Hi there...
(I apologize in advance for the length of this post!
Well - we are back again at the sleep "training" stage! We did pu/pd with our son Holden around 9 months and it worked wonders after a really hard week. The mistake we made there however as we didn't give up the bottle before bed. Then once he started getting older he had several night wakings, where he would cry for his bottle. If it was just once in the night, we could handle it, but it started getting that he was needing 2 bottles in the night, would pee through his diaper, and still wasn't settling very easily! (why do these "crutches" seem to escalate so much??).
Anyway, we did away with the bottle and it actually went OK!! We had a little "good bye botty" ceremony over the garbage can; he did have a few nights of crying for it but we would just rub his back and he would eventually drift off. (This was about 2 months ago now) After a few nights it got to be that we would rub his back, tell him we had to leave to do some random thing, leave while he was awake and he would fall asleep on his own. But lo and behold - then the back rubbing requests got out of control. I seriously have done something bad to my shoulder with the continuous back rubbing reaching over the crib rails! He also has been having terrible night wakings where he requires continuous back rubbing - just has been too hard on me and my back! So we decided we needed to do something. He screams "back back rub my back" until we do so. It is so sad really - I wish it was something I could do for a minute or so and it wouldn't cause too much trouble.
(UH OH - i'm hearing now over the monitor its started he is crying bloody murder already).
Anyway, we were gone for a week and his grandparents (who he loves) moved in and took care of him. They had no issues whatsoever with him going to sleep - would have to rub his back a bit when he first went to sleep at night, and in the middle of the night would just tuck him back in and he would go back to sleep. (Usually only got up once about 6:30 am or so for them). Then when we got back we had a few rough nights (understandably) and one really good one. (he is so much better for his grandparents! shows I guess how much 'accidental parenting' we have done) Last night was horrible. anyway, I'm making a long story longer.
So this is our plan - bath a little earlier (as we read maybe bath time close to bed could be winding him up too much), PJ's, snack, teeth, 2 books, then lay down and sing him one song and then leave. My husband just reported to me he will go in every minute when he is still crying b/c otherwise it seems like he is just going in and out and not giving him time to settle on his own. (PS I can hear now him yelling "moma bed" (I have made the mistake of bringing him into bed very rarely - although happened last night - just when things get really crazy late at night - I wouldn't mind it at all if it worked but he just wants to play and doesn't settle very easily). He is also yelling "moma back". Since we got home from our trip he doesn't want my husband to do anything at all with regards to bed-time. He totally freaks out if he tries to put him down - so hard! So DH is doing the sleep training now as I think I would cave fairly easily (as once he gets tired enough just a few minutes of back rubbing and he will conk out - but it normally takes many sessions beforehand). When he goes in he will just lay him down (if needed) otherwise tell him its sleepy time, pat his head, readjust blankets if needed and then walk out. Is this right???
It seems it would be so much easier if he sucked his thumb or something - he does have a 'lovey' but I can't say he is terribly attached to it. I guess he will just find something to soothe himself (instead of the back rubbing??) - should I be looking to buy him another special blanket or something? (we've tried introducing several but he has never attached to anything).
His schedule is:
Sleeps from approx. 8:30 - 8:30 (with several wakings in between lasting from 5 minutes to several hours depending on the night; a good night is just one short waking).
Naps from about 1:30 - 3:30 or so - for his nap goes down by me rubbing his back while he is lying in his crib (of course) usually until he is very close to sleeping after a diaper change, story, cuddle.
A few questions:
Can I still do the back rubbing for naps while we do wi/wo at night??? Will that screw everything up? Just for the first few days as he normally does go to sleep for naps with me only rubbing for a few minutes.
Am I a bad mom for wanting to give up this back rubbing?
I feel like it should be a little thing I can do for him - it is just so hard when he needs me to do it for SOOO long - particularly in the middle of the night.
[oh crap now he is yelling "hugga moma" (hug mom) along with "moma back"] - god it makes me feel so bad that I don't just go in there.....
Anyway, any support, words of encouragement, suggestions etc would be greatly appreciated. Incidentally, I can't find where wi/wo is in the 'baby whisperer answers all your questions" book - is it in another one?
Thank you soooo much to anyone who takes the time to reply,
Kim (with a sad sad heart listening to poor Holden cry)
