I know what I have to do...but how do I do it???

[AnnT]

My 6 month old DS is a 40 minute napper.  I know that in order to overcome this, he is going to have to learn to fall asleep on his own and break the OT cycle.  I just need some help figuring out HOW to do it...

We've fallen into a bad routine--first, I think he's constantly overtired.  When he wakes at 7am or so for the day, we BF, play in the Exersaucer or on the floor, eat some solids, sometimes go for a jog, and then wind down in the swing with soft music.  I usually have him napping again by 9-9:20ish.  Is this too long first thing in the morning?  What should the first A time be for a 6mo?

Second, our naptime ritual is flawed.  We change his diaper, shut the curtains, turn on white noise...then head to the rocking chair with the paci.  If I try putting him in his crib before he is completely out, he wakes up and cries to the point that I have to go back to holding him...screaming crying.  Later in the day, I think he gets OT, as he SCREAMS while being put down for his naps until he basically passes out in my arms.  How do I get him to fall asleep independently in his crib?  I know that I will have to take steps and not do this all at once, as Tracy said in her first book, but I'm not sure what these steps should be...

At night, we are getting closer to having him fall asleep independently.  He used to be nursed to sleep, but now he nurses as the last part of his bedtime routine, then wakes up as we burp him and set him in his crib.  It takes a few attempts, but eventually he falls asleep with me rubbing his back in the crib, and I sneak out.  I think we're making progress there...since he has started falling asleep in his crib, solids, and tummy sleeping, our NW have significantly decreased.  I think the falling-asleep-in his crib thing works at night because he is SO ready for bed...his last A time is usually around 2.5-3 hours, since he won't do a catnap.

[scorpionbec]

Hi there Ann,
I am not sure that I am going to be much help to you but I will let you know what i did and maybe you can take something from this and you never know it might actually give you some light.  Never know.  I started this when my LO was about 2 months old so the ages are a bit different.  I assume though that it could be just as effective because Tracy Hoggs always said that building trust is one of the best things when it comes to young children.

I was rocking and bouncing LO to sleep and on the chest sleeping was the most popular thing until LO was almost 2 months old.  I then tried to put LO into the cot on his own to sleep after reading the Baby whisperer and YES you guessed it he was not happy at all.  I would just start lowering him to the cot and he would be screaming already. 

I found that a lot of things helped me to rectify this situation.  Firstly, I know that you will have heard this a thousand times but I will repeat it.  Getting Malakai onto a EASY routine was the best thing ever.  He knows what to expect and when.  Secondly.  Ensure that your LO is getting sufficient food to keep him going.  I monitored what I was giving Malakai and noticed that a lot of the problem was he was not getting enough.  The fuller his belly was the more he could do in activity time and the better he slept.  Be careful not to overstimulate though.  Watch for cues of LO getting tired and act on them.  If it is earlier or later from the EASY routine that's ok just means that the nap might be shorter or longer.  Do not let LO nap for longer than 2 hours though otherwise it will rob the sleep time. Thirdly and more importantly the sleep/ nap thing.  Like I said earlier I would lower Malakai to the cot and he would scream.  It ended up taking about 2 days to fix this for me, It can take longer though.  As your LO is quite a bit older I would say that it could take up to a week or two.  When it came to nap time I would make sure that for 10 to 15 min before I tried to put him down for nap we would do things that would not over stimulate.  Like change nappy, have a little cuddle.  Very low key stuff.  I would then walk into his room stand next to the cot with him and if he was settled I would lower him into the cot.  He would scream so I would leave him in his cot for 1 min still standing there saying Mummy is here, It's just time for sleep in a calming voice over and over.  You can pat him at the same time I found this made it worse for my little one though so I would just put my hand on his back to show that I was there for him.  (my bubs will only sleep on his stomach so you may have your hand on his stomach if he sleeps on his back).  If he was still crying after a minute I would pick him up and the second he was settled again I would lower him and repeat.  If he did this for a whole nap time that was fine, he just missed out on that one.  I would just Feed and do activities as usual and try for the next nap time.  It is very time consuming but if you stick with it you will be rewarded with an angel sleeper.  I found that having a monkey soft toy in the cot that he would touch helped because it felt like my dressing gown and i slept with it for a couple of days first so it smelt of me too.  A dummy also is a comfort for him but if it falls out it does not bother him because this method has taught him to put himself back to sleep.  I now can go to friends places for the footy and walk him into a spare room, put him down for nap/sleep and he will hold his monkey suck his dummy and go straight to sleep.  Sometimes he will talk himself to sleep as much as a 3 month old can.  We are then able to watch the footy ball yelling and screaming at the TV and he won't even stir and if he does he is able to put himself to sleep again. 

Just to let you know.  I was not a fan of dummies but it is a comfort thing for him at night and he is not totally reliant on it so it has been a great thing in the end.  Malakai does not like a dummy unless he is going to sleep and if we don't have it he still will go to sleep fine it just takes a little longer for him to put himself to sleep and you hear him talking to himself a little more.

This has worked a gem.  Malakai sleeps from 1830 until 0630 without a single peep.  i do dream feed at 2200 but he does not stir. 

Let me know what you think and how it goes if you choose to give all this a go

[AnnT]

scorpionbec -- Thank you for taking the time to post and offer advice!  I know that it's going to take awhile to change things, and that I will have to be consistent to do so.  As soon as I figure out appropriate A times for James, I will try to put him down independently.  I'm thinking that I can't do this when he's OT.

Question...did you ever take your son to nap a bit early those days you were training him, knowing that it would be difficult to put him down, so that he did not get OT?  Or is OT just a part of training?

[scorpionbec]

Hi there Ann,
No I try to get in before he is OT.  Sometimes you will miss the cues and won't you know it but he will get used to putting himself to sleep even when he is OT.  Malakai is able to put himself to sleep when he is OT but it takes a little longer and he will lie there with short bursts every now and then that sound like cries but aren't.  Let me know how you go

[AnnT]

So I guess I have to make sure James does not get overtired, then slowly get him used to going into his crib independently.  Right now, as soon as I sit down with him in his darkened room to wind down, he screams.  It's like he knows a nap is coming and doesn't want to go down.  So I can't put him in his crib like that...

I am thinking I will have to break the OT cycle first, right?  Should I resort to using AP to do this?  (Or continue using AP, rather?)

Then, I have been reading Elizabeth Pantley's book and her suggestions for gentle removal, which I guess I'll have to use combined with weaning the paci.  So...put him down as soon as his eyes close the first few days, then put him down when he gets relaxed, then no more chair and just standing by crib, then ...?  Does this sound right?  I'm so confused.

Should I just be looking to do PU/PD instead?  Would that be better/quicker/easier?

[scorpionbec]

Maybe try to make the cot a happy place to be.  In the morning when James wakes up place some toys in the cot to play with.  When it is nap time don't make the room dark and glum.  If he can nap in a bright room with noise he will be a much better sleeper for it.  It takes a while but James will get used to it.  Like they say it won't happen over night but it will happen and there will be plenty of tantrums and crying to go with it.  Just remember he is not mad at you he is just not sure what is going on because it is something new.  
Definately do not keep going with the accidental parenting.  Just go straight into it I would say.  Straight into the cot again.  James will fight it but as long as you are consistant it will happen and you will be so much happier for it.  Both of you.  Keep the door to his room open and the curtains open.  Walk in place james in the cot and maybe do the last half of play time in the cot.  Take him out then change him do the winde down then try the nap ritual.  Place him down and wait a minute if he is still crying pick him up then hold him til he stops crying.  The second he stops crying place him back in the cot and try again.  This won't work straight away and it will seem like you are getting no where but after a couple of days Wham it's happened and there will be no more fighting for nap time.  Don't give up.  Even if it takes the whole nap time.  If he misses out on nap time that is fine just feed and Activity as usual and then try for the nap next time.  James will be tired and probably wear himself out.  When you place James in the cot keep talking to him.  Hold your hand on his stomach/back and say something along the lines of.  Mummy is here, it's only nap time.  Mummy will be here when you wake up.  Over and over again.  The pick up Put down has nothing to do with the eyes.  It is more that you form a trust bond.  If he is getting distressed mummy is there for him.  This teaches him to put himself to sleep and teaches him that mummy is there for him.  It is a good idea to get your partner involved as much as possible too.  Takes the stress off you and builds the trust between them as well