Bad case of Separation Anxiety-Please Help

[Tao]

Hello,

My 9.5 month old DD is going through a bad case of SA (at least I'm pretty sure this is what it is). We had gone through a week of PM nap refusals so I think the initial cause of her bad NWs was due to OT from nap refusals. However, these past few days, I think that SA is the cause of her NWs and her inability to fall back asleep.

Here is my DD's routine lately:

6:00 a.m. Wake
9:15-11:15 Nap (anywhere from 1.5 hours to 2 hours)
3:00-3:30 Nap
6:30 BT

In the past her NWs would be once to twice a night for only 10 minutes to BF and then she would go straight back to bed. This past week, after I nurse her and put her in bed, she starts to scream at the top of her lungs as if the world is ending so I know that she feels scared that I left the room. I have gone back in the room to pick her up and try soothing her again by nursing for which case she will calm down again, but the minute I try to place her back into bed, she screams again. This started last night at her 3 a.m. waking and after doing this over and over again, I finally gave up and picked her up at 5 a.m. to start the day because she wouldn't go back to sleep.

Tonight, we are repeating the same thing. She went down nicely at 6:30 p.m. for bed, but at 8:30 she woke and mantra cried until 9:15. I tried to give her some time to resettle on her own but she didn't so I went into to nurse her. She calmed as usual and the minute i went to put her in her crib the screaming began. I have now attempted this three times and am exhausted so my husband is in there trying to resettle her. I know she only wants me because even though my husband took her into her arms she continued to scream for me.

I'm sure it's harder for me to soothe her while in there because I have milk and she is used to having me, so I opted for husband to do the soothing.

My question is:
* Does this sound like a full blown case of SA?
* If so, what do I do? Do I have my husband go in and PUPD or rather PD or WI/WO?
* I had been pondering whether or not to stop night time feedings, but it never really bothered me before because she would go right back so I just left it; however, with her inability to go back, I can't possibly continue no sleep AND go to work in the morning so maybe this is a sign that I need to use this opportunity to wean her altogether. DH SAH with her during the day.
* Is it easier to have DH to help her through it? Should he not pick her up when this happens and just try to soothe her in the crib, or do we give extra hugs during SA episodes?
* Is it possible for me to still do my regular feedings but have him go in afterwards to soothe her, or should I cut feedings and everything altogether?

Thank you so much for your help. It is so painful for me to hear her cry so desperately. I have always believed in Tracy's ideals of not letting our LOs CIO so I'm willing to do what it takes to help her through this gently.

Thanks for your help so much!

[jenniewren]

I've had a very similar issue with my 11 month old lo - see my posts in NW board as well... It could well be SA but the conclusion we've come to is that he's actually struggling with teething etc - last night I gave calpol before bed and nurofen when he woke for his feed, then teething gel as i put him back, and he went straight back to sleep - had been waking when I left the room or waking 10 minutes after I'd left etc, whereas before like you, I could feed and put him back in 10 minutes no problem. So it might be worth trying pain relief before bed & before you feed her in the night - that way it's had a chance to start to kick in before you put her back down?

Jenx

[Tao]

Hi Jen,

That is a really good point. I will try that!

Thanks,
Christine

[Tao]

Hello...

I am back and need help figuring out how to deal with very long and inconsolable NWs. DD is 9 days shy of 10 months old and the many NWs began when she started refusing her p.m. naps. For an entire week, she was refusing her p.m. nap so with the great advice of Wendy and others, I shortened her a.m. nap to encourage her to take her p.m. nap. She usually takes a nice a.m. nap, but I realized that doing a short p.m. nap afterwards made her OT by bedtime.

OT at bed didn't use to bother her too much, but lately it has caused some very difficult NWs and screaming episodes. On Monday, she finally had a normal night:

6 a.m. Wake
930-1030 Nap
2:00-3:30 Nap
6:30 BT (she woke twice that night, but went right back after nursing as she usually does)

Yesterday was a very difficult day:

6 a.m. Wake
920-950 Nap (woke up suddenly and wouldn't go back!)
115 (DH tried to put her down for p.m. nap. I think this was way too long of an A time and therefore she was OT and refused to go down)
600 BT (slept for 5 minutes, woke up screaming. Would not go back down until 8 p.m., woke again at 10:30 p.m. until 1:30 a.m. crying. My DH went in to do PD and she fought it for 3 hours).

Needless to say she was exhausted today. I didnt' know whether I should have stuck to our regular nap schedule today or if I should have let her sleep for as much as she wanted to catch up. Her day looked like this today:

5:30 a.m. Tired but wouldn't sleep until normal 6 a.m. waking
9:00-10:30 I let her sleep in half an hour more than usual before waking her.
1:30-2:45  Went down right away.
6:00 Went down right away but then woke after 30 minutes again crying and standing in crib.

I just got back from working a long day and when she woke up again after 30 minutes, I was almost in tears, thinking, I don't know if I can handle another no sleep night. In the past when she woke, it was usually to eat, twice a night, and she would go right back to sleep but it seems like lately she has been so OT that she doesn't go right back down. She cries and cries, and stands up.

- I feel insecure because some days she will take her p.m. nap and other days she won't. I am going to keep trying 1 hour a.m. nap and decrease it if she still doesn't go down after 3 hours of A time.

- When she wakes at night, I'd like to still nurse her, but if she doesn't go back right away, I need another plan of action that is not CIO. I was almost thinking that it might be SA just because of how she stands up right away screaming, but maybe she's now used to my going in to nurse her and doesn't want me to leave.

-Also, it might be worth noting that DH who SAH with her during the day doesn't always put her down for naps awake. Part of his wind down routine is to rock her but sometimes she reaches the point of falling asleep. She had learned to sleep independently since 4 months old but I'm wondering if now she is used to being rocked or nursed to sleep...

I apologize for the very long post and details. I wanted to include as much information as possible to paint a better picture.

If I could just again say, Thank You, from the bottom of my heart for all who has helped me. Some days, I don't feel like I am all here.

Hugs,
Christine

[Tao]

Hi Jane,

Thanks for your support. I think you are right with regard to the need to implement PD. Shush Pat never worked for us as she is very spirited and it seemed to make her more stimulated; however, at 3 months we used PUPD to teach her how to sleep independently and it worked very well. We had to use it again at 6 months as she was starting to sit up and other milestones made it difficult for her to sleep and I think it may be time to implement it again.

It's odd because some days I'll think, she KNOWS how to settle herself back to bed because I"ll see her wake up in the middle of the night, completely sit up for a bit, but then lay back down and go to sleep. I've noticed that on the days that she has good naps, she can resettle very easily. However, her no pm nap days are difficult and it makes it very difficult for her to resettle; almost as if she doesn't know how to sleep independently. I can always tell because when I go in to nurse her, she is unsettled and very uneasy (restless.)

I guess on these days I have to implement PD to help her sleep. Tonight, we are going through this exact situation:

5:30 a.m. wake
9:10-10:40 sleep
2:00 (refused pm nap)
6:00 BT (went down until 11 p.m. which is really good for an OT night, but it is now 1 a.m. and she is still awake)

I went in to nurse her as usual but the minute I put her down, she stood up screaming. She just started standing up and seems to do that for all her naps and any type of bed time; however, in the morning, though she is standing she is able to eventually sit down, mantra cry and fall asleep. Her a.m. nap has always been good.

-My DH is in there with her now. Whenever she stands up, she puts her down, but she is not crying while laying down just talking to him etc. so I'm wondering in situations like these, does he need to do WI, PD, WO because she has always been the type of baby who doesn't sleep if you are hovering over her..

-Should we implement PD for her p.m naps too when she refuses them she usually stands up and cries until we get her. PUPD was not successful for naps in the past for us.

-I liked the idea of nursing her still when she woke at night, but only when she went straight back to bed. Do you think I should try to stop that altogether, or is it possible to nurse her and if she doesn't go down straightaway, to have my DH go in and PD. Will this be confusing for her?

Thanks for your support on this! I am determined to help her sleep better during this milestone!

Christine

[Tao]

Hi Jane,

I had one more question. Is it possible for PD to be too stimulating for some babies? Last time, my DH sat in the room with her where he was visible and just kept saying "sleep now baby" but didn't actively put her down, and eventually she went to sleep. Tonight, we tried constantly putting her down and she would stand back up, and we would put her down and she would stand back up, but it is taking much longer and I'm wondering if PD is possibly too stimulating for her?

If my DH were to stay there with her and tell her"sleep now" so she knows we are there and not abandoning her, but letting her tire out until she eventually lays down on her own...would this be okay?

She's always seemed to do better settling on her own. For instance, when she mantra cries, if we go in too soon, she will be stimulated or distracted. When we shush patted her as a young baby, she would stimulate easily. My husband was trying to tell me that it works better if he sits and speaks to her but lets her to resettle, being there and putting her down with a hand on her is stimulating as she tries to push our hand away etc. etc.

What do you think? I don't know if anyone has ever tried this. Does this still count as "being there for her" because the last thing I want is for her to feel like she is abandoned. I want her to know we are there to help her.

Thanks! You were right...this is the hardest thing ever. I am sitting in the next room hearing her scream and call my name and it breaks my heart to not go in there and just cuddle her and kiss her.

-Christine

[Tweakster]

Hi there Christine, ok I found the link to GW:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

I think if PD is too stimulating you need to think about using GW or WI/WO.