, I wouldn't want my child at a place where there clearly isn't an open door policy. It's a great letter which clearly states what has happened and what you need and you have been completely respectful of everyone involved.
(((((hugs)))))
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And then this past week, to find that an activity was devoted to the children looking at different kinds of chocolate bars and then recording whose favorite was which...when my daughter has never had any? It felt so exclsionary to me...it hurt me to think that my daughter was faced to choose things that she has never/will never have
Wow, that is just the wackiest "activity" I have ever heard of...why not use fruits and veggies, or something, anything but candy!
I think if you can manage to shorten it a bit it would be better, because I can see them getting defensive just looking at the length of it...honestly I am picturing them looking at it and rolling their eyes before even giving it a read and hearing what you have to say (which I think comes across full of nothing but concern and caring for your child, which is as it should be!)
I agree with Deb that they really need to be made aware that past reactions do not predict future ones, and some hives this time could be anaphylaxis the next.
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{{hugs}} Anne.
I agree with shortening, but am not entirely sure how. It does all need to be said. :-\
Wow, that is just the wackiest "activity" I have ever heard of...why not use fruits and veggies, or something, anything but candy!
Because it's almost Halloween ::)
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A lot to say here, but yeah...I have only had the kids sample apples this time of year. LeArn about various charts re:the most liked or the least liked. Have them use a string to measure the width of the apple. Etc.
Perhaps I am missing the boat, but I would leave out the dye free stuff. If they are allowing kids to bring in chocolate, on a no party day, two snacks a day they won't ::)get why you chose (I get it!!!) ;)To be dye free.
I would also leave out the "possibility" the allergy could get worse. Spin it a bit so they/drs. are worried the next step could be a serious situation.
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Any luck Anne? :-*
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Curious also!
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I sent it yesterday, and just got a note from her (the director) that said "I'd like to talk to you as soon as possible...can we meet after class tomorrow? Thank you!"
And I wrote back "Thanks for the response. I'm really hoping we can find some time to talk on the phone? This way there won't be any interuptions, and no chance of Millie hearing our discussion. I will make myself available any time that is convenient for you....thanks so much."
Last time we had a meeting after school it was ridiculous because her son and my dd were playing, arguing, interupting every 5 seconds...AND dd was just trying to hear us, wanting to be near me and it was a disaster.
I'm fairly sure we are going to be asked to leave.
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(((((hugs))))) I really hope she will be willing to speak over the phone and that she is going to hear you and find something that works for all! I hope they aren't kicking you out!
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Surely she just wants to clear things up as soon as possible....asking you to leave seems crazy. Fingers crossed that it goes well.
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Everything about this place seems crazy, actually. I just hope they realize that in the midst of all the defensiveness and adversarial b.s....there is a 4 year old child. To be asked to leave would hurt her. I would be furious if they just disregrded her that way, but then, isn't that what they have done all along?
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Oh Anne, do you really think they would ask you to leave? I would think she should try to be more accommodating , after all you have raised Very valid concerns. I mean, even if the concerns werent as serious as yours, every parent has a RIGHT to work with child educators to find a situation that is right for their child.
Huge hugs, keep us posted
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Everything about this place seems crazy, actually.
The chocolate exercise with a child that can't eat chocolate did blow my mind! Still have fingers crossed for you guys.
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dropping off hugs and support for you! Sorry the drama keeps going...
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No meeting this morning, Amelia didn't go to school...she has a fever. :-\ I'm sure the teacher thinks I'm lying...LOL. So me and my girl are sticking home today...(trying not to think about what happened in July...being vigilant!)...and hopefully she'll be ok for her Halloween parade on Friday morning. Fingers crossed. :)
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Get well soon Amelia :-* :-*
Surely you cannot be asked to leave? :o If I was the director I would just be wanting to reassure the parents and make sure that we were finally on the same page, I am pretty sure they wouldn't kick out a delightful pupil who happens to have an allergy, if they did get straight onto the newpapers!! I actually think they are lucky it is you they are dealing with because if the sort of candy goings on were at my dd's preschool I would have kicked up a fuss with the teachers and parents, there is a time and a place ofr "treat" and it is not school ::) I know childhood obesity is a big problem everywhere but in particular in the US and I think they are being so irresponsible giving the kids sugary snacks and even having lessons around sweets, WTF? I may have to send Jamie Oliver over to Millie's preschool ;D
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Thanks Katt. It seems to be the norm here, and speaking up and asking about the junk food causes one to be ostracised. Rather than think for a moment and say "Actually, why IS my kid having oreos and fruit punch at 10 am?", instead people feel defensive...it's just insane. It is always just me...I am always the only one it feels like. I can't wait for Montessouri...where we'd be normal.
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Aw Anne you'd be normal here too :( ((hugs)) and healthy vibes for darling Millie xx
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I can't get my head around that crazy situation, you must feel like you are in the Twighlight Zone :P Did I miss something, is Amelia going to start Montessori?
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Thanks Katt. It seems to be the norm here, and speaking up and asking about the junk food causes one to be ostracised. Rather than think for a moment and say "Actually, why IS my kid having oreos and fruit punch at 10 am?", instead people feel defensive...it's just insane. It is always just me...I am always the only one it feels like. I can't wait for Montessouri...where we'd be normal.
I am so so baffled by this. We were at Maeve's settling in meeting today and the classroom leader brought up healthy eating and said it is one of their main rules and goals and thanked all the parents for healthy snacks and lunches that we send. She said she was really pleased we all were sticking to the rules of 'no juice, no chocolate, no sweets, no crisps' so the fact M's nursery gives those things really shocks me. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
I hope your sweet girl is better soon xxx
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Katt, we're thinking of Montessuori for kindergarten next year. :) Where there is a dye free, no garbage policy....and everyone is in agreement with it. Enrollment there is up, and enrollment at most other private preschools is down...ummm...maybe there's a link, people? >:(
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More hugs. It's not really called snack here any more, it is called Nutrition break.
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Love that, ais. At this Montessouri, (maybe all of them actually?) the snacks are self-directed. So, grapes are out in a bowl, some cheese and crackers, apples etc...and the kids eat whenever they want. They don't feel that they should impose on a child when it's "time" to eat or drink....I like that.
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At this Montessouri, (maybe all of them actually?) the snacks are self-directed.
I think so...my nephew did Montessori for pre school and they were only allowed to bring fruits & veggies for snacks. I'm kind of glad I have to send Spencer her own snack as then I can control what she is having.
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That's awesome, fruits and veggies only...but I really like the idea that they can stop and have a little something whenever they feel like it. And when it isn't "junk", the kids do eat when they are hungry...they don't just eat because it's cookies, kwim?
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That's awesome, fruits and veggies only...but I really like the idea that they can stop and have a little something whenever they feel like it. And when it isn't "junk", the kids do eat when they are hungry...they don't just eat because it's cookies, kwim?
Even at Niklas and Addison's school they have open eating times - so when the 'green light' is on they are free to go get their lunches and placemats and sit and eat (they must sit to eat). It gives them a lot of freedom. There is only about 2 hours where the 'red light' indicates they shouldn't eat. And it is entirely healthy foods. Strict requirements for no candy, junk etc. fruit, veg and healthy foods only.
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Anne, I was thinking of you today when J came home from school with a letter from the teacher reminding us of the Halloween parade on Monday and a paragraph at the bottom reminding us (for the second or third time this month, since it's on his calendar and on another notice) to NOT send Halloween treats for snack time, or for the class party. Like...at all. Ever.
Actually at the the beginning of the year, each parent was asked to send in $5, so when they do have class parties, the teacher purchases healthy snacks with the money. And for Kindie concerts, etc, parents are asked to send water, fruit, veggies, crackers and cheese, etc.
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Going along with Duckie's post, we just got this email from the teacher in regards to Hallowee'en on Monday for the class party:
Since the children will have lots of treats during the evening, I ask for only a healthy donation of fruit or veg and dip. There will be a sign-up sheet outside the classroom.
Hey, maybe you should print this thread off for them for your meeting Anne. :P ;) Coud you imagine?! :o
:-*
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LOL Ais!!
Get well, Millie! I hope she's better tonight- thinking of you and truly baffled by the school's food policies!
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Hoping Millie gets well soon!
And Anne, you would be 'normal' here too. Maybe time to look at relocating to the Great White North!!?? ;)
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Ais it's unreal that you posted that!! As I was reading Duckie's post I was thinking "Imagine if I just showed them this?" and then you said just that! If we get booted, I'm showing them the whole friggin thread..."Hey look ladies...women all over the EARTH think this is ridiculous...not just ME!"
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DS's new kindergarten teachers came around for a visit last week, to meet him/us before he starts next week. He takes his own morning snack at this one and we were told strictly it is to be fruit, vegetables, and/or whole grain bread. Nothing outside of that list. No drinks, they will provide milk, water and tea (herbal teas for kids is a big thing here.) At his first kindergarten morning snack was more communal but on Fridays the children each picked a little laminated card with a food item and stuck it on the board next to their picture. That was the food the parent had to supply for the following week. It was whole grain breads, cheeses, spreads, butter, a dozen hardboiled eggs, a bag of carrots, a kilo of cherry tomatoes, kilo of bananas, etc etc etc. OK so that place was not perfect but at least the snack made a bit of sense!!
Anne if they kick you out (I would be shocked if they did, could you imagine?!?!!!) will it not just confirm with you that they are not the best school for Amelia?
The whole chocolate bar survey just baffles me. I can see what they are doing with the survey but CHOCOLATE BARS?! wtf?
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Haven't read all the posts but I gotta say I am amazed that they let your kids eat that sort of food....
Over here in Perth, Australia, they are so strict with what you bring for snack time.....we are basically told fruit, cheese or as a rare treat sultana's....it is then all cut up and put on 5 different plates and the kids sit and share....they are very strict with fluids too.....water only.....and they will not allow us to bring in cakes for birthday's...which at first I thought was a bit harsh, until I was parent helper...and thought god help them if they did allow sugary foods....a class room full of hyperactive 4 years in the morning....not a good thing!!!
I would definitely start looking in to some sort of healthy guidelines plan that perhaps the Education Department should instigate.
Hope you get have some success, because that is disgraceful giving them chocolate biscuits etc in the morning at school...certainly not teaching healthy eating.....
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Any news? Been wondering how you got on.
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Just catching up on this thread and my neck is sore from shaking my head so much!! I don't know what's more ridiculous - cookies at 9am, a school that doesn't communicate, people that fail to see that hives with one exposure can easily be anaphylaxis the next exposure, or what!!
How maddening, Anne. I hope things are going ok. Curious to her about the meeting with the director as well. You'll definitely feel more at home at Montessori!
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Just read through this.....hope it turned out OK. hugs
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I have also been wondering. How are things?
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Sorry I haven't responded....I tend to withdraw when I'm upset...and this school has me upset on a dialy basis.
Ok...so...without saying too much, the meeting was ridiculous...and basically they were like "We just feel that if you're this unhappy, maybe you should consider another school" And I said "Oh isn't that nice? You do a "bait and switch"...make yourselves out to be something you're not, and then when someone calls you out on it, you just shrug and say "oh well, you're free to leave', when we all know there is a CHILD in the middle of this. I am trying to let her enjoy what has become hers...this place, these routines...it isn't so easy to 'just' go somewhere else." Lots of drama....with the hives, all they had to say was "We dropped the ball...we should have called you." Um, really? One of them suggested that she actually didn't eat chocolate that day, and that *her* dd would get hives whenever she sat near someone wearing wool...that the hives could be from anything. The whole thing was ridiculous...just ridiculous. That's about all I can say.
OK...so...pick up on Wednesday last week. Director approaches me and says "I just wanted to let you know...we'll be doing this craft next week...sooooo....I don't know how you'd like to handle it...or....well...." And she shows me a magazine page, and the "craft" is making acorns...edible acorns...out of CHOCOLATE KISSES with vanilla wafers on top. I was stunned, speechless. I said I would look for white kisses, but stuttered through most of it...the rage I felt was so intense. :'( :'( :'(
A craft made out of Herhsey kisses? When we JUST had all this drama? WTF WTF WTF? Why do they have not one iota of regard for her?
So....there is no such thing as white kisses, and I think I need to keep dd home that day. I am contemplating whether or not to let the teacher know or not?? Email..."Just wanted to let you know I did look for Hershey kisses in white, to find that they do not exist. So I think I have no choice but to keep Amelia out of class that day." Or just say nothing...keep her home, and let that be it.
I have plans with dh tonight to make a pro/con list with regard to pulling her out of there. I know I should....but then I just think of her and get upset. :'(
Anyway...this latest supidity...email or no? There is no use fighting them on it, they will just tell me I can leave if I don't like it. And if I leave, it is going to be because *I* decide to leave. This is all so heartbreaking...that this is all so ugly and difficult. They are such liars. :'(
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I can't believe they aren't trying to make this work. That is insane. Are there any other school options for Amelia? At least that way if you do decide to take her out you could explain that this new school has xyz that is EVEN BETTER than this school.
Is there someone above these people that you can write a letter to? They must have a boss. If it's a for profit organization the people at the top surly won't be happy with their performance. And if it's not for profit there must be some board or something. A little more effort on their part would go a long way.
Lots and lots and lots of hugs.
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Thank you. :-* I acn't believe it either. And yes, there is a "board" that manages the school...but (you aren't going to believe this) when dh and I asked to meet with them, we were told no. That in 30 years, nobody has ever asked to meet with the board, and that the board is up to date on what has been happening because THEY READ ALL EMAIL COMMUNICATION TO THE TEACHERS, and were in full agreement that they have done all they are going to do, and that if I was this unhappy, then we should leave.
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I'm not sure if I missed something, was Amelia actually given chocolate at school? :o
I just can't believe they are making a chocolate craft, so damn inconsiderate and so unnecessary! If they really need to make a treat why can't they make cookies? It is unbelievable that they have a child with a chocolate allergy and they are making a craft with chocolate, it just baffles me ::) Why are they making chocolate treats at school when everyone knows there is an obesity and health problem, what the hell are they teaching the kids ???
I agree with Georgeo, I would have to go up the ladder and complain now!
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Just seen your last post, I would not stand for that, I would insist on meeting the board otherwise I'd be going to the local newspaper!!
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If we leave, I am absolutely going to make a LOT of noise about this place, but there is just no point in asking for a meeting anymore...we were told no, and if the bottom line is "Take it or leave"...then what is the point? It is a dead-end.
And yes, she had chocolate at school...she was covered in hives back in Oct when I picked her up, and I found out that there were brownies that day (for a birthday). Normally dd won't touch chocolate, but she obvioulsy did.
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Ugh. Total nightmare. I can absolutely feel for you Anne after what we have bene through this year with my DS starting and us having to pull him out. I know the up and down emotion you are having.
We really really struggled with the decision to pull DS from his first kindergarten (which is the equivalent to preschool). We hadn't chosen it lightly, we had started looking into kindergartens 14 months in advance and talked to EVERYONE we could about our choices so that we could get "the dirt" on all of them and know the nitty gritty, the things the school does not want you to know, the gossip, the truth, etc. We had 4 visits with the kindergarten in the 12 months before DS started and it was only on the last one, about a month before he was due to start, that we got some niggles of doubt. Until then we had only heard good things and so on.
But those little concerns started out like yours...little things, things that made me question if it was ME that was the problem, if if was me having trouble letting go, if it was me overreacting, and so on. Meetings with the school where I was brushed off with things like "can we just agree to disagree and move forwards...." and so on. I kept him there because I did not want to break DS's heart. I did not want to take it from him, I wanted him to feel a part of it and settle in, me to relax about things and shrug them off....I made so many pros and cons lists and at the end of the day when the pros list was massive and the cons list not so big it didn't matter to me because the big con was "my gut and heart tell me it is not right..." and that was that. DH and I talked of it every night, non stop, day in day out and came to no decisions ever. And then one day I picked DS up and something had not sat well with me and I texted DH and said "he is never going back. my mind is made up. end of."
DH spent days trying to convince me - look at the pros! he would say. But I held my ground. I admit I was sooooo scared about what it would do to DS (I know you have seen my threads!!) but now DH has thanked me for having had the courage and smarts to go with my gut/heart.
Several people have asked us why we pulled him out and they want the dirt, the gossip, etc. And we have always held to our party line - it just did not work for our family. There are many happy families there - and we don't want to judge them and say "um, because we think that 1 teacher supervising 60+ kids on a 4 acre playground is not acceptable" etc etc....if it works for THEM it is fine, but it does not work for US. We hmmd and hawed over making noise about it, but in our case it was pointless and just doesn't work culturally for the way preschools are structured in our city; adding in that my DH sort of has to keep 'mum' about things with his role in the city. We have, however, kept no secrets to our close friends what the problems were and gossip has slowly worked itself around amongst a LOT of people. It was just the way that we needed to do things on that front.
So with Amelia's preschool I would say that there are obviously many families who really don't care what their kids are eating, or crafts they are doing, or how many snack and break times there are and so on. And to each their own. But if it is not working for YOU then go with your heart: Take her out. She will thrive more for it. It might hurt her to be taken out, it might be a struggle adjusting her to a new place again, but it won't take long before it is a distant memory.
I knwo my DS is younger and he has a very different personality, but we explained it to him in ways that were true but that also made sense in his head. He has had a lot of tears in leaving his new kindergarten at the end of each day and we have sussed that he is worried that it will be taken from him, just like his last one was. Which breaks my heart, but he is 3. He will come in time to trust that it will not disappear, that he is there for the year and that he can allow himself to love it, you know? Once he gets past those tears each day he is a different child than he was when I picked him up from his old place. And it is working for us.
If you are feeling they are liars, then to me that would be the final straw. It's not about chocolate, or nightmares, or snack time or craft time or settling in, or visitation or anything like that....it is about the fact that their attitude and beliefs don't align themselves with yours. Stay true to your family values.
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OMG!!!! I cannot believe what you have been thru/are going thru, Anne! You have and are still being treated so inconsiderately. HUGS :-* I remember from way back how important Millie's first steps into school would be to you and how gently you wanted the transition to be ... and they have totally destroyed this for you :'( I feel so bad for you :-* It is such an important step in our lives as parents ... I am astounded at their lack of consideration >:(
I am with Katt, I would so kick up a stink about this with a local newspaper .. maybe having people look at them (as a school) may get them to change some of their attitudes and rectify their awful curriculum (no way should they be having chocolate/treat fuelled topics. Totally the wrong message for the next generation. I'm so angry on your behalf >:(
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{{HUGS}} Anne..I am so angry for you. It seems the school is not taking you and your dd's allergy AT ALL seriously. I cannot believe their reaction to you at the meeting. Any allergy should be taken seriously and chocolate is not necessary to run a classroom...they should be striving to make all the children feel included and welcome, not making you jump through hoops to make your dd be able to attend. What a tough spot you are in..I know you don't want to move your dd, but they are honestly being so unreasonable I would definitely start looking into other options. As far as the craft with hershey kisses for goodness sake..what about sending a small fig or hazelnut or something of that nature?
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Oh Anne. I wish I knew what to say ....
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Don't have much time but have you said anything to any of the other parents? I know if another parent told me something like that was happening to their dd I would think twice about the kind of people that were looking after my ds! If they're having no regard for your dd's allergy what else are they blowing off? They should be considering all the children when picking a craft. That's just insane to do a chocolate one when there's an allergy. Would they do something with peanuts if there was a peanut allergy?!? I'm in TN and we have a news station that does a segment called 'that's messed up'. Don't know if there's anything like that in NY but that would definetely get their attention if they had a reporter poking around!
For the white kisses, I know last Christmas (haven't looked for them this year) they had some candy cane kisses that were white chocolate with peppermint. I don't know if she'd mind having striped acorns but maybe they could work if you wanted her to be able to do the craft?
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Gee Anne, I gotta say I would not only bring that school to their knees by bringing this to the TV or newspapers, but I would take your little lass and get her out of that school.....that is unbelievable that they are doing a craft making chocolates....they are suppose to be promoting healthy eating etc, schools over here are so strict on that they wouldn't even entertain the thought and you certainly would never have the need to ever have this sort of conversation with our teachers....are they strict like that with children that have nut allergies??? In the sense that you aren't allowed to take ANY sort of nuts to school in their lunches?
I vote take her out of that school though regardless, I am astounded that they aren't listening to the fact that your daughter is clearly allergic to chocolate.....
Another thing, can you contact the Education Department over there...do they oversee this school....I would see how high you can take this....they have a duty of care and are clearly not meeting the needs of your child.
Sending you guys heaps of hugs, you guys don't deserve to be treated like that.....this makes my blood boil...what a shame I don't live near you, they wouldn't cross me twice!!!
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Hugs, Anne. This is just getting more and more ridiculous. I'm with everyone else. I know it'll be hard for Amelia and it must feel awful but I your gut has been telling you to get her out of there for some time now and I think you're really right. I would be thinking about how to alert potential future families as well, as you said. This just isn't right. :(
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Why don't you use the Christmas holidays as a bridge to a new school? Take her out around now -- Thanksgiving and Christmas will keep you super busy anyway -- then the new year will be a good bridge to a new school. It just seems like such a mess there :(
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What i am finding crazy is they were trying to cover themselves and say that they don't think A ate chocolate and you can sit next to someone eating chocolate and get hives if you are allergic and the they are going to have the whole class work and be touching chocolate, that is so effed up >:( You pay for A to attend the school, why should you be keeping her home because they are doing a whole project around chocolate, CRAZY!!!
I would be calling up the newspaper today and I like the idea about using the holidays to transition to another school. I know Amelia loves it but I don't know if you can trust these teachers who think it is ok to disrespect her mum so much :(
BTW is she still having terrors? :-* :-*
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Thnak you guys. :-* Validation helps alot. (((hugs)))
Katt the NTs have slowed...maybe 3 times a week instead of multiple times a night. We had 4 nights in a row of quiet, then last night was a bad NT. :'( So, improving.
At drop-off today, I asked the director to clarify when the "craft" was, and she confirmed it would be Wednesday, and did I find white kisses to use? I tried to stay as polite as I could, and said "Actually, there is no such thing as white kisses, so I think it's best I keep her at home that day." And she was all "Oh no...then we just won't do it...or doesn't Michaels have white kisses? Maybe we could get chocolate molds and make some white ones?" And I wanted to scream "WHY IS THIS STUPID CRAFT SO IMPORTANT TO YOU?!?!? GO COLLECT LEAVES OUTSIDE OR REAL FRIGGIN ACORNS!!!!!!!" And instead I just said "It's fine, really...I don't want to cause a problem...do your thing, and I'll just keep her home...it's fine." And she followed me down the hall, saying "We really don't want her to miss school...we just won't do the craft...we'll do something else..." And I wanted to go "YA THINK?!?!?" I got emotional and said "I don't want her to miss class either....but I have to think of her feelings...I'll just keep her home...(tears rolling now...I couldn't stop it...I just hate how I'm viewed there)...it's really fine, truly...just do your craft." And she said "No...we don't want that. Let's just not do it." And she said we could talk later about it.
UUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
*meanwhile, it took me about 30 seconds online to find a craft "edible acorns" that does NOT use chocolate. Maybe I should bring it in later. I don't even know anymore.
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Ugh Anne. I really do understand your feelings. And hey, great, at the end of the day they see the bigger picture and she is willing to cancel it, but the thing is WHY DID THEY NOT THINK OF THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!? Or, why did they not say to you "Just FYI we are doing this craft, and we found some white kisses, so we will have both on offer for all of the kids but we will make sure Millie takes white..." It's called being a responsible proactive teacher/leader/instructor/director. ::)
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Thanks Mashi. I know you get it. :-* I alkso feel like you know what it's like to be misunderstood, and sometimes, just astounded that people don't see things the way you do. I mean, to me, this is so simple...but once again I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, being labeled a PITA, when it's really just so, so simple, and I'm astonished that everyone doesn't see it!!! This whole thing has just been so exhausting...I hate it.
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I'm so sorry Anne. I hate getting 'labeled' somewhere and then everything that happens after that is somehow seen from a tainted perspective. Ugh. I get it and I'm sorry you're going through it.
I'm baffled as well about the craft. If there is a child in the class with a food allergy, then that food needs to be avoided. Period. If this were a nut allergy, would they be making acorns out of nuts?? I think not. If I'm being honest here, I think they are not taking Millie's allergy at all seriously. It's not about good nutrition here, it's about Millie's safety and wellbeing, which they are blatantly disregarding. In which case you cannot keep here there. They have made it clear that they are not willing to change and if you have a problem with it you should leave. That pretty much says it all!! And while Millie deserves to be happy in a preschool, she deserves more a preschool that will respect her family and her in every way. Don't shortsell her or you!! You both deserve waaayyy better!!
:-*
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Here here Nicole ;)
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Wow Anne, I am speechless! This is so crazy, honestly, I do not get these people!
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I got emotional and said "I don't want her to miss class either....but I have to think of her feelings...I'll just keep her home...(tears rolling now...I couldn't stop it...I just hate how I'm viewed there)...it's really fine, truly...just do your craft." And she said "No...we don't want that. Let's just not do it." And she said we could talk later about it.
{{Hugs}}
Obviously the teacher's offer is way too little way too late, BUT if you want to try to make this place work, why not take her up on the offer? Perhaps her initial reaction was defensive and now that she's had more time to think about your requests she's trying be more accommodating.
Perhaps call her or email her and give her the link to the craft that you found and suggest that as an option.
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I have pm'd you dear friend. I am sooo sorry this continues to be a battle- fwiw, I feel Millie and you all deserve better! I agree with Mashi's advice a page or two back.
I'm just stunned by the school's lack of sensitivity and frankly safety!
Hugs and love to you...
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Just m@rking my spot because I'm horrified at all you've had to deal with with this school and it reminds me SOOOOO much of the 1st daycare centre I sent my ds and dd too when we moved here. I was told that fruit would be provided by the centre for m.tea so on our first day, I didn't send in any m.tea in his lunch box because i was under the impression that all the kids share fruit. Well it was 1 apple and 1 orange cut up on a plate (FOR 24 kids to share! WTF!) and it was offered but not really encouraged, so the kids were going into there lunch box for chocolate biscuits, chips (crisps!) roll ups (sticky "fruit" things that stick in your teeth and are full of sugar) etc.
Well I stared at the content of these kids lunch boxes and said to the the group leader - ummm I thought they were having fruit for m.tea so I didn't send anything and wth is with all these snacks?! And she just said "altho we encourage healthy eating, we have no control over what parents send in."
Well, I went to my car and cried! Rang my dh and said these kids are not staying at this daycare. They did end up staying there for about 2 months until I could get them into a better daycare but I am SOOOOOO 10000000% happy that we switched daycares. I could not leave my child there any longer than I had to. No way. Me being upset was not good for our family. I am so happy with our decision to switch. Now they go to a daycare with a chef!!! :) They have fruit and crackers and beautiful veggie soups and casseroles and pasta all made onsite by the chef. Yep it costs a little more but so worth it. Happy mum = happy kids!
Mel
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Thanks for sharing that Mel. I do wonder if all my stress and distrust is spoiling it all anyway. Dh despises it too. The bottom line? If they were babysitters, and misrepresented themselves this way, and disregarded my daughter this way I would fire them, never call them again, and I would tell all my friends not to use them either. That says it all, huh?
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If they were babysitters, and misrepresented themselves this way, and disregarded my daughter this way I would fire them, never call them again, and I would tell all my friends not to use them either. That says it all, huh?
True!
Hugs Anne
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The bottom line? If they were babysitters, and misrepresented themselves this way, and disregarded my daughter this way I would fire them, never call them again, and I would tell all my friends not to use them either. That says it all, huh?
EXACTLY!!!!
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The bottom line? If they were babysitters, and misrepresented themselves this way, and disregarded my daughter this way I would fire them, never call them again, and I would tell all my friends not to use them either. That says it all, huh?
You definitely know the answer to this one, Anne. :( Sucks that it had to go this way!
What ever happened with the craft today?
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They didn't do it. When I said I was going to keep dd home, she said they would do a different craft. ::) Idiots.
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Oh Anne. Are you going to move her? Have you decided? I am just sick about this - this should be such a nice time for her and you where she spreads her wings but it is just a stressor. :(. Huge huge hugs!
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this should be such a nice time for her and you where she spreads her wings but it is just a stressor. . Huge huge hugs!
Yes- that is just what I am thinking too- of course any child starting preschool is emotional for the mom and it SHOULD be a good stress and growth for both child and parent. What is happening with you and your sweet girl is horrible. Trust breaking for sure, and I am sad for you that the rosy images in your brain/heart of her first school have not come to pass. You were robbed!