BabyWhispererForums.com
ACTIVITY => Activity Time & Toddler Activity => Topic started by: cwolff on February 14, 2006, 05:09:36 am
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This is probably going to sound really stupid, but DD has always been good with most people and she still is. My MIL is staying with us, and she's been letting me sleep in and doing baby stuff with Rachel. Rachel is perfectly content and happy, no fussing at all. She even put her down for naps fine! So my question is do some babies just not go thru separation anxiety? I'm trying to tell myself that she's even tempered and secure and that's why she's not going thru this. But there's a lot of sweet babies out there who go thru separation anxiety, and it's just natural. Anyone have a baby that didn't, or went thru it late? Rachel does luv her Mommy and Daddy and shows a preference for us, and sometimes I am the only one who can get her to do things, but this is rare. She doesn't cry when I leave the room, nor fuss if left to play on her own. I want to feel happy about this, but now of course I worry that something's wrong.
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My answer would be some don't show it as much as others & some it is later... my niece went through it at about 10months & it wasn't so much with people she saw often, just if left around people she hardly saw. So if she has seen lots of your MIL, then she probably feels secure around her at this stage.
Liam has only started showing it in the last week or so & even left with someone he didn't know at playgroup today he was fine.
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i asked myself the same question when DS was 8 months also. he was crawling pretty good at that age, and would crawl away to other room ..etc.
then at 9 months, he started to follow me everywhere. i guess that's the sep anx started. it wasn't a bad one as he crawls to find me wherever i go .. lol :)
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My ds never seemed to be bothered with other people and still isn't (he's probably one of those kids child psychs would think needs to be a bit more choosy, don't know, he seems perfectly fine to me and definitely securely attached) - he suffered a little bit of sep anx with me for about a week only at 8mths. My dd however only really started to become a little choosy in the last month at 9.5mths. Hers is only really with strangers or people she doesn't see often and usually only if they really get in her face instead of letting her warm up to them. If I have had to leave her for a minute or two with someone she's not totally comfortable with she'll look uncomfortable but seems to hold it together ok. She's never been out of my or DH's company, so I couldn't say how she'd be.
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My DD has never had anything I could recognise as seperation anxiety. It used to upset me a little, especially as I was off work until she was 1 and the major care giver - I'd think, how can she not be bothered when I go? Does it mean she doesn't love me? She's now 3.5 and it's still never materialised - that's just the way she is.
If I were you I'd definitely try and look on it as a positive thing - she's so secure in your love she knows you'll be coming back/you've raised such a happy child etc etc (NOTE: not to try and cause offence to anyone who has a kid with sep anx - just trying to put a positive spin on it!!!!!!). And also, enjoy the fact that you are able to leave your child, have a bit of you time, and not worry about whether they are having a good time.
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I can sympathise with you too. I have had the same thoughts once or twice. Ds is now one and he has never really shown any sep anx characteristics. Now I see it as a positive thing. I know he is securein himself and more than happy to play on his own and also around others. I have noticed that he seems happier playing if either me or dh are in the room with him. And more so recently he has just started to crawl over to us and cuddle ;D When we're out at playgroup or something he quite often just crawls off and plays without even a backward glance, but I'm happy with that. I'm glad that he feels safe and secure.
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We saw some bedtime sep anx with Tyler at 1 yr, but I think it was related to him not being tired at bedtime and needing to transition to 1 nap. We saw it during awake time at 16 mo, where he would get upset if I left the room, but we had just moved into a new house. It cropped up again REALLY bad right before he turned 2, still just during his awake time. He went through 6 wks of absolutely freaking out if a stranger even looked at him. We worked through that, but he still gets upset most of the time when I leave the room.
Some babies go through it later than others, some never go through it at all. That's great that Rachel is so secure and you get some time off! Enjoy it!!
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When dd #1 was around 9 months old, I left her with my IL's to stay overnight. They have a video of some A time she spent in the morning and whenever my MIL went out of sight she would start to cry. By lunchtime we were with her again. That was the only sep. anx. episode she had in her life. I assume she felt really secure with me and that's why it didn't pop up with me.
Sara
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my ds currently cries a bit when i leave the room but as long as he is well fed and not tired, he soon finds something that entertains him by himself and of course i am never gone long.
when i leave him at nursery, sometimes he cries (unless he is busy smiling at his new friends- he's pretty seriously outgoing) but if i look back through the window in the door in 20 seconds, its all over and he is enjoying himself!!! sometimes i joke that this kid would go home with ANYONE!
still, it makes him easier to parent (he is getting heavy to carry around ALL the time) and he is happy which is the most important thing! (here's hoping putting this out in print doesn't kick off separation anxiety later this afternoon or something!!! ::))
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My son is 17 months and has never shown any signs of separation anxiety. I don't work and stay home with him and thought that at some point in time, he would prefer me over someone else but he could care less if I'm in the room or not. It actually has been really nice. He's always played well by himself and if my DH or I have to leave him with someone else to babysit (which isn't very often), I don't worry that he's going to be sad. Especially nice since #2 is coming fast! Be grateful and enjoy it. Hopefully it lasts.