BabyWhispererForums.com
SLEEP => Sleeping For Toddlers => Topic started by: Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom) on May 22, 2006, 17:13:07 pm
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Ladies I really need help. Am going to be home more or less alone with dd for the next 4 weeks, dh will be here at weekends and will work most of them and things are going very very wrong.
Up until Saturday we had a perfect routine, was even looking foward to our hols next month, but it's all going out the window and I am not sure why :'(
Sat- woke 1 hour early, no calming down, got her up, early down for nap, moaned for 15 mins and slept at normal time,woke after 45 mins, 20 mins early to bed, in total lost 2 hours sleep, did walk in and walk out when she woke from lunch nap, didn't work, made her hysterical though I continued until it was time to get up from nap, she didn't sleep after the 45 min mark. Bed time 20 mins early with paracetemol.
Sun- woke 1 hour early, again no calming down, usual nap of 12.30, slept 45 mins, sshed her on and off from outside her door and did walk in and out for over an hour again until nap time was over Normal bed time, again with paracetemol.
Mon- Woke ususal time, 7.20. Nap 12.30 she spent 25 mins calling me "Mammy sleep" Mammy gone sleep" "Wakey wakey Mammy" over and over again Eventually fell asleep and woke after 1 hour 10 mins, again calling me, this time I went in and got her up.
Tonight ( Mon) bed at 7.30 pm with paracetemol, and she started again with" Mammy sleep? Mammy dog barking? over and over again, and also Mammy gone?" She is not crying so I haven't gone it but ssh from outside her door and have told her to go to sleep, especially when she says Mammy gone so she knows I am here. She is now in bed half an hour and is still awake calling me. She usually goes to sleep in minutes.
What is going on??? Is it speration anxiety? Things are getting worse, especially the not settling tonight which will probably have a knock on effect and I have no one to help me in any way, dh is abroad.
Our usual routine is
7.15/7.30 wake up
12.30 Nap 1.5/2 hours
19.30 Bed
She has a dolly who sleeps with her and goes to bed awake, no props. I can't think of anything that may have happened to cause this change which started on Saturday. She had her chicken pox vaccination on Thursday morning but dont think that has anything to do with it. Her fingers are constantly in her mouth and I suspect her 2 year molars though this has been going on 2 months and I can't see anything, that is also the reason I gave her the paracetemol as I wanted to be sure it wasnt pain keeping her awake.
Pls pls help before this gets out of control,
Many Thanks,
Fiona
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Fiona -
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. It sounds like it might be separation anxiety - in which case you do need to reassure her that you're still around but don't accidental parent and create props.
Henry goes through phases like this sometimes. I've found that as long as I stay consistent, he gets back on track eventually. Not much of an answer, I know, but its the best I can do right now. I hope some of it helps you.
Good luck and keep us posted.
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Fiona,
I am feeling for you - I know the frustration - and it is compounded by being on your own at the moment! I too would endorse consistency as much as possible - but it also sounds like DS when he gets overtired. A few days/nights of lost sleep, and naps get shorter, and he is harder to settle at night - jumps up and down far more. really struggles to get to sleep.
I have to sit in his room until he gets really sleepy, as I tend to think that getting them off to sleep is more beneficial than anything else, but I would also try and get her down just a little earlier as you wrer before, just to give yourself some leeway and in case the over-tiredness is exacerbating the separation anxiety.
She will get back on track, just try and relax - I read a book now in between pds and that keeps me calm!
Justine
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Thanks for the quick replies. I have to say am feeling quite anxious about the whole thing, especially as I have been so lucky not to have had these probs in the last 14 months but today I felt the old anxiety come back. I should be in bed now but here I am ::) and it couldn't have happened at a worse time. Actually was thinking a while ago and wondering if I should try the earlier bed time again especially if she is going to chat for half an hour, but last time I tried it, it resulted in an even earlier wakening. I can handle the short nap if dd is ok with it and she seemed okish today but I can't handle the late bedtime or the early morning, especially as I spend a lot of time on my own- selfish of me I know. Just checked on dd and she is at the bottom end of her cot, almost as if she wanted to escape, and sideways, which is surely uncomfortable for her and dolly is with her but that's a usual postion for her.
I refuse to stay in her room with her because I know her and know it will only take once for it to be a habit though dh has suggested I nap on the bed in her room during the day with her. I know it's crazy but am starting to feel anxious myself and have not slept well in 4 days myself, wakening in the middle of the night and no catch up on sleep either, and I just cant make myself go to bed before 11pm, I was the exact same when she was a newborn , I have bad sleep problems and try so hard not to pass them on to dd. Have been chatting to dh and he just says its a phase and it will pass, but it's easy enough to say when you are not here, though he does realise how much it stresses me ::)
Thanks for your support, I really need it at the moment, family are thousands of miles away, my Dad is undergoing major surgery this week which is also adding to the stress, my bf is here but she has a 3 month old baby so has her hands full has well :) at the moment he is probably doing better than dd ::)
Fiona
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PS if anyone is here, should I wake her at her normal time of 7.30 tomorrow if she is not awake to keep her on track? or at least to try?
Fiona
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My daughter is 13 months and went from an angel baby who would play for five minutes in her cot and then go to sleep to a screaming, unsettled minx at bedtime (with night wakings) overnight. Thanks to this forum, and quite by surprise, I realised she was overtired and was not getting enough sleep. As soon as I allowed longer naps earlier in the day and an earlier bedtime (6.45-7pm instead of 7.15-7.30pm) it all settled down again. I did have to sit in her room for about five minutes (not looking at her) for a couple of nights and then shh from outside the door but after 2 nights, she was pretty much back to her old self again.
I can really sympathise as my husband is away on business at the moment too and it's really stressful coping with it all on your own.
Good luck xx
PS Yes, I would wake her up at 7.30am but really watch her signs for when she needs to sleep - I have been doing this and it really works. Try to rub the schedule out of your mind that you think she should have and see what happens xx
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Hi Ladies,
Well today went a bit better. DD woke at 6.40 again though, this time with a really pitiful sob like she was trying not to cry and immediately started to call me, I told her I was asleep and she kept reasonably quiet and stayed in bed until 7.10. Today I gave her a bath before lunch and calpol before her nap. She only said Mammy gone 1 and I didn't actually answer. She woke after 35 mins and started again so I told her I was asleep and she went back to sleep, I woke her at 2.30.
Didn't give her any pain medication tonight as I am sure now she doesn't need it cos she was so happy all day. Anyway thought I got away with it, she started to puker up her face to cry so told her to hug her dolly and I left and only got 1 Mammy gone. Then about 5 mins later the kids across the hall came home and were really loud and she heard them so off she started again. So I told her I was in bed which she repeated about 10 times, she slept at 7.45 pm which is 15 minutes earlier than last night.
Hopefully tomorrow will be even better. I really can't believe this came out of nowhere, thought we had finished with seperation anxiety at about 17 months when she eventually allowed me out of her sight for 10 seconds :o Her favourite expression these days is Mammy gone even if I am standing right in front of her, it's like she doesn't understand what gone means but I know she does.
Thanks again for all your support, great to have somewhere to get these little problems off your chest :)
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It's great to see you girls are moving in the right direction! And totally hear you it really gets in your attitude for the whole day, I'm just like you...I have noticed that when I'm anxious for ds to go to sleep it's like he "feels" it and is more active and chatty than usual. They're so connected to us that even if we try to hide it, they sense something's bothering mommy and get plugged with it. I'm not sure Leah's behaviour came out of nowhere, I'd place a bet on her feeling that household dynamics were about to change and that would explain the sudden separation anxiety crisis. Daddy's not at sight so I must make sure mommy's around... maybe you can talk to her during daytime about where daddy is and what is he doing and making a point that he's coming back. You'll be amazed at how much they understand, I use to talk to ds about everything, the other day he saw a policeman and said:BAD COP out of nowhere... about 3 weeks ago i had been fined by a policeman and was chatting to my grandma about it saying damn policeman etc and he seemed interested in the conversation so i just told him that a bad cop had made mommy mad. I thought he had forgotten but nah... they listen to what you have to say.
Ok i'm just going out of track here... i'm glad to see that Leah's going slowly back to her oldself. Be sure to come here and update us, and try to get some rest too!!!!
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Hi Florencia,
isn't it amazing the memory they have and believe me she understands everything, it's scary sometimes! Leah talks about things that happened months ago! You are probably right, was telling my friend today that I think she misses dh. She is going to have to get used to it, cos it's going to be like this for the coming 3 weeks ::) She talks to him on the phone and last night cried when she finished so that's when I figured she is missing him, I also tell her about all the things we are going to do when he gets back on Friday and she talks all day about him going to work in the taxi instead of the car ;D He was on another trip a few weeks ago and it didnt bother her at all, but I suppose you never really know how their minds work, and they are wonderful little minds.
Will keep you guys updated and am off to bed soon ;D it's 10pm here so almost bedtime.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow, do you think dh being back for 2 days and going again will affect her though if we do get back on track? Just so as I know what to expect, as if thats possible ::)
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So cute she cried on the phone!!!!!! i call ds from work today and he lets the phone go as if my conversation was too boring LOL ::)
I hope Leah doesn't find too distressing when daddy has to leave again... you never know... as you say, their minds work in misterious ways!!!!! ;D
fingers crossed for you here!
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Well I didn't post yesterday so as not to jinx myself- didn't work though. We had a great nap, woke her after 2 hours, bed time no prob but she woke at 3.15 am. I went in told her it was still sleep time and she went back to sleep. Woke at 7.00 which is ok.
Nap today, went down no problem but woke after an hour and 10 mins. I have been in 2 and now she is calling "down down" to me. What do I do? Has she slept enough or should I continue with walk in walk out, which is distressing her. I don't want to make it a whole big confrontation but I still think she needs to nap and not get up when she wants iykwim?
Will see how bed time goes tonight as well. Is there anything else I can do to help her with this seperation anxiety? We play lots of games, she will go off herself to hide and have me look for her so that is not a problem. The other thing is that today the lady and her toddler upstairs were having nap time battles with lots of screaming shouting and doors banging so this may have woken her but I am not sure. We are on day 6 now...... And if anyone has any idea how to stop her saying "Mammy gone" even when I am sitting right beside her I would reallly appreciate it, it's driving me nuts! I had to get her up half an hour before the end of nap time, she was getting more and more upset!
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It sounds like maybe this greater awareness and sensitivity to your dh being away is also spilling over to you--almost like if Daddy can go away, maybe mummy will be too. Since you said that she actually understands a lot maybe just try a simple explanation like" daddy goes away to work. But mammy doesn't go away to work. Mammy stays with Leah". As far as her saying "Mammy gone" when you are still there, I think some kids state their fears this way--I mean that don't understand their emotions enough to be able to label them as fears like, " I'm afraid that you will go away" My 21 month old often says "bubba (the cat) scratched me" when he clearly hasn't done so--he's asleep. But she is a bit spooked by him, we've told her that she has to be careful around him or he can scratch her. So instead of responding--"no Bubba hasn't scratched you" we say "it's ok honey, just be gentle to bubba and he won't scratch. Bubba is a nice boy".
For the nap is you want to continue trying w/i, w/o, I think a read in one of the sleep books an approach where you say, it's still sleep time , mammy has to go feed the cat, pay a bill, wash the car whatever but I'll be back in 1,2 or 5 minutes and most importantly you do go back and you just keep repeating this. At first they ar eupset when you leave but as you come back as promised they start relaxing a bit about you going away and they drop off to sleep. This may help with your dd since she seems to have a fear about you going away like daddy.
I hope some of this helps. Good luck!