Lucy for a loooong time I didn't want to give DS bread at every meal, until I really started to think about it and realised that *I* eat carbs at every meal, why can't he? We have either pasta, rice, potatoes or bread with all of our meals, and so does DS...he's only started liking pasta in the past month or so, and still won't touch rice, so on those nights, he had bread instead.
For dinner, I can't think of much that we eat that I can't cut up and make into finger foods, except soup. All meats get cut (scissors work best!) into teeny tiny pieces for him, so does veg. He won't really eat potatoes either but I do put a blob of mashed potatoes on his tray sometimes and encourage him to go at them with his fingers. I think it depends on your tolerance for mess!
I've started getting him to use a fork, and I have to hold his hand to guide him and make sure he doesn't poke an eye out, and hold the bowl as well, which takes some balancing, but I help him stab his food and guide it to his mouth. He's actually willing to eat a LOT more with a fork than he was before -- foods he never liked he started trying because of the fork novelty! And, yes, I do think as you have said it is about control!!!!
DS will also not eat a lot if it is on his tray or in a large bowl. I have a hundred different little one ounce pots (like the wee ones for frozen purees) and I put little things in there. He likes to hold his little bowls and eat from them rather than have it on a tray in front of him. He'll do most veggies in there - corn, baby carrots, peas, green beans (cut up to the size of peas so he thinks they are peas!), mini bits of cucumber, red peppers, etc. I put his little bits of meat (cut the size of a pea) into the little pots as well and he will eat them with his fingers.
The past two weeks or so he's started getting into dips. I was hesitant to try it (and again depends on your tolerance for mess) but we had zaziki one night with our tea and put some in his little pot. He likes to dip his little veggies and meat into it and lick them. Or just eat a pot of zaziki with his fingers
So I try to balance out a few minutes/few bites helping him with his fork, and then getting him to eat from one of his little pots for a bit, and then after I've had a few bites, go back to the fork...and then when he started getting fussy some bread! He's eating a LOT more at each meal now that he's using the fork!!
