Desperate for help with WI/WO...my girl has gone mad!!!

[speechie]

Yay! So glad she's doing better and you've gotten your usual angel baby back! Lucky woman!

[Vicku]

Great news Anne! Only caught up just now as been ill and off BW for a few days. I hope the good times continue!

[momof2ns]

You are all giving me hope!  My almost-22 month old has been fighting her naps and bedtime like you wouldn't believe.  She too has always been a good sleeper.  She likes her sleep and her crib.  I would put her down and she would say "night-night mommy" and I would leave the room, just like that.  In the past few weeks, nap time has become more difficult and in the last few days it has moved to bedtime too.  My DH usually ends up going in to her room while she's crying and she quiets down for him more easily than for me.  I'm glad he's able to quiet her down, but am SOOOO annoyed that she won't do it for me!!  It was strange though...he went out of town a couple of weeks ago, and she slept GREAT for me.  It's almost like she's playing us against each other?!

I think the nap problem started, because she has started falling asleep in the car quiet a bit.  Unfortunately, her nap time coincides with the time I have to pick up my 4 year old son from school, so she will often fall asleep on the way home from picking him up.  I don't mind this, as she's easy to transfer, but on the days she doesn't fall asleep, it's a mess!  I don't really have the option of laying with her, or staying in her room, as I have my son home who needs my attention too.  As for bedtime, it's getting worse instead of better.  My DD does have a cold right now, so I'm wondering if that as something to do with it.  I always wonder at what point I'm making excuses instead of figuring out what the problem is. 

My DS was a TERRIBLE sleeper as a baby, and at 18 months, we had to let him cry it out.  It killed me, but we had tried EVERYTHING else, and I was totally exhausted.  Because of my son, it was my goal in life to make my daughter a good sleeper.  I found the BW when my DD was about 2 months old, and by 3 months, she was sleeping through the night (THANK YOU BW!!)  Now that my DD is almost 22 months, I feel we need a new way to fix her sleeping habits.  With my DS it became a game...how many times will Mom and Dad come back in?  I don't want the same thing to happen with my DD.

Any advice you may have would be much appreciated.  Thank you so much!
momof2ns

[We Three]

Ugh...sorry to hear all that!!!  I so feel your pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Well, as you just read, for us it just kind of ended. I was SO scared that she was forever changed, but that little episode lasted just 6 days.  For me the wi/wo made amtters worse, but then her crying became more of a mantra-cry, honestly it sounded at times like she was really working to keep at it, this very monotone wail.  (in the begiining it was hysteria, but that changed after about 3 days) When it was the mantra cry, I let it go....sat on the steps and died a thousand deaths, thinking I was scarring my kid for life!!!! But if I would go in, she went even crazier, and the crying would become hysteria again.
 Have you tried wi/wo??  Just go in, lay her back down give her whatever, her blankie, binkie.....but don't speak, don't engage.  The theory behind this is that you are being responsive, so she knows you care, (plus you can check and make sure that nothing is really wrong) but yet she also learns that although you care, it IS still bedtime, and you're not getting her out of there.

When your dh goes in, what does he do? Does he pick her up? And if so, he is then able to put her back down?

I found comfort in what ennypen said, that if it's a kid who's always been a great sleepr, then it's probably just a phase.

[momof2ns]

I have the same problem with WI/WO.  I must admit I'm not that good at not talking to her, but it's hard when she's talking to me!  When I walk in, she stops crying immediately, but when I walk out, she's worse than before I went in.  When my dh goes in, she also stops right away.  Usually he does pick her up, and often he is able to her down and she stops crying.  He'll say "no more crying, okay?" and she'll say OK and that will be that.  Sometimes she'll start up again in a few minutes, sometimes she will be all done.  Right now I'm listening to mantra cries.  I'll hear her stop to listen and hear whether or not we're coming.  That's why I always question whether or not the cries are genuine.  I hate this though.

I'm hoping with all my heart that it is just a phase, but I'm still not sure what to do to help her through the phase...do I comfort her and help her fall asleep, or is that just AP and will make the phase last longer?  Do I do the sleep training or is it not needed, because she's generally a good sleeper?  I just feel so badly because she's already stuffy and not feeling great...I know the crying doesn't help that.

I wish there was a black and white solution.  I know it's not the case....I just wish.

Thanks for your support in this!

[malialeanne]

Hi there. I'm going through something similar with my DD, 24 mos old. She's spirited and we had a hard time with sleep as a newborn but thanks to BW she's been an awesome sleeper for the last 18 mos. Lately she started doing *exactly* what Amelia described--she becomes wild and hysterical, clawing at me and climbing. If I try to lie her back down it becomes a wrestling match. I've tried holding her and rocking--that stops the crying but she WON'T go back to sleep (she never nursed or rocked to sleep, even as a nb). She just starts talking to me. If I sit by her crib until she sleeps, she bolts awake if I so much as breathe, forget about leaving the room with our creaky hardwood floors!

We could never to pu/pd with her, it wound her up too much, and wi/wo is the same. I've been having some success with doing an extra long, comforting winddown, that helps her settle much more quickly about 50% of the time, and the other 50%, I stand outside the door. I set the kitchen timer for 5 minutes, that gives me a perspective on how long it is, because even 60 seconds of crying feels like an hour. After 5 mins I go back in, I don't lay her back down (useless) I just say "time for sleep, mommy loves you, night night" and leave again. The most horrible part is she yells "owie owie mommy" but I know from experience that she's learned that it's the best way to get me back in there...still really hard, though.

I feel like she needs me but I don't really know how to be there for her because my presence does NOT help her sleep.

I've learned that for whatever reason, she NEEDS to fall asleep on her own without me in there. If she would let me hold her to sleep, I would TOTALLY do it in a HEARTBEAT!!! I agree with pp that you can always undo any AP later, and most likely, they will go back to their old sleep habits on their own anyway.

Ugh! It's so hard though!

[We Three]

Oh, Girls....I am sorry for you both...I know it's awful, and I can relate to EVERYTHING you wrote, and I had all of those same concerns...

I know it's so hard to know what to do when one one hand you want to be there when  need you, but on the other hand, you want to instill these routines and not start bad habits.  It's so hard to know what's "right".  I'm not sure if we ever do!!

I don't think I can take any credit for my dd gtting through this....she just decided to stop as suddenly as she began.   Perhaps it was a delayed reaction to our move to our new house (2 months ago??)  or perhaps it was a new bout of SA.

For us, *not* going in for the mantra cry worked.  REAL crying, we were going in at 5 minute incrememnts.  When it got really bad, I rocked her in her room, and when I couldn't put her back down (she bolted awake if I moved) I did bring her into our bed for the first time in her life!!! I was terrified that I would have a 5 year old in bed with us, but I shouldn't have worried. I even wish that I relxed long enough to enjoy sleeping all curled up with her.

Dh had success with keeping her awake an extra 30 minutes, and holding her after story time until she was starting to nod off....so malialeanne I'd keep at it!!!

I can only hope this phase passes for you guys, too!! Go with your gut....that's the only advice I can give.  Momof 2, if you feel that she isn't feeling well, then I might just do whatever it takes to help her, and clean up from the AP later.

Fingers crossed!!