Regaining the Trust of your Child...
Tracy believed what worked for the whole family was best but she also believed some methods of sleep training can break the bonds of trust between an infant and parent. If you have found that your child hates sleeping in their crib, waking every 20min screaming for you and has been exposed to CIO and CC methods with no progress it may be a trust issue. The following steps are taken from Tracy's books. They outline how you can regain that trust again.
Taken directly from BabyWhisperer Solves All Your Problems:
Twelve Trust-Building Tips:
1) Tune in
Interpret his cries and body language so that you understand why he's crying. If you can't describe your baby's emotional core, then you're not paying enough attention to her signals, and it also might mean she's not getting her needs met.
2) Put your baby on the EASY plan
All babies thrive when life is predictable and calm but a structured routine is essically important for Touchy, Spirited and Grumpy types. Have predicable rituals for everyday transitions- mealtimes, nap and bedtimes, bath, putting away toys- so that your baby knows what to expect.
3) Talk with your baby, not just to her
I like to think of it as having a running dalogue, rather then a one-way converstion. Make eye contact whenever you're talking to your baby, no matter how young she is. She's taking it all in and "talking" to you with her cooing and her cries
4) Respect your baby's physical space
Even if you think he doesn't understand your words always explain what you're about to do. For example always let your child know you are about to pick them up or take them out of the house.
5) Never ignore your baby's cries and start to label her feelings long before you think she understands them.
She is trying to tell you something about the way she feels. You can get her acquainted with the language of emothions early by giving her words to go with and various cries.
6) Let your baby's emotions guide your actions.
For example if every time you turn on the mobile over your Touchy Baby's head she starts to cry she's telling you "That's too much" Let her look at it without the music.
7) Figure out whe methods calm your baby
Swaddling, shoosh pat, white noise, humming etc.
Take steps to make sure your baby is eating well, right from the start.
If you're having trouble BF and feel you have tried everything go to a lactation specialist for help.
9) Keep to his nap and bed times.
Babies who get enough sleep are emotionally ready to tackle all that information being thrown at them during the day.
10) Don't hover; let your baby explore and enjoy her independence.
Observe but don't interfer. Watch and see what your child likes to do and at what pace. If your child wants to crawl back to you let them. Even the most needy babies will go out and explore on their own if they know you are always there to go back to when they need it.
11) Plan activities when your baby is at their best.
Overtiredness and Over stimulation are two things that almost guarentee runaway emotions. Factor in their temperment throughout the day when making plans.
12) Make sure anyon else who cares for your baby understands and accepts their temperment.
Your child has their own personality and respecting who they are will help them trust you and know you love them for who they are.
HELP... Your Baby Thrive:
H- Hold back: Observe and acess the situation.
E- Encourage exploration: Let your child be the one to discover rather then pointing them in that direction.
L- Limit: Always step in before over stimulation kicks in.
P- Praise: Even small accomplishments are milestones for your child so let them know they did a good job or are getting better every day.
Crib Phobia up to 8 months:
(for children older using PUPD is suggested)
1) You must be patient and understanding. Never rush this process. This phobia may have been because of a tramatic event and forcing your child to do anything they don't want to right now will just make the situation worse.
2) Always comfort when your child starts to cry. Do not let them cry alone. Attend to their needs as soon as possible.
3) Start with the first nap of the day. At the first sleepiness cue start your wind-down. Swaddle and Shh Pat your child and when they are calm instead of putting them in the crib put them on a pillow on your lap. Tracy suggests a firm standard size pillow. Sit this your back against a wall for support. Let your child know you are there and will be there to help them sleep. When they have fallen asleep (20 minutes atleast) uncross your legs and let the pillow plop slowly and carefully on to the floor. Stay sitting next to the pillow. For the next week atleast stay next to your child while she sleeps. This is a sacrifice that you make to regain your child's trust.
4) The second week do the same wind-down but put the pillow on the floor for your child to fall asleep on, not your lap. Again stay with your child while they sleep through naps and nights.
5) The third week do the same wind-down but put the pillow in the crib. When you lay your child down put your hand on them so they know you are still there. For 3 days stay by their side until they are in deep sleep. On the fourth day remove your hand while staying beside the crib while your child is sleeping. Three days later leave the room when your child has gone into deep sleep but if they cry for you go to them IMMEDIATELY.
6) The fourth week you should be able to put your child down in the crib without the pillow. If not, start again from the previous step.
Tracy warns that this kind of phobia may produce a clingy child and restoring faith in your child now will help prevent this.
(Taken From: Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems pgs 77 (Chapter 2), 194 (Chapter 5) and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer pg 290 (Chapter 9))
