16 mo old having a hard time going to sleep

[amywiz24]

My son, Sam, is 16 mo old. To be honest, sleep issues have been the biggest challenge of parenting from the start. However, the last 8-9 mos have been a dream. We could do the ritual, lay him down and walk out and he would put himself to bed without a peep. However, the past month has been difficult and it seems to be getting worse. He now cries as soon as we leave the room. We usually have to stay in there until he falls asleep. Typically we can just sit there, but sometimes he needs patting or comforting words. I seem to recall that sleep issues can just pop up out of the blue, but I don't like it.  We have had to switch daycare rooms 4 times in the last 6 weeks (due to moving to a new daycare and then them switching things around until their enrollment grew). I think we are where we will stay until he is 2 now. But this room has him back to 2 naps, where he transitioned to 1 nap about 6 weeks ago becuase of another room. I don't think the 2 naps is the cause of his issue, becuase that has just been in the last week. He doesn't really have separation anxiety. I feel like I am missing something or should be doing something more for him. Tonight was the worst! He screamed at the top of his lungs for at least 30 min straight. I finally realized that he doesn't even know what he wants and just put him to bed (without dinner, bath or PJs). I attribute tonights over tiredness due to my getting him up early becuase my husband is out of town and I have to work earlier than he. I appreciate any support/help. Sam was not the only one crying tonight 
Amy

[amywiz24]

now he's up there screaming; it's like he;s throwing temper tantrums in his sleep. Please help; I'm losing it.

[amywiz24]

here's the update on last night. He was screaming, but not fully awake and it was intermittent; silence for a minute, scream for  a minute. I could not comfort him. I finally held him (I hope you can't form a bad pattern in 1 night)!!! He stopped while I was holding him but as soon as I put him down again, he screamed. I finally had to walk out because I was getting really upset myself. Soon after that he stopped and was asleep--likely from sheer exhaustion.

[andibig]

Hugs honey

When our LOs aren't sleeping its really tough on everyone .

My feeling would be the changing rooms at daycare may be the key and he is feeling a little unsettled.

Is it possible to look at his routine currently?Does daycare tell you how long and when he sleeps?

Hope to here from you soon

[amywiz24]

thanks for the hugs!
This is his typical schedule when he is home with us:
7AM: wake and breakfast
9:30 snack
11:30 lunch
12-2 or 3-nap
3:00 snack
5:00 dinner
6:30 bedtime routine

He has never napped at daycare as much as at home. Up until last week the naptime at daycare was at 12:00 as well; but he typically only sleeps an hour there. Therefore, sometimes we move his bedtime up to 6:00. The past week at daycare, they are trying to give him 2 naps: 1 around 10:30 (he usually sleeps 1 hour) and the other one around 1 or 2. He does not sleep at all for this one. I think the problem with this is that he doesn't need 2 naps and I plan on discussing this with them today. This may explain the HORRIBLE night last night. But, as I had said, his sleep problems resurfaced before this, but were milder. Of course, my husband is out of town this week and I am not sure how much this affects Sam. I've never noticed a problem in the past, but he is older now.

I think, perhaps, another problem is with the wind down. He doesn't sit still for books and lullabies like he used to; this has resulted in less books and less lullabies, therefore, less time to wind down--perhaps it is too hard for him to put himself to sleep when he is too awake. (Although we used to literally skip any routine at nap time and he would be able to put himself to sleep just fine).

I don't know...........HELP

[Colin Macs Mom]

We have had to switch daycare rooms 4 times in the last 6 weeks (due to moving to a new daycare and then them switching things around until their enrollment grew).

But this room has him back to 2 naps, where he transitioned to 1 nap about 6 weeks ago becuase of another room. I don't think the 2 naps is the cause of his issue, becuase that has just been in the last week.

I think the poor kid doesn't know if he's coming or going. This is a LOT of change and transition for a LO and I'd bet he's confused and missing a stable routine. I don't mean that as anything against you at all, but for a LO to make the one nap transition is tough and then to go back to two    And change envrionments so often... that's just a lot to take!

[amywiz24]

I agree about a lot of transition. I think that is why I am so emotional about it. I feel responsible. I wanted to move him to the new daycare: it is a lot closer to home, the facility is nicer, the teachers are more professional. And I feel ultimately it is better, but since it is a newer facility, they keep moving things around while they grow from very few kids to increases in their enrollment. I did not anticipate the transition backward to 2 naps and the more I think and type about it, that has to be the problem; by the time we do bed time, he is over tired. This is one of the times I feel guilty about being a working mom But why were we having problems before the switch back to 2 naps; was he just scared to be alone at night becuase all of the transition in his life?

[Colin Macs Mom]

I'm a working mom too, and I know what you mean    Really, it's ok. We have to do what we have to do, and this -

And I feel ultimately it is better,

is all that matters. There will be many more transitions in his life too, and just like this one you have to do what's best and power through. But the two nap thing...     I really think at his age, and assuming he transitioned to one nap successfully, it's not good for him to be doing 2 naps. I'd raise that with the daycare, but JMHO. But switching back now and giving him yet another change may not be the greatest plan either. You know him best - if he's really OT then maybe it would be the way to go.

But why were we having problems before the switch back to 2 naps; was he just scared to be alone at night becuase all of the transition in his life?

Maybe. It does seem that a lot of LOs around 16 months have some SA creep up too. So really it could be any number of things. The bottom line is, he seems (to me) to be overwhelmed and probably OT. My advice would be to try and keep things as routine as possible now to help him regain comfort in that and to give him lots of reassurance. 

[amywiz24]

Jessica-thanks so much for your support!
I feel so much better today than I felt this AM and last night!! I talked to my daycare and told them I don't think Sam is appropriate for 2 naps, that we had transitioned him to one a few mos ago because he stopped taking the second nap of the day. They were very supportive of how I felt and are looking for a solution; I think it may involve him hanging out in the older room during nap time since he is on there schedule.
Tonight, I was able to get him fed, bathed, and dressed for bed before he was over tired, so I was already feeling like a huge success compared to yesterday. And then since I was reading on this web site a lot today, I realized that are wind down routine was not giving him enough time to wind down. Since he has been more active; he has been really squirmy when we are sitting in the rocker reading night time books. I had been using that as the cue that he was ready for bed (because that cue worked when he was younger). But now I realize that that is a cue that he is NOT ready for bed. SO, I really tried to keep him on my lap for more books. Then I put him in his crib--he did cry. SO, I didn't even try to leave. I just sat int here and talked for a bit (he was standing in his crib). And then (3-5 mi later) I just laid him down and he didn't resist or cry. I turned off the light, walked out and that was that! It was beautiful. I don't know if it was just lock tonight, or I'm onto something.
Here is a question I have for others..........are you able to keep your toddler in 1 place (on your lap or wherever) or do they end up roaming the room during bedtime ritual/wind down. I would love to cuddle with Sam throughout the ritual, but he does not enjoy being still for too long. I'd love to hear other people's experiences/suggestions.
By the way Jessica, what does JMHO stand for? I'm not up on the baby whisperer abbreviations

[Colin Macs Mom]

Sorry, JMHO means Just My Humble Opinion.

You're doing great, it sounds like you're very in tune with him and his cues which will help you tremendously in the long run. And that's great to hear that the daycare is willing to work with you on the nap situation.    It's amazing how many places are dead set in their system and don't care if it's best for a LO or not.   

[andibig]

great news about daycare .

in regards to windown Sasha will often jump and down on her bed when i'm running her bath .once shes had her bath she'll stay in her room with me whilst i dry her and she may play with some toys.once shes dressed for bed then we snuggle in her bed together and read a bedtime story (thats the only thing that keeps her still!!!)

HTH

[amywiz24]

Here is my update. Yesterday when I had picked Sam up from daycare they were very happy with themselves because they had kept Sam up all day and that would surely help him sleep at night!?!?!?!?  Shouldn't they know better!! Here is what did happen: he was too tired to have dinner, cried some going to bed, but all things considered, not too bad. So, for today I gave specific instructions: 1 nap at noon. Keep your fingers crossed. I believe there heart is on the right place, but it seems they should be better educated on how to care for children!!

[Colin Macs Mom]

             You're darn right!! Now would be a good time to check on their credentials - the facility as well as the caregivers!    And I guess this goes without saying but I hope you make it clear to them that you expect they will respect your wishes and instructions as his mother!