I have a 11.5 month old daughter who has never been a good nighttime sleeper. I am getting desperate for some insight - last night she was awake for 4 hours!! Though this is not typical, it was not so outrageous that we found it surprising. Just a bit of background - she has had quite a bad case of "silent" reflux that caused congestion, sometimes vomiting and almost certainly pain and discomfort since she was born. I would not say it is gone - she had 2 huge vomiting sessions just last week (but was not sick), but I will say it is better and her breathing is better when she sleeps. I am willing to accept blame for all kinds of AP that we have surely used to deal with this, but I do also thing that these reflux flare-ups have been a big part of our problem, we have had her doing quite well several times but just never for long enough for her really to settle into a good sleep pattern.
Another strange thing about her, is that she has been doing just one nap/day for over a month now, usually for 3 hours. It had become nearly impossible to get her to take 2 naps, as we would end up having her sleep from 10:30 to 11:30 (when I would wake her to protect the 2nd nap) then I would be lucky to get her down again by 3, when she would usually wake after 45 minutes. Then, she wouldn't go down again until 7:30 or 8. She pretty consistently naps for 3 hours if we put her down at 11:30. The trouble is that I think she is not quite ready for this (the typical too old for 2 naps, too young for 1 problem). She wakes between 2 and 2:30, then can't make it to a reasonable bedtime. By the time I get my son from school, get the kids home, feed them etc, I can't possible get her to bed before 6, usually 6:30. She is an energetic, alert baby. She almost never falls asleep in her stroller, the carrier or even the car, so getting a cat nap that way is out of the question.
She is breastfed and doing OK on solids (though doesn't eat dairy - so most of her fat and protein is still coming from me. She doesn't like it and I think still has a hard time digesting the proteins). She has been able to fall asleep on her own since she was 4 months old, though often won't do it. I am frustrated to admit that I have no idea when I put her down whether she'll go to sleep or scream. So, here is her routine, when we are doing well.
up 7:30 to 8amIf she has not been up all night she will nurse when she wakes, then about 45 minutes later will have a small breakfast of some cheerios or bread and fruit puree. If she is up frequently at night, she will refuse all milk and food for at least 2 hours.
Morning A time is usually playing at home or at the babysitter. Sometimes a short walk outside.
10:15 to 10:30 - lunch (solids). Pasta with peas, and meat or egg. Fruit puree. Milk in a cup. This is one of 2 times of day that she is likely to eat a fairly large meal.
11:30 to sleep at home or at babysitter. At the babysitter, she just puts her in bed with her babydoll and a bit of white noise and music. She mantra cries for 2 min or less and falls asleep. At home, she is happy to make Mommy help her, and she nurses for 5 or 10 mins then I put her down asleep or slightly awake and she goes to sleep. Most days she sleeps at least 2.5, usually 3 hours.
3:00 to 3:30 bf - usually both sides, and snack of fruit, baby biscuit, bread, carrot, other finger foods.
Afternoon A time is usually busy, playing in the outside with big brother, going to the library, visiting friends. We are often rushing to get back to get her dinner by 6 at the absolute latest, though I feel she is really hungry by 5:30. Any tips on how to balance the 2 kids schedules are also welcome! I have more flexibility to change things in the earlier part of the day.
5:30 to 6:00 dinner - this is usually her biggest meal of the day. We try more and more to give her what we are eating to start as finger food, then finish with baby cereal mixed with breast milk to make sure she is full.
Sometimes a quick bath (though we often do this during morning A time as she really loves it and the evenings are already jam packed). The we start the bed time routine by
6:30 at the latest. We have a bedtime music playlist, jammies on, quiet time on bed with big brother, stories, into sleep bag, kisses from Daddy and big brother, sleep time lullabies on, nursing with Mommy. We drag it out a bit if she had a long nap and is doing well, or we really rush it otherwise. She is in bed by 7 at the latest. Usually, unless I have really pushed the bedtime really too late, she falls asleep fairly quickly. So morning A time is 3.5 to 4 hours. Evening A time is variable, from 4 to 4.5 hours, but as much as 5.5 hours (if she has a bad nap for some reason, for example).
It is the nighttime that really goes sideways. First, it is not uncommon for her to wake 45 min after going down, and will almost never self-soothe at that time. She has a 10 to 11pm wake up that is programmed and REALLY hard to get rid of. My husband and I both think this waking is key. We have tried PU/PD if she is screaming but otherwise just also letting her cry (as it usually is a mantra cry), and just soothing without nursing to get her past this. It has worked several times, and within a few days we get her to the point where she is only waking once at 5am. But inevitably that 10 to 11pm waking comes back. We know when she wakes and doesn't calm at that time, it will be a rough night. Last night it was the 4 hour marathon. I admit, I went to her to try nursing her so perhaps we are at the point that she knows there is always a chance that she'll get Mommy's milk? My husband went in to try calming her instead and she screamed so hard that she could hardly breathe, and she was sobbing for nearly 10 min after I went to her! We did give her some advil in case she was in pain (but there was no indication of that) and it didn't help. Other times she is not up long each time, but is waking every 1 - 2 hours. She only once ever skipped the 5am feeding, she always wakes at that time, no matter what else has happened in the night. She also almost always wakes between 7:30 and 8, no matter what happens in the night. This time we think her sleep is off because she was sick earlier in the week, but we also recognise that something will always come up, and that until she is consistently sleeping well, this is just going to keep happening. I never thought I'd end up here. After a lot of work (thankfully successfully!) getting my son to sleep well (he's a champion now!) I was on it from an early age. I never anticipated the horrible reflux and the lasting impact on our lives.
Sorry for the book. I know that these sleep problems are all-encompassing for the parent going through them, but the rest of the world does go on
I appreciate any help at all, we really need a plan!
OK, just a few more answers to the important questions I saw in the "read this first" post.
She doesn't really have a "lovey", though there is a doll in her bed and she definitely plays with that while falling asleep, on those rare good days that she does it herself.
When I nurse her, and she is hungry, she feeds quickly but on both sides (i.e. those blissful nights when she only wakes once, or in the afternoon after her nap). Otherwise, she sucks and takes a little I'm sure, but it is clearly for comfort. I would say she nurses properly twice/day. I do nurse her for comfort when she wakes at night (so I leave her to go back to sleep on her own until she really starts crying, then I go in and nurse her). She might be teething, but I don't think this is the primary problem, as this has been happening both when she is teething and when she is not.
Wow, this is long. I hope it is enough. BIG thanks for any insight at all.
