BabyWhispererForums.com
SLEEP => Sleeping For Toddlers => Topic started by: Little Dot on May 05, 2006, 20:08:09 pm
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Henrysmama, you gave me some tips on starting wo/wi with my 17 month old and I got going with it last night. It was the best bedtime ever! I did the usual routine, put her in the cot and left the room. I pottered around upstairs and listened. She stood, chatted a bit, shouted a little but didn't cry at all and after 20 minutes of slight whinging went off to sleep all by herself. I couldn't believe it. She slept all night and didn't wake at 2ish as she usually does. She woke at 4.30am but we have been having early wakings for a while now. I'm dealing with one thing at a time.
Tonight I felt really confident, did the same routine and put her in her cot. She shouted and chatted for 10 minutes or so, then started getting a bit whingy but there was no crying so I didn't go in. After a few minutes of this she started crying a little but it was a frustrated, angry type cry like she was shouting at me 'this isn't what we do!" I still stayed out the room. After about 15 minutes of this shouting she started to get quite upset and there was some continuous crying so I went in and lay her down. I left immediately and then the crying started like I have never heard her cry before, not even when we got rid of the dummy at 9 months or when we did our pu/pd sleep training at 8 months. She was getting so worked up, her nose was running and she was hot and bothered. I counted 5 and went in, came out even though she was still crying (what I would normally do is pick her up and calm her so she was obviously expecting that), counted to 10, went in and so on. Was I supposed to add 5 every time I came out and started a new count? Well that's what I did but I'm not sure if that is correct. It was so hard hearing her like that. She was hysterical and doing that hyperventilating type cry, you know, when they are so upset they can hardly catch their breath. It broke my heart. I continued for another 20 mins or so with her standing and screaming at the top of her lungs. Everytime I lay her down she wrapped her arms so tightly around me and had one leg almost out of the cot! I just kept telling myself she would go to sleep soon.
It started to get a bit much for me and she was so tired that the next time I went in I stroked her head a bit longer, just until the cry calmed a bit. I did everything over again but each time just stroking her head to calm her down. I know I shouldn't have done this and have probably failed and made tonight a complete waste of time but I am still determined. I didn't do half of what I normally do. I just need some clarification from you over the counting and what to do when she is that hysterical. I'm not expecting miracles on night number 2 or anything like that but I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing and not making matters worse for her. Plus, do I do exactly the same thing in the night?
Thank you x
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Hey Kate -
Please don't beat yourself up over comforting your lo. That's what you're there for.
The second night is always harder. Always. She probably wasn't really convinced you meant it last night. She figured it out tonight. It will get better - I absolutely promise.
Do not add 5 seconds to your count when you're out of the room. If you're going to count to 5, stay at 5. But if you hear her calming down before you get to 5, don't walk in just to work her up again. In that case, you can count to 10. If she hasn't stopped crying by 10, go in. Does that make sense?
Also, rather than not comforting her at all when you walk in, rubbing her forehead until she is calm is fine. I rub Henry's forehead but only very briefly, not until he's calm. If I stay too long, he gets really mad when I leave again. Did you stay with her until she was asleep or just until she was calm? Either way, its fine - again, don't beat yourself up. If you stayed with her until she was asleep, just try not to make that another habit that will need fixing. If you only stayed with her until she was calm, you absolutely did nothing wrong. She'll get to the point where she can go to sleep on her own.
As for night wakings, I would do exactly the same thing that you do when you put her down for the night.
I was reading my posts about when I was sleep training Henry using walk out/walk in. The first night took 40 minutes. The second took 1 hour 45 minutes. He woke twice that night - once took about 5 minutes and the second about 30. The next day I commented on how tired he looked and how red his eyes and knees were. The third night, it took 3-4 times of walking in and out before he quieted. The fourth night, I layed him in his bed, walked out and didn't hear from him until morning.
I really do know how hard it is. I'm sorry that its so hard. You need to keep telling yourself that you're not hurting her - you're only teaching her a new way to go to sleep which will be good for both of you.
Keep me posted on how things go. Good luck! And let me know if you have any other questions - I am here to help.
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Henrysmama, thank you so much. That has cleared alot of things up for me.
You are so right about night number 2 being harder than the first! And I had to laugh when you said how tired you ds looked in the morning because just minutes before reading your reply I said the exact same thing about my dd!
However, I feel it was a really successful night and although she looks tired she is a much better mood. She didn't wake up crying at 4.30/5 to start her day, which has been the norm for the past 3 weeks or so. She woke happily at 7am. This is a first for us! ;D
After a difficult bedtime but fast asleep by 7.30pm, she slept without a peep until midnight. This wo/wi took just under an hour. She just didn't know what was going on but I could definitely see she was starting to learn by the end of the hour that when I came back in I wasn't going to pick her up, just lie her down as sometimes she did it before I had to. She made my eyes water saying 'oh dear, oh dear' in a quiet little voice. This is a new saying she is trying out alot lately but it really fitted with the occasion this time!!! I stroked her head on each walk in as she really needed calming down from that hyperventilating type cry. I didn't stay until she was asleep ever, just until she was calm.
So, she was fast asleep on her own by 1am. She woke again at 1.30am but it only took 2 wo/wi's. Fabulous!! Now, I can't remember whether or not she woke again early this morning! My brain is mush! It will probably come to me later in the day but whatever happened, SHE SLEPT IN UNTIL 7AM!!! WOW! And, I managed to cope with the crying by just comforting a little rather than bringing her to bed or picking her up! I'm very pleased about that.
Thank you so much. I know, as with all the other techniques I have had to use, it is really hard to start with but it does get easier and it will work. I just have one question please. Dd does suffer badly with her teeth and on other occasions when she is poorly and perhaps hasn't eated much in the day, she will often wake seeming hungry. If I give her milk just one time it seems to set a waking habit for her. Cheeky madam! Would you suggest just continuing with this technique as soon as she is comforted and well? I'm scared that I will end up bringing her to bed to comfort her again as I usually do.
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I'm so glad its getting easier!! Henry used to wake at 5am, too, but now sleeps until almost 7am regularly. Its wonderful!!
I don't understand your last question. Are you asking that, when she's having teething problems and not eating during the day, should you do walk out/walk in to settle her during the night? If that is your question, I would recommend yes - you might comfort her a little more than usual but I would not give her milk nor would I take her into your bed. Toddlers are smart. If you do either of those things, like you said, it may quickly become a habit that you then have to fix. You may also find that once she's really used to going to sleep on her own, the night wakings, even the ones arguably related to teething, will get better or even stop completely unless she's sick. That's what happened for us - Henry used to be awake for HOURS during the night but now sleeps through every night unless he's sick.
Great work so far. Keep it up and keep me posted on how its going.
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Yes, that is exactly what I meant. Sorry for not being clearer. My brain is tired out! You answered it just as I thought so that is what I will do next time she is teething etc.
Thanks for the support. Night 3 tonight. Fingers crossed!
Kate x
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Henrysmama, just wanted to send you BIG HUGS, and lots of them! Thank you so much for your advice. Night 3 last night and Erin knew exactly what was going on. She didn't even bother to cry or stand up at bedtime. She just went off to sleep on her own. I was almost crying at listening to her soothing herself off. She also slept all night without waking and woke happy at 6.30 this morning - 11 hours sleep! Wonderful. ;D She is so much happier in the mornings and is going down for her naps better too. I can't thank you enough. I am also feeling 100% better about things. Sleep deprivation gets you down and you don't enjoy things like you should. I feel more confident about what I am doing and I am not dreading bedtimes anymore!
Thanks again x
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Yeah!!! Congratulations!!!!
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Hi! Sarah!
Do you recommend wi/wo now that Dana has a very strong flu?? Or do you suggest to start it later?? Because she has cough during the night she can´t sleep nothing. And...my dh is sleeping with her in the other bed in her room...but we are so worried about the cough (sometimes she vomited).
What do you think??
Thanks, Nadia.
P.D. She wakes coughing at 2.00 am (99% of the nights) and cries in a furius way...like she was ungry because she is tired and she has cough...it takes us about an hour to calm her...and finally my dh takes off the other bed and lay there...it is a problem no???
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Hey Nadia -
If Dana is sick, do what you need to do to get her (and you) through and start later. Its hard enough with a healthy lo - no need to subject all of you to trying it with a sick lo.