from family bed and nursing to sleep to independant sleep, help!!!

[sanisandra]

My son is 15 months and has always slept in our bed and he is a frequent night nurser.
For a while now I am ready to stop breastfeeding and would love DS to sleep in his cot.
I guess I was always hoping he would jsut grow out of it.  As I am working full time I have never brought up the energy to change things. But I have to do something now, I need to get some proper sleep and my marriage is suffering als well. Lately nursing has become increasingly painful, I suspect the milk supply is going down, he mostly sucks for comfort not actually drinking. He often comes to me during the day pulls on my shirt and the sucks for maybe 2 minutes  and then goes off to play again.

I have done PD before for naps and at bedtime, but he would not settle at night, so i took him to our bed after his first night waking. We managed to get him from 1 hour PD to 15 minutes but he would still always cry very hard. By then I only bf at night and at bedtime. Then I started work and he started daycare, and I felt a little guilty, so we went back to square one. On the weekends I started bfing again during the day, because he seemed to need the extra comfort, because I am away all day. He has a good nap on weekends ( although I have to nurse to sleep )

On weekdays he is with DH in the morning until 1.30pm and goes to daycare until I pick him up at 6. He has milk from a sippy cup in the morning and in the afternoon and three solid meals plus snacks. He used to
sleep 1 to 2 hours before he goes to daycare, but now he refuses this nap, but wont sleep at daycare either.
This is probably because he is used to fall asleep breastfeeding or in mum's or dad's arms.
When I pick him up from daycare he is so tired that he already pulls on my clothes for his feed when we get in the door, and then falls asleep nursing.
He wakes a couple of times during the evening and I have to nurse to sleep ( no real feeds just comfort suck ). Then one feed at around 12 and another around 5am and 7am, he then usually goes back to sleep until 8.30. I am already gone off to work when he gets up with DH.

So unfortunately, I don't get the chance to have a proper bedtime routine. If I don't feed him right after daycare he would scream his head off.

I have started to pull him off the breast earlier and actually refusing the breast mostly during the day, he gets confused, but I can distract him usually. At night I have started to refuse the breast a few times, because the constant nursing was just too painful and I could not do it any longer. He gets very upset, but falls asleep after about 30 mins. But mostly, especially if I have to work the next day, I try to just get him to sleep fast. I also today I refused to nurse to sleep for his nap, he fell asleep in my arms after a massive tantrum, but woke after one hour and I bf to sleep again.

This is the first time I have ever actually explained the situation to anyone. I always felt a bit embarrassed, because everyone kept saying, he should be sleeping in his bed and sleeping through...., so I stopped talking about it.
 
I have read a lot about sleep training and know the techniques, but I can't figure out, where to start. Should I go cold turkey and move him to his cot and stop nursing during the night or completely?
DH has taken a few weeks off work in December, so I thought this would be a good time, so he can take over at night and i sleep in the bedroom, does that sound like a good idea?. But the problem is, even if DH does everything for a while and I stay out of it, I have a feeling DS will still expect me to nurse once I take over. He already knows, when dad is there we play by a different set of rules, but when mummy comes back he can nurse.

How long does it take, until he will forget about nursing, if I stop cold turkey and have DH do the bedtime and nightwaking?

I just can't decide on whether I should get him into his cot first, but still nurse and do PD to get him to sleep or stop bf first and then move him to the cot later. Or all at the same time?

I appreciate any advice I can get.

 

[yaya]

Hi there!
HUGS, its tough isnt it! I just wanted to say that consistency is key and if at night u give in and take himto ur bed he's going to know that if he tries hard enough he'll get his way
Also, remember he's always gone to sleep this way so You'll have to give himt iem to adjust and be patient.
I suggest a gradual withdrawal method and do wi/wo rather than pu/pd as he's too old for Pu/pd and it would just turn into a game. Are u familiar with the wi/wo method?
I personally think u can do both together as the objective is the same in both case, that is to get him to fall asleep independently with no boob and in hsi bed

hth

[Lilah'sMommy]

First I want to say that there's no reason to be embarassed.  You made decisions that were right for you at the time, and really there are no "shoulds" about baby and toddler sleep.  If things are working for you, you keep them.  If they're not (and it definitely sounds like they're not right now), you change them.

As a nursing mom myself who has gone through the struggle of nightweaning, I say definitely have DH take over the nights for at least a week.  What we did was at first have DH simply do whatever was necessary to get DD1 back to sleep (still haven't bitten the bullet with DD2  ), meaning rock, walk, whatever.  At first my goal was just to skip the first night feeding, but she actually very quickly dropped the rest of them as well.  It will be easier on your body if you night-wean gradually-- you don't want to risk blocked ducts.

  With a little more sleep under our belts (and the fact that she was now used to not getting the breast at night), I took over with PD (she was nine months at the time) for all sleep periods and NWings (because DD1 at that point was still nursing to sleep at all sleep periods).  Because your DS is already 15 months, I think gradual withdrawal or WI/WO would be more appropriate.  Given that he's always slept with you, I'm betting gradual withdrawal would work better.  Essentially you stay in the room, moving further and further away every few days, until you're out of the room.  At the beginning, you can soothe in the crib with touch and words, but as you move away, you use only your voice.  If you stick with it, you should see results.

Also because you've been cosleeping, I'd suggest that you or DH (whovever is doin the sleep training) sleep on a blow-up mattress on the floor right next to the crib that you then move further and further out of the room.  This is a more gradual introduction to independent sleep, which is important for an older baby/toddler.  It also means you won't have to be standing up the whole time you're sleep training.

Whatever you do decide to do, the most important thing is to come up with a plan and stick with it.  If you do, you will see results.  You can do it!  Let us know how it goes.