Author Topic: I'm exhuasted - pls help!  (Read 1734 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« on: October 05, 2009, 12:02:44 pm »
Hi,

I have a 7 month old.  He's eating too much at night and not enough during the day.  When he's going well he has a DF between 10-11pm and wakes at 3am for a BF.

However, at the moment he's in the habit of waking at 1am and 4am in addition to the 3am feed.  There are a couple of causes for this that are our fault:
(1)  I accidentally fell asleep a couple of times with him in the spare bed in his room while BF at 3am
(2)  He's outgrowing his nappies and he ends up wetting himself as they are too full by 4am
(3)  He's got a paci

But could it also be attributed to separation anxiety?  Our presence really helps him settle down but when we leave he starts crying again.  We're absolutely exhausted from settling him 3 times a night.  I read the thread about walk in/walk out and we do that already.  He's just really, really unsettled.  Should we plan to sleep in his room in the spare bed next to him for a couple of nights as per the separation anxiety thread?

Once he's back to waking just once per night (3am) I'd like to start working on getting rid of the 3am.  We tried once and he was inconsolable.  He really is hungry at this hour but then he has a light breakfast because he's not super hungry after the 3am feed.  Do I just need to pat/shhh from 3am to 6am??  (It feels like he'll cry the whole way through!!)

I guess I just want some reassurance that this is a good plan.  And any extra advice would be appreciated!

Then how do we get rid of the 10/11pm DF?  And will that screw up our good work on getting rid of the 3am feed?

Cheers,
Suzan

Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2009, 12:56:50 pm »
OK, let's deal with one thing at a time before worrying about getting rid of the other night feeds.

Easiest things first. Night nappies. You can buy a specialist night nappy, whether you'er using disposables or cloth), and you can buy a size larger than he wears during the day. You can even 'double diaper', literally just put two nappies on. That will get him through til morning.

He's really too young for walk in walk out, we don't usually start that until 11 or 12 months old. How are you settling him when he wakes at night, with sh-pat? Can he control the dummy himself (ie find it and put it in when he wakes)? Do you think he's waking up because he needs you to give him his dummy back (and a bit of extra help)?





Offline b0nni3

  • BW Aficionado
  • ***
  • Showing Appreciation 5
  • Posts: 198
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2009, 19:32:23 pm »
At 7 mo our LO was able to fish around for a paci so we started throwing an assortment of pacis in the crib (about 3-4) so that he could "fish" for one if he lost it and didn't need us to help him anymore. So you might consider that. When you put him down, show him where all the pacis are. He will probably play with them for a while before he goes to sleep but it's all about getting him used to knowing that pacis are all around so he doesn't need you to get it for him.

I would not drop the DF until you have gotten rid of the 3am feed. (It took us about a week, but we didn't drop the DF until he was closer to 9 months old.) We dropped the DF when it was clear he was having 3 good meals of solids a day, which was at around 9 months.


Mama to T (Oct '08) and J (Mar '11)!

Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2009, 21:31:19 pm »
Thanks ladies!

Ok, after my post, of course the baby acted out of the ordinary and slept right through!  He went to bed an hour late because we had been out for dinner.  Then at the DF I found he was wet already.  We changed him at 11pm and put him down and he slept until 7.45am!!!!!!!  This is unusual though.  But due to his lovely feed this morning we may have more chance at having a settled baby tonight.

Nappies - I'm getting the next size up.  I'll go out today and buy them.  That should fix the "wetting" problem.  This is a new problem because he has grown out of this size even though the box says it should fit him for a while yet.

Paci - I will start putting a selection of dummies in the crib today.  He does know how to put one in although doesn't always get the right end in, especially when upset.  Sometimes I go in and he's crying for it and it's right under his nose!  So I think he just wants me to put it in!!  On the flip side, in the evening I actually try to feed him and put him down without one.  This is a new thing and most nights he is actually quite happy to sleep without one.  Probably only 20% of the time during the night is the paci the reason he wants me there.  But I'll knock that over with adding extras to the crib and teach him to find them.  Might start putting some around his play mat in the lounge room and let him play with them.

Settling - Yes, shh/pat.  On the very rare occassion he  needs pu/pd.  My DH had to stay on the spare bed in there the other night from 4am -5am and every 3 mins the baby would cry and he would shhh/pat.   Not quite sure what bub wants.  He has a paci, had just been fed at 3am.  Company???  To sleep with us??  Snack??

Meals - He's on 4 BF a day, DF at night, 3am  BF.  He's also having 3 solid meals a day and I feed him until he refuses food so he's definately getting enough at each meal.  Should I add snacks during the day too??  Feels like I'd be feeding him non stop then but maybe he needs it??

Thanks for all your help!

Suz :)


Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2009, 07:25:32 am »
The other thing you can try with the dummies is to sew several onto a muslin cloth, practice with it during the daytime, that way if he can find the cloth in the dark he can find a dummy, and no danger of putting it in back to front.

The NWs could be a routine issue, can you post your routine in EASY format?





Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2009, 09:18:03 am »
Thanks Anna - that's a good tip!

Ok...routine...here's a sample.  He's changing constantly so it tweaks here and there but here is a pretty normal one...

Wakes at 6am.

6am - hubby takes him for 1 hour while I sleep until 7am

E - BF 7am, Solids 8.00am
S - 8.30am.  Sleep - 1.5hrs

E - BF 10.00am, Solids 12pm
A - 10.30am
S - 1pm (Sleep - 45mins)

E - BF 2pm
A - 2.20pm
S - 5pm (will take a quick 20min nap sometimes other times nothing)

Evening routine...
6pm - solids dinner
Bath, read a story in his room
7pm - BF then bed (usually happy to go down, no paci needed most times)

10-11pm - DF
3am - BF

Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2009, 10:33:03 am »
I think he might be a bit overtired, he's not getting much sleep after 10am, and he's doing a 13 hour day too. I'd try pushing that 1pm nap back a bit later to see if you can get a longer nap. 45 mins naps are often a sign that LO wasn't quite tired enough when he went to sleep. If the nap is still short, I'd do a third nap at 4.30pm. And from a 6am wake up, I'd try to have him asleep for 6.30, to see if that helps.

Another question is whether you think he could be in any pain or discomfort? Was he/is he a windy baby? Is he teething?





Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2009, 10:50:09 am »
Ok cool.  I'll try that.  Thanks!

He is teething at the moment.  It's been coming for weeks though so it's hard to know when he's crying in discomfort and when he's just wanting us to come and visit him for fun!  Today I felt the tooth quite sharply sitting just under the gum so I'm thinking it will be here sometime very soon.  I will continue shhh/pat when he wakes tonight.  I'll see how much he cries at 3am.  I gave him great bfeeds today and lots of solids.  I'll DF as late as possible and we'll see how we go.

Thanks again.  I'll let you know how I go after I've changed the naps a bit.

Suz :)

Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2009, 10:58:19 am »
Cool, good luck with it! Don't hesitate to give pain meds if you suspect he's in discomfort, he's not likely to settle if his teeth are giving him a bad time.





Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2009, 09:06:56 am »
Ok....

He cried at 4am.  It's daylight saving here so 4am is actually his usual 3am wake up.  He kept going for 45mins.  We shhh/patted the whole time.  He started getting worse than just a whinge so DH picked him up and calmed him back to sleep.  He put him back down and he slept for 2 more hours until 7am.  He fed well today so we're going to be consistent with not feeding him when he wakes.

Daytime sleeps... he did 1.5hours this morning then I kept him up for 3.5 hours in the hope I'd get a longer sleep but to no avail.  Only 45mins again!  I'll keep trying.

Suz

Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2009, 10:10:43 am »
If he's just whinging, you don't need to shush-pat or go in to him at all. Leave him to it. You only need to go to him if he's actually doing a full-on 'I need you NOW!' cry.





Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2009, 20:29:52 pm »
Today he woke at 5.15am.  Again, it's daylight saving starting this week so that is 4.15am as of last weeks time.  So it's still his 3-4am feed that he's waking for.  He whinged for 15 mins - we let him go.  Then he started to cry properly.  It took 30 mins this time.  He went back down by 6am for one more sleep cycle.  He woke at 6.45am so I got him up and fed him.  He didn't seem to desperate for food so he's waking out of habit.  Plus we just got a cold snap and I think he was cold.  DH had to cuddle him for a short time again before he settled properly.  We turned his heater up and wrapped him in a blanket when DH was cuddling.  All good so far.

How long does it normally take until they get used to the new waking time?

Suz

Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #12 on: October 07, 2009, 21:21:28 pm »
If it's a habitual waking, ie around the same time (give or take 15 mins?), you could try Wake to Sleep. It means setting your alarm for an hour before the wake up and go in to him and just cause him to stir. brush a finger over his cheek or give his back a little rub, you don't want him to wake up, just to sigh and shift position. The idea is that you pull him out of his deep sleep to start another sleep cycle, so by the time his habitual wake up time rolls around, he's in a deep sleep again. It's worked well for us in the past. Worth a try?





Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2009, 09:28:06 am »
sounds good.  i might give the shhh/pat another couple of nights and if the cry time doesn't decrease then I'll try that one.  thanks! 

Offline suzsc

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 10
  • Location:
Re: I'm exhuasted - pls help!
« Reply #14 on: October 09, 2009, 01:33:02 am »
ok, vast improvements in this household!  i got 9 hours of almost uninterrupted sleep last night...WOW!!!

7.20pm - bed
9.50pm - cried and wouldn't settle so we gave him an early dreamfeed (he drank nearly the whole bottle)
11.30pm - 30ml top up of formula from hubby
3am - woke and hubby gave him dummy - he went straight to sleep
4am - same as above
8.25am - hubby went in to check on him and he was lying in his cot happy to see us!!!

Wow, feel great.  This is awesome.  I hope he keeps it up!

Suz