BabyWhispererForums.com
SLEEP => Naps => Topic started by: Lindsay27 on February 02, 2016, 20:02:50 pm
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Hi ladies, not sure how I am going to help anyone else. I can't even help myself ::)
DD has decided that naps are for the faint of heart, and she is literally not napping at all. And I mean at all. It is 3pm and I've been trying to get her down since 10am...she managed a grand total of 15mins. I am legitimately losing my mind.
She is 8 weeks old today and has pretty much always napped in her bassinet minus the first week or so where she was still a sleepy newborn and would nap in the swing. The room is dark, she is swaddled, has white noise etc.
She will fall asleep on me (usually rocking her) but as soon as I put her down she wakes up. I've tried to wait until I'm sure she's dead asleep before putting her down but it doesn't make a difference. We haven't attempted independent sleep yet as I'm not entirely sure what her A time should be...I'm assuming around 1.15 but I don't really know, no A time is working. I have a sling but she absolutely despises it and just screams bloody murder.
She does good at night, bedtime 7pm, feed at 4am, back down until 7am. I usually try for the first nap shortly after 8am, but then like I said I can get her to fall asleep easily, but she wakes up as soon as I put her down. Then I pick her up and try again, and the cycle just repeats over and over again. Eventually I just give up because there is nothing else I can do, and then she is obviously silly OT...and here we are at 3pm with no nap today.
My DS is home with me so I've spent literally hours trying to get her to stay asleep and it is not fair to him, I need a plan.
Thanks!
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What happens when you just hold her for the full nap? It might stop the OT and allow her to at least take the next nap...
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I am doing that right now out of desperation, but this is not fair to DS and I feel so badly. I just told him we had to watch TV for a while so mommy can hold the baby while she sleeps.
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I'm guessing you've tried transferring her to different locations? - swing, bouncy chair, your bed, etc? We have a rock and play and I swear by it now - it was so helpful for those first few months.
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Okay, looking for advice I how to go about this...because this is a pretty common occurrence.
WU - 6:40am
E - 7am
A
S - 7:55 - 8:30
I left her for about 10mins to see if she would resettle herself (she didn't), so then at 8:40 I tried to resettle her until 9am. She fell asleep in my arms but when I put her down she seemed like she was out, but then woke up. At this point since I've already spent 20mins attempting a resettle I abandon the nap.
So, here is the problem. She doesn't need to eat again until 10am...but if she goes from her 8:30am wake up from her nap until I feed her at 10am and have a nap after her 10am feed she is going to be seriously OT. I could feed her early, but then she will only snack and not take a full feed, and then she ends up having a bad feeding schedule for the rest of the day.
A 40min nap is just awful for LOs whose A times are already so low to begin with.
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I have no advice about the feeding but I'm wondering if she'd transfer better to the swing. Both of mine did lots of swing naps in the early months and it didn't become a prop. DS was easy to transfer but DD was another story. I would get her sleeping and then slide her in the swing and then grab it and jiggle it hard and fast (she was a sucker for jiggling) and then turn it on high speed. Do you think that might work for your DD?
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I doubt I could transfer her to swing, I've been unsuccessful with this since she was about 4 weeks. I think the only reason I can sometimes get her off of me and into her crib or bassinet is because she is swaddled tightly. Any time I try to get her to the swing she flails and wakes herself up. I can try again though to see, I haven't even attempted in a while.
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Contrary to my previous advice in birth club chat, if she is consistently waking before 7, could you feed her on waking (6.45ish) and then do an EAS AEAS pattern, even if it's just a very short nappy change A before that 2nd sleep?
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She doesn't consistently wake before 7, it really depends on what time she has her NF and if she has 1 or 2 NF as well, sometimes she will have a NF at 4am and then up for the day at 7, other times it will be 2am and 5am...it really depends.
The problem is if she only naps 30mins she is completely wrecked by the next E, so it's really hard to do an A after her E, though if it is only a diaper change that is probably doable.
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Lindsay have you tried to put her down super drowsy but not quite asleep? that worked well for both of mine.
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In that case it's probably better to keep feed times as consistent as possible.
It's so hard when naps and feeds clash, and a relief when A times finally extend so that they don't happen so much. I think I used to just opt to feed early & hope for a better nap next time.
Sorry not much help, maybe someone could offer advice on getting a longer first nap? (I've never been able to get either of mine to nap more than 40 mins at 1st nap ever!)
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I am following along because I am in the same boat with my 8 week old DS.
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Ya, my main problem is getting a longer first nap. And I agree, until A times are longer the naps and feeds all get muddled together if you don't get a good EAS from the get-go.
I don't think my A times are way off though? She can pretty easily do 1.15, though she does seem a little more tired during her first A.
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I didn't always have A times after feeds when DS was small. He did sometimes feed to sleep after a rough nap. I worried so much about not letting DD do that and with a toddler around I had to relax my standards for DS and feeding to sleep didn't become a prop. I ended up finding that he actually did better with a feed right before the nap - almost always got longer naps that way even when he didn't feed to sleep and went down awake.
A tight swaddle was also important for both of my LOs. A short nap was guaranteed if DD's swaddle was the teeniest bit loose.
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This morning was
WU 7:10
E 7:15
A
S 8:20-9:10
So about a 50 min nap and I held her for the first 15-20mins of that. I didn't even attempt to resettle her because honestly I just didn't feel like it lol. At a certain point I just have to deal with the cards handed, I don't feel like spending my life resettling naps. So I've plopped her in the swing, no signs of nodding back off. Will feed again shortly after 10am and then I'm sure she'll be ready to go back down.
I've tried longer A times and I just get 30min OT naps, so either I'm just missing the A time sweet spot, or she's just unable to transition between sleep cycles.
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Lindsay I think your A times are right and it's just a case of being able to transition. We're having the same problems.
Completely agree with not wanting to spend your life resettling!
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I think you are right Lauren, I really don't think our A times are off.
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Omg we are in exactly the same situation ! Same things are happening.
The first A is so elusive, I tried 1 hr 15 mins at times but still get 30-45 mins naps. Sometimes LO fusses before her A time is up and I am real puzzled when I put her down Doesn't get me a longer Nap though?
Only consolation is most of the time she goes down easy to sleep if not extremely OT.
NFs are erratic too. Good days she do not wake up before DF it's 3am & up about 7. On bad nights it's 1, 3,5am or wake ups 6am, etc. I am going crazy with the erratic wake up times too.
Bedtimes at 7pm are hit and miss too. I end up trying to resettle till 8pm and that's when she falls asleep. Sometime peacefully till DF sometimes not.
I am just trying to live day by day, hour by hour with this unpredictability.
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Ugh I am so frustrated. We aren't even getting 40mins unless I hold her for the first 20. If I don't then she's up after 20mins, she can't even transition through that cycle. She is such a good night sleeper this just baffles me.
I don't know what to do, I think our A times are ok. We have absolutely no routine...how can you with a 20min nap!? The worst part is I've now thrown out my neck and upper back yesterday and I can't even AP her in the wrap so I'm literally stuck with 20min naps. I just need a break, you can barely shower and brush your teeth in 20mins, I'd be happy with just 1 decent nap a day.
This morning WU was 7:45am with NFs at 11:30pm and 4am
E 7:45
A
S 9-9:20, rocked her and she went back down until 9:40. Tried to settle again but it wasn't happening, and my back couldn't handle it anymore
She falls asleep for her nap so easily, she just can't transition at all. And I have her in a tight swaddle, dark room, quiet etc. Just frustrated today :(
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And now I'm not even getting 20mins...I've held her until she's in a deep sleep but the second I put her down she just wakes up. Over and over. So tired :( I don't know what to do anymore. She won't nap at all unless I'm holding her or am laying with her. I should know how to deal with this I just don't. I've tried shh/pat in her crib but she just doesn't fall into a deep sleep. I've tried putting her down super drowsy but awake and she just wakes up and stares into space, or startles herself awake constantly (despite the tights swaddle). She's beyond exhausted now because she's literally slept 40mins all day, and not all at once. I have my DS home and the poor kid has watched TV all day because I've spent all day trying to get her to sleep.
I know we can't make babies sleep, just give them the tools, but I am just over it dealing with this every single day and now not even managing 45mins naps...I would gladly take one of those right now.
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Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. That is really tough to handle. Is she possibly in a wonder week? My DD barely napped anytime she was in a big leap.
I know it's not recommended but have you tried her on her tummy? Both of mine slept way better on their tummies. I would've gone insane with DD if I hadn't discovered that she would actually take a decent nap if I put her on her tummy. Loud white noise also helped. It was as loud as a blow dryer for the first 30-40 minutes (it actually was my blow dryer until I got a white noise app) and then I would turn it down.
Have you tried feeding her right before a nap? Maybe a full tummy will help her transition???
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I think she's is on the other side of a wonder week. I haven tried her in her tummy but I'm not sure she'd be a tummy sleeper, she hates tummy time and sleeps well on her back at night. She settles beautifully at bedtime and I can put her down no problem, just not for naps.
She was a complete basket case by 4pm so I just held her while she slept, it was all I could do at that point. I think the only way this is going to change is to work on independent sleep, but I don't even know where to begin to be honest, and she is so attached to me...she often won't take a bottle from DH or let him hold her.
I'm not opposed to using the wrap when my back heals but I would really love to get at least 1 nap in her crib. Today was just tough and it really got the better of me. I remember dealing with this with DS and he didn't take a decent nap until he was 6 months old and it scares me to think of going through that again.
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So this morning was:
WU 7am
E 7:15
A
S 8:15 - 8:35 (20 mins). I resettled her in the crib - she dozed off within about 10mins and then held her arms through the jolts until 9am and then she woke at 9:15
So out of this "1hr" nap I was in there with her for at least half of it. I'm just not getting it - the initial 20mins or why she doesn't stay asleep after I've held her through all the jolts and made sure she was back in a deep sleep.
We are off to the doctor for her immunizations this morning and then need to do groceries so she'll just be napping in the car until later this afternoon when I can attempt this all again ::)
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I totally get your fears, frustration and exhaustion. Have you ever read or watched the Happiest Baby on the Block? There may be some things in there that will work for your DD.
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I ordered a sound machine today, we'll see if that does anything...not hopeful lol.
I think she just has major issues transitioning between sleep cycles. Even when I hold her (which I am right now) she gets the major jolts at the 20min mark exactly - heavy breathing, eyes fluttering etc. So when she's in her crib it just wakes her completely. I'm sure there is nothing I can do about that other than hold her through them, it is just time consuming and often seems counter productive if she only lasts another 15 mins after that, which is likely the end of the next sleep cycle.
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Yeah, we have that too. Even in the sling, where he's less sensitive to stuff. In the car seat, buggy or nest you can forget a long nap because he just can't do it. I guess part of it is waiting it out, and kinda surviving until then.
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Yup I think it is just going to come with time and age :). I tend to forget how little she is and that she really just needs some cuddles and to be held sometimes to sleep. It is just hard to manage the rest of life when you are doing that, so I get overwhelmed and all flustered...until 8pm when the kids are in bed and I pour a glass of wine lol... then I feel fine lol :P
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Haha, you have it one better than me there! Still feeding...
Honestly I don't know what I'd do without the sling. I can get quite a lot done - cleaned my hob for something to do today - but I can't rest at all while he naps.
DS1 is so different - difficult to get to sleep but once he's out, he's out. DS2 decided to go for the worst of both worlds! I am enjoying having him with me really though, and he's over a quarter of the way through his babyhood...it's all going too quickly!
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Do you ladies have any suggestions for starting to work on independent sleep? Just swaddle her and put her down drowsy but awake? I feel like she's just going to stare around forever then start crying.
I think unless I start to work on IS our nap situation is never going to change. I can't hold her for every nap and I can have her nap in the wrap, but honestly I need time during the day where a baby is not attached to me. And she's never overly settled in the wrap anyway...I had her napping in it the other day and I sneezed and it woke her up, tried to grab a load of laundry out of the dryer and I closed the door and it woke her up. She mostly just dozes off and then something wakes her, dozes, wakes etc. so it is never a quality nap anyway.
I've tried putting her in her crib asleep and then holding her with a firm hand through transitions and patting her back but it doesn't work, she just wakes. I can only get her to transition if I am rocking her or laying with her. She can often self settle herself at night...she's a fab night sleeper so at least I have that! :)
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I think Creations had success starting sh/pat at an early age. You could maybe see what she did. I know a few of the mamas that had LOs around the same age as my DS found that their LOs didn't respond well to sh/pat and basically they just sat near (or with a hand on their LO) as they fell asleep. I think Emami did that because sh/pat just got her LO more upset.
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She does seem to respond okay to it as that it what I do to resettle her and she does drift off, she just doesn't stay asleep lol ::). It will come, it will come :)
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Sorry - I've been away a few days. How's the battle?
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Still fighting the good fight lol
She did 45mins in her crib this morning and I was watching the monitor so I could catch her at the first sign of her waking to hopefully resettle but of course I went to put a load of laundry in and that's when she woke ::). I tried to settle in the crib with no luck so I rocked her for the rest of the nap.
2nd nap we were slightly over her A time (1.5hrs) because I had to run errands and she did a 30min nap in the crib, so likely OT. Tried to resettle again and she was just hateful so I stopped and just got her up and she had a short 45min-ish A time but was very happy, then I fed her. I'm sick right now so after the feed I just laid down with her for the next nap bc I was not well myself and I knew she'd nap good so we napped together for 2hrs.
Day was like...
NF 1am & 5:45am
WU 8am
E 8:15
A
S 9:25-10:10 (in crib) then 10:25-11 (rocked)
E 11am
A
S 12:30-1pm (in crib)
A
E 1:45
S 2pm-4pm (with me co-sleeping)
A
E 5pm
S 5:30-6 (in wrap while I made dinner)
A
E 7pm
S 7:30, down for the night
So, this is actually one of the better days we've had. That's sad I know, but at least for the first half of the day we had an EAS pattern, and while the naps are short we are still getting some sleep in the crib.
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And tonight at BT I rocked her until she was drowsy and put her in her bassinet awake and she self settled :). She's a champ at BT though so I'm not entirely surprised. I think I will keep trying that at BT to try to promote the SS.
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Yes, go with whichever sleep is easiest to introduce SS. That's great she did well at bt.
At this age, I did whatever I needed to do to get that 2 - 4pm nap (usually in the ergo). That set us up for the catnap and bt. If the rest of the day was all over, I managed to stay sane as long as I could juggle it to get that 2ish nap. Eventually, she was able to do that nice nap in her crib bc her clock was set for it. (That all went out the window at 4mos, but it was nice while it lasted. :P)
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Ugh ladies, I am just beyond knowing what to do. Yesterday she napped 30mins all day. That's it. By 5pm I was at my breaking point.
Today is looking no different, I just can't understand it. She drifts off beautifully, I have her in a tight swaddle, dark room, white noise...I put her in her crib and she seems like she's asleep, but about 5mins later she wakes up. I don't know why. Never mind short naps I just can't even get her down at all now. And she'll just flop around and squirm for a while and then start crying eventually.
I was doing a 1.20 A time this morning, and she fell asleep no problem...she just can't stay asleep. I don't get it at all, I'm so frustrated. Even when I do shh/pat she'll drift back off, but then jolt awake despite the swaddle and me holding her arms in the crib. I just can't have a repeat of yesterday or I will legitimately lose my mind.
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Sounds like you need a break! What about sling naps all day, watching to see when she goes to sleep? It might help with working out her A times.
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She just doesn't really nap well/at all in the sling. She might drift off for a bit but won't stay down for long, yesterday I couldn't get her to sleep in it at all. I think we have a rocking prop and I would just be changing one prop for another, and given she's 11 weeks old now I certainly don't think that it's unreasonable to really begin sleep training and expecting that she nap in her crib (with help getting there while she needs it :) )
So like I said I really think we have a rocking prop, she goes to sleep easily but then once in her crib she doesn't stay asleep because she's not moving. So this morning after she woke from our initial nap attempt I did shh/pat (mostly just pat) for 30mins until she was back in a deep sleep. I left for 10mins and came back at the 40min mark to help her through the transition but unfortunately I wasn't successful with that. Tried for about 15mins and she just wasn't going back down so I abandoned at that point, plus...my back was completely wrecked from being hunched over her crib for so long.
Nap #2 I tried right in her crib from the get-go but she wasn't having it so I ended up rocking her. She was also really OT because her first A time ended up being really long with the initial fail, then followed by a short nap.
So, I'm not opposed to trying to get her down using shh/pat from the get-go, but it is just a lot to spend 30mins getting her into a deep sleep then go back 10mins lawyer to try to help her through the transition. And while it sucks, I can do this on my own, but spending this much time doing this is not possible when DS is home.
So I guess for now I will try to commit to settling her in her crib for her first nap and go from there. I don't have the mental capacity right now to spend this much time hunched over her crib for every nap, so I will just try for the first for now.
She will nap all day long on me or being rocked, but that isn't accomplishing anything long term. I really want to work on sleep training. Thank heavens she does good at night, that I can be thankful for.
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So I guess for now I will try to commit to settling her in her crib for her first nap and go from there.
I think this is a good plan.
Have you seen Emami around the boards at all lately? If you have, I'd try to connect with her. Your DD sounds so much like her DD2 - she may have some helpful hints for you.
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Yes, I agree with working with the first nap. Even now at 5 mos., I can only deal with settling/resettling for 1 nap. It's just not healthy to spend all day dealing with naps, especially with another Lo!
Hugs, I know it can be so frustrating...
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Ok, I will PM her!
I have the most amount of patience for the first nap lol...come 3pm I've got nothing left to commit to standing over a crib for that long. In general she is just VERY attached to me. She doesn't do well with DH or really anyone else. But I'm not doing either of us any favours by holding her for naps and I think she's old enough now to really think about teaching her to SS. Ugh though, seriously why does it have to be so hard!?
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Wouldn't it be great if each LO came with specific instructions?!
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So this morning I went with a 1.20 A time again and tried to really reduce stimulation in the 10mins before nap.
Rocked her until she was super drowsy then put her in her crib, rolled her on her side and had 1 hand on her chest and 1 patting her back. She went off fairly easily but I needed to stay and pat her until she was through the 20min transition - she has major jolts around that time and I don't think she would have made it through if I wasn't there helping. So I figured we were safe until around the 40min mark, but nope...she woke at the 35min mark which I wasn't anticipating so I wasn't there to catch it. Rolled her on her side and patted her again and she went off fairly easily, continued to pat for 15mins while she was jolting/twitching like crazy, eye fluttering etc. Then she had 1 huge jolt and woke up completely, and we just couldn't recover from that...I couldn't get her to go back off.
So, just feeling discouraged. All that for a 35min nap :( And the whole time I was doing this DS was downstairs playing on his tablet. So I feel like a super great mother right now having accomplished pretty well nothing and having a tablet parent my DS that whole time.
So that's it for today. Too frustrated to do that again so I'll likely AP the rest of her naps today, or might try to take DS out to do something and get some car naps.
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So I decided to try for her second nap in the crib, the weather here is bad so I decided it best not to go out. She was definitely OT but I was able to pat her to sleep easily enough, I didn't stay though because I had to make DS lunch and she ended up waking at 20mins. I picked her up and held her until she was drowsy and the put her in the crib and patted to sleep and she went off easily enough. I went back in after another 20mins and caught her right before the next transition (which I guess would technically be the 40min transition) and I ended up patting her for 30mins but was able to get her through it and she slept another 30mins on her own.
So I guess I consider that somewhat successful. It is just hard because it is ridiculously time consuming, and I am also having to settle her at the 20min mark and the 40min mark in addition to getting her down initially. My back is wrecked! And it doesn't help that I'm sick so then entire time I'm patting her my nose is literally running down my face ::) ::) It would be a lot easier if I just had to go in once at 40mins.
Next nap I will likely AP because I will need to start prepping dinner.
Sorry for all the posts, updating as I go lol
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I'm glad you have had some success even though it's hard work! Are you certain there's no discomfort?
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No discomfort, she's happy as a clam, no reflux or anything.
Tonight at BT as completely SS on her own, I put her in her bassinet awake and she went off on her own and I hear her settling herself through the night. Hard to believe our days and nights are polar opposites.
Only 1 nap at home today, 30mins...I knew she was OT for that one as her A time was long.
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Big success here ladies!
So in addition to SS completely on her own at BT, she also SS on her own at 5:30am after her NF (with a firm hand on her chest for a few mins).
This morning for her nap I rocked her until drowsy then she settled in her crib with some light patting and a hand on her chest and she went off easily. Woke at 45mins (but hey...it's not 20! LOL) and I was able to resettle her within about 20mins...she went off really easily again but my dog starting barking at DH and DS who were outside playing, otherwise it probably would have taken less time.
So, this is major improvement in our books. I'm super happy about this. As long as I can get her off fairly easily and resettle her at 45mins I think we are making progress. Her A time was 1.20 which I think is ok? I think the 45min thing is just her unable to transition.
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Wow I'm jealous! We got a twenty minute nap in the crib with me patting him the whole time. That's progress for us too, though.
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Yay for progress! That's wonderful that she ss at BT. I always found BT the hardest since I'm low on energy by then.
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Glad you had a good day hun, I PMd you x
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Well, she is now horribly sick with a cold so putting this all on hold for right now. She can't breathe at all so settling is non-existent and she just needs some extra cuddles right now so we are letting her nap in our arms, in our bed etc. I did put her down for her first nap in her crib this morning and she drifted off with some patting and did her usual 45mins and I just AP'd the rest because she was blowing snot bubbles out her nose (lol) so I knew re-settling was a lost cause.
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Oh, snot bubbles. Get well vibes for your little lady.
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So nothing really new to report here.
Her A time is now 1.5hrs and her first nap is mostly 30mins - so I'm wondering if she's OT? But a 1.20hr A time seems to give us 40min naps so really, hitting a spot in between those would be extremely difficult. I'm thinking I will just stick with the 1.5hr A time until she catches up - whether I try to resettle at the 30min mark or the 40min mark really makes no difference to me.
Speaking of resettling...it never happens. Like, ever. Today I thought I was actually getting somewhere, it seemed like it was going well, I caught her right on time, but then I spent 30mins holding her through the jolts and her drifting in and out of REM sleep but she just couldn't get past that point back into a deep sleep. It just all seems really pointless even attempting.
So, don't really know what to do, I don't think there is anything to do. She's 3 months next week and I just really thought by now we'd be seeing some sort of improvement, so it is just really discouraging :( Anyway, I don't expect anyone to have any answers...mostly just talking out loud here.
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Hi there,
I'm so sorry you feel that way:( I hope these difficult moments will fly by for you <hugs>
I'm sorry I didn't have time to read through all posts, but I do have questions :)
1. Is she BF or FF? Does she feed well or squirms?
2. Are he fists open or closed tightly while she sleeps day/night? I ask for this, because some LOs have trouble with muscle tention first months and this is the reason of not sleeping/ not napping/ poor feedings.
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She is FF and feeds well, no squirming or anything...a little more distracted these days but that's it.
As for her hands, I'm not 100% sure because she is swaddled so I can't see them, but I think they are open. From what I can feel from holding her through her jolts they feel open. She is still very jolt-y for day sleep, not so much at night.
She's a great night sleeper, she SS on her own at BT and through the night, she typically takes 1 NF and then goes back down no issues. The sleep issues are daytime only - her naps are 20, 30, or 40 mins with no real consistency on length and as I said it is rare that I am able to resettle. She is very happy, even with short naps she's not overly cranky (until the evening when the OT catches up with her) and she goes down at 7pm every night beautifully.
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If I resettling isn't working at all what about setting a short time limit for trying (10-15 minutes) or just getting her up and moving on with your day? That way you have a bit more freedom and won't feel chained to the crib.
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Yes I don't normally spend that much time trying to resettle, it just seemed like it was working today so I stuck with it...until it didn't work lol. I normally just try for 10-15mins then move on, but I still try in the vain hope that someday it will work ::). Our EASY turns into a EASAES so it really doesn't feel like she's on any real routine.
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As you know, some LOs just don't go in for predictability! My DD took ages to get on any sort of consistent, predictable routine. I would have saved myself a lot of stress and worry if I had just accepted it and quit trying to force it. At least your LO is giving you the gift of ss at BT.
Does she nap any better when she eats right before you tuck her in?
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Feeds before nap don't seem to make a difference. I know I need to let it go and just deal with the cards dealt, it is just hard. Most days she is napping 1.5hrs total in a 12hr period...I mean, that's just crazy. She should be doing that 3 x a day. It makes for a very long day for me especially because she does not handle DH at all so it's all me all the time, and makes is extremely hard for me to deal with the rest of life...like housework and laundry, DS, cooking etc. I am forced to do most things during her A time because I don't have a choice so I feel guilt that while she's awake I'm not engaging her as much as I should be, and instead she's playing in her gym while I'm getting things done. That's the reality though nothing much I can do about it.
All her naps recently have been 30 mins so I was thinking she may be a bit OT, so I tried scaling her A time back today but it didn't make a difference. I had been doing 1.5hr...do you think that's too much? She's 3 months tomorrow.
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Don't feel guilty about getting things done in A time, I do it too (since he needs me there to sleep atm).
Have you tried increasing her A? Playing around with the temperatureand surroundings she's napping in?
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She's at 1.5hr A, though at times it goes a little longer not really on purpose but because I'm dealing with DS. Nap are always (lately) 30mins - that's why I tried less A time today because I thought she might be OT. After the first short nap I can pretty well guarantee she's going to be OT for the rest no matter what so those are kind of a write off anyway.
I guess he only thing about her surroundings is she naps in her crib in her room because it has the darkest blinds but she sleeps at night in the bassinet in our room. I did try naps in her bassinet and it didn't seem to make a difference but I haven't tried in a while. But that said our room isn't all that dark.
I really just think she can transition sleep cycles unless being held. If I were to hold her she'd sleep 2hrs easily, but I would obviously like to have her napping in her crib.
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Most days she is napping 1.5hrs total in a 12hr period...I mean, that's just crazy.
Would you think that if you hadn't read any books or routines? Sometimes it's the expectations we have that hold us back from accepting what is.
Don't feel badly about doing stuff in her A time. I often did (and still do) a lot of housework during my LOs A time. They really are ok playing on their own. She gets lots of love, hugs and cuddles from you at other times. If you're still feeling uneasy about it look up RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) - the whole premise is that LOs are ok to play on their own even as babies - they get the stimulation they need at feeding, bath and nap/bedtime rituals.
One book I read gave 1-2 hours as the A time guidelines for 0-4 months. I find reading that made me a bit more flexible in how I thought about A times at that age. Maybe a longer A time might help her get a better first nap?
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So this morning DD self settled for her first nap :) I rocked her until she was drowsy and then put her in her crib and held her arms for a minute and then I went and stood near the door...she was still very much awake and just kind of wriggled around a bit and then drifted off. So this is good news. Not that I've ever really had a problem getting her down, it is nap length that is our issue. But I think if she can SS initially then eventually she will be able to settle herself back to sleep if/when she wakes early.
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That's wonderful! I love that first self-settling moment - it makes me feel that things are going to become so much easier.