The ridiculously long post, below had some ideas. Even if you're not going to give shh patt a go, worth taking a look as gives you an idea on how to start GW (doing sp without the sp, IYKWIM.
* Our wind-down: I swear by a short but rock solid consistent wind-down routine: Ours is a walk upstairs to his room; change nappy; put on sleeping bag; close curtains (and blind, both with blackout lining) saying bye bye sky, clouds, sun; put on music (plays throughout nap on a repeat; a quick slow smooch of a dance for 30 seconds or so to get his head in the right space and then into bed; key phrase 'time to sleep'. 5 mins usually. Hasn't changed in many months. At night, this stretches a little: toys put away, upstairs for a play (chasing around like madmen to wear DS out), bath (last few mins are quiet), dry and dress ( I put clothes and sleeping bag on radiator while in bath so it's all warm), good-nights at the window (sky, stars, moon), story, prayers, BF, goodnight cuddle, bed.
* A time cool-down: The other thing I do (particularly if tweaking A or if he's a bit funny) is have a cool down of 5 - 10 mins just before wind-down. So nothing electronic and noisy, no rushing about with a trolley etc.
* Constant sound or music: I play music constantly (same CD on loop, a diff one for night sleep) and it helped us a little. White noise also has got some mums great results.
* Making the bedroom a friendly safe place they know & like: make sure the bedroom hasn't become a battle ground so perhaps let him have a play around in there (nothing exciting, more exploring) after a nap, casually - unless you do this already. If there's been sleep troubles, they can get wound up going into their room. Could also just stand at the window with him for a bit, reinforcing that it's a nice relaxing, safe place to be. Not a scary place they need to be rescued from.
* Pain meds / teething: when something's disturbing my DS's sleep, I give him meds. The teeth can disturb them and be really uncomfortable (I imagine) without them crying out in pain. They can be moving long before they show and can disturb sleep. I think they seem to suffer more with them when they lie down to sleep. I also put on bonjela teething gel before naps if I think DS may be teething just so the discomfort holds of while he goes to sleep. There's some homeopathic tablets that some of the Mum's here recommend as they have great results with these.
* You: pretend, act, do anything to be sing-song calm when putting him down. Lots of affection and reassurance during A when there's nap bother. No clashing or fighting - with my DS, we used to clash over what we wanted (I wanted him to sleep; he didn't want to be 'made' to) and horns would lock. Find a way of making sleep what he wants (getting the A times bang on helps with this), being supportive and caring while he drives you bonkers. I found this next to impossible but it works.... If my LO senses anger, frustration, desparation, tears etc, it's impossible for me to leave. He clings through the bars because he's scared and doesn't want to be left alone. You are their world...it must be terrifying for them. So I learnt from experience that faking the calm, serene Mama works best (even when I'm in tears outside the door a few minutes later).
* OT: I have a rule that we still stick to now. If OT and the usual thing (SP or GW) isn't working, then we AP to get DS to sleep by whatever means neccessary. I had 3 options I knew: pram (didn't always work for me), car (90% success here) and my snuggled against my chest (was 100% now 5%! ). I'd pop him in the car first of all, check he was warm enough and drive. He woke if car stopped (rushhour was a 'mare), same with a pram. I would drive for hours if necessary around and around and around. Dual carriageways, ringroads, motorway...anything to get him asleep and see off the OT demons. The next nap we'd get back to that bed and try again.
* If bed isn't LO's favourite place, try the afternoon nap somewhere else that they like so they get a break of scene before nighttime. I did the pram for the afternoon nap. Slept better with fresh air, helped me get out and feel a little more human.
I started shh patt at 8 or 9 weeks when I discovered BW, thank GOD. Until then DS was a babe in arms and only slept on me, or by trickery. Don't go beating yourself up when you need to AP to get through tough times. Don't beat yourself up at all.
So shh pat. It got my LO off my chest and into his crib pn the first go so I am a massive fan. I think for some babies the combination of shh and patt can be too much (the closer they got to 3 months I found). This is what I did to get him off me and in that crib, and stay there:
* make that crib nice and cosy: I stuffed a couple of hand towels rolled up down the sides so it was soft and snug against his body. When he was really tiny I also took off the top I was wearing (so it smelled like what comforted him) and popped it in there too (side or underneath. A muslin that's spent a few hours under my top, tucked in my bra also worked well - folded and tucked along where a pillow would be. Great for spitups.... Oh, and a wheattie or heatpack or hot water bottle to warm up the bed just a little helped me too. Or put the blanket on a warm radiator first. Anything that would make you feel cosier if you were them, IYKWIM?
* find a rhythm that works for you both: the first time I tried shh patt it didn't work. I was shhhing like a banshee; loudly, too fast, too stressed to be relaxing and sounded panicky. Enter DH who (less stressed and tired) found a rhythm for us. My shhh sounds, to me, like water coming in over pebbles in the tide and back out again...so it's stronger in the middle and long. Then I got my pat rhythm too, I tried the tick tock tick tock (I'd used a heart beat rhythm previously and that worked well too). Very gentle pat on middle of upper back. I kept in my head what it was meant to simulate: womb noises, the wooshing of fluids and the tick tock of your heart. Your LO's used to that sound; comfort. You're recreating it. Not loud, not stressed, not panicked...just gentle and try to tune out if you know what I mean? Sounds unbelievably anal but over a count / beat of 8 (tick tock = 2), my shh lasted 6. Silence for 2 counts and then ssshing started again. The pat was constant. To keep calm, I tried to think back to the times I would pat my tummy gently (or rub) when DS was on the inside and had hick-ups. We had more success when I was in that mindset.
* right then. shh patt him while holding him over your shoulder or, if you can, in a cradle position (less noticeable when LO's laid down). Keep it going: if screaming, be a little louder so LO can hear (but not so it's loud and scary) and quieter when they quiet down. As soon as you feel that lovely little body going a little more limp and floppy get ready for your move...and keep patting... and shhing...do not stop....now move them into the sleeping position still in your arms...still patting, shhing, still your warmth. Now start moving into the crib / bed, still spspspspsp. lay down gently and keep your face close to theirs (oddly warm breath near his cheek would often resettle my LO when being moved), once you've laid down, keep spspspsps. Hard so you might need to lay on side to reach back or start patting on chest (I found back hard after a while so I started patting chest before I laid down and continued in crib), keep it going but start easing off the volume and the pressure of the pat, slowing both gently. I did this until he was in a deep sleep. And sometimes he'd wake, and the SP would begin again (while still in crib whenever I could). Sometimes I'd fall asleep SP'g. Gradually (but as quick as you feel you can) start doing less and less of the sp to get them to sleep: so aim to get them in their bed, comfortable and ready for sleep. Initially, wait with them until you know they're in the deep sleep. When I was desparate for DS to get a really good sleep, I'd stay with him so that if he stirred after 30 or 45 mins, I could get him back to sleep very quickly and with little effort (often just the gentle pressure of a hand on his chest could be enough). Investing time early on pays off; leave the room too early when they're just in a light sleep and you could be doing it all over again...
*going down sleepy but awake: great to do this if you can. I couldn't initially. DH would put him in asleep, after a few mins of sleep in arms with SP (still SPg). I would put DS in as soon as I felt his head flop a little then get him to deep sleep in crib. Over the space of a week, I put him in the crib earlier and did less SP to get him to sleep. So...initially when his head flopped a little (just fallen asleep). Next time, just as head flops. Then just as body goes limp and relaxed but before the head flop... do you see what I mean. While in the bed, gradually do less SP to get them asleep. The shh pat is the means of you sneaking them into that bed without their noticing, IYKWIM
* keep an eye on the road ahead: where you are heading - to be able to take your baby and, after a wind-down, lay them in their bed awake and leave them to put themself to sleep. It may seem madness, but it's where you want to get to. So everything you do should be a move towards independent sleep (there are times you can't. AP with rocking etc can be necessary when you both need rest). Over time (a couple of naps, a few days, a week - depends on babe) SP slows and eases off so it's your hand on chest with a little gentle pressure. And then nothing at all
* cries whenever you lay him down: If you were in the cosiest place you can imagine, you'd be vocal when moved. You are warm, soft, smell like home and comfort and LO's world. Snuggled up with you is where they want to be more than anything so any move from this isn't really met with great joy. The aim is to get them so relaxed and focused on the sp that they don't really notice the move (helps if you're moving them somewhere warm!) and feel that you are still near (breath, warmth, pressure of patt initially). They don't know the bed is safe. But you do. Sounds obvious but in the frustrating sleep deprived hours I had to remind myself of that all the time to keep my sanity: babies are not rational.
My LO cried everytime put down for the first few days I think. And sometimes does now. If LO's distressed and upset, pick up and keep the sp going til they're relaxed again. And start the move again...frustrating, much? I tried to comfort in crib wherever possible, but sometimes it's not. Judge quickly the type of cry - a resettlable grizzle or an all out 'I need you' cry. I'd pick up if the latter and resettle with SP in arms; I'd try to resettle a grizzley cry in the crib but not always possible.
* Crying. This is a personal choice. Lots of mums have success by leaving a mantra cry to settle itself and then go in if it hasn't stopped after x minutes. I never leave my LO to cry really, especially when sleep training, because leaving it hasn't worked for us. With mantra I reassure with voice as much as possible (usually outside the door, over a monitor) and then leave it a 30 seconds or a few minutes to settle himself. With the other cries, I go straight in and reassure (kiss on head, stroke cheek, soft voice for key phrase ' time to sleep') and then start backing off, slowly. I found with DS, letting him cry a few minutes actually worked against us - he seemed to feel abandoned and was awful to resettle. He settles himself a lot now (I think he knows he can do it, and that if he needs us he just has to belt out a cry). CIO is a whole bag full of hurt and will take a lot of hardwork to repair the trust, and destroys your heart while you leave them crying.
It's a horrifically really long post and I'm sorry. Just trying to give you everything I can think of to help you. Be patient, be calm, find your rhythm.
HTH
Charlotte
