Help - 18 m.o won't go to sleep in her crib!

[twiggypiggy]

Hi ladies,

Our 18 m.o DD was a great sleeper until a week ago.  She'd sleep from 8p-8a, and a nap for 1-2.5 hours during the day.  Last Thursday all changed out of the blue.  Now, she fights going to bed.  At her regular bed and nap time, we'd put her in her crib and she'd jump/bounce right back up crying.  We'd let her CIO only to find her asleep standing up or kneeling down holding to the bed rail!  If we try to put her down she'd wake up, jump up and cry immediately.  Every morning at around 3 or 4 am she'd wake up crying.  We'd go check on her and she'd want milk.  The first few mornings she cried for a couple of hours, these past 2 mornings at least she'd go back to sleep after having some milk and crying for a couple of minutes.  We'd have to wake her up at 830a just so her routine isn't too messed up.

She is having 4 canines and 2 molars coming in (they all have broken through). We've given her Motrin, Hyland's teething tablets, Orajel etc and nothing seems to solve the sleep problem. Besides she doesn't seem to be bothered by the teething at all during the day.  She'd fall asleep in the car or in her stroller with no problem!  As a matter of fact,she napped for 2.5 hours in her stroller today.  Why doesn't she want to go to sleep in her crib?!?

We just had a new baby 3.5 weeks ago, could it be the reason for her behavior? 

What should we do?  Continue to let her CIO/Ferberize her?  I am hoping someone has been through this and can shed some light and provide some good advice/support?  How long is it going to last?  Between the newborn and a toddler who fights sleeping I am just exhausted! 

Thanks!

Twiggy

[Peek-a-boo]

Oh, hun, big {{{hugs}}}.  It sounds like some you've had a convergence of big things happen with really unfortunate timing.  I'd be feeling pretty frantic, exhausted, and desperate too.  Can I just encourage you to stop using either CIO or Ferberizing?  I don't know if you're familiar with Baby Whisperering, but we really believe that using CIO/Ferberizing is never the right solution.  Both those methods compromise your child's trust and can leave your child frightened of her crib. 

Those canine teeth and molars are incredibley painful teeth and if she has multiples coming in at once she may be in a lot of pain.  (My mother loves to tell how my older sister stayed awake for 24 hours straight at one point when cutting her canine teeth).  I know it's confusing when you don't see evidence that the teeth bug her during the day, but, truly, I think during the day when there are distractions, etc, it's totally different than when she lies down and tries to relax.  So, I'd definitely continue with whatever meds your doctor has recommended.

I imagine that, yes, having a new baby has thrown your DD for a loop.  It's very typical when baby is getting tons of attention that the older child (especially with a close age gap like this) would have a regression in sleep habits.  She's probably feeling out her place in this new order and--no matter how careful you've been--feeling pushed aside.  To be honest, I'd suspect that the CIO is seriously compounding that.  I imagine it's reaffirming her fear that indeed, now that this new baby has come home, she's on her own. 

Since she used to fall asleep independently, I'd encourage you to use the walk in/walk out method to reassure her that you will come when she needs you, but that ultimately she needs to fall asleep in the crib.  The other option baby whisperer would recommend at this age is the gradual withdrawal method, but I think wi/wo is probably better in your situation.  You can read about both here:  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

Here's an overview of how to do wi/wo:

WI/WO Method

Follow your bedtime routine being certain that your child has sufficiently wound down from the day.  When wind down is completed, lay your child down, tuck them in and use a phrase they can associate with it's sleep time such as "time to go night-night you can find your blankie/pacifier/suck your thumb/etc. to help you fall asleep."  Leave the room.  Stand outside of your child's door and assess the situation.  It's important to distinguish between different types of cries and identify when your child is truly upset and when they may be settling themselves.  Remain outside the room if your child is making fussy-type cries or noises.  If crying is starting then stopping, hang back and wait.  If crying escalates go in to resettle your child.  Repeat your phrase "time to go night-night you can find your blankie/pacifier/suck your thumb/etc. to help you fall asleep" and leave again.  Comforting should be brief and you should avoid picking up your child.

Upon leaving the room again, wait outside the door and reassess the situation.  The amount of time you wait is determined by how your child is reacting inside.  The key is to hang back enough to give your child space to fall asleep independently, but to respond to truly upset cries.

At first glance this may seem a bit like Ferberizing, but they key difference is that you are out of the room for much shorter amounts of time AND, most importantly, your decision to return is based on the quality of your DD's cry, not an arbitrary pre-determined time schedule.  You want to communicate to her that you will come when she needs you.  Because you have used CIO, when you first do this method, it may really take a long time at first as she may be afraid that you won't return.  Every time you leave and come back you will be rebuilding her trust and making her feel that it is in fact safe to settle to sleep with you out of the room because you will return reliabley. 

I would use this method at all sleeps and any night wakings.

Now, if I were you, I would definitely try to rally help.  You can't do this and manage a new baby on your own.  Your husband, mother, MIL, neighbor, anyone who has offered you help--take them up on it.  If you have to be the one to do it at night, try to line up help for the next day so that you can nap when baby is napping.

Huge {{{hugs}}}.  I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must be feeling right now.