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SLEEP => Night Wakings => Topic started by: MicheleOH on May 25, 2006, 18:00:30 pm

Title: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: MicheleOH on May 25, 2006, 18:00:30 pm
Background info to answer questions:

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My son is 9 days old, so we've just started the 2nd week. This is my second child...we have a 2 yr. old girl too.

His daily routine right now includes about eight feeds. His wake time is approximately 7:15am. His daytime naps are about 1-1/2 to 2 hrs. during a 2-1/2 hr. to 3 hour feed cycle. I try to keep him awake after each feed, but I've had great difficulty. We've tried cluster feeding in the evening (2 hrs. apart), keeping him awake the whole time, but he doesn't stay awake very well.

His bedtime has varied, as we've attempted to adjust his schedule to fit our needs better. For example, we tried cluster feeding him at 8pm and 10pm one night, forgetting the dream feed. (that was too late to dream feed). Last night we tried cluster feeding at 7pm & 9pm, but again didn't dream feed because it was already too late.

In the evening, he wakes three times. The first wake time, he feeds and usually falls back asleep right away. It's almost exclusively the 2nd wake time that is causing problems. The second wake time I feed him and we can never seem to get him to settle down after that. I put him down, and he's quiet for about five minutes. Then he cries for for at least an hour...sometimes two hours, and then a couple of times I gave in and fed him just to quiet him down (after 2 hrs. since last feed). The crying starts with a cough-like sounds and grunting noises (probably gas) and ends up in a full blown wailing cry that lasts endlessly.

The first few days, my husband would hold him to settle him. He even let him sleep on his chest for up to an hour and a half just to stop the crying. We kept that up for a while and then decided to let him "work it out on his own" and let him cry for a bit. The first night we tried that and I think he cried for like an hour straight and then finally fell asleep (this was without us intervening). Last night we burped and changed him, then let him cry for about 30 min. I checked on him and he had another wet diaper (I had just changed him!) I burped him & put him back down and then he cried for 10 min. and finally fell asleep. By the time all was said and done though, we'd lost quite a bit of sleep.

Activity time at this age is just letting his big sister play with him and talk to him. And my husband carries him around and bounces him to try and keep him awake. But we've really been pretty unsuccessful at this. I know he's still a newborn, but Tracy says newborns are supposed to sleep only 1 to 1-1/2 hrs. of a 2 1/2 hr. cycle. That's 1 to 1-1/2 hrs. wake time. That seems like an impossible task sometimes!

No solid foods or developmental issues that I know of, except he does have a small hole in his heart that we're checking on soon with a specialist. I don't know if that could effect his sleeping or not.

His prop might be his dad's chest and holding. Especially at night. He won't fall asleep unless he's absolutely out cold already, unless daddy holds him. Then the second you put him down he starts crying again.
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My real question is how to get him to fall asleep at night, especially that 2nd wake time. Would it somehow help to dream feed him vs. just the cluster feed and letting him wake on his own after that? Is it OK to let him "cry it out" a bit in the evening? I know we're supposed to take care of their needs if they're crying i.e. because of gas, but what if he continues to make noises and such that sound like gas & we can't seem to help him no matter what we do? Are we supposed to burp him all night long? When can we, guilt free, put him down and "let him work it out on his own"? Does he still have his days and nights mixed up? I really don't know what else I could do to keep him awake during the day? Any insights or ideas on this??

Any other tips or suggestions? Please help me!

Thank you so much for your time!

-Michele
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on May 25, 2006, 18:40:41 pm
Hi Michele, congratulations on your brand new DS!  ;D

A few things I see right away...

At only 9 days old, I would not be trying to keep him awake. If he wants and needs to sleep, let him. They need so much sleep at that point, and to try and keep him awake will only make him overtired and I bet that is contributing to the crying and waking. I would try and iron out the routine when he is a bit older and can handle being awake for a reasonable length of time.

Also, when you say that you have tried to adjust the routine to fit "our" needs better, do you mean literally yours or do you mean everyone? I personally believe that your routine/schedule should be adjusted to fit your son's needs first and foremost, not yours. I don't mean for that to sound harsh, but if you try and adjust it now to fit yours, you will probably set him up to fail. At 9 days, a lo can't handle much at all. If you design a routine that he can handle primarily and will also help you out as well, everyone will be happiest.

I get the impression that you have been doing a CIO sort of thing. PLEASE correct me if I am wrong. As a mod I have an obligation to make it clear that this site does not support CIO in any way. Our purpose is to support Tracy's methods and establish trust between parent and child, and help the child achieve independence. CIO does not accomplish any of that as it is believed to break the trust between parent and child. So to directly answer your question, it is not ok to ever let you lo cry it out. At 9 days he is simply not capable of doing that. He needs to learn the skills first. To start working on the sleeping, I suggest trying pat/shhh - have you done that yet? It sounds like you are familiar with Tracy's techniques so I assume that you know what that is, but please let me know if not and I will explain. I would also stop the sleeping on a chest and holding, as that will become a habit and believe me, I can tell you from personal experience, you don't want to try and fix that later. The sooner you teach him to sleep in his own bed or bassinet or what not, the easier it will be and the smoother things will be down the road. The idea is to teach him to fall asleep on his own. It is a process and will take some time - there is no quick, immediate fix. Unfortunately with a 9 day old you will definitely be losing some sleep, but it does get better and all the hard work does pay off. Clusterfeeding is a great technique, it worked wonders for us. The problem though is that often the lo is so full from it that they won't take a dreamfeed, which sounds like what's happening with you. I would try the clusterfeed and then after a night or two try a dreamfeed without a clusterfeed first and see which works better.

My DS had terrible trouble with gas as well when he was a newborn. Some things that can help with it are to bicycle his legs, put a warm washcloth on his belly and/or lower back, and also the gas drops, like mylicon (generic works just as well and is less expensive).
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: jessica and emilys mummy on May 25, 2006, 18:54:48 pm
Hi Congratulations :D :D

I would also say try not to keep lo awake.
With both of mine they fed,slept for 3/4 hours,woke,fed,slept etc

This is when their brains develop.Overtiredness is very exhausting for everyone.
I know exactly what it's like with an older toddler as well.You may think you're
neglecting her,but I promise you're not and she won't think you are (even if she
screams at you,like mine ::))

Have you checked out the EASY thread? I wasn't on here when I had mine,but
I wish I was.
I had the biggest shock with my 2nd as dd#1 was a breeze and I assumed (stupidly)
that it would be the same.

Try not to let him cry too long on his own because he can't really understand or calm
himself down at that age.
Mine never had colic or reflux,but straight from birth my HV told me to fold a blanket
and put it under the headend of the bassinet mattress and this would stop any
wind getting caught.

Don't think I've been much help,but I can offer my support with the shock :o of having
2 ;)

Take care  x
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Jenn© on May 25, 2006, 19:35:03 pm
Welcome!!  At that age, mine was awake long enough to have a diaper change and eat.  Then right back to sleep.  She repeated this every 2 hours for the first month or so.  (I think!)   With the hole in his heart, it might be that he needs the sleep, and that is why he is fussing.  Not knowing the size/ location of the hole, it's hard to say.  I would be more inclined to NOT let him fuss too much as it could be a strain on his system.   Also, at this age, the bladder is tiny.  Therefore, frequent wet diapers.  You've probably noticed the need to "duck" when the diaper comes off.    ;)  The EASY forum has a quiz to help you figure out his personality.  That info helps tailor the BW stuff to your babe.  Most newborns respond well to swaddling.  Some it helps if the blanket smells like a parent.  Yup, sleeping with a receiving blanket for a couple of nights is a bit odd, but it can help calm baby.  Is he breast or bottle fed?  Sorry for the flight of ideas.  Hope something in here makes sense to you. 
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Erin M on May 25, 2006, 19:39:06 pm
Hi and congrats on your son :)

Have you read this post?
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=1993.0

It's about getting started with EASY in the early days (which you are most certainly in now).  At 9 days, you really don't want to worry so much about the strict 3 hour routine and focus more on the overall order of things.  If he's crying at this age, he's trying to communicate something to you, but wow is it hard to figure out sometime.  I echo Jenn's suggestion of swaddling if you haven't tried it already.  It worked really well for us in the beginning, couldn't have survived without it! 

Good luck :)
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Mum to Ella Rose on May 25, 2006, 20:16:05 pm
Hi and congratulations from me too!  :)

You've received such wonderful advice already, I'm not sure what I can add at this point but an elevated crib or bassinet can definitely help while their digestive systems are still maturing. You can place books under the crib mattress or use the rolled blanket as Sarah suggested. Holding upright after feeds can help settle their tummy down too. Even with a refluxer we found a tight swaddle to be a Godsend. Also we found the massage and warm washcloth to help a great deal too. Hmmm I guess I'm just echoing the other advice now...  :-\

Good luck to you and {hugs}

Sharon
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Lan on May 26, 2006, 00:28:27 am
I think you have been given some great advice, but  I just wanted to add some info on the evening crying.

This is very common in newborn babies, of course that doesn't make it any easier for you! They are still adjusting from life in the womb to all the new things in their new world. One paediatrician describes newborns' evening crying as 'blowing off steam' - by the end of the day they are overwhelmed and need to cry to release their emotions. So I would let him cry, but be there to comfort him  - here's a link to 2 articles that talk about this 'crying in arms' and how it can beneficial. Of course, you would need to rule out any other needs or  medical problems first.

http://www.awareparenting.com/comfort.htm
http://www.awareparenting.com/article1.htm

The articles talk about cosleeping and attachment parenting, which is not really BW but it's up to parents what they choose.

The crying does get better around 12 weeks - which probably seems an eternity to you! So maybe you and your husband could take it turns to comfort him on alternate evenings because it is very stressful. Earplugs or a walkman playing soothing music can really help!

Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: MicheleOH on May 26, 2006, 18:02:35 pm
Thank you so much to everyone for your thoughtful responses!  I can't tell you how grateful I am to have responses that are so beautifully tailored to my situation.

I learned quite a bit from your answers. I do have a few more questions for clarification, if you all wouldn't mind helping me some more.  :)

I admit I guess I was trying to implement the Cry It Out method. I guess I understand Tracy's ideas, in theory, about meeting the baby's needs and attending to them vs. just letting them cry, but I honestly feel like either a) those ideas don't work when I've tried them or b) my husband & I are just too tired to try to implement them. We just want some sleep! (Last night we were awake for 5 hours straight! :()

Regarding the pat/shhh method...we tried that & ds actually seems to like it. The problem is that the second we stop, he cries again. How long am I supposed to pat/shhh for? What if he does cry as soon as I stop? Then what? And if my husband is not supposed to hold him on his chest (which I completely understand why that's not a good idea) and the pat/shhh doesn't seem to work, and he keeps crying, what do we do? How are we going to ever sleep again?? Please help! I need suggestions that work. For whatever it's worth, regarding one of the responses, attachment parenting & co-sleeping are not my thing. And I didn't think Tracy advocated either of those anyhow.

Many of you suggested that my efforts to keep him awake during the day are actually backfiring in the night and I might be causing ds to be overtired and unable to settle down in the evening. Boy, do I feel foolish if that's the case! I'm relieved too, because I felt like I was torturing him trying to keep him awake for the time that I thought Tracy suggested it, given the length of his sleep cycle. So, is it really OK to feed him, change his diaper, and if he falls asleep pretty much right away...let him? I'm still not convinced that he won't get his nights and days mixed up. How is that any different from the evening when I feed him, diaper him and put him right back to sleep? If he has a 3 hour feed cycle, is it OK, for example for me to feed him at 12 noon, diaper him, and then at 12:45 to put him right back to bed until 3pm? That would be 2hrs. and 15 min of sleep for one cycle. Is that too much? And at what age is it more appropriate to try to keep him more awake, if he's really too young right now?

If we cluster feed, say at 6pm and 8pm, with bedtime then being at 8pm, are we supposed to keep him awake for that 2 hour period? Is that implied in the idea of a cluster feed? If we don't keep him awake, do we just let him fall asleep for say 1 hour and then feed him again at 8pm and put him to bed for the night? I think I'm a little unclear on this concept for this age.

How long are feeds supposed to be apart at this age? Is an average of 2:45 OK? Most of his feeds during the day have been about 2:45 or 3 hrs. Is that too long?

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all you wise mothers for your input. It's so nice to feel like I'm not alone.







Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on May 26, 2006, 19:52:41 pm
I admit I guess I was trying to implement the Cry It Out method. I guess I understand Tracy's ideas, in theory, about meeting the baby's needs and attending to them vs. just letting them cry, but I honestly feel like either a) those ideas don't work when I've tried them or b) my husband & I are just too tired to try to implement them. We just want some sleep! (Last night we were awake for 5 hours straight! :()

Regarding the pat/shhh method...we tried that & ds actually seems to like it. The problem is that the second we stop, he cries again. How long am I supposed to pat/shhh for? What if he does cry as soon as I stop? Then what? And if my husband is not supposed to hold him on his chest (which I completely understand why that's not a good idea) and the pat/shhh doesn't seem to work, and he keeps crying, what do we do? How are we going to ever sleep again?? Please help! I need suggestions that work. For whatever it's worth, regarding one of the responses, attachment parenting & co-sleeping are not my thing. And I didn't think Tracy advocated either of those anyhow.

Oh man do I hear you.... it's so unfortunate that all the really hard work with a new lo has to be done when you are so tired you can't see straight. It takes a lot of effort and patience to get a lo on track, and EASY is not always easy! But we are all here to help you and support you.  :D  It sounds like you're committed to doing what's best for your lo and using BW. And like I said it is a lot of work but it pays off, and when it does, it's bliss! Keep up with the shhhh/pat, and if he cries when you stop, then start again. It will take a bit of time to get results, so be prepared for that. Once he starts to relax and get sleepy, you can slow the pats and quiet your volume until you've stopped and are silent - that might work better than stopping abruptly.

Many of you suggested that my efforts to keep him awake during the day are actually backfiring in the night and I might be causing ds to be overtired and unable to settle down in the evening. Boy, do I feel foolish if that's the case! I'm relieved too, because I felt like I was torturing him trying to keep him awake for the time that I thought Tracy suggested it, given the length of his sleep cycle. So, is it really OK to feed him, change his diaper, and if he falls asleep pretty much right away...let him? I'm still not convinced that he won't get his nights and days mixed up. How is that any different from the evening when I feed him, diaper him and put him right back to sleep? If he has a 3 hour feed cycle, is it OK, for example for me to feed him at 12 noon, diaper him, and then at 12:45 to put him right back to bed until 3pm? That would be 2hrs. and 15 min of sleep for one cycle. Is that too much? And at what age is it more appropriate to try to keep him more awake, if he's really too young right now?

You shouldn't feel foolish at all - when you're utterly exhaused and not thinking clearly, it's hard to analyze the situation. Yep, it's really ok to let him fall asleep right away if that's what he wants to do. Just watch his cues and that will also help you learn them and allow him to build trust with you when you recognize his cues and then get him what he needs. If you're worried about a night/day mix up, then make sure you're doing things to differentiate the two. Examples: darkness at night but not so much during the day, different clothes (pjs vs. regular clothes), telling him what's happening "Good night" vs. "See you in a bit when you wake from your nap" that sort of thing. He will get the hang of it. I really wouldn't worry about him being more awake until he's at least 6 weeks, maybe even older.

If we cluster feed, say at 6pm and 8pm, with bedtime then being at 8pm, are we supposed to keep him awake for that 2 hour period? Is that implied in the idea of a cluster feed? If we don't keep him awake, do we just let him fall asleep for say 1 hour and then feed him again at 8pm and put him to bed for the night? I think I'm a little unclear on this concept for this age.

How long are feeds supposed to be apart at this age? Is an average of 2:45 OK? Most of his feeds during the day have been about 2:45 or 3 hrs. Is that too long?

I would not try and keep him awake for that two hour period. Two hours is longer than he's capable of at this age. I'd think that letting him sleep that hour would be fine. I didn't cluster feed until my DS was older though so someone else can probably help you better with that.

An average of 2:45 is fine if that's what he needs. He will let you know, just follow his cues.  :)
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Erin M on May 27, 2006, 00:41:46 am
Keep up with the shhhh/pat, and if he cries when you stop, then start again. It will take a bit of time to get results, so be prepared for that. Once he starts to relax and get sleepy, you can slow the pats and quiet your volume until you've stopped and are silent - that might work better than stopping abruptly.

I used to start off pat/shhhing quite loudly when she was crying to stop the crying, then lessen as she calmed down, fading out as she fell asleep.  In the book, Tracy advocates staying with your LO until he completely falls asleep in the beginning.  And I totally echo the other ladies that it's a lot of work at first, but entirely worth it when your LO gets older and you can pop him in his crib and be confident that he'll fall asleep.  Anyway, back to the pat/shhh, I actually used to end up patting her super lightly, then I'd hold my hand right above her, almost pat/shhing until I knew she was asleep (you have to watch for those jolts they have when they're "almost" asleep when they're that little - I found swaddling to be quite useful in that case, but my LO had a really big startle reflex).  Since you're there, if he gets upset again, you can just start pat/shhing more loudly/forcefully. 

Oh, and I totally hear you about the difficulty of having a newborn.  (((HUGS))) to you and your sleep deprivation.  It DOES get better (I know you know that, but I think you need to hear it often at this age :) )
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: MicheleOH on May 27, 2006, 13:39:09 pm
Thank you again ladies for your insight and clarification. Stacy, if you were here I would  give you a hug for that play by play schedule you suggested to me.  :) I need that type of specific advice! Sometimes I feel like I just don't get it until someone explains it to me like that. Thank you!!

I tried being more patient last night, despite my utter exhaustion and my husband's desire to just let DS cry it out again, and I stuck to the pat/shhh method. I'd like to explain what happened last night, and ask if you all think I'm on track, or if I need to make some more adjustments.

We cluster fed him at 6pm and about 8:15 pm.
He slept from about 7pm to 8:15pm at which point I woke and fed him. He was so sleepy that he wouldn't feed on the 2nd side, so we did everything we could to wake him. I was worried that this might aggravate him, but I was more concerned that he wouldn't sleep very long if I didn't get a full feed in.
I think he fell asleep fine after that.

He woke at about 11:30pm and this is where the challenge began. He ended up being awake for 2 hours.
During that whole period, it was very obvious to me that he was struggling with gas. He kept of grunting and squirming and letting out short wails. I would usually give him a second to see if he would fall right back asleep, which he never did. So I went to him, made sure his diaper wasn't full, tried burping him and helping him with the gas (I never seem to get good burps out of him or to be able to relieve his gas). Then I put him back down and tried pat/shhh. This would usually calm him down. I tried fading out the pat/shhh like Colin Mac's Mom & Erin M suggested. He would appear to be asleep, I'd go back to bed and then about 5 min later, the squirming and wails started again. So, I'd go through the whole cycle again...and this lasted 2 hours!! Sigh. He ended up with another wet diaper, so I changed him again and finally he fell asleep and slept until 4am. (Thank goodness!)

Did I do it right? Am I missing something? Two hours seems like an awfully long time to be going back and forth (not to mention that I'm still recovering from an extremely large episiotomy and I'm very sore). Is there any alternative? We have those gas drops (Mylacon) that we used for our first DD but I hesitate to use those again. I know Tracy advocates pacifiers if they're not used as props. Would my situation be an appropriate use of a passy? I'm almost certain DS's problem is gas, not a need for sucking, so it doesn't seem like a passy would be meeting his need, just "plugging him up." If I am doing this right, someone please tell me that I won't have to do this for 2 hrs every night?  :(

As a side note, the next feed period went much better. He woke at 4am, i fed him and put him down patting him gently then fading out. He seemed to fall asleep, but 5 min later started fussing again. My husband just went over to pat/shh and then he turned on some "white noise" (we have this CD that mimics vacuum cleaner noise that we used for DD). And he fell asleep until 7:15 which is our exact morning wake time! Was that OK to use the white noise or are we starting another prop?

Is PU/PD part of pat/shhh or is that something different for a different situation? Is picking him up when he's gassy, burping him, and putting him back down PU/PD?? Is pat/shhh supposed to be used in conjunction with PU/PD like I did last night? When should I be picking him up vs. just leaving him in the bed to pat/shhh?

On a side note, my husband is very concerned that he wets way too many diapers (he added up the cost at the rate we're going at & he was very upset at how much money we're spending on diapers!). I feel like I have to change him twice most feed cycles and he wets his clothes at least once a day (sometimes 2-3 times). Someone alluded to the fact that babies' bladders are so small at this age that they do pee quite a bit. Anyone have any insight on this?

Thank you again! You all are my lifeline to sanity!

-Michele

Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: MicheleOH on May 28, 2006, 15:15:56 pm
Hello again!

Good suggestions Stacy, thank you. We tried the "fart pump" last night, but I still couldn't get any gas out of him. He had another wake period of 2 hrs. where it seemed like we couldn't do anything for him. We're honestly at our wits end and my husband is becoming quite the doubter that any of this "stuff" (i.e. pat/shh) actually works. Last night we kept pat/shh-ing him, picking him up to try and burp him, etc. and it seemed to have absolutely no effect. After 2 hrs. we just collapsed in bed, turned the box fan on really loud, and DS coincidentally fell asleep. sigh.

More questions:
1) When exactly should we be intervening? I know Tracy doesn't want us to "rescue" them all the time. I felt like we might have been going to him too often. Is it ever OK to let them cry a little bit to see if they'll calm down on their own? How long do you let them cry if it is OK?

2) I feel like the pat/shh doesn't work anymore at all. When he's gassy and grunting and wailing, I feel like there's nothing we can do for him. We tried some gas drops last night & we felt like they worked for the first feed we gave them to him, but the very next feed (the one where he was awake for 2hrs.) we gave them to him again, and he was miserable.  >:( I'm at a loss! And I don't think I can persuade my husband to go along with this anymore.

Please help!!! Am I doing something wrong?

Thank you for your patience with all my questions.

P.S. I agree with you Stacy, that maybe I shouldn't cluster feed. He is pretty sound asleep at the end of that cluster feed time (i.e. 8pm) and it might be in our best interest to just let him sleep. I'll maybe try that this evening.

-Michele
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: frankiesmom on May 31, 2006, 17:02:36 pm
Can I pop in on this conversation please? You ladies have been so helpful with this post, I was hoping I could get some support and advice too. 
 I am in a similar situation with a 3 week old (and a 21 month old at home!).  My ds has reflux and is up very frequently at night.  I am not sure what to do about it.  I really need some sleep too and I am losing my mind!  He started on Zantac, so I am hoping for some relief but he is waking every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours at night and he is frantic until I feed him, then he eats for a short period, then he falls asleep. I don't think he is getting a full feed. 
So, what do you do when they wake frequently but it has not been 3 hours yet?  I try to pat/sh and use a paci, but he doesn;'t want the paci and he is frantic! I can't calm him down.  How long can I pat/ sh with him freaking out?  Nothing seems to work except to  bf him but I don't want to start having a snacker and habitual waking.  '

During the day he is great, usually goes 3 hours, sleeps pretty well, but night is different. I tried cluster feeding, but I couldn't wake him enough to get a good feed, tried a df, but he doesn 't even make it to 10 without waking (going to bed around 8).

Please help, I really need some sleep!

Thanks. Kim
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on May 31, 2006, 19:06:44 pm
Hi Kim,

How long has your DS been on the Zantac? It can take a week or so to kick in before you see results. Also with Zantac, the dosage is based on weight, and since your lo is so young, make sure that you are checking in with the doc to get him weighed and adjust the dosage regularly to prevent flare-ups. Have you got a wedge for him to sleep on, or elevated one end of the mattress? My DS also has reflux and takes Zantac, and once we got a wedge we saw huge improvement.

It sounds to me like your problem is the reflux. He's likely taking those snacking feeds to relieve the pain - refluxers often get relief from feeding (but it can go the other way too) and it sounds like you have one of those.
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: frankiesmom on May 31, 2006, 20:38:25 pm
Thought so too.  He is in a wedge and elevated.  Hope these meds work soon.  Guess I have to do whatever he needs right now, huh?  Why do you think he is better during the day though?

Can't believe I have another one of these refluxers ::)  UGGGH!

Thanks, Kim

Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: frankiesmom on May 31, 2006, 20:59:51 pm
oh ,he'sonly had 2 doses of zantac!
kim
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on May 31, 2006, 21:12:27 pm
You should start seeing some improvement within a week, but probably less then. I know that seems like an eternity, but once things get better you won't believe the change.  :D  He's probably better during the day because he's more upright, so he gets the benefit of gravity. Laying down can really aggravate the acid and heartburn. I'd scream all the time too if I had heartburn 24-7!

And yes, yes, yes do whatever he needs right now. The best advice I got when my DS was horribly refluxing was to throw the routine out the window, do whatever we needed to get through it for now and work on the other stuff later.
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: frankiesmom on June 01, 2006, 13:18:49 pm
Thanks!  Last night we swaddled him again instead of putting him on his belly.  We put him down at 8 and he woke up at 9 and I was going to feed him but dh (bless his heart) wouildn 't let me and was succesful in pat/sh him and he went back down.  We put him in his swing swaddled (with no motion) so he was more upright and he woke at 10, 1:15, and 4:45.  So that was a great improvement!
I hope it continues. Thanks for the advice!

Kim
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on June 01, 2006, 16:31:19 pm
Excellent!  ;D  :-*
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Moongrinner on June 01, 2006, 16:55:42 pm
congradulations on your new arrival! :-*

Ah, Momma, it can be really tough sometimes, my utmost empathy to you.

My LO woke up all night if I tried to dreamfeed her. I didn't try to keep her awake during the day because the one day I tried doing that she didn't sleep at night at all, but I did wake her every three hours to feed her, which was sometimes REALLY difficult.

If you're going to massage your LO's stomach make sure you do it counterclockwise (looking down on your LO) because thats the way our stomaches churn.

Did you already elevate on side of you LO's matress?

OK, this may sound stupid, but when you burp your LO do you gently rub or pat the upper left side of the back for a full five minutes? I actually found rubbing upward got more burps from my LO than patting sometimes.

I don't think it's ever OK to let a baby cry it out. That said, ther have been msny times when I have set my LO in her crib and said, "momma needs a break" stepped outside for a moment, took some REAL deep breaths, prayed, then came back to take care of my baby. I think:   RULE #1 OF PARENTING - YOU CAN"T CALM A BABY IF YOUR NOT CALM YOURSELF.  Which is sooooooo hard at times! ::)

Does the swaddling help? My LO couldn't sleep without it for very long.

OK, I think I'm just repeating the same advice you've heard

Also, my utmost empathy becasue my man and I aren't always on the same page on what to do with our LO when she is being "difficult" and that can be really tough!
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: newmommy21 on June 01, 2006, 17:49:01 pm
Ladies- pleeease try some Grip Water on you lo's...it is wonderful and calms a baby down sooo nicely. I was going through the same thing with my ds and everybody kept telling me to try gripe water and I just didnt listen to them since Tracy never mentioned it, but finally, I tried it and everything turned arount. Please try it, you can usually find it in ethnic (Indian/Pakistani) stores. Good Luck!
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: *Mona* on June 01, 2006, 18:25:54 pm
hi :)

I agree with the grip water: it really helps :)

anyway, my lo [she's a little over 5 weeks now] was the same, staying awake for 2~2,5 hrs straight at night after I'd fed her... but it passes, really :)  now she wakes up some 2~3 times a night [evening feed around 7pm, night feeds 12pm/1am, 3/4am, wake up at 6/7am].
during the day it varies a lot, sometimes she "sticks" to 3 hour EASY like a little angel, sometimes she just naps for around 45 minutes and gets really fussy in the evenings [thought it was colic, but she only sreams for 15~30 minutes, not every day].
maybe Your lo will be similar? spirited in the daytime and a good sleeper at night.

hugs
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: MicheleOH on June 05, 2006, 12:04:53 pm
this is micheleOH again...the original post.

My DS is now almost 3 weeks old, like frankiesmom, and my dh & I are at our wits end. Nothing...I mean nothing...seems to work. Pat/shh doesn't work. Swaddling doesn't help (he usually freaks out when we swaddle). We've tried holding him sideways and rocking him on our knees per suggestion of our doula and that doesn't work. Gas drops don't work...nothing works!

He's just so gassy. He grunts and squirms constantly. Sometimes he even cries out in pain (last night he let out this horrific sound that really terrified me!) Breastfeeding doesn't even calm him down anymore. I at least used to be able to count on that to get him to fall asleep, but now he just squirms and even cries while trying to feed...to the point where he can't really feed well.  >:(

And now, he's not just up for two hours one feed period, he's up every feed period for at least an hour after nursing! My husband and I have truly lost hope. And we simply don't have the patience or mental stability anymore (after loosing all this sleep) to keep trying.

What is gripe water? Can someone give me a more detailed explanation? Sounds kind of funny.

Is there any hope for us? This is seriously hurting our lives and our marriage. :(
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: ¤ Efka ¤ on June 05, 2006, 12:23:37 pm
Hang in there, it is getting better as your LO grows. We are not good yet, but we are doing better. as our LO is little older too.
Gripe water is something to give for LO to help them pass gas or other belly discomfort. There are different brands out there.I know baby bliss is sold in some health stores. Also somebody recommended colic calm gripe water, which I believe could be ordered on internet only.
Give you some links to look at.
http://www.babys-bliss.com/
http://www.coliccalm.com/
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on June 05, 2006, 16:52:45 pm
Michele, if you haven't already I think that you should speak to lo's doctor about his digestive system. Of course all babies have a somewhat immature system when they're born but your could be extremely immature.
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: newmommy21 on June 05, 2006, 17:36:59 pm
Michelle-I really feel for you, we were going through the same exact thing. I used to sit there and cry while my baby was crying, I felt like I just cant do it anymore, sometimes I would leave him in his room for a minute and go cry in another room. My mother kept telling me that I'm making my baby suffer by not giving him gripe water, finally I asked around and found out that its really popular and really works so I went and got some. I was just worried about what was in it, but its all natural and completely safe. Dont worry about ordering it online or anything, I think just about every single Indian/Pakistani store carries it, as long as you have one nearby. Just go in there and ask them, they all know what it is. Good luck, like everything else, this too shall pass.  :)
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Mum to Ella Rose on June 05, 2006, 17:37:31 pm
I agree with Jessica... fwiw... I think you should see the doctor to rule out reflux or some other issue. If for no other reason than to put your mind at ease.

{{hugs}}

Sharon
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Jenn© on June 05, 2006, 21:35:29 pm
Ditto on the doc visit.  Also, gripe water might be found in the baby section of a bigger grocery store.  If the fan helps, maybe he would like that better than shhh?  Huggs!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Moongrinner on June 05, 2006, 22:36:28 pm
They sell gripewater at my neighborhood health food store. I hear it is mostly for prevention, but I also hear it works really well. Good luck with your lo! You have my utmost empathy.

{{HUGGGGGGG!!!!!}}
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Missy Lou on June 08, 2006, 00:43:54 am
Hey Michelle.  This is long.

Your post reminds me a little of mine a couple of months ago.  My lo had horrible gas pains and since I was nursing, she wanted to eat every two hours.  So ALL day this was my routine - feed her, change her and then rock her until she was in a deep sleep.  Then I'd slowly and carefully lay her down.  This all took at least an hour.  Then I'd pass out and wake up with her crying again anywhere from 45 to 60  minutes later.  That doesn't really count night time from 12 -3 or even 5 a.m. sometimes with her crying.  I remember hating being a mom and honestly thinking I'd made a mistake and then I hated myself for feeling like that.  I'd cry a lot and several times a day because I didn't know what to do.  Up until 4 or 5 weeks, it was so hard to implement EASY because she had gas pains so it was hard for her to sleep and I'd rock her or sleep with her.  It was really awful I have to say.  I posted here also feeling like I was going crazy.

The gas pains lasted until about 6 or 7 weeks.  Up until then, I'd rock her to sleep.  I know it went against the book but she was so miserable and would look at me with these scared, sad eyes and she was so tired.  I didn't care anymore and so I'd rock her to sleep and I found that when I slept with her at night, she'd sleep for 2 hours straight which was a LOT.  I probably broke every rule Tracy said not to.  I did have her on EASY but after the gas pains went away, she had issues with reflux so I bought a cradle swing and she slept in that until she was 10 weeks old.  Then she decided she was ready for a crib and that's where she sleeps now from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. (with exceptions of course).  She dropped her night feeding about a week ago.  She still has issues with napping and may like her pacifier too much but she is worlds better than she was at your lo's age.

I remember postings that it would get better and I didn't care about that - life sucked now.  I know you're exhausted and it sounds like your husband is aggravated.  Please just remember that your lo completely and solely relies on you - you to feed him, change him, relieve his pain and comfort him.  And that isn't to make you feel overwhelmed, it's just to drive home the point that he needs you now.  You will get the sleep you need in a few weeks.  Maybe you and your husband and set up a schedule that he sleeps from 8-2 and you sleep from 2-8 or something like that so you each get straight sleep and maybe can better handle the crying which it seems is worse at night.

Also,  my lo fought being swaddled like a champ so I didn't do it.  But she was so crazy with not sleeping that I tried it again even when she fought me.  I would swaddle her up tight, hold her tight and close to my chest and go in a dark room and shush next to her ear and pat her bottom while jiggling her just a little.  After a few minutes, she'd at least stop that awful crying.  I'd keep doing all three things but would soften up the shushing, then stop jiggling then stop patting.  I'd hold her though for at least 30 minutes until after that 20 minute jolt thing Tracy talks about.  Usually, that 20 minute jolt would fully wake my lo up and we'd have to start all over.  I honestly had no hope.  But now, she puts herself to sleep almost every time and doesn't need much intervention unless she is really overtired.

I probably gave you advice maybe the others wouldn't and I hope I didn't make anyone mad.  Venting is what got me through the first probably 10 weeks.  I'll be thinking about you. :-*
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Missy Lou on June 08, 2006, 17:39:46 pm
I just wanted to make it clear that I wasn't trying to give advice.  I definitely don't think I know more about babies than an expert or these moderators.  I just wanted to let you know that even with my lo's digestive problems and my accidental parenting, we're doing tons better than just a couple of months ago.  I wanted to give you an example how drastically things can change even though that probably doesn't matter much to you now or maybe you don't really believe it will get better because I didn't.  I thought my lo would never be able to put herself to sleep or that she'd ever fall asleep in public or at someone else's house, but now she does.
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: MicheleOH on June 15, 2006, 19:56:04 pm
mlee,

you are an angel. Finally someone that understands! No offense to all the other wonderful, insightful moms who have offered substantial suggestions. I'm truly grateful...but nothing has worked!

Your situation sounds exactly like what I'm going through. The only way I can survive, and my ds can get any sleep, is when I hold him and rock him. He has so much gas that he wakes up frequently, but when I'm holding him, I can help him right away and keep him semi-asleep. Whenever I try and lay him down, he wakes almost immediately in pain. And when he does sleep longer, he wakes early (only 1-1/2 to 2 hrs. between feeds) whereas he used to sleep 3 hrs. btw. feeds..or more at night. I've also tried a swing and that helps sometimes. At least he gets 45-60 min. sleep when he's in the swing.

I have also been miserable. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that cries at least once every day, hating being a mom. (Don't get me wrong...I do love my son...but I'm just beside myself with frustration and feelings of helplessness right now.) I get so mad at all the people who say congratulations and how wonderful it is...because it is not wonderful right now.

It gives me great hope to know that things worked themselves out for you eventually...especially coming from someone who went through the same thing. I'm very worried that our ds is going to get addicted to props--the swing, passy, our arms--but I honestly don't know how else to survive right now as we have tried *everything* else.

As far as my husband and I swapping shifts so we can get sleep...how do you do that when you breastfeed? It takes about 45-60 minutes a feed, after I've diapered him, burped him, and tried to get him calm. If he wakes after 2-1/2 hrs., then that only gives me 1-1/2 hrs. sleep before I have to feed him again. And that's if he actually sleeps. Usually we have to stay awake with him until the next feed because he won't sleep.

Thank you again for your empathy. It really helped me in a way that no one else seemed to be able to help.

Oh--I made an appointment with a pediatric gastroeterologist for tomorrow morning. Our family practitioner (we don't have an official pediatrician) has been no help whatsover, just telling me that all babies digestive systems are immature and we have to ride this out. I feel like I need some more professional help, so I just made the appointment myself. I'll let you know how it goes! Here's hoping for some relief or assistance!



Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Mum to Ella Rose on June 15, 2006, 20:07:50 pm
I think that's great that you are seeing a GI!  :D And please don't worry about props until you rule out anything medical and get the pain under control. You have to do what you have to do to get your baby (and you!) some rest. You'll find a lot of us mums of refluxers here have done a lot of "accidental parenting" too until our bubs were no longer in pain. You can sort it out later and you will find all the help you could want here when the time is right.

{{hugs}} and please do let us know how you get on tomorrow!

Sharon
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on June 15, 2006, 20:32:02 pm
Oh my goodness, yes it's fantastic that you're seeing a GI!! As Sharon says, just do whatever you need to do to get everyone through until you get the situation sorted out!  :-*  And keep us posted!
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Missy Lou on June 16, 2006, 16:28:31 pm
I've been waiting to see how things were going with you.  From watching Addison (my DD), I've learned that by keeping her on a routine and trying to understand her cries (which the routine will help with), she has progressed on her own.  We still have issues - like right now trying to transition to 4 hour EASY and sleeping through the night.  She gets very impatient with me and has become very vocal when she disapproves of something  :P  But this book and website help out so much.  I re-read the book and post questions and then take the suggestions and usually have to tweak it to Addison's personality - another thing that this website has taught me.   I have learned so much patience in the past 4 months.  I still get aggravated when it's 6 in the morning and I am SO tired and would do anything to sleep in but then I go into her room and she sees me and starts wiggling and smiling and I'm like who needs sleep.  It's a lot harder when it's like they don't even recognize you yet.  The only thing Addison did it seemed was cry when she saw me.  I swear I thought she was going to cry her whole life.  But once her digestive system matured and worked itself out, her personality was completely different. 

I nursed Addison until she was 10 weeks.  In those 10 weeks, I did all of the feeding and it was exhausting.  I had the same schedule you did.  By the time I got her to sleep, I would only have about 45 minutes to myself before it was time for her to eat again.  I wasn't able to put her on EASY until we started formula.  She had to eat every 2 hours when I was nursing.  She'd eat, I'd change her diaper and then talk to her for about 10 minutes and then swaddle her up and rock her to sleep.  It wasn't until she started on formula that she could go 3 hours between eating and that took a week or so to get her used to waiting that long between feeds.  Some of the other mothers with more experience might know better how to do EASY while nursing.  I never figured it out. 
There were many 2 hour periods that Addison didn't sleep at all either.  I'm not sure but I may have been keeping her up too long and then she was overtired.  Have you tried changing him first (especially at night since this always tended to wake Addison up fully) and then feeding him?  After feeding, maybe you could immediately swaddle him and start trying to put him to sleep.  I'm sure I tried that with Addison and it didn't always work.  There were so many days that I was up with a crying baby or up rocking a baby for 20 hours or so.  My back hurt so bad.  There were a few times that I put Addison in her crib and took a shower so I wouldn't hear her crying.  That probably made things worse for the moment because she'd get so upset and it would take even longer to calm her down.  It was so hard.  It was hard to remember what a wonderful gift I'd been given. 

I didn't do this but if your husband is willing to do the split sleeping time, I would pump and put the breast milk in the refrigerator for him to feed your son during that period.  Hopefully, you and your husband will get some uninterrupted sleep at least for a few hours.

Please post as soon as you have a minute and let us know how the appointment went.  Please e-mail me if you want to vent.  I promise to not think you're a bad mom (I never told anyone I personally know how bad I felt in those first couple of months.  I was so unhappy but I felt like a terrible person.  I hated people telling me congratulations and that it's so wonderful when they're that little.  I thought it's not so wonderful.  She's unhappy, I'm unhappy.)  Anyway, try your best to do a basic routine.  It really helps out to have them on one even if the routine isn't always on track.  Also, Addison peed and pooped like a super star when she was 8 weeks and younger.  We would go through a pack in a couple of days.  It does lessen as she got older.  But it was really expensive for the first several weeks.  I don't know where you live, but we used Wal-mart's brand of diapers.  They were cheaper and did just fine.  Really the diaper was only in use for an hour or so before she needed to be changed again.  BUt I did change her a lot because I figured a crying, colicky baby with diaper rash would be worse.
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Missy Lou on June 16, 2006, 16:35:57 pm
I see you and I are the only ones viewing this board right now but I can't send you a message or anything (I'm not very computer literate).  You can also call me if you want and I can call you back.  I looked at your profile and see that you live in Ohio.  I can call within the US for a set fee so it's not long distance for me.  Just e-mail me if you ever want my number.
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: MicheleOH on June 17, 2006, 14:48:48 pm
Hello all. I promised an update after the doctor visit...

After seeing the GI yesterday, we've determined that our ds does indeed have reflux. (Our first child did too...didn't think I'd have another refluxer...sigh.) We didn't think he had reflux because he doesn't spit up a ton, he's just unbelievably gassy! But, she said the reflux could still be coming up his esophagus, just not out his mouth. She prescribed Pepcid and we started giving it to him yesterday. She also recommended:

1) Keeping him elevated for 30 min. after each feed
2) Putting him to sleep in an elevated head position (at a 45º angle, like in a car seat)
3) Cutting out all gassy foods from my diet and spicy foods (in addition to cutting out dairy and soy, which I'm already doing).
4) Giving him "tummy time" to help expell gas. She suggested putting him face-down on my knees, so he's looking at the floor (put something on floor for him to look at while doing that), while rocking him back and forth.
5) Smaller feedings (pop him off sooner)
6) Burp him more frequently
7) Stick to a regular feeding schedule (at least 2 to 2-1/2 hrs. btw. feeds)

As wearying as it is, I've been keeping him up for that 30 minutes. I have one of those snuggly baby carriers and he seems to really like it. I can make dinner, do laundry and other things while holding him in that thing. Problem is he usually falls asleep right after feeding then, which is too early! I need to keep him up for a while longer, otherwise he won't sleep until his next feed.

At night we still put him in the bassinet, slightly elevated, but we've been trying to have him nap in the swing or in his "bouncy seat" (don't know what you officially call those) during the day. It's still a pain and a half to get him to sleep, but I did notice slight improvement.

Re: diet, I've been trying really hard to cut out dairy and soy, but I wasn't thinking about certain spicy or irritating foods like onions and garlic. I LOVE spices and garlic, so I pour them into everything! The GI suggested using garlic powder instead of garlic cloves. She also gave me a handout on foods to stay away from. I knew things like broccoli and beans were bad news, but I didn't realize mushrooms were included in the gas causing foods! (I also eat a ton of mushrooms...love em!)

The GI seemed to think that my milk supply is overabundant (I do leak all the time!) and that part of the problem is that ds is actually eating too much! He pees like crazy, and is growing at an unbelievable rate, which both support the idea that he's eating quite well, if not too much. I don't demand feed, so it's not that I feed him too frequently. She suggested that I take him off the breast a little sooner. (I would leave him on for about 12-13 min per side...she suggested try 10 min.) And sometimes I would feed him after 2 hrs. or after 2-1/2 hrs. because he was crying like crazy and I just wanted to try and calm him down. She suggested having him wait a bit, as giving him more food that soon would actually make him more irritable.

So, we'll see if any of this works. It was nice to at least have a professional acknowledge & validate our concerns, while giving us some helpful advice and the medicine!

Thank you again to everyone for your help. :)

Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Colin Macs Mom on June 17, 2006, 17:08:01 pm
Aw Michele, I'm sorry to hear that, but at the same time it's great news that there's a REASON for all your troubles and it can be treated! In a few days I bet your lo will be a new baby!! Definitely visit us on the reflux board, it's a great resource and support system too!

About the tummy time though... some refluxers absolutely hate tummy time because it can give them heartburn in that position. Mine did, that's for sure. So if it doesn't work, don't push it!
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: LottieB on June 17, 2006, 20:49:41 pm
Hi, you have been given some really great advice and you have had some very specific answers.  My third babe is now 15 weeks old.  He is my second baby whispered baby. I baby whispered my daughter who is now 22 months and she was totally angel baby.  My little boy is not so angelic in this respect (but is in every other!)... I spent the first 8 weeks taking him in bed with me every now and then. If he cried for longer than 5 minutes then I picked him up and lay next to him.  Sometimes he went to sleep like this (after more crying) and sometimes I did and woke to find him still bawling.  I figured that if I'd fed him, winded him, he had a clean nappy then I would just lie there and cuddle him to sleep.  In those first 6-7 weeks, sometimes he would fall asleep in the crib and wake up and go back to sleep happily in there and sometimes he wouldn't.  When he wouldn't then it was in bed with me.  Don't worry at this age about a pattern developing.  They are so tiny I really don't think it does.  Personally I would never wake a sleeping baby at this age, I think that they only wake up in a grumpy mood and they are sleeping because they are tired.  The only thing I really tried not do do was to feed him to sleep (although I did do this sometimes if nothing else worked).  By 7-8 weeks my baby was more predictable/settled and so I started putting him to bed at the same time each night in his crib, 7 weeks on he is still sleeping in there and never in our bed and mainly sleeps very well.  All I am saying is don't get yourslef all stressed (like I did sometimes) about him not being in a schedule or sleeping in his crib, go a bit instinctively as well.  The best advice someone on this website gave me was to try not to do the same prop all the time but to do different ones and then they don't become a habit.  A baby crying next to his mummy on a bed is at least next to his mummy and you might just nod off too. 
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Mum to Ella Rose on June 18, 2006, 03:24:56 am
Aw Michele, I'm sorry to hear that, but at the same time it's great news that there's a REASON for all your troubles and it can be treated! In a few days I bet your lo will be a new baby!! Definitely visit us on the reflux board, it's a great resource and support system too!

About the tummy time though... some refluxers absolutely hate tummy time because it can give them heartburn in that position. Mine did, that's for sure. So if it doesn't work, don't push it!

DITTO to everything!  ;D

{hugs}

Sharon
Title: Re: 1 Wk Old- crying for hours @ night...help!
Post by: Katet on June 18, 2006, 05:16:31 am
Michelle, I'm glad you spoke to your Dr, I only read your post today, but as I read through I immediatly thought silent reflux, most babies just aren't that unsettled without a medical issue.... best of luck