Thanks Kate!
That's really interesting about breakfast. I had been giving him a bottle as soon as he woke up, but the other day I offered some cereal instead and he was happy with that. I just have to get some more healthy breakfast stuff now and maybe that will have a good effect on both problems.
The sleeping thing has gotten a million times better in a short time!!! I was so afraid of trying wi/wo and now I regret not trying it before. It's been maybe 5 nights now since the last time I spent hours in his room. It wasn't even that bad. I have gotten a kind of routine going: I give both kids a bath, then take them to ds' room and get clothes on both of them and give them a bottle if they want it. Then I take dd to her room and give ds a book to read while I'm in there. Dd has been falling asleep pretty easily lately, although she does wake up a cople of times after ds is asleep. So then I go back to ds' room, we read a book, I turn off the lights, we say a prayer and then I tell him I have to go wash his bottles and I will be back. He always asks me to leave the door open, so I just make sure the lights in the hallway are turned off too and then walk out. He usually calls me a couple of times and I go over there and kiss him and tell him I'll be in the other room and will be back in a while and he ends up falling asleep on his own. Last night he did get up a couple of times asking to go to the bathroom but when I put him back in his room he didn't even ask me to stay anymore. He just hugged a little felt penguin that my sister gave him, and a little batman figure that my brother gave him and closed his eyes while I left. This is nothing short of a miracle. Seriously. I am so grateful for this. One step closer to a saner, non screaming mom!!!
Thank you all for your advice, hopefully this will continue getting better.