18mo with LOTS of LOOONG NW's - Help!

[becky1969]

Big (((Hugs)))) on getting DH to follow BW.  I so know where you're at.  I had the same trouble convincing *my* DH.  Here, I had read all the BW books and even become a mod and he STILL thought his ideas about sleep were right based on the fact that...well, they were his ideas! No books to justify, no evidence, no putting it in practice.  He just simply thought he knew how it worked, so there.  It probably wasn't until my son was about 2 that my DH finally understood the whole OT phenomenon -- up until that, he just thought I called ALL sleep problems OT! LOL!


I would make a deal with your DH.  Tell him that you want to follow this new routine for 7 days.  YOU will get up with her at 4:30 in the morning if that's when she wakes for the day.  If after 7 days it's not helping, then you'll try his crazy idea of a 2 pm nap etc.  But ask him please, please, PLEASE to commit for the 7 days.  It can't start working until you start doing it!  And right now things are only going to get worse in an OT cycle.  I really believe that will make all the difference for her.  Also, tell him that 10 hour nights is a classic OT sign (not that he'll care) and that she really should be sleeping 12 hours at night.  Since he's a man, he probably thinks 10 hours is a long night for a child (since as adults we only sleep 8 max) -- so he may not even be aware that your goal is 12.  Let him know what the sleep goals are and just ask him to commit for 7 days with you.  Now that you're well, too, you won't be as dependent on him doing the sleep stuff.

HTH!

[vegmom]

DH and I talked; I even had him read your last post. He is willing to try the 5A time and be consistent with it. Except he wants to shift her entire schedule back so that her bedtime is later (at about 8pm) so that it fits in with our family routine better. If it's not one thing, it's another that we have different ideas about! LOL So he proposes that we hold her if need be in the morning so that she sleeps until 7:30am, then I put her down for her nap at 1pm and HOLD HER until 3pm (he's making a huge assumption here that she will even sleep at those times being held), and then put her to bed at 8pm. And then he believes that after doing all this for a week or two or however long it takes, she will start sleeping thru the night. I believe that could cause MORE problems and make things worse. If she was taking a 2 hour nap, her bedtime WOULD be later, but for some reason, she will not sleep more than 1 hr 20 mins on a good day! And maybe that is just what will be normal for her, but we need to get 12 hour nights out of her then.

BTW, we have done a lot of AP the past month b/c of illnesses. I am actually sick again and so is Ashlinn. Part of me feels like we shouldn't be trying anything drastic until we're all completely well. Do you think that some of her NWs are out of habit and could be helped by WI/WO when she's better?

[becky1969]

Absolutely wait until she's well.  Everyone (or almost everyone!) has to use some AP techniques when a child is sick.  The BW philosophy is that we comfort them when they are in pain or ill.  That means all sleep training is put on hold until they are well.  Now, that doesn't mean you can't stick to the A times I've suggested! But it may mean you cuddle her to sleep more than you normally would b/c she's uncomfortable etc.  Also, when children are sick they often have trouble handling A times that used to be fine for them -- being sick can make her more prone to being OT, which is just making the NWs etc. worse than they would be otherwise.

Your DH's idea is not a good one.  Your child is going to sleep as long as she's going to sleep.  Delaying nap or holding her to 'help her sleep longer' simply aren't going to work.  Tell him that once the NWs are eliminated I will absolutely 100% guarantee that I will help you guys get on an 8-8 schedule.  That's fine! Every family should pick a routine that blends with their lives.  I have my son on a 9-9 routine because I work 40 hours/week but only when he sleeps so it helps me to have a long stretch in the morning to work.  So as you can see I'm not against an 8 pm bedtime at all.  However, we can't get her bedtime moved until we beat the OT monster and have her sleeping thru the night.  Once *that's* accomplished, we can get that bedtime moved later so that it works better for your family.

Make sense?

[becky1969]

P.S. Kudos to your DH for wanting so badly to have time with his DD after work. It's a commendable goal, but his methods are a little screwy (sorry DH!).