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EAT => Eating For Toddlers => Topic started by: clairebear79 on June 02, 2012, 22:17:36 pm
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I apologise now b/c this will be lengthy.
DS is 21.5 months old, & is VERY picky about his lunchtime & teatime meals. Basically he refuses to eat most things that are offered aside from a limited selection of 'favourites'. It has gone on for so long now (approx 10 months) I'm not sure how to get us back on the right track.
So I'll tell you what he does eat most days :-[ :
7.30am Breakfast - cereal/porridge followed by some fresh fruit eg blueberries. He ALWAYS eats it, & usually asks for more - it is never refused.
10.00am Snack - Banana/grapes/apple or other fresh fruit. We cut out his PM snack several months ago in a bid to make sure he is hungry for tea.
12.00pm Lunch - wholemeal toast,along with some corn crisps (eg skips/pom bears) & some grapes/chunks of apple. Occasionally he has sandwiches but he won't eat anything except jam or cheese (which he can only tolerate small amounts of b/c he is MPI). Any other fillings he picks out & just eats the bread. I am struggling for ideas for sandwich fillings or for any other lunch ideas so if anyone can inspire me then please do.
5pm Tea - meatballs, chicken nuggets, sausages or fishfingers. Served with pasta, rice, cous cous or potatoes (none of which he will eat, unless the potatoes are of the chipped variety ::)). I usually serve veggies on his plate but he never ever touches them. He hasn't eaten these since he was about 10 months old. So basically he eats meat or fishfingers & that's it, unless I give him chips, which I now do quite often just so he's eating something. :-[ Occasionally we have pizza. For dessert he has a pot of jelly or fruit puree.
7.30pm Bottle - 8oz coconut milk
As you can see, tea time is the meal we struggle most with. He won't eat any form of plain meat eg roast chicken breast or roast beef. He seems to like his food really dry so if I serve it with any kind of sauce eg tomato/cheese/gravy he completely refuses. Won't eat bolognese or lasagne or anything else in a tomato sauce (TBH though he never really liked tomato sauces even when we were weaning him) Won't eat shepherds pie or stew/casserole anymore (although he did at one stage). So its plain meat or nothing.
I am now really struggling with what to serve as accompaniments these days, esp. since he will no longer eat pasta or potatoes (which he used to love). Oh and he now refuses to eat eggs too.
When I cook him anything alternative, he won't even try the food I offer, he just looks at what I have plated up, shakes his head & says 'no' & he point blank refuses to even taste it. I wouldn't mind so much if I felt he was trying it but he's not. Then of course there's the wastage. I try not to stress about it & never try to force him to eat anything as I don't want mealtimes to become a battle. But it really IS starting to concern me.
Because I have spent SO long struggling to find things he WILL eat, I am ashamed to admit that for the last few months I have fallen into the trap of most days, offering him what I know he will eat, rather than giving something which I know he'll refuse & him have to go hungry. I hate letting him go hungry b/c it often leads to him EWing the next day. Anyone who's read any of my posts will know we've had terrible trouble with EW for a long time & I'm so frightened to let anything upset his sleep. But I suspect that in doing this I am compounding the problem. :-[
What's most annoying of all is that at nursery (he goes 1 day/week) he eats shepherds pie, sausage casserole, corned beef hash, all with veg. This week he even ate chilli con carne. And they offer jam sandwiches if he refuses what they give him, which I don't do at home. If he can eat proper meals at nursery, then surely he can eat it at home ???
So...tonight, I cooked chicken curry & rice. I know he has eaten this at nursery, so I gave him some too. He completely refused, tipped the food off the plate & then he asked for a yoghurt. We said no. So DH has the bright idea to try & bribe him by saying 'you can have a yoghurt if you eat some chicken curry.' So DS obligingly opens up his mouth & eats the piece of chicken. And then demands 'yoghurt!'. Since DS did what was asked of him, we felt it was unfair not to keep to our side of the deal, so he got his pudding. Darn it outsmarted by a toddler! ::) Seriously though, I don't want to have to resort to bribes. Is it really the only way ???
So I'm looking for some constructive advice on how to get out of this 'situation' we find ourselves in. I'd really like him to eating a better variety of foods & just eat some proper meals - is that so much to ask??? Am I being unrealistic to expect a toddler to eat what we eat???
With regard to the refusals - how do I know if he's just being stubborn versus actually disliking something ??? And are we taking the right approach in letting him go hungry? Is it just a case of keeping it up for the foreseeable future & when he's hungry enough, he will start to eat what we offer ???
Also on days like today, where we are giving new foods, is it fair to make him go hungry if he doesn't eat it? Should I make him an alternative? Or should I cook him something he likes eg nuggets along side a small dollop of curry & see if he eats it, so I introduce it as a small portion rather than a full dish IYSWIM?
I've also considered if maybe I need to make him feel more grown up - so we've bought some big boy cutlery & plates & are contemplating ditching the highchair in favour of a booster seat (although he's quite happy to sit in highchair) - do you think that would help?
If anyone managed to get to the end of this & has any suggestions/advice I'd really appreciate it.
xx
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OMG this could be me writing this, dinner is the worst in our house too ::) just following along :-*
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*Hugs* Claire :-*
He's doing a lot better than my DS right now - we're back on stage 1 or 2 purees mostly as he just won't chew anything while his teeth are bugging him :( :( :(
I do insist that he tries at least a spoonful, and often he'll decide that he actually is hungry and will eat the rest of the meal :)
Don't worry too much about it affecting his sleep - DS ate and drank very little yesterday and I was expecting NW, but he went through until 8.20am when I got him up!
My worries are more that DS is just not getting enough food - he's basically having what a child 1 year younger would be having :'( That said, when he's like this he barely moves off the sofa and sleeps tons so I guess he's just about coping on it ??? It's not right though :'(
As to whether they should be eating what us adults eat - the books all say they should, but IRL a lot of toddlers don't, especially when they are teething / ill which seems to be pretty much constantly :(
Hope some others who've BTDT can add something? :-*
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We're in the exact same boat too. DD will eat any fruit or cereal, plain sandwiches, toast, homemade pizza, pasta bolognese (only dolmio though!), fishfingers, wee willie winky sausages, carrots, peas. And thats it! No meals, soups, casseroles, potatoes, rice etc. If she sees them on her plate she cries and says no and throws the whole plate away. For the last 2 months i've just been giving her what she likes to avoid the hassle :-( LO also gets upset in the highchair and dont want to make it worse.
We have decided to try twice a week from now on x
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Both my children have been limited eaters, although DS1 hasn't been since he was 8yo... long time getting there.
For at least 2 years Ds2 rarely ate dinner/evening meal, if he did it was half an apple or half a slice of bread. I just made sure he ate bigger meals earlier in the day as at that age it is the food in 24hours that leads to hunger, not the food at bedtime. Also from around 18mo/2yo children often "live on air".
What I found really has worked for us is 5 foods on the plate & 4 must have been eaten to get more of a favourite food/extra or dessert. So at 2yo Dinner was often some sausage, grated cheese, grapes/saltanas, green bean & pasta/1/2 slice of bread. As they got older it became more like serve of our meal & extras, now with DS2 (just turned 7) who doesn't eat potatoes (unless chips/fries) I give pasta/rice or a corn thin with the meat component & 4-5 veg - being older now they have to eat 5 things from the plate - I normally serve at least 3 veg +potato/pasta/rice for a meal & then something like bolognaise counts as 3 (meat, tomato,onion) & with pasta & salad it is pretty easy to get 5 things.
I know that there are people (we had one at preschool giving a talk) who say children need to taste about 5 times... well with my 2 (& both DH & I were limited eaters as children) it is more like 100 times.
FWIW DS1's favourite foods at the moment are roasted cauliflower, grilled fish & curried sausages.
I didn't start what we did until about 2.5yo, but I would give a really small portion of a "liked food" & I'd also try giving some new foods at breakfast when he may be more receptive to it... it is only habit that we eat the way we do & recently our Sunday's have been "topsy turvey days"... today it was sausage rolls for breakfast & oven roasted veg for lunch & cereal for dinner... it is a cold & wet winter day today & well that was how it happened.
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I have to say Claire, I do also worry about sleep, and lack of food, but it never affects Zs sleep. He just always eats a good breakie! I find with Z icing highly energetic that he needs snacks and good breakie and lunch but by the end of the day he is just ready to chill and sleep ::)
I've been trying to fuss less, and I do think a lot of our issues are as hedgehog describes...teething related.
I have a great recipe for you to try Hun, this is how I get veges into Z. Along with chip sized potato, kumera and pumpkin, and carrot sized roasted veges ::) you can change the veges really too and it freezes really well.
http://recipefinder.msn.co.nz/article.aspx?id=765119
Also, I just offer every day, one day he will eat those veges ;)
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Thanks ladies. I don't think teething is to blame here, but more that he is learning that I will just make him the foods he likes for an easy life, which I know I have to stop doing. Its difficult at this age though, b/c I feel he's still a wee bit young to comprehend a rule like katet suggested. Definitely something to keep in mind & introduce soon though.
I think you are right about the sleep not being affected so much now. I have kept sleep logs since O was tiny, & in last few months every time he skipped dinner he EW'd the next day. It was there on my sleep log in black & white so I was convinced it was related. But the other night after his refusal to eat tea & only having a fruit jelly, he STTN so that disproved the theory!!!
Sara - interesting recipe - I'll def give it a try! I had to google 'kumara' though as had no idea what it was - its sweet potato where we live! He used to love it as a baby but I tried offering sweet potato 'chips' a few weeks ago & he point blank refused to try them, even though they are yummy! Will keep on trying though!x
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Its difficult at this age though, b/c I feel he's still a wee bit young to comprehend a rule like katet suggested. Definitely something to keep in mind & introduce soon though.
At that age (actually I think they were a bit older when I started) it wasn't a rule so much as a habit for me. A way to make sure that I offered a balanced variety of foods at each meal & that they got the idea that they couldn't fill up on just plain pasta, but needed to have some fruit (cos at that age veg was a no go) or cheese too. Also about exposure the more times you offer things & they get exposed the more chance of them trying... if you offer 5, then more chances than if you only offer 2 KWIM.
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Also about exposure the more times you offer things & they get exposed the more chance of them trying... if you offer 5, then more chances than if you only offer 2 KWIM.
That makes a lot of sense. So more veggies on the plate!
MIL & FIL came over earlier to talk to me about his eating because they too are struggling with what to feed him when they look after him (1 day/week). He is doing exactly the same at their house, refusing to even try foods & only eating very limited foods. But they are offering an alternative if he refuses. :-\ They too have been making him what they know he likes, but its so few things now we are all getting stuck. It is literally processed meat and nothing else.
We have decided we may have to take the hard-line with him, so have come up with a bit of a plan. We have agreed that we all need to be consistent in our approach & I am going to ask nursery to do the same. There are to be no alternatives offered by MIL or nursery if he refuses his meal, we will only re-offer what has been cooked. We are not going to just give him foods we know he will eat, although he will have something on his plate that he definitely does like, in a limited serving, so he can't completely fill up on just that. We will offer a variety of veg (thanks kate!). And if he refuses to try it but immediately asks for dessert, we have agreed to say 'you CAN have a jelly/yoghurt/biscuit IF you eat your dinner', so we are telling him what he'll get if he does do something (positive reinforcement) rather than saying 'no you can't have a dessert because you didn't eat your dinner' (negative). If he point blank refuses to eat then he gets no dinner.
We tried this approach the last 2 days, this is what happened.
Last night, I made meatballs, which I know he likes. But I decided to serve them coated in a wee bit of tomato sauce, which is something he would usually refuse. I reserved 3 without sauce just in case. When I gave them to him he looked at them & said 'proper meatballs'. Darn that smart kid!!! He knew I'd tampered with his meatballs! He completely refused to even taste the tomato coated ones, so DH gave him the 3 plain ones, which he wolfed. He asked for more, so we told him if he wanted more, he could eat the ones on his plate. He said 'no' & asked for a yoghurt. We told him he could have one if he ate some of the remaining meatballs. He ate a piece, then DH asked can you eat this piece? & he did, & we kept on with that til it was all gone. He didn't eat any of the pasta or veg but eating the sauce covered meatballs was a start. So he got his pot of fruity jelly.
Tonight, has been a lot tougher. I made chicken supreme (chicken in white sauce) with rice & veg. I didn't chop it up, I served it exactly like ours. When I put his plate down he started to scream & cry. I asked if he was going to try his dinner & he said no & went to throw it, so we took the plate from his tray. He immediately started yelling for pudding , and we told him 'you can have your fruity jelly pot, when you've eaten your dinner' and he screamed & tantrumed, and cried, asking for jelly over & over. We stayed firm with our stance, & once we'd finished our tea, his was still on the plate untouched. He continued to beg & scream & cry for 1.5hrs, and eventually, at 6.45pm, he said 'Ollie eat chicken and rice' so I reheated his dinner, put it infront of him & he tucked in. He ate all the chicken (in the sauce), tasted the rice but didn't have very much, and left his veg.
When he had finished we praised him & let him have his jelly. :)
I feel like we may have made a wee bit of a breakthrough, but I'm a little unsure if the approach is right with regard to the dessert. Does it sound reasonable ??? Are we forcing the issue too much ??? I don't want to make things worse but something HAS to change.
One thing I'm not really sure of is how much of his dinner we should expect him to eat, before giving dessert. We feel he should at least make a reasonable effort to try it, and eat some of it, but how much is enough? One bite of each food on his plate? Or half of his dinner? All of it?
I feel this is particularly important, b/c he's already proven that if we say one bite he will do literally that. Also, b/c he is having a tendency to eat his meat but nothing else, should we insist he has to try everything on his plate???
Any thoughts would be much appreciated.x
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Hi Claire and Everyone,
DS Sam has been through this but come out of the other side. Here is what I did:
1. Had a nervous breakdown and obsessed every day.
2. Posted on BW to find he was 1 of 100.000 LO doing the same thing.
;).
But seriously. I offered a decent sized portion of the things he would eat which were minimal. So for eg:
potato and carrot waffle (processed ::))
corned beef
so he has carbs and meat, such as they were.
Then every meal I would offer a vegetable. I served meals in a compartment plate so that he didn't freak about the mystery food touching the other foods. Most of the time I would throw the veg in the bin. But I just kept trying. I felt like I may as well put the money straight in the garbage >:(.
At snack times I would try and ensure to get his 5 a day in him with the varied fruit that he never ever went off. And he has always had a multivitamin syrup with omega 3 so I could rest assured he would be okay.
Often I would put a vegetable or a new food in a bowl for myself and sit down with it. Then he would ask what I had and I would say 'Oh this is sweetcorn (or whatever) and it's Mammy's not Sam's then he would want to try it and he would. Often he didn't like it, but it was a good way to get him to try it and gave me a chance to praise him for for trying. The thing I forced myself to stop doing was to offer a conveyor belt of foods because he was just waiting to see if the next thing was better and serious money was being wasted.
Claire: As you know I did go down the 'Eat this or there's nothing else route' take him down from the chair and reheat it if he told me he was hungry and it did work, most of the time. BUT: I found it too stressful a method to maintain because on the times when he would dig his heels in I was too concerned to send him to bed hungry (like we need an extra factor to stop them from sleeping! ::)) so I would give him cereal or something. So for that reason I found that the other way worked best. I also cut out too many high calorie snacks because sugar just fills them up, so I would keep it to rice cakes, or crackers etc.
So in the last month Sam has had a complete turn around. For example I served up
Chicken breast
mashed potato
yorkshire pudding
broccoli
cauliflower
carrots
garden peas
The first thing he ate was the Broccoli! :o :o :o and he ate every piece of veg.
I would never in a million years have seen this happening. I like to think that the familiarity of the food eventually worked to this effect but who knows ???
I researched a lot on this subject (surprise surprise I am a google addict) and I found a really good 'Peadiatric nutritional site' The best piece of advice which stayed with me is this:
IT IS NOT OUR JOB TO MAKE OUR CHILDREN EAT. BUT IT IS OUR JOB TO OFFER THEM HEALTHY FOODS REGULARLY AND GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS.
I think we all react pretty much the same because usually our picky toddlers were incredibly good eaters as babies 'Oh he/she eats anything' sort of thing. Sam was and I know so was Oliver, Claire, and I remember telling you to enjoy it while it lasts :-X sorry. So we panic 'Oh my goodness what's happened :o! you know ??? then we offer everything and anything to try and put it right, it's a knee jerk reaction, then before you know it you've created a 'little picky monster' ;)
I hope this helps and gives you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel :)
Vicki.x.
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Thanks hun.
I had already taken on board some of your suggestions so he's already having the abidec, afternoon snack is gone, morning snack is usually 1/2 banana or apple & we are not offering him alternatives every time he turns his nose up, b/c like you say, its a bloomin waste of money for one thing!
As you know I did go down the 'Eat this or there's nothing else route' take him down from the chair and reheat it if he told me he was hungry and it did work, most of the time. BUT: I found it too stressful a method to maintain because on the times when he would dig his heels in I was too concerned to send him to bed hungry (like we need an extra factor to stop them from sleeping! ) so I would give him cereal or something. So for that reason I found that the other way worked best.
Ah so it proved to be a difficult approach to maintain then? It does go against the grain to send them to bed hungry. :( We have done this numerous times now though, b/c if he refuses what else can we do?! He starts asking for yoghurts & biscuits & I am not about to give him those foods.
Often I would put a vegetable or a new food in a bowl for myself and sit down with it. Then he would ask what I had and I would say 'Oh this is sweetcorn (or whatever) and it's Mammy's not Sam's then he would want to try it and he would. Often he didn't like it, but it was a good way to get him to try it and gave me a chance to praise him for for trying.
I like this idea - so shall def give it a try!
What are your thoughts about us using dessert as leverage then? We aren't directly bribing him by offering pudding in return for him eating his dinner. Its more he asks for pudding, & we say he can have it, if he eats his dinner. Is that a bad idea? I am worried we could end up making mealtimes too stressful by taking this approach.
Today for eg I did a homemade lasagne & garlic bread, which we've had many times before but DS has always refused to eat. DH wanted chips & I didn't want to cook them as I knew this would be all DS would want to eat, but I reluctantly agreed we would cook a few, & DS could have a small serving, so he's getting something he likes, but not enough to fill him up. Of course he ate a piece of garlic bread, then all his chips, then asked for more. I told him they were all gone & if he was still hungry he could eat his lasagne. He poked & prodded it but didn't eat it, & then asked for a cookie (I'd been baking). We tried the same tack as yesterday, 'you can have a cookie, when you have eaten your dinner.' Because its a new food we were'nt sure how far to go in terms of insisting he ate it. In the end we agreed it would be enough for him to taste it. He immediately agreed, ate one mouthful & then demanded his cookie. We got him to take another spoonful but he spat it out. Then he had his cookie. Thing is kids are smart - is he going to know if he eats one bite but refuses the rest, he'll still get his pud ??? So is this a completely bad idea?
IT IS NOT OUR JOB TO MAKE OUR CHILDREN EAT. BUT IT IS OUR JOB TO OFFER THEM HEALTHY FOODS REGULARLY AND GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS.
This is very true. So keeping this in mind, is it it perhaps a better approach to serve the food, say nothing, not even ask him if he's going to eat it, and if he doesn't just take it away, without even making a point of having him at least try it? He will eat it when he is ready & the less pressure/cajoling/bribing the better? If so, how do we respond when he asks for pudding? Still say no, or does he get it, b.c he's chosen to only eat that bit??? To give him cereal as a meal substitute, would, IMO be almost like a pudding to him, so I don't really want to go down that route yk?
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Thanks Vicki, we are also doing a lot of what you are now reccommending. I love the idea of eating a vege and seeing if he is interested, though usually he's not ::)
I cut Zs bottle before his nap to 100mls and this has already helped, he had a good helping of tea last night.
It's so hard,ESP when I need snacks to get me through the day with him grouchy when out.they are my secret weapon :(
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What are your thoughts about us using dessert as leverage then?
This ^^^ I think I cracked. What I started to do not long ago (maybe it has helped us get to where we are) is to ask of him something realistic. So obviously saying if you eat ALL you dinner you can have pudding is too high an expectation, you will undoubtedly have a losing battle on your hands. But what you can do is take a small portion of lasagne and a small amount of veg, and separate it from the rest of the food. Then tell him 'All you need to eat is this much, and you can have pudding' then I would explain 'Because pudding is nice but it doesn't make you strong like Daddy, but this veg..etc does' Sam would then eat it and that shows him Mammy is in charge, and also means that he is eating/tasting the food he needs. If on occasion he refused, then it was game over and out of the chair (I NEVER make false threats, it the only thing I have never compromised on LOL ::) But then what I would do is to offer a healthy snack at supper time, because it is far enough separated from Dinner time to mean you haven't backed down in his eyes, but he won't go to bed hungry and he will be more hungry by then hopefully teaching him to eat his Dinner. If you prefer you can introduce a supper time snack as a standard thing to safe gaurd the situation YK ???
Hope this helps ;)
(X)
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I cut Zs bottle before his nap to 100mls and this has already helped, he had a good helping of tea last night.
^ This helped us too Sara.
It's so hard,ESP when I need snacks to get me through the day with him grouchy when out.they are my secret weapon
Aha I hear you. If he likes them flavoured rice cakes all the way or a maize type crisp snack, basically anything low in sugar IME that's the stuff that fills them up. Hope you're feeling well ???
(X)
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Thanks so much hun. :-* That makes a lot of sense. I knew it was unrealistic to expect all of it to be eaten, like I said - a reasonable effort is enough, its just knowing how to quantify that! I like the idea of giving him just some of the 'disliked' food rather than all of it - its certainly better than asking him to have one bite & not enough to put him off completely.
We are already following through with our threats, so are good on that score. I think he is cottoning on as well, b.c tonight he didn't protest for long at all before he ate what we asked of him. So hopefully we are making some tiny steps. ;)
Sara - I also found cutting out daytime bottles made a HUGE difference to how much Oliver ate. Just the BT one to get rid of now!
Vicki I am thinking your idea of a healthy snack at suppertime might be a way of getting him to drop his bottle too. Hopefully a cup of milk & a rice cake or something will be more enticing than his bot bot! ;)
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My boys are older, but also we didn't introduce Dessert until the youngest was about 2.5yo. We have always had rules about "sugar foods".
To be honest the fact that desserts are asked for are probably as much about routine & habit as anything else. I actually don't like the idea of using dessert as leverage as it puts dessert as being special & then more desirable & so says that the other food isn't as tasty.
TBH if it was me it would be non fruit dessert happens 2 nights/week as long as a "reasonable" amount of dinner is eaten (but not making it a power struggle) & on other nights it is fruit & that is it. Although to start with I'd be going a week, with "I didn't buy anything for dessert this week" & suck up the tantrums.
One of DS1's friends had a sleep over last night, the meal we had planned I had no idea if he would like BUT he is almost 9yo & when he asked what he had to eat I said our house rule is 4 things need to be eaten to have dessert, DS1 says "no he has to have 5, like me" I said no he is a guest so 4. So he did, he also said "I don't like that very much but my Mum makes me eat it too" Both older boys (DS2 actually fell asleep before dessert which was a 45min delay while they watched a movie) wanted seconds & I said "if you are still hungry there is fruit, that was a sufficient serve" ... so much easier to negotiate with older children.
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With dessert, I tend to only offer it depending on the day, I don't offer it at meal time,but if Z has been busy and eating well during the day so maybe had les tea I will offer an apple, pear or yogurt. Its not referred to as dessert though as my boy latches on quick to terms like that ::)
I try not to directly related dinner to dessert too....weather that is a good or bad I don't know, or care really. But for example I don't say do you want dessert once he says done for dinner, or offer it while he is rejecting dinner or say if you eat dinner you can have...it's not mentioned till dinner is over. Anywo...that's just what I do. Probably totally non normal lol!
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I actually don't like the idea of using dessert as leverage as it puts dessert as being special & then more desirable & so says that the other food isn't as tasty.
Katet that is why I explain to Sam that dessert tastes nice but doesn't make him healthy and strong like Daddy, he really takes this onboard and shows me his muscles when he has eaten his vegetables, so in this house at least it works ;). I've always tried to use the same 'positive words' for healthy foods but hey, at the end of the day the fact is that sugar does taste really good and no matter what we say or do they will work that out for themselves LOL ::).
(X)
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When I say dessert I mean a pot of sugar free jelly, sometimes with pieces of fruit in. He's MPI so we don't have yoghurt/custard type 'proper' puds. Its always been part of our tea-time meal so yes he does know that after the main course comes 'yoghurt' (this is what he calls it). I never ever figured this would be a 'problem' :-\
I actually don't like the idea of using dessert as leverage as it puts dessert as being special & then more desirable & so says that the other food isn't as tasty.
I have to admit this is a big concern of mine - I don't want to make the situation worse. We aren't offering dessert though, we make absolutely no mention of it UNLESS he asks for it. But if he does ask for it (which in fairness is most of the time ::)), we have been saying 'you can have your jelly if you eat some dinner' b/c we feel he shouldn't be having the next course unless he's eaten the first. I feel that's a reasonable request, but I can see how that might make dessert seem more special in his eyes. :-\
TBH if it was me it would be non fruit dessert happens 2 nights/week as long as a "reasonable" amount of dinner is eaten (but not making it a power struggle) & on other nights it is fruit & that is it. Although to start with I'd be going a week, with "I didn't buy anything for dessert this week" & suck up the tantrums.
Would you offer fruit regardless of whether he ate his meal or not???
Sara - interesting suggestion to keep dessert well away from dinner, so we have dinner, he eats it or doesn't then its done. Then later on, we could give him something else to eat. I think my only worry is would he eventually catch on to that, & carry on refusing dinner knowing he will get something later on anyway??? :-\
Its so tricky. Siigh.
We were at a christening today so he filled his face with sausage rolls, crisps, cakes & sweets. Since he was eating happily, I wasn't about to stop him. Anything for an easy life eh ::) :-[
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I hold the belief that priorities for food are the ones that have the lowest degree of separation from nature, so fruit & veg are higher up the order than meat & grains. When they were younger I'd always have fruit as part of their dinner, it is a food group that I think is important, so if they don't want to eat a main meal the only other option was always fruit or veg.
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Claire, like I said this could bite us in the butt keeping it separate, and it's not all the time...I just try to make the option of dessert not part of his daily routine, more like 2-3 times a week depending on the day, time, his mood, our mood etc. I also usually find if he has an apple after tea, it's with daddy so it's something him and addy have together - for example.
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Hi ladies.
We have some small progress. On Friday we ate out & had carvery. DS ate a whole yorkshire pudding, 2 roast potatoes (which he's never ever eaten before) and he picked up a scoop of mashed potato like it was an apple & ate that too. left the meat & veg. Still, a success, because he's never eaten these foods & it was completely without any coaxing from me.
At nursery yesterday DS ate pasta bolognaise for lunch and sandwiches, carrot, crisps, cucumber & tomato for tea. They said he ate it all, but refused the scones that were served for pudding (which I find hard to believe!)
Today, at MIL's, he ate meatballs, with mashed potato & cauliflower. He ate mash & veggies at their house last week too. I think she 'encouraged' him though - there was mention of her having to spoon feed him or he wouldn't have eaten it & of him having sweets for doing so well, which I'm not sure I like. :-\
Yet at home, he's still completely refusing anything except meat. I am not cajoling him, I am not standing over him, I am not commenting on what he is eating. I am putting the food infront of him & leaving him to it. I am making no mention of dessert (& he has stopped asking it seems :)) & he is still not eating. I know I just need to persevere but am feeling a bit disheartened that he is doing it for everyone but me. :'(
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Yet at home, he's still completely refusing anything except meat.
want to swap...my boy wont eat meat ATM ::) :P
hugs, last night we had my folks over and he ate better than he usually does too. I am a bit useless with Z at the moment but am putting at least 3 things on his plate every night. One is fruit - I know he likes and will eat. (Usually apple or pear) one is veges or a mix of veges that I know he will eat one of at least ie kumera chips and broccoli. (Broccoli gets left) and some meat/fish and carbs. Sometimes separate, sometimes together ie toasted sandwich with chicken, cheese and spinach or if seperate some rice and stir fried beef (he doesnt eat either in this case ::) )
AND, im just rolling with it. He is getting better....kind of.....He is definitely eating more dinner now the bottle is cut to 100mls and his lunch is pre nap.
Someone (ant remember who) said look at his diet over 3 days....and when I do that he eats well. As long as he continues to do so im going to try not to worry. Just ike sleep, we cant make them eat, and if we try it will just stress us and them out :-*
PS I think your making progress!
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I think at home they know there are many many options so they push for the options they know they like & hold out for those. When they are at other places they only know the options that are there & if they have never had an alternative offered they don't really realise that they can have options, so they accept what there is.
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Sara, Sam went through a phase of no meat and I had to solely rely on the omega 3 in his vits and any other sources of protein I could get into him. I think it's a stage where they become more aware of textures and it's that, that they don't like not the taste. You may be able to get some chicken into him by doing it in a processor with potato etc YK.
This too shall pass! Sam now loves chicken, beef, tuna fish etc. And he eats his vegetables before anything else on his plate :o last night it was 5 florets of broccoli. I would have bet my life that would NEVER happen.
Hang in there ;) All of you! and try not to stress as much as I did ::) you can only do your best.
x.
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Definite progress - well done O :D
DS has also started eating better this last week or so, and will eat what we had the night before for his tea (mostly). Some days are better than others, but overall I'm happy with his intake :)
According to a book I just read http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-One-Year-Old-Ames/dp/0440506727/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1340191163&sr=1-1 if you can get one good meal into them at this age you're doing well!
My sister said my nephew never showed much interest in food until after 2yo, so I think this 1 - 2 yo time is just not a good one for eating for many LOs :(
Hang in there ladies, these kids of ours are getting there ;D
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Thanks ladies
I think at home they know there are many many options so they push for the options they know they like & hold out for those. When they are at other places they only know the options that are there & if they have never had an alternative offered they don't really realise that they can have options, so they accept what there is.
This is the thing though - MIL was the one offering alternatives, not me. OK I did do it at one stage (between 10/11-13/14 months) but that was a very long time ago now (he's 22 months). She's only stopped offering alternative meals following our chat the other week. And she has suddenly started offering veggies/mash type dinners which he's never ever eaten there before. And he's eating them. I quite agree though its probably why he eats better at nursery - along with the added 'peer pressure'. Oh - dawning realisation strikes - are you meaning because I give him dessert he is holding out for that instead of eating his meal?
I took a picnic of cheese sandwiches, cucumber sticks, tomatoes, breadsticks & fruit when we went out today. He ate the sandwiches, breadsticks & fruit & didn't touch the salad at all. I never mentioned it I just cleared it away. It just really, really bugs me because I feel like I am doing all the right things i.e. not speaking about it, not offering alternatives, not bribing or coaxing him, nor am I punishing him for not eating it, but I don't feel like we are getting anywhere (aside from him eating better elsewhere). Grrrr!
Sara - I'm going to try the sweet potato chips again tonight.
HH - only 2 months til we're 2!!! ;)
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I wonder sometimes after reading a bit of this thread whether I think I have a good eater because I don't have high expectations? If my son tries something that's fine as far as I'm concerned. He regularly doesn't finish everything and he often turns down at least one part of the meal I've planned. I mean your salad example above, I think my son has yet to eat a 'normal' green salad. He's just turned down apple at tea time but so what? He's had other fruit and veg today.
Personally I always plan a meal so it's not a disaster if he refuses something. I never hold out on pudding but pudding is sometimes just fruit but it's never something all that sugary either.
To be honest, it sounds like he's doing ok to me? I'd give some hearty pats on the back!
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Have you tried the white flesh sweet potato to make the chips with? This way he may be more inclined to try them. I actually prefer them to be honest but it is down to individual taste.
Kelly x
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Lemonthyme - thanks for your input - maybe I am expecting too much of him. :-\
If my son tries something that's fine as far as I'm concerned. He regularly doesn't finish everything and he often turns down at least one part of the meal I've planned.
Don't get me wrong. I am totally thrilled if my son will try something - and I never ever expect him to clean his plate. All I want is for him to make a reasonable effort i.e. at least try the foods I am offering. If he doesn't like them then fine. But he doesn't even try - so everything except the meat is untouched.
Today for example, I served up 4 chicken pops (as a taster of something I know he likes) along with a piece of sausage & onion plait (which he's never had before), oven roasted new potatoes in garlic, olive oil & herbs, and carrot & broccoli. He actually left the chicken pops (I was surprised at this) & wolfed the sausage & onion plait. Ate one piece of potato (which I was hoping he'd have since similar to chips) & totally left the veg. So I was pleased that he tried the new food & liked it. But again that was the meat. Would have been nice if he had eaten a bit more of the potato but at least he tried it, so I feel today's meal went reasonably well.
I mean your salad example above, I think my son has yet to eat a 'normal' green salad. He's just turned down apple at tea time but so what? He's had other fruit and veg today.
When you say this - has your son tried some of the veggies that go in a salad eg has he had lettuce or cucumber sticks or pieces of tomato or carrot? My son has never even tried any salad foods - not even when he was a baby. He never got beyond putting it to his lip & deciding he didn't want to taste it. I'm not moaning about him not eating his veg at just one meal either - he doesn't eat ANY veg at home full stop. Hasn't since he was 10/11 months old. (apart from at nursery & suddenly now at MIL's too). So its not like I can say, oh well its ok b/c he had some at lunch, yk? :-\ He is still eating fruit so I suppose at least he is getting some vitamins that way - I'd just really like to see it start to expand to at least some veg. A case of just waiting it out until he's ready to do it perhaps.
Jimbob - thanks for that - I didn't even know you could get white flesh varieties of sweet potato! Where are they hiding - never seen them in UK supermarkets!? DS is very suspicious of the orange ones as they are not 'proper' chips lol!
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You could try hiding veggies in other things - I think there is a cookbook (deceptively delicious, I think it is called) which has hidden veg. I also make cheese scones with loads of veggies puréed up in them which are a real favourite here and they make me feel better on the days when not much is going in! You can make them with goats or sheeps cheese (manchego works really well) - I have an mpi boy as well!
Another thing that we did when we were having major issues with m eating was to give her the Ella's kitchen veg pouches as snacks - not a cheap option, but she absolutely loved them and they were a real treat. Again, saved my sanity when she was living off sausage mash and beans or biscuits raisins and cheese!
One other thing - as the girls have got older, we have related the "reward" food to hunger. So if they are "not hungry enough" to eat the thing that they don't like then they are not hungry enough for yoghurt either. I quite often find myself saying that they have to eat a certain amount of a food to get their yoghurt, and then if they say they are hungry after then they have to go back to the main course.
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Oh you Ladies who bake! You're my heroine's ;) Must try it one day LOL.x.
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It's dead easy, and a great activity to do with your lo - all you need is a food processor.
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Thanks ladies
I think at home they know there are many many options so they push for the options they know they like & hold out for those. When they are at other places they only know the options that are there & if they have never had an alternative offered they don't really realise that they can have options, so they accept what there is.
This is the thing though - MIL was the one offering alternatives, not me. OK I did do it at one stage (between 10/11-13/14 months) but that was a very long time ago now (he's 22 months). She's only stopped offering alternative meals following our chat the other week. And she has suddenly started offering veggies/mash type dinners which he's never ever eaten there before. And he's eating them. I quite agree though its probably why he eats better at nursery - along with the added 'peer pressure'. Oh - dawning realisation strikes - are you meaning because I give him dessert he is holding out for that instead of eating his meal?
more that they know the options at home as they have most of their meals there & know that you do offer other things, where as if it is only 1 or 2 meals at MIL's it is only 5-10% of the "exposure".
Can I ask are your expectations he trys a food every meal, or that he trys once a day or once a week? I think you need to look at it as 1 new food/week is FANTASTIC... 1-2 or 3 new foods a month is actually a more realisitic conclusion & if you set yourself up for him trying at every meal you set yourself up for it being stressful & pass that stress onto the enviornment ie him.
It actually took until DS1 was 6yo for me to get him to eat anything resembling veg as a regular thing & now at 8yo he eats almost everything - not carrots & tomato though & they were the ones I kept trying him with when he was younger. When they were younger I was the queen of hiding veg in things (puree zuchinni & cauliflower go really well in Mash)
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t's dead easy, and a great activity to do with your lo - all you need is a food processor.
I am going to do it an be 'Super Mammy Queen of cakes' ;D
x.
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It's dead easy, and a great activity to do with your lo - all you need is a food processor.
I lol'ed at this, I love to bake BUT Z is TERRIFIED of the food processor/mixer/beater and any kitchen appliance that makes 'those' noises ::)
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I got them from Morrisons recently but before that got them from an organic fruit and veg stall I go to at a local market.
Kelly x
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Ah I didn't realise things were that bad with veg. Yes my son will eat carrot, cucumber and will show lettuce to his lips then decides against it!
Personally I would hide some veg in stuff so he gets some nutrition and vitamins but also keep offering. The sausage plait thing for example, could you mix in some grated veg into the sausage meat?
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The sausage plait thing for example, could you mix in some grated veg into the sausage meat?
LOL that was a tesco's buy - not homemeade I'm afraid. But yes I may have to start trying to 'hide' some in there somewhere because he eats absolutely zero veg. I suppose at least he's getting his vitamins from his fruit.
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Yeah, it's not the end of the world. My husband managed to avoid vegetables apart from peas for years. My mum was shocked I managed to get him to eat kale!
Might have a go at making something like that for the blog (a sausage plait with hidden veg). I think that's a good idea.
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Sam ate no veg for months! and now it's the first thing he eats off his plate. As long as he has fruit and his multivitamin Claire, please don't sweat. It will come good.x.
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It does get much better... when DS1 was 2, he really didn't eat veg unless it was hidden (or hot chips)
He will be 9 next month & this came out of his mouth last night "Mum don't bother asking me if I want to try things anymore, just give me what ever there is & I will try it"... now I won't say 100% of the time he does try everything, I mean I was eating Prawn Gyoza the other day & as he isn't a fan of prawns he turned it down outright, but after watching MasterChef the other day he said "in the Holidays can we make a quiche so I can try it"... 6 months ago no way he would have done that.
Yes I agree almost 9yo is a LONG way to go... but TBH I was like that & so I accepted that was the way it was going to be, I actually hoped by the time my children were in double figures they would be open to pretty much anything & we've got there a year earlier.
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It doesn't need to take until 9 - m is pretty open to trying new things now, having restricted herself to 3 meals for over a year when she was 1. I can nearly always get her to try something, and although she doesn't like most of the new things she tries, she will eat a mouthful and (which is the most important thing, I think) try it again a few weeks later to see if she still doesn't like it. There are several things that I thought that she would never eat that she now asks for regularly because of this.
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It doesn't need to take until 9 - m is pretty open to trying new things now, having restricted herself to 3 meals for over a year when she was 1. I can nearly always get her to try something, and although she doesn't like most of the new things she tries, she will eat a mouthful and (which is the most important thing, I think) try it again a few weeks later to see if she still doesn't like it. There are several things that I thought that she would never eat that she now asks for regularly because of this.
Yes but I think it comes down to personality, at 3yo if I had put a new food in front of DS1 & offered it with only 1 alternative for 3 days... as I did... he didn't eat anything but the other option (apple) for the whole 3 days. At that age he would try things on occasion (usually after he had been exposed to if 100 times), but he didn't choose/want to try the same way he does these days, ie he is actually asking to try new foods, looking for new foods to try, which is very different to being required to try them KWIM. Today he ate steam pork dumplings, crab cakes & spicey fish pieces & was trying to convince DH & I to buy chicken feet when we were in chinatown LOL.
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Yes but I think it comes down to personality
I think there is definately a bit of this. Z is touchy/spirited which really doesnt help. He is slow to adapt, and I really think texture is one of his issues with food. He knows how to use a spoon and fork for example, but will only use the spoon for yogurt and never uses his fork. He wont even want to try things that look stringy ie some meats. If I push he melts down and no progress is made.
I DO believe that this is definately the age of fussiness....but it is tough to know how much to offer, when, which battles to pick etc etc...well thats what I find hard anyway!
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will only use the spoon for yogurt
:o Same here! have they got a conspiracy going on? ;) Texture is definitely a big thing for DS too, as is having too large a mouthful - the food gets spat ::)
I reckon DS is just lazy - if he's got to work to chew something he can't be bothered, same with using his spoon and fork ::)
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Same here! have they got a conspiracy going on?
lol...I wouldnt be surprised ::) :P The spoon is otherwise thrown across the room or completely ignored as is the fork sigh....
I reckon DS is just lazy - if he's got to work to chew something he can't be bothered, same with using his spoon and fork
A bit of this too, although he is more like get me out cant be bothered to eat...Z has bigger fish to fry than sitting and eating apparently
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I DO believe that this is definately the age of fussiness....but it is tough to know how much to offer, when, which battles to pick etc etc...well thats what I find hard anyway!
I agree. I am just hoping we are nearing the end of this 'stage'!
WRT using forks - I made up a silly ditty about stabbing the food with his fork & made Oliver laugh & then he wanted to try for himself. He is actually using his quite well now. It will come. ;)
I think we had a success at dinner today. We had chicken & mushroom pie which I'd planned to do with mash & veg but realised too late I didn't have enough potatoes to make mash, so I actually cooked oven chips for the first time since we started tackling his (lack of) eating at tea time. He ate his chips first (no surprise there), then he picked up a carrot & nagged it (didn't actually eat it but he tasted it & he didn't remove it from his plate which is what he usually does) & then he tucked into the pastry topping of his pie. He asked for more & I pointed out the rest of the pie was pastry too (but covered in creamy chicken & mushroom sauce) & he proceeded to eat the lot, with the exception of a mushroom he didn't like the taste of. He's never had it before & he actually ate it! I think we are making some small steps here.x
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Yay for small steps!
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yum that pie sounds delish! Ill eat the leftovers ;)
Great progress hun