screaming, fighting horribleness at bedtime - its just awful...

[annette.xx]

Hi all

my DD has always been super touchy at bedtime and ive more often than not had a battle at bedtime but now its just getting worse and worse regardless of naps etc...

tonight for example when I tried to change her nappy and put pjs on she was twisting her whole body away from me and screaming blue murder, She wouldnt let me put the nappy on and when i was trying to get her back to put nappy on she just got worse and worse... it took me 10 mins to get it on!!

then she wont let me read her books she just wants to BF straight away she gets frantic even though shes not really hungry! then after the BF she will either be really relaxed and I put her in cot and she cries for me within 5 mins to commence the nights WI/WO ritual or she wont relax when BF and stay super alert and try looking all around and grabbing things (usually my face!!) and then all hell breaks loose when I put her in her cot!!

I need to get a grip on it cos its so horrid now that I am dreading bedtime and Im not enjoying evenings with her - its just too much of a battle!!

please please offer any little bits of hope for me! Im at work again and i just want to enjoy every moment with her!

Annette.xx

[anna*]

((((hugs)))) couple of ideas hun we are having an awful time too so I need to go to bed but quickly:

If books are causing hassle, leave them out. Your wind-down has to be flexible. Can you BF in the dark? If she's being a monkey, just end the feed and go straight to the 'in the cot' battle. Pull-ups instead of nappies for overnight? I don't know if she's a heavy wetter but if you go for the next size up than what you normally get they are that bit more absorbant.

[annette.xx]

ah anna thanks fot the tips - I will try the pull ups for sure!

Annette.xx

[Evgenia]

Hi {{{Big Hugs}}}

What age is ur lo? Can u post even roughly what her day looks like?

anna gave u some great advice here,

jus a few more ideas to throw out there...
U mentioned u r back to work, is that a recent change? Did it coincide with bedtimes getting worse?

Do u do baths as part of bedtime routine? I found a nice quite bath with minimal amount of toys to work wonders with my dd.

The putting on nappy thing is it just at bedtime or is she fighting it during the day as well? I wonder if this could be a separate issue?

Keep up with the wi/wo.

I hope I don't offend u with this next thought but could it be that u came to half expect the bedtime madness and approach the situation with anxiety and stressed before it even begins? I know from my own experience that when we hit rough patches with my dd, and we had mealtime/bedtime/naptime problems reoccurring I usually found myself stressed and nervous before it actually happened. But los pick up on it. What I normally do when I find myself in this situation I try to calm myself down, do breathing exersises, whatever works and try to approach the situation more relaxed and in control. Mind u it doesn't improve our problems radically but at least allows me to get through it with minimal stress, and when I am in control of my emotions at least it all goes that little bit smoothly.

Hope this helps

[annette.xx]

thanks so much for your reply!

shes 1 year as of yesterday!!

the nappy issue is only at bedtime!

I used to do bathtime everynight but found it made her very angry when it was over and she never wanted to let me dry and change her! but maybe i should give it another shot cos it used to work really well!

Ive been back at work 3 weeks now and bedtimes have always been a battle since forever but they have gotten alot worse since work...I only work 3 days a week but MIL has her and think DD gets very excited cos its non stop playtime with MIL and FIL!!

this is what the day looks like at the mo for me -

wake 7
nap - 10 - 11
nap - 2.15/30 - 3.45/4
bed - 7.45

but its variable as at MILs she keeps taking longer to go sleep and waking after 30 mins in am and MIL does this;

wake 7
nap - 10.20 - 10.50
nap - 2.20 - 4pm
bed - 7.30/45

im getting quite a few WI/WO at naptimes myself nowdays so im going to have to cut the first nap back down to 45 mins with shorter next A time - im went back upto 1 hr first nap as she was down to 30 mins am and it was all good then she started teething molars and got OT so I followed her needs and did 45 mins still not enough so ended up back at an hour!... bedtime issue has been bad whatever the routine but now come to think of it ...it was alot better when she did short am long pm nap (she used to do 2 hrs pm nap a month ago) but instead of the fighting before cot it all happened in the cot (i think too long a nap too late in the day!!)

and yes I think you are right about me being stressed before I start - I need to relax with it more - I must try!!

Annette.xx

[Evgenia]

Could she be ready for a longer A time in the morning? I personally would increase morning A time and see how this affects her am nap and subsequently her pm nap.

Also look at her evening activities could they be overstimulating? How is she with her dinners?

On the days that u work, what time do u get home? And how is ur evening structured? The reason i ask is when I went back to work first while our evenings were hectic, I rushed home in traffic, ran in stressed about dds and our dinner, was rushing between cooking her dinner and trying to spend time with her. Could something similar be going on at ur home in the evenings and thus OS ur lo and leading to her being OT for bed time?

[mmom]

I can't speak to the routine, but i can tell you that any diaper changing or clothes changing scenario in our house is a fight.  It doesn't matter what time of day it is.  It can be very stressful.  I do think they get to a point that they don't want to stop moving for anything.  So I wonder if something that simple is contributing to that aspect.  Is there music or a character that your LO really loves?  I know my LO is obsessed with Elmo, so while we are drying him off after the bath or changing him to get ready for bed, we sing along to some of his music.  Most of the time it distracts and relaxes him enough to at least not have it be a fight.  Something else that I do a lot that I read in Happiest Toddler on the Block, is whispering to his favorite stuffed animal about how I wish he would calm down or how good he is being - whatever is going on.  It always makes him stop and look at me and often gets giggles out of him.

Sorry, I am not much help on the routine aspect.  But I can totally relate to craziness during diaper changes and what not.