SOOOO many sleep-related problems - where to start?

[seattlegoogol]

Hi all -
I've done a fair bit of reading on this site over the past year; much has helped us considerably (so thank you!) but we're still battling a few issues and I'm at my wits end. This morning I lost my mind. Yelling, slamming doors, telling my DS to "stop crying and leave mommy alone!"
*sigh* Nothing like screaming at your child to make you feel like a terrible person. But I know it's frustration and lack of sleep....if we could just get these things under control?!?!?!

So, here is the deal: my DS is 14.5 months old. He has always been a difficult child when it comes to sleep. Naps were the biggest battle for over a year - wouldn't go down, wouldn't stay down, would take lots of effort to get him to nap, etc. We've made a lot of progress in this area (although yesterday he cried through his entire afternoon nap, so there definitely are bad days still). WRT nighttime sleep - he's always been a bit easier to get to bed at night, but he's an early waker (5-5:30am, this morning it was 4:30, but I blame the time change) and he STILL wakes frequently through the night (last night it was 2 times, the night before it was 4 times).

This is what we're doing:

5-5:30 he cries out. My DH or I do PD/WI/WO until his alarm goes off at 6:15  (so, this could go on for an hour or more....he never goes back to sleep...but he will sometimes lay still for 15-20 minutes, just enough for us to get our hopes up)

6:15 up for the day, water and cheerios and play until breakfast

7:00 breakfast (solids first, 4-6oz soy milk second)

3 days per week (Sat, Sun, Mon) he's home with me/us. Tues - Fri he goes to daycare.
At daycare they sometimes try for a morning nap, especially if he's awake before 5:30, but mostly they distract him until 1pm for the daycare-wide afternoon nap, which typically lasts from 1-2:30 for him.
At home I am unable to keep him happily distracted until 1pm, so he still takes a morning and afternoon nap. I've tried for a week at a time to skip the morning nap, but it's always backfired (e.g. too tired to eat lunch, falling asleep in the car, crabby/cranky all day, shorter afternoon nap than needed/desired, overtired by bedtime, etc.)

So - at home he goes down for his morning nap around 9am for 45mins - 1.5 hours, depending.  The other night, when he woke 4 times, he napped for 2 hours in the morning.

But typically he's up around 10am and we have a snack and then go on an outing until lunch.

Lunch 12-12:30 (solids first, milk after).

Afternoon nap 1pm. Again, depending on how long he's slept at night or at the morning nap he may or may not give me a hard time with this nap (yesterday he refused) and may sleep 45 mins to 1.5 hours. Never sleeps past 3pm at this naptime.

2 or 2:30 he's up for a snack and then he's up until bedtime.

Dinner 6:00 (solids first....we just stopped giving milk at dinner b/c he's been waking up with SOAKING WET diapers (sometimes even peeing out) and we thought that if we limited fluid intake before bed that might help. We've started giving more milk earlier in the day to make up for this.

Then bedtime routine until bed at 7pm. At this time he's usually exhausted - especially on daycare days. He rarely gives me a hard time going to bed anymore (thanks to PU/PD and WI/WO).

Some rare nights he sleeps straight through until 5:30. But most nights he wakes at least once - I've tried letting him cry for a bit to see if he'll settle himself, but that never worked - he would just escalate. So then we did PU/PD and WI/WO for a while and now it takes only a few minutes to settle him when he wakes in the middle of the night (e.g. give soother, give blanket, pat on the leg, say "shhh" and leave). BUT - he's STILL WAKING!!!!! WHY?!??!?! Even though it's only a minute or two, it's still disrupting our sleep several times per night and some mornings I have a hard time going back to sleep, even if he does, such that I'm up for the day at 4:00 or something awful. So, this is problem #1 - Frequent night wakings.

The other problem is the early morning wakings. We've tried wake to sleep - going in 30-45 minutes before he normally wakes (so, around 4-4:30am) but this has not worked. He still wakes at his normal time. So this is problem #2 - early morning waking.

And then there is the issue of the waking up wet, which I realize is not a sleep problem, but likely impacts his sleep. We've tried EVERYTHING to prevent and/or remedy this issue. Pointing his penis down, putting 2 diapers on, using a diaper insert, using bigger/smaller/different brands of diapers, limiting his fluids before bed and in the middle of the night. *sigh* - maybe the huge diaper isn't what's waking him. But I know that when he pees out and his clothes are wet this definitely wakes him up. So this is problem #3 related to sleep - waking up wet.

Sorry for going on so long, but does anyone have any suggestions for us??! I'm about to go insane from the frustration, stress, and lack of sleep.

Thanks so much for listening.

[Shdef]

Hello... first of all hugs, you sound very frustrated...

It does sound as if he is switching to one nap, but it's a messy messy switch. What we did at that age was we did NOT turn the light on before 6.30 and did not start breakfast until at least 7.30-8. So that changed the biorhythm a bit...

The bedtime looks fine.

Is it possible that he has a sore tummy, many babies don't do well at all on soy milk (it's not recommended and about to be banned in Germany).

For the naps, I would put him down at around 11.30, small lunch before that (rest of lunch afterwards) and 6.30 bedtime for the first few days.

The night wakings may be due to sore tummy or paci addiction? Is it absolutely necessary to give him it? Maybe a cuddly toy would do a better job as he can find it easier.

So... what I would do:

Day 1:

5 am wake up
WiWo until 6 am, (no lights, no bottle, but cuddly toy)
7 am breakfast and water

A-time, lots of mentioning of the lovey and maybe some A-time in the cot, with lots of fun and no crying, small snack

11 lunch
11.30 am nap (try and keep nap time until at least 1 pm

1pm up
rest of lunch

A-time

3 pm snack

6 pm dinner, bedtime routine

bed by 6.30-7pm

Kids that age usually do better on the second A-time and with us the two to one nap transition helped the early wakings big time. But it may not work. If not, maybe first nap a tad later (9.30) and the second, too (1.30pm)

If he refuses the second nap then it is better to switch to one, otherwise he will be completely overtired by night time and not sleep well...

Just some ideas, hth

[seattlegoogol]

Thanks for the thoughts. The soy milk is the result of a milk allergy test we're doing this month, to see if that has been contributing to his problems at all. He has been throwing up at daycare quite a bit and my doctor suggested that we switch to soy milk for a month to see if that helps. The jury is still out on this.....but yes, it's possible that it is bothering his tummy. I'm just not sure what to give him if not cow's milk and not soy milk?! He was breastfed until he was 13 months and took the cow's milk without incident....but the spitup made us wonder?

And I have also wondered if it's time to switch to 1 nap. It's just that with such an early wakeup I figured there was no way he could stay awake until after lunch. But I have been seeing people say that at first the one nap starts earlier...like you say....and then eventually gets pushed back until 1pm or so. We could try that. At daycare he makes it from 5/5:30 until 1pm when THEY put him down. Not sure they will be willing to change his naptime, since they have 12 other kids to deal with. But at home we could try that.

Is one nap going to help with the night waking and the early morning waking?

[Shdef]

The one nap might help with the early waking, but not necessarily with the night waking. However, if the soy is reviewed and his house routine is the same as daycare routine then the NW might start getting less.

I found that DS used to wake up when routine was upset, which it is if the routine at daycare and at home are different. I would sasy that 1 is too late for a nap at6 daycare, DS is 2 and that's too late for him 

Nightwakings are more likely to be addiction to the paci, does he ask for it to be put back in his mouth? And only then goes back to sleep? If yes, the paci has to go if you want undosturbed nights.

OR, you put  apile of them at the corner of the bed and then show that that's where he can find them.

And does he sleep in a sleeping bag? Maybe the blanket falls off and he is cold? A grobag could help with that 

hth