pat/shhh help...baby hardly sleeping

[madisonbelle]

i need help. my daughter is 5 weeks old. the grandmas were in town until this week. i tried to get her on EASY from the start but hard since they would hold & rock her all the time even after i showed them EASY and what I was trying to do. that said this is our first week consistently trying this out.
I'm having trouble getting her to sleep. she's pretty consistent eating every 2.5-3 hours. but getting her to sleep and keeping her asleep is hard. Example:
this morning I woke her at 7:15. she fed until 8:30 w/ a diaper change in there. she was falling asleep while feeding and i kept waking her but she ate for at least 40 mins. after she was off the breast she was falling asleep in my arms so I started the nap process...sing to her, kiss her then put her down and start the shhh/pat. i started at 8:30 she fell asleep at 8:40 & i continued for another 10 mins. when she fell asleep i took the paci out of her mouth so it wouldn't wake her if it fell out. I was one min. away from stopping and her eyes opened wide. she started crying I picked her up calmed her and started all over again. it took me 15 mins. the next time she fell asleep so I took a quick shower. by the time I was out 10 mins. later she was up again. I started all over again. this time her eyes were closed and in the light sleep for 20 mins. I was ready to stop again and eyes opened wide. this time she was really awake. I left her in her cradle while I quickly got dressed and she just talked to herself then got bored 10 mins. later and started crying. By this time it almost time to start feeding again. This happens for all naps and first getting her down for the evening. I've spent over and hour and a half getting her down only to never have her go to sleep. I feel like I'm being the prop. what am I doing wrong. Also, the other night it took me from 7 - 11 to get her to sleep. she fights going to sleep and then misses her window gets over tired and then it's even harder to get her to sleep. she sleeps pretty good at night. 3.5-4 hours and will usually go back to bed w/out too much work. any suggestions would be helpful before I lose my mind!!

[Zoey]

Hi there and big hugs!  Congrats on your new baby!  The first few weeks are so whacky aren't they?

I think perhaps she is a touch overtired.  She can probably only tolerate 60m max from the time she wakes up until she should be in the crib being pat/shh'd again.  I know it seems like an impossible task to feed and change and do a wind down all in that small amount of time.  But your wind down doesn't have to be too involved at this age IMO. 

Perhaps wake her at 7am, change her and feed her.  You may need to stimulate her while she is feeding, sometimes undressing them a bit and draping a light blanket over you both helps, or rub her feet, talk to her - anything that you can do to keep her awake and eating.  If she starts to drift off, perhaps stop and burp her.  I remember sometimes it was so hard to keep Owen awake!  Around 745ish begin winding down - are you using the 4S's Tracy describes?  You can begin to pat/shh her swaddled and up on your shoulder, when she seems clam put her down into the crib - don't put her to sleep on your shoulder.  Give her a moment to see if you even need to pat/shh - if so... turn her on her side (we used a small blanket rolled up in front of O's tummy to hold him there) and pat/shh - go 7-10m past when you think she is sleeping then slow your patting and shhing.  I think this is important because I find it was startling to just stop suddenly.  Slower and slower then stop and leave your hand on her - watch her, if she still seems settled and sleeping let go and step back, watch her again, leave if she seems to be sleeping.  She may sleep about 1.5-2h.  If she wakes before that, you can try to go back in, reswaddle if needed and pat/shh again - repeating above.  Always wake for her due feeding, always stop and feed her at her due feeding time.  Always pick her up if she begins to cry hard, calm her up on your shoulder and then put her back in the crib and pat/shh there.

If she sleeps a short nap you will have to try to get her down sooner for the next one - which is hard when they feed for 40m I know!  You just do the best you can - the routine will never be perfect so don't strive for what looks perfect on paper, you will make yourself insane! 

I really think she is just overtired, try starting for the nap a bit earlier, and try your best to keep her awake and on task at her feeding.  I hope this helps some!  You're doing a great job, we just do the best we can trying to keep baby from getting overtired and go from there!  Hang in there!

Zoey

[brenda2]

is she swaddled?  like zoey said the 4 s's help with the wind down, and that was a good description she gave of pat/shhh.  if you pick her up though when she cries just be sure you're not doing pu/pd because she's way too young for this and it's too stimulating.  you want to stick to pat shh in the crib, andfor about 20 min after she falls asleep.

she's so young, you're doing great...it's just really tough when they're a newborn!

here's a link for you
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.0

[madisonbelle]

Yes, we've been swaddling her since coming home from the hospital. Madison got in two good naps today, and the second nap it only took me 10 mins. to get her down. It was very exciting.

But then this evening I fed her and tried to get her down only to not be successful. She ate for 30 mins. I noticed she was getting tired so I started w/ the 4 s's then put her down when she was calm and started the shh/pat. She was calm the whole time and about 10 mins into it her eyes started to close. She was asleep 5 mins. only to open her eyes wide 10 mins. later but not crying. The whole time I haven't stopped the shh/pat. so we start again (I just continue shh/pat I don't pick her up), this same pattern continued for over an hour. at which point she has a dirty diaper so she needs to be changed. She gets changed, happy to be up so dad took her for a quick walk before I have to feed her 20 mins. later. She's not jolting awake, it seems like 15 mins into the shh/pat if she's not really asleep she likes to open her eyes and then I know it'll be at least another 20 mins before she's asleep if at all. and this cycle keeps on happening. It gets hard because there have been times when she's gone like this and not have slept in between 2-3 feeding so then she's crazy tired. How long do I do the shh/pat in between feedings if she keeps waking up? do I do it for 2 hours?
Do I just keep continuing what I'm doing? I'm so confused.

[brenda2]

good job on the n aps yesterday!!  it feels good when it goes well doesn't it.  don't worry, you'll get there.  she's still really young to have it all figured out!   LOs work on their night time sleep from 0-3 months and then on naps from 3-6 months so just keep persevering even though it's tough.   

i remember when iwas first sleep training my DD who was 2.5 months at the time - she did a lot of falling asleep only to have the eyes pop open at 10 min, some days i felt like all i did was shhh pat all day.  i think you need to stay in with her for 20 min until she's in that deep sleep.

what is she doing when you're shhh patting?  crying?  fussing?

if she's screaming you should probably take a break from it after 40 min, do something not stimulating and try again in a little while.  if she's not crying i think it's ok to continue trying to get her to sleep with shh pat.  remember to feed her at the regular feed time.

i also think it's not a bad thing if she's crazy tired and you've tried to put her to sleep to take her out in the stroller and have her sleep there to catch up on sleep so she's not way too OT.

maybe some other members with newborns can chime in with their experiences - this time is so tough!  hugs to you 

[jme_malia]

OMG, this same thimg happened to me.  I think I had family in town for the first two months of my littl guys life.  It was so hard to get him on track because everyone wanted to hold him while he slept.  Lesson learned for myself, when baby number 2 comes around I will be very strict with the family as they aren't there at 2am to hold him to sleep when he's 3months old or so.

As for correcting what is going on.  I just had to be consistent with what I was trying to do per the BW books and eventually I felt like he forgot his bad habits that the family members created.  Good luck!