Dinner troubles...please help.

[Oscar]

Hi there
Well I thought dd #1 was too easy and I would pay with dd #2. Looks like I was right. My dd #2 is 28 months old and I am having troubles getting her to eat dinner. Having never been through this with my first I am not really sure how to deal with it. She eats breakfast well most days and lunch, although if she doesn't it doesn't really bother me because I know she is not going to bed hungry. At dinner she either takes forever to decide she is hungry and then wants me to feed her or she won't eat at all. She tries to get down from the table, it is very hard to get her to stay sitting.
I have tried time outs and I have tried to tell her she has to eat some of her dinner or she will get nothing else, but nothing I do or say works. Just not sure how much to push, as dinner time is becoming a nightmare. I have never been big on forcing kids to eat, but how much should I let her get a way with?
Any help would be great.
Thanks, C.

[Peek-a-boo]

This is probably not the answer you want , but my DS--who is 3--rarely eats any dinner.  We offer him what we're having, he generally pushes it around, maybe takes a bite or two, and that's it.  If it's something he happens to love (calzones or spaghetti), he'll eat quite a bit, but that's the exception.  When he's done, he has to ask to be excused.  We let him get down at that point, but he doesn't get any other food.  If he says he's hungry later (which is very rare) we reheat and re-offer dinner left overs.  We do this all in a matter-of-fact and non-punitive way. 

This has been the situation probably since he was at least 2 or so.   He never wakes up hungry in the night and he's a big breakfast eater.   I notice that he basically just eats one meal per day with nibbles sprinkled throughout the rest of the day.  On days when we do have something he likes for dinner, he eats much less for breakfast the next day, so I figure he's getting what he needs when he needs it and just try to honor his natural hunger cues. 

[Mum-of-Two]

I agree with the previous poster as well but have an idea to add.  I know a lot of Moms (I still aspire to this myself) who will take their child's dinner and put it in the refridgerator so that if the child should not eat and then come back hungry an hour later the dinner is still there for them.  They get around the bad snack pattern you can get into accidentally when they don't eat.

Also, my daughter spent most of the age of 2 and into 3 eating on the go.  We just decided arguing with her to sit still at the table wasn't worth the agrivation and so we kept the dinner on the table or set her up in the living room to eat.  When she hit 3 and a half we cut that out for a number of reasons... not the least of which was mess.  Not ideal but we have her back at the table and are choosing to fight the fight now that she is older to keep her there with us as a family -- it just wasn't worth it when she was younger.

Also probably not the answers you are looking for.  Just know it is normal.  If she continues to grow and gain weight well, and eat her other meals - only you can decide if sitting at the dinner table is worth the fight.  Maybe a compromise would be explaining that there is a limited time the food will be available to her -- takes a LOT of effort to continue to remind her it is there and she should eat but at least it puts some limit on the situation?

Best of luck!!

[Oscar]

Thanks to both of you. I think I will just try to not worry so much about her not eating and if she is hungry later then reheat what is left. Thanks again, I will let you know how it goes.

[Mum to cool dude]

The good news is that she has two good meals early in the day so at least you know she is getting the calories and the nutrients. It may be that later in the days all she wants is a sandwich/something light and/or some crackers/snack with some milk before bedtime.

As long as she is growing and healthy, try not to worry (easier said than done, I know)

[Mashi]

Most toddlers get about 85% of their daily caloric needs in the first 2/3rd of the day...I have posted this stat a few times in different posts and am always waiting for someone to call me out on the reference and know that I need to dig through my stuff and find where I've learned that but I am pretty positive it was from the hospital dietician we used to see for DS...but will keep looking so that I don't sound like I am just making it up!!

But if your LO is eating a good breakfast and lunch, and probably at least one snack in there, it's very likely that she is just not hungry!

I have found it helpful to offer DS's main hot meal at lunch time and pickier sandwich type of meal in the evenings, and that way I know he's had a hot meal at least once in the day - but I am a SAHM and that is much easier to do. And, even at that, it's not possible every day, but on nights when I know we are having something he doesn't like for dinner, I try to get him a good lunch in and don't have high expectations for his supper!

[Peek-a-boo]

LOL  Mashimaro--I've seriously been meaning to ask you where you read that about the % of calories early in the day.

[Mashi]

LOL, I'm just shutting down for the night but is on my list of things to look up for this weekend!

[Katet]

My 4yo has only started eating dinner every night in the last few months, I'd say we've gone more than 2 years with him eating dinner about 50% of the time... he is 99% for height & around 75% for weight & eats a bigger breakfast than I do & eats well for lunch & so I just learnt to trust he knows his own body.

The other thing is by evening children are really tired & so it is hard for them to "have" to do something then & trust me yesterday (on 2 nights of 3 hours sleep... not child induced LOL) by Dinner time yesterday eating dinner was the LAST thing I felt like!!

Mashi I've read that too & infact if we all went by that rule we'd probably have a healthier society!

[mum101]

Hi,,
Most kids tend to eat what their body needs.  Sometimes we think they need more, and some kids live on air. My SIL's DD eats hardly anything in comparison to my DD especially! 

Just keep watching throughout the day and see how she is going, I would suggest she's getting all her food early in the day.  This was proven to me recently, with both DD and DS starting to refuse lunch and dinner and getting pickier about what was in those meals. So I cut their snacks back by at least half and hey-presto they are eating big meals again.

I had to feed DS up, so snacks were big in particular for him to fatten up again.  Now I could see his needs were less when he halved his normally big breakfast and refused dinners.   Cutting back the snacks back to normal levels worked a treat.

I read a fantastic book which talked about eating and kids from age 9 months to 9 years. I discussed the different types of eaters. Some kids are foodies and enjoy food more, some kids are grazers - hate sitting down, some kids are picky and have less food needs. The key is to work within those frameworks and

DD is a foodie, always ate well, but it stressed me no end when she asked for food all day (all sorts of things going through my mind, was she hungry, was she bored, had i unintenionally taught her the bad habits my mum taught me, lots of emotional stuff for me). We talked about eating when hungry and listening to our body, which foods makes us have more energy and which ones make us feel yukky if we eat too much.

But the best thing by far was to offer her a sweet a day. She has a box in the cupboard (all individual portions of small sweets - smarties, or lollypop)and she can eat her sweet anytime.  The first day she ate it straight after breakfast and asked for another one in the afternoon!  Now half the time she forgets they are there, and she's stopped asking for food all day. It was about power.  She used to eat amazing amounts of food at parties, eating so much. But it was because she had control over the food. 

DS is a grazer. He is the absolute happiest when wandering around the house with something to eat in his hand!  Was great for regaining lost weight, but now we are back to normal, I kind of need to make sure he's quite hungry for a meal at his hairchair before starting. And not letting him fill up on biscuits while waiting for dinner.

Anyway, long story short, LOL, each kid has different food styles, we can only work into them rather than change them.