Grumpiest baby with short naps and crappy bedtime sleep.... HELP!!!

[jaedagal]

Hi ladies,

I have a grumpy touchy baby (since day one) who seems to be the worst sleeper for both naps and bedtime. Oliver is turning 6 months tomorrow. I've just finished week two of E.A.S.Y. ad let me tell you it's soooo not easy with a grump. I've been trying so hard in doing it and not giving in to my babe once at naps and bed time. I just can't seem to get him to take proper naps or sleep through the night (I'm soo tired and would love at least one 3 hour stretch at night so  I can get to sleep). Activity time is hard. He can take maybe an hour before he's fussing and not wanting to do anything else. I have a hard time just getting him to last 2 hours.

All his naps are 20-45 minutes long and bed time he wakes 2-5 times a night. I've tried not over stimulating him and not under stimulating him with no success either way. He fusses and cries with everything and anything. Activity time is hard. He can take maybe an hour before he's fussing and not wanting to do anything else. I have a hard time just getting him to last 2 hours.

I try to keep to the easy schedule, but with his naps being short and night time sleeping broken it's hard to. I do pu/pd with all his sleep. For naps it 50% the pu/pd works to get him back to sleep, but it usually takes over an hour and then it's like a 10-15 mins more because he has to wake for the feed time. It's not too hard getting him down for naps and nightime sleep (well some times it can take an hour though) -- it's just when he wakes. At night it usually takes 1-2.5 hours to get him back down. If he's happy I usually play quietly until he starts to grump out on me then I try again -- this is the hardest because he never wants to sleep after this.

Our days are basically this:

7 -- Eat 4 oz
7:30 -- Activity (usually lasts an hour before he really starts to fuss and then it's basically me trying to keep from having a melt down till it's nap time -- same thing happens every activity time)
9 -- Sleep -- anywhere from 20-45 mins then pu/pd hoping he goes down again -- if he's happy there's nothing I can do and if he's grumpy I just keep at it
11 -- Eat 4-5 oz
11:30 -- Activity -- trying to get to 2 hours
1 -- Sleep 20-45 mins then pu/pd till hoping he goes down again
3 -- Eat 4-5 oz
3:30 -- Activity pretty low key trying not to get him angry
4:30/5 (usually it's 5)-- Sleep 20-30-- I try to not put him down at 4:30, but he gets really tired (yawns, fussy, rubs his eyes etc)
6 -- Activity -- walking around, singing gently, dancing gently
6:30 -- Bath
7 -- Wind down & 4-5 oz bottle
7:30 -- Bed

I've been trying to get him to eat more, but he doesn't want to. I've been giving a night feed and he downs that bottle and he wants another bottle at 3 am (he's pretty hungry at this time), but I've been trying to break that. I also don't pick him up unless he does his  real cry -- I try not to hover over the crib and if he's upset I put a hand on his chest and rub his head for a few secs and say the normal mantra. I can't do the shhh pat because it works him up too much.

Hope that helps,

Laura

[lcpopelka]

Laura-- you and I have identical twin boys!  I just posted too and when I read your post I thought I was reading my own.  So while I can be of no help, I can say that I am right there with you.  It's the nap times that do it.  My lo cannot be up longer than 2 hours max, so when he doesn't sleep the full 1.5 hours, he has to go back to bed earlier.  Yours sounds definitely OT what with the 20-30 min naps.  My only inexpert advice is that if he's rubbing his eyes, he needs to go down, no matter where you are in your EASY schedule.  We tried the PU/PD (totally es him off) and the shh/pat (more of a hand on him and a shh--the patting is too much) but what we've found that works best is leaving him alone in his rrom for 2-3 minutes letting him try to soothe himself.  If after that 2-3 min period he's still very upset, I go back up resettle (with a hand on his chest and a little shhing) and then leave again.  We never leave the room if he's crying--only when he's quiet.

But despite the problems you are having, I mean it in the best way when I say it's good to know I'm not alone.

[RACHPEM]

Sorry to butt in but I claim to have the grumpiest baby EVER!!!! even the 1st nt in hospital she was the only baby that cried all night.  She is now 9months and still so hard to please and the most impatient tike I have ever clapped eyes on.  However after 6months of sh patting at night and naps, for huge stretches her night sleep did just slot into place around the 7month mark so its not all bad news.  She still is a nightmare with naps though and although fights her naps if I am at home and put her in her cot I can put her down now without intervention, she is extremely spirited and needs a lot of sleep and A time needs to be quite short even though BW recco for a 9month is 3-4 hrs she is normally ready after 2hr 45.  I have also found she does need to cry herself to sleep (not alone) it must be her way of settling off.  It did get a little easier for us at night anyway and now she is a dream for her night sleep I wish I could say the same for day sleep as she is such a grump all day it is draining, I feel like I am making her life a misery as she never seems happy.  Anyway just wanted to say your not alone and I know it does not make it any easier, but at least we can lean on one another.  Just one thing though, I am not sure what time your lo goes to bed but I was putting Maya down around 7pm which was way to late and once I put her down earlier (sometimes as early as 5pm) she was so much better, but she naps bad in the day as I mentioned earlier.
Good luck, I pray your little ones settle soon!
Rachael xxx

[jaedagal]

Good gawd ladies did you ever think they made babies this grumpy?!  Did my karma take a wicked turn on me or what?! At least theres a few of us out there with grumps on our hands 24/7.

Oh well, what can you do but love em to pieces all their grumpy pieces. hehe

Naps are a bit better but not much and there's still many night wakings. For most of the night wakings it takes forever to get him to sleep. Some times it's his crazy arms waking him up -- can't swaddle my 6 month any more because he's a) he's huge, b) he's strong and c) he's houdini reincarnated (trust me I know exactly how to do a tight swaddle). Or he falls a sleep and wakes up 1 min later (does that a billion times). Or he gets (for some reason only at night time) happy and playful arrggg this is the hardest because he won't fall asleep till at least 2-3 hours later. Or he just works him self up to a crying frenzy and won't sleep. Or he needs his diaper change and then that totally wakes him up -- I can't leave him in the diaper because it's soo heavy and wet or he soiled it. He's learnt from day one he hates a dirty or wet diaper and needs it changed asap. 

I know he's overtired... But I can't get him to sleep more. grrrrr he gets grumpy the more the day goes on and unfortunately I run out of steam because I just don't know what he wants. Activity time is so hard some times. What activities can you do with a grumpy baby?! I've tried not over stimulating him and not under stimulating him with no success either way. The only thing he likes to do are these things (and they don't last long either) playing in his crib 5-10 mins, jolly jumper 5-10 mins, reading books 2 mins, walking/dancing 5-8 mins, me playing with a rattle with him 3 mins, going around the house and touching different textures and describing them 5-10 mins, looking in the mirror 2-5 mins... Anything else he hates and cries the moment I try to get him to do something. i don't force things on him and i take it really slow when doing something new or introducing a brand new activity. He certainly calls the shots.

I'm having a hard time also with changing his diaper or putting clothes on him. He loves his naked time and I give it to him (even though he pees everywhere  Roll Eyes Wink ), but it's next to impossible trying to put clothes on him or even a diaper -- he screams bloody murder. But he's fine once you pick him up and calm him down.

I love my fussy hot tempered wee babe. Man, it's funny I'm also noticing he's getting quite the temper. He gets soo angry when he's not doing something he wants or something he doesn't like getting done to him and starts doing this (what i like to call his) pterodactyl cry.

oh well i wish us luck with lots of sleep.

Can anyone help?

[~*~Little Miss Sunshine~*~]

I just want to offer you ladies some {{HUGS}} in dealing with your grumpy babies.  I have no advice for you as I have not had to deal with such a grumpy child, but I am going to find someone who can offer you some wonderful advice.  Stick with it!!

[jaedagal]

Roman's Mom, I really do appreciate it if you could find someone... Anyone who can help. I'm not giving up or giving in -- though, there's many days that I want to. But, I realize even if I do give in what could I give him? Nothing works on him.. Not even accidental parenting.

Yesterday naps were pretty bad. One 20 minute nap in the morning, one 40 minute nap in the afternoon and an early 25 minute cat nap. Argggggggggggggg!!! Plus, last night was bad too. He didn't take long to get to sleep at 7:30, but woke up every 30-60 mins at 10:30pm until 4am... What the heck do you do with a baby who does that?! Half the time he was babbling so, I left him till he started to give a good strong cry (don't worry I would never cio, but I have to leave him until he really starts to fuss or we just go around in cirlces trying to get him to sleep). The other  half the time he was angry and crying up a storm. Might be teething, who knows but, he did trick us before thinking it could be teething (we had to give up that notion because it lasted weeksssssss with not a tooth to be seen).

Right now for his first nap he woke up after 35 mins and it took him 35 mins to get back down.. Let's hope he stays asleep till the next feed.

Ohhhh well...

[RACHPEM]

Hi again Laura,

I know what you mean re: activity time, I try hard not to over stimulate Maya, but every activity is such short lived! the other day my niece came round and could not believe that within around 20mins she had changed activities 4 times! I run out of ideas also, I dont know about your lo but Maya also needs to be watched all the time, if you take your eyes off her for 2 mins she grumps! she cant play independantly at all some days feel so long, still love her to bits though.
bye for now, Rachael xx

[jaedagal]

Rachael, mine is the exact same!!! Funny how that works. I step away to go to the washroom or to get a very quick bite to eat and he blows his top! Mine too. I change activities so he doesn't get bored or grumpy all the time... Ahhh the life of a grumpy baby. Like I always say.. It's his world I just live in it. 

My mom thinks i totally spoiled him and made him that way... But he's been like that from day one and I have tried many a time to get him to play by himself with no success (well other than a 5-10 minute romp in the crib). But then again she thinks she had the grumpiest baby in the world with my eldest brother. Mothers grrr....

[Freya'sMum]

Hello folks... dd2 is now 15.5 months, she has been grumpy since the moment she was dragged into the world by forceps (talk about a chip on her shoulder ) and fwiw I thought I'd share my thoughts about how we've survived so far...!

I fully intended to implement EASY with dd2 from the start as it worked so brilliantly with dd1 (a textbook baby), however she wasn't having a bar of it! She flatly refused to conform to any routine at all!

She had totally random feed times (sometimes every 1.5 hours, sometimes 5-6 hours in between ) and would not feed when I thought she ought to (many bitten nipples!). When it came to introducing solid foods she flatly refused anything pureed off a spoon - all I can say is thank goodness for baby-led weaning!

Initially she slept all the time and couldn't tolerate being awake at all - she seemed to resent being born, absolutely hated being a helpless infant, screamed constantly thru any awake time - then this changed to 30 minute naps 3x per day at about 5 months, then 2x 30 minute naps at about 9 months, then 1x 60-120 minute morning nap at 11 months. Her hatred of the world when awake ceased when she could do things more independently at about 5 months, but her meltdowns came quickly if I missed her nap window by even a few minutes - I was housebound, felt so responsible for creating this temperamental monster that I wouldn't inflict her on any babysitter even tho I desparately needed a break thinking that I should be the one to suffer it, and I couldn't risk taking her out because if I missed the nap window whilst out I'd have to cope with the consequences!

She has slept a full night less than a dozen times in her short life to date, her nightwakings were for milk or some other random reason (I had to wing-it to work out which each time), the method for soothing her was also random, what worked one night didn't the next! This is still the case although I stopped the nightfeeds at 14 months!

So, in short it has been a nightmare, however what I have learned is that my dd is a totally unique individual, and that I cannot predict or shape her in any way, that I have to wing-it at all times because she only does what she wants to do when she wants to do it, and most importantly that I have to just accept that this is the way life is and I must either sink or swim with what I have!

The thing that has helped me to (mainly) swim is hands-on support from family and friends who (I am so grateful to them) have not judged me as the failure I considered myself when EASY went out the window, and saw the nightmare as it was and just helped out unconditionally!

Dunno if this is at all helpful? Perhaps what I'm saying is that you might not be able to do anything to resolve each difficult situation you encouter, you just have to ride them out as best you can using common sense and any support you can get, and hope that you all come out unscathed the other side!

Ax

[jaedagal]

Bump

[jaedagal]

Well, we are still having the same battles. He did have a good night sleep on Sunday night and he had a great day on Monday (actually hardly fussed at all and was all smiles), but Monday night sucked! For the last couple days/nights and before Monday he's been horrible with sleep (as usual). Actually yesterday he was impossibly grumpy all day...

I don't know how to keep to our easy routine when his naps are so short. It totally throws the routine off and makes for such bad nights. Last night he was up from 12:30-3:30 straight and was such a fussy babe. He just would not go back to sleep -- he got so worked up that he became hungry again (even after doing the dream feed). So I fed him at 3:20 (4 oz) and he fell fast a sleep 10 minutes later. What gives? I've been working on cutting those 3 am feedings he he's been okay with it.... I can't imagine him going throw another growth spurt (he just had one when he turn 6 months on the 12th)... seriously he's already a hugggge baby and the 90th %tile.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? Other than the few of us with grumpy babes can someone help?! I actually hit a wall of tiredness on Sunday and felt like I couldn't go on... I'm just soooo tired.

Please help...

[jaedagal]

Oh I do have to mention I've had success with getting more calories in him during the day. He can eat anywhere from 5-8 oz now during a feed. But, that's the only success I've really had with the bw system/routine.

[Freya'sMum]

My honest opinion is that you can't 'solve' a grumpy baby, you just have to ride out each challenge with as much emotional and practical support as you can get!

Eryn was inconsolable during each awake period from birth to 5 months old, no amount of soothing or anything, by anyone had any effect, she simply cried for hours and hours unless she was asleep!

So because I couldn't change the situation, I had to escape from it, I left this screaming misery-guts with other people for brief periods of time, even if only a walk to the newsagents for a bar of Galaxy, it gave me some fresh air and my ears a break from the incessant noise (and some yummy chocolate ).

So my only suggestion is that you might be exhausting yourself trying to sort out something that is not sort-outable, and perhaps instead you just have to go with it, but take breaks from it to recharge your batteries. If night time is the worst, can you get relatives to take him one night per week so you get a good night's sleep? Could you sleep in the back bedroom and let dp (making assumptions here, apologies) do the night shift?

If your daytime routine is hopeless and you have to wing-it anyway, can you leave ds with a babysitter for a couple of hours in the day and go have lunch with your girlfriends once a week - if he's not adhering to his nap routine when you're there, will it matter if he doesn't when he's left with someone else? It'd give you a break, some 'Me' time, something to look forward too during the difficult hours/days.

It is useful to remember that EASY is a component of BW but also to remember that the babies haven't read the book! Eryn is a wing-it child, trying to stick with EASY when she had absolutely no intention on doing so just made me more tired and more frustrated and less confident - when I accepted that it was futile, and instead concentrated on really listening to her cues, life became much easier for us both.

I haven't given up on BW, but I have accepted that some parts of it do not work for my child - I still listen attentively to my daughter, and we have a fabulous relationship because of it, but when she was telling me that she only needed one nap at 11 months and the theory said "no way! she needs 2 naps until much later", I discovered that she was right, and that the theory doesn't work for them all!

Hope that this is a bit more constructive?

Ax

[jaedagal]

Thanks Freya'smom,

It does help knowing that and thanks for your suggestions and help -- I do appreciate it. I'm not trying to exactly fit him in the mold of easy, but just trying to get him to sleep better. I know he'll alwats be a grump, but it does help his temper if he does sleep. I just don't know how to do it. I guess in the book it said it will work for even grumpy babies and got my hopes up. I do roll with the punches everyday and have been since day one. I know he's only 6 months and things will eventually change.

I do get help once in a while. But he plays strange with everyone and he'll use his blood curddling scream with anyone other than DH or I. He won't give in until he basically cries himself to exhaustion with anyone. I have my mom come over once a week so she can have her time with him, but she gets possesive with him (for some odd reason and then never listen to me when I say what his temperment is like -- she'll just say it's my fault he's like this and it's bad habits that i made him have and he's only mad because he's not getting his way). She has looked after him a couple times when dh has gone out on a date night. I just feel bad for my lo because he gets soooo upset with other people. Trust me though i do let anyone and everyone hold him so he doesn't get attached to just DH and us.

Dh does help out in the evenings and early mornings, but I do take over during the day and night. He really does need his sleep because of work and driving to and from. He has a stressful job and we don't need him to lose his job over lack of sleep.

The thing is I do listen to his cue and have been since day one, but nothing has really changed. I guess I'm just tired and since I hit that wall on Sunday afternoon I got pretty discouraged with everything.

Thanks again.

[Freya'sMum]

Sorry you're having such a tough time - please believe me that I really have been there... Eryn has become more contented as she has become more independent, so maybe this'll also have an effect for your lo! 6 months is tough anyway, trying to fit in all the feeds, sleeps and activities, so with an intolerant lo it just gets tougher, but there will be a turning point sometime, just use these forums and your IRL supports to help you as much as possible until it arrives!

 

Ax