big boy bed antics

[aidenmc]

I was wondering whether any of you had advice on dealing with getting out of bed at bedtime. WE moved Aiden to his bed a few weeks ago partly in hopes of making his less scared of his room. I also removed the curtains (he was afraid of the curtain rods I think) and he is much less stressed at bedtime. We have 2 lingering problems. I have been using a gradual removal approach to get myself out of his room as he falls asleep. But he likes to play the game of getting out of bed. My initial approach was to return him to his bed. After becoming quite frustrated with this game (it became a game with giggles and all, until be became overtired and cried and cried for me to pat his bum - his ultimate crutch which I am still trying to break) I decided to exit the power struggle and did not put him back in his bed. At first he said 'mommy need to bring Aiden back", but after a few minutes he found a blanket and pillow and fell asleep on the floor. (He's done that twice now). Right now I am basically sitting in his doorway pretending to sleep. I am not sure whether to continue to try and ignore him and send the message that I don't care where he sleeps (i.e. not put him back to bed) or whether it is ultimately best to just keep putting him back in. I have two fears. One, that he will keep playing this game as a means to get any attention. The other fear is that if I don't play it, he will up the ante. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am also not sure how I am going to get out fully and be able to shut the door. Should I try this or just keep it open and return him to bed if he comes out? (We started leaving the door open a few months ago).

Our other problem is that he is having NWs many times a night. This has been going on for 4-5 days, after a period of 1-2 wake-ups and the occasional night with none, but an early morning. I am not sure if the way he falls asleep has anything to do with these....

[maisy]

hmm now I am no expert , my DD has fairly recently transitioned to a big bed. To begin with we used a side guard (the bed has a little one but I wanted a big one to keep her in LOL) but she was starting to climb over it and I was sure she would get hurt, so I decided it wass a good time to just go for it and take it off and train her to stay in bed.

What we have done is basically what you did. We have had to do it for the past 3 weeks but have now had a week where she has gone in and stayed in (except for one night but she had a super long nap that day)

The key for us was timing.  we would put her into bed and then leave and peek in the door. If we went in to soon , before she actually got out of the bed, then she would lie down quickly and giggle turning it into a game. so we would wait until she was right out of the bed. We would go in and say it is time to go to sleep, night night, love you. then leave. Everytime we did it ,after the first time ,  we didnt say anything, or make eye contact. would just go in and lay her in bed and then leave. I think we did it 30 times AT LEAST one night.

BUT she wasn't crying , how did your LO fall asleep in the crib? was he used to you staying with him? If you are using yourself as a comfort for him to fall asleep this may not be helping the NWs as he will be looking for you when he wakes and wondering where you have gone.  Also if he is falling asleep on the floor and you are then moving him to his bed he is maybe a little confused when he wakes.

x x x x

Right now I am basically sitting in his doorway pretending to sleep. I am not sure whether to continue to try and ignore him and send the message that I don't care where he sleeps (i.e. not put him back to bed) or whether it is ultimately best to just keep putting him back in. I have two fears. One, that he will keep playing this game as a means to get any attention. The other fear is that if I don't play it, he will up the ante. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am also not sure how I am going to get out fully and be able to shut the door. Should I try this or just keep it open and return him to bed if he comes out? (We started leaving the door open a few months ago).

I would think that if he isnt crying just leave the room. leave the door open a little if that is what he is used to. this willalso make it easier for you to see him getting out. This is what we had to do, just leave the door open a crack and watch for her so we could take her back to bed.

For us consistancy brought us success, once we had started we knew we just had to keep at it, we wuld take it in 15 min shifts at one point. she would try to play us off against each other and ask for whoever wasnt there   but we had to just get through it. It has worked for us for over a week now

I will go now as I have to frantically do the anti - jinx dance so she doesnt start it again  

x x x x

[aidenmc]

Thanks for the swift reply! It sounds like the back to bed method worked for you. Tonight went pretty well actually. I had a feeling it might because Aiden did not nap at school today. Sometimes it means he is a wreck - very hyper or tired by bedtime. Tonight he was nice and calm and seemed pretty happy to lie in his bed. After putting him down I camped out in the doorway, basically right outside his door with the door open about a foot. He got out twice. The first time he hung around his room for a bit then came over to me and started to caress my face (so sweet . I put him back to bed and he popped ot once more then went to sleep quite quickly without a fuss! I am curious to see what the lack of nap plus good bedtime will mean for tonight. It is reassuring to hear that it took you about 3 weeks (although a little daunting too). I guess we will stay the course. We have had nights when I had to put him back 30-40 times!

I don't think the wake-ups are because of him falling asleep with our help - mostly because he hasn't had any for a while. He is capable of putting himself to sleep but has more trouble when overtired or otherwise stressed. After a series of months of good independent sleep he began to bemore troublesome - I suspect for developmental reasons (e.g. nightmares, new fears, being very curious about things). Anyway, we'll see what tonight brings.

[maisy]

good luck! I hope he gives you a good night

x x x x

[aidenmc]

Unfortunately the night wasn't all that great. He woke at 12:30, but just briefly and DH didn't have to do anything when he went in. He then woke from 3:45 to 4:30 and then was up just before 6 this morning. He did manage to get through the habitual 10:30 wake-up that he had been doing and all DH had to do the second time was lie on the floor beside him. He seems a little grumpy (perhaps tired)tonight so I am not sure how the bedtime and night will go. I am not sure whether he had a nap or not today (he said he did but his teacher wasn't there when I picked him up). I am really hoping that the nws have just become habitual and that as dh does his version of gradual removal during the night they will soon disappear.