BabyWhispererForums.com
SLEEP => Sleeping For Toddlers => Topic started by: Lunasmum on March 28, 2006, 16:25:03 pm
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Hi everyone!
I'm a desperate mother of a 2 year old daughter who used to go to bed awake after a scheduled routine of food, bath, story & bed, and then she would sleep the whole night. This happened until she managed to climb out of her cot. Now we have converted the cot in a bed and she cannot sleep alone. Every night I have to stay by her side until she falls asleep around 9:30 and then she will wake up at 2 am and come straight to our bed. I know this is wrong but I need to get some sleep before going to work every morning! Please let me know if there is anything I can do so that our family sleeps!!Thank you very very much.
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At first, you could sleep in her room on a blow up mattress next to her bed. That way, when she attemps to climb off, she'll find you there and you can get her back again. As things improve, you can gradually move the blow up matress away from his bed till you're out of the room.
Second, you can try with the stickers or another kind of rewards. Make a poster with pictures and her favourite cartoons and make a14 day calendar there. It does not has to be dated, only 14 boxes. For each night she sleeps in her bed, she gets a sticker. IF she manages to get a full 5 day roll, she gets something special. If she makes it to 10 day roll, another extra special. I read somewhere that with 14 days in a road, you have stablished an habit and is imposible to kick it, so she should get something really nice like an expensive toy or a night getaway. If she breaks the roll, she must start over again.
The key is never allowing her to go to your bed, it has to be you or your partner the ones that go to her, and make the best to leave her in her bed. You could switch night shifts to have full nights or rest at least every other day.
Good luck! and keep us posted
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Thank you very much for your advise. How long shall I keep the mattress near her bed? Every 3 days a move a little closer to the door and then I just go to my bed? What happens if she gets up?
There is a famous book in Spain (this is where we live) called "duermete niņo" by Dr. Estivil where he recommends putting a gate on her room, telling her that she is now going to learn how to sleep, that mummy & daddy love her very much but she has now got to sleep on her own with her special toy. After saying this you then leave the room & start a time schedule from 2mins, 3mins and then 5 mins in which you repeat the same phrase until she goes to sleep on her own.The 5 mins go to 10 and so on as the days go by. Of course every 5 mins the child is crying, screaming vomiting etc but he suggest not to give in and by the third day she will go to sleep on her own!
Please let me know if you have heard of this and what are your opinions
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the matress idea is a good start , this is what i had to do with Ryan . but i would never leave him cry ! by doing this you will lose your daughters trust. Ryan had associated his cot with reflux pain so we moved him to a bed ,because we were having so many night wakings , i was totally exhausted going up and down to his room all night . i moved in to his room on a double bed , i stayed there untill we had his meds sorted and the night wakings were fewer. by the time this all came about he was used to me sleeping with him ::) ( i have done so much accidental parenting due to reflux ). so i then split the beds up and we had a bed each , this way he wasn't able to get so close to me , we did this untill he was comfortable with it , i still had to comfort him in the night during night wakings but he stayed in his bed. then with the type of bed he had i was able to drop my bed to the floor , so he couldn't see me if he woke , i would just be quick to comfort him. again i waited for a wekk or two untill he was comfortable with this. then i tried leaving him to it in his own room , it worked. you have to do it gradually but try not to go back on yourself.
you could do the same process but with a matress on the floor and stay in your room untill the first waking , then go and sleep in the room , if she knows you are with her she may be content.
i still stay with Ryan when i put him to bed untill he has fallen asleep.
by letting your daughter cry for long periods you are teaching her that even if she cries her needs are not met , she will lose trust in you and i think you will have a lot more problems .
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Hi! Thanks for your reply.
Does Ryan sleep the whole night without wakenings even when you stay with him until he goes to sleep?
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no , we have good nights but he still does wake , this is down to his reflux though and not that he is looking for me . it was best for him and for me that i moved out of the room. the reasons i went into his room to sleep were that he was waking over 7 times a night when things were bad , and he was inconsolable . now he wakes 2 times but a little comfort and he goes back to sleep.
if your daughter knows you are in the room with her she will be more comfortable and then you can work on leaving , at least you have her back in her own room .
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Ok, I'll try the mattress and see how it goes! I'll keep you posted. Thank you
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Had the exat same problem with our then 3 year old. what we started doing when she would come into our bed at night is take her back to her bed. We would stay with her initially but then left after she fell asleep. Whe would sleep until morning. Then we started leaving before she was fully asleep. We would tell her we would sit with her awhile but that we would be sleeping in our own bed. Lots of battles at that stage! What finally worked for us in convincing our dd to stay put was telling her that mummy and daddy needed their sleep or otherwise we would be cross with her the next day just because we were so tired. Once she understood that she's slept through in her own bed ever since! Good Luck!
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Hi, I've tried that, but every time a try to leave, she would wake up immediately. This could go on for hours! as soon as I thought she was asleep she would wake up again! I'll try the mattress method, but don't know wether I should go to sleep at the same time, stay with her until she falls asleep and then,when awake again go and sleep in the mattress next to her ???I think staying with her until she sleeps is not too good, but how to I teach her to fall asleep on her own ???
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I have no experience with this as Henry is still in a crib but from what I've seen/read, the recommendation is that every time your lo gets out of bed, lead her back to bed. The first time, tell her its bedtime but after that, do it without discussion.
It may take hours the first night and several nights to teach her (which may mean initially very little sleep for anyone), but it will work if you're consistent. And after that you'll all sleep more and better!
Good luck!
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staying with her till she falls asleep is not bad, in my opinion. It teaches her to sleep on her own but also, that you're with her right there if she needs you. The fact that she's waking the minute you leave the room tells me she's experimenting some anxiety because of the changes, so she might feel unsettled waking in a "strange" bed and without mommy.
You might want to spend the first night in the blow up mattress next to her bed. I know exhausting, but remember, the payoff sure is worth it. And you'll be surprised you'll be less tired than going back and forward between your room and hers. If you start noticing progress in her falling asleep, by a week or so, you might try staying in the room till she falls asleep and then leave and come back to your matress just when she has her first waking.
Remember that your presence and comforting is not accidental parenting. It just shows her you'll be there no matter what and will help her relax and start giving your presence so much importance at sleep times, cause she'll take it for granted. Once you've accomplish that, you'll be surprised you will be able to leave the room without a fuss.
Let us know about your progress!
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Thanks a million! I've just put her to bed now, and she's gone to sleep with me by her side in 10mins. I'm sure she'll be awake and up at around 2am! but this time I'm prepared with my mattress!Thanks for taking away the guilty factor of staying until she falls asleep!! :-*
I'll keep you posted on improved sleepless nights!
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YAY that's brilliant ! you never know she may surprise you again and sleep all night
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;Wow That's what I call positive thinking!!!!! I'll let you know the outcome tomorrow!
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Good morning from a tired but optimistic mother!
Last night was the 1st night of trying out the mattress method! Luna went to sleep very fast but unfortunately there were a few awakenings in the night. Some of these were caused by nightmares where she called out for her parents in her sleep. (at one point she did sleep a little while on the mattress ::) Once back in her bed & reinsured that there was someone next to her in the mattress she went back to sleep until 5:30 :o (normally when she slept with us her normal time is 8:30) At this point she was wide awake and was chatting, wanted toilet, yogurt etc. Finally she climbed back in bed and slept until 8:45!
I know these wakening are probably going to last a few weeks but I think we're on the right track! Thank you all for your advise and I'll keep you updated on future progress!
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Hey that's such great news. I'm sure too that you're on the right track! Keep up the good work, be ready for possible setbacks (knock on wood for them not to show) and remember this might take up to 3 weeks. You'll know when is time to start moving your matress away from her bed. Wishing you long and rested nights! :-*
P.S. what a lovely and beautiful girl you have! she looks like a Rafaello's angel!
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that's great news . you will get there , stay consistent. you will soon be posting with night time success .keep us posted
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Ok, I'll try the mattress and see how it goes! I'll keep you posted. Thank you
Is this working? ::)
I finally found you ;D ;D
The web is world wide :o :P
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Yes I am interested too to find out how you are going ?
When you have a second we would love an update :)
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:)Hi everyone!
Firstly I apologize for not answering earlier!! I've been waiting to give you a 100% positive answer on the mattress method. But the truth is I've been cheating!! ::)and the mattress is still in Luna's room!!! :: :o
The story so far:
I had ordered a big bed for Luna that supposedly was going to arrive at the end of March but still has not happened, so the plan was to take out the mattress then!In the meantime I still stay with her until she goes to sleep, the problem is I'm sooooooooo tired that I end up sleeping there too! Only that most nights when I wake up I go to my bed and Luna stays in her cot until morning. I also have to say that this is not the case every night as she still sometimes wakes up when falling or nightmare and she comes to our bed! ::)However it is much much better than when I started this post! ;D
The bid dilemma I'm facing now is what do I do when the big bed finally comes! :o Do I remove the mattress completely (in fact i won't have much room) do I put a chair instead? Do I still stay until she sleeps and then leave? ???
I've just finished reading BW for toddlers and one of the stories tells you about the mattress method, where it explains in detail how it started but then just says "after a few months the parents finally return to their bed" but how was the last stage??
I hope this hasn't been too long, I'm sure this method works it just that I have been doing it wrong! ???
Any advise is happily accepted! :)