Need help!!!- major regression after illness

[lydiaandaraluen]

Hi ladies,
I was posting a while ago in regards to my 14 month old son, Araluen, who up until 10 days ago was doing beautifully in regards to sleep and night wakings. He was having between 4-5 hrs of activity time, having one 2-3 hour nap in the middle of the day, going to bed at seven and sleeping through til 4am, having a feed then going back o be til sevenish.

 Last week he started teething and got his second case of Impetigo in less than two months and it really knocked him around. Following previous advice, I fed him/or brought him in to bed with us for a few days as he was inconsolable otherwise. Problem is, now that he's a picture of perfect health he won't sleep in his bed, struggles to get to sleep on his own, wakes one billion times through the night for feeds and we're right back where we started. How depressing. When I noticed he was feeling better, i put him down and left the room (never longer than a few minutes). My questions are-
- Has the trust been broken by letting him cry on his own for a few minutes? before all of this happened I would  do that and he would just lie down and go to sleep either straight away or after about one minute of crying. This was mainky a grizzle or mantra but the times I've done it this week he's been hysterical from the second I shut the door. If it is broken how do I get it back?
- Last time we did sleep training I used pupd but when I pick him up he doesn't stop crying anyway, just gets louder and more hysterical. I'm guessing he's too old for the pu part now, What do I do instead? Do I lie on the floor and let him cry for hours while he's standing in his cot reaching out for me, or do I try to calm him with my voice and lie him back down every time he gets up?
-Is breast feeding perpetuating this cycle? I'm under pressure form loved ones to wean him as they think this is why he's waking up.

I have tried a combination of methods but nothing seems to work. I find it really diffficult to let the crying go on for longer than two hours. I feel cruel. Is it bad to send dad in when I'm about to crack?? I've given up every time and brought him into bed or fed him.

The day sleep is getting back on track. He's going to sleep by himself (with me facing the other way, lying on his floor) and if he wakes I lie him back down, lie on the floor and he goes back to sleep.

I'm really desperate for advice and am starting to feel quite resentful and down about the whole thing. All that hard work -gone! Thank you in advance for any feed back.
Lydia

[¤ Efka ¤]

I am no really sure about trust issue, m personal thought will no. He is big enough to know that you will be back and you only did leave him for a couple minutes? To see how he is reacting?I would say its more separation anxiety.

PUPD, when he is reaching out to you, you  say its OK and lie him back down, hold your hand on him when needed.Or whne it woks better you ling down is also an idea.

I would really think that this morning wakeup is for breastfeed, why not to move breastfeed as part of the morning, when he wakes and come for cuddle and feed and then you start the day, not pat of the early morning, when he goes back to sleep.

[lydiaandaraluen]

I didn't think I'd left him long enough for it to be a trust thing but there's definately some sep. anxiety as when dh goes in to take over or tries to comfort Araluen he screams for me. Problem is when I lie him down he stands straight back up again every single time. he doesn't even lie down for a second so i have no opportunity to soothe him with my voice or touch. At the moment he is coming into bed and breast feeding every time he wakes up so i need to learn how to deal with all the wake ups now, not just the 4am one. Thanks for your prompt reply, maybe this is one of the helpless cases that can't be fixed. I'm too exhausted to lay down and let him cry, he gets sooo hysterical to the point of no return.

[¤ Efka ¤]

No situation is ever hopeless.
What time is he waking in the morning and what time is nap and what time is bed time?
How do you prepare for sleep time? Books? Cuddle?
How many times he wakes at night?

[lydiaandaraluen]

finally....some progress. It's so easy to feel helpless when there's no end in sight but last I tried pupd (not just pd) and it worked after about two hours and then today when he woke early from his day nap it took about five minutes for him to go back to sleep. I thought he would be too old for pu but it's working and last night I thought it was worth a shot. he was just getting too hysterical with only being put down and not picked up. Normally he wakes at about 7 am, has a bf at 11am, naps for two-three hrs til 130pmish, has an afternoon bf at 3pm, another bf at 630pm, bed at 7pm, wakes between 3 and 4am for a bf goes back to sleep and either sleeps through til 7am or comes inot bed and has a feed lying down if he wakes before 7. At the moment he's waking every two hrs but we are making progress. Our wind down rit. is a bf in the lounge room, a story in his room, wrao teddy up and sing teddy a song and put ted to bed and then do the same for Araluen. Now it's a process of using pupd for the night wakings because for the past few sleeps he's gone to bed on his own.

[¤ Efka ¤]

How its going?

[lydiaandaraluen]

Pretty bad...again. we were making some progress at night (day sleep is still pretty good), but we're back tracking. I just don't know what to do anymore. If I use pupd, some nights he'll stop crying when i pick him up and when that's the case it works but he still wakes every two hours or so. If I just use pd he screams until I feel like I can bare it anymore. If I bring him into bed he still wakes every two hours. He just wants to be on the boob all night. I feel like I'm out of options.

[¤ Efka ¤]

I really feel for you.
Boob is so hard to wean, especially at night time and for toddlers.
Is there a possibility for someone else to cover for couple night for you? So it may be easier for him to get over night time feeds?

[lydiaandaraluen]

So I finally decided after an absolute horror of a night to wean Araluen cold turkey. He's doing so much better. He only woke up twice the first night and three times last night. I gave him half a bottle on the third wake up (4am) and he went straight back to sleep. He's into the bottle for the first time ever. Maybe he wasn't getting enough milk from me? I feel sad about breast feeding being over but I'd rather be a rested and happy mum than a resentful and tired breast feeding mum. He's fifteen months old anyway so I feel like I gave it my best. Fingers crossed for more sleep.

[¤ Efka ¤]

It could be that he was not getting all he wanted.

How its going now?