How do I resettle my 45min napper - 8 weeks old

[arabesque]

Hi everyone,

I'm trying to work out how to settle DS2, nearly 8 weeks. He's on medication for reflux which is now controlled, and doesn't seem to be causing him anywhere near the pain and restlessness it used to. He's on 3hr EASY, feeding fairly well, and starting to extend between night feeds (yay!).

E 7am
S 8:15am

E 10am
S 11:15am

E 1pm
S 2:15pm

E 4pm
S catnap in sling 5pm

E 6:15pm
S 7pm

E DF 10pm

Night feed now around 3/3:30am then E 7am.

My question is, how do I resettle when he wakes from each nap at 45min? He doesn't have the dummy to go to sleep (usually is asleep/quiet within 10-15 mins of going down...he mantras for a little while). But DH and I have been giving him the dummy to resettle him. He dislikes the dummy, often spits it out, and that makes me reluctant to use it because I can see it becoming a prop when we run in to replug, and also wanting to not use it if it's inconsistant for DS2.

I have a nearly 3-yo at home too, and am out 3 mornings a week which impacts both the second half of nap 1, and the first half of nap 2. So although I feel like I'm doing well by not using the dummy and he can go to sleep independently, I know I'm also confusing him and possibly causing him to wake at the 45min mark knowing he'll get it. I've tried W2S each nap that we are home with success only once.

DS2 seems particularly aggravated by shh/pat and I don't think he'd respond to it for nap extension. He starts more angry crying, gets red faced and wakes up further the few times I tried it a few weeks ago.

Any advice welcome.

[becky1969]

It's a little difficult to tell from your EASY, but it *looks* like you're calculating A times from when you feed the baby?  For instance, if LO goes to sleep at 8:15, I'm guessing he's waking at 9 (b/c you say naps are 45 minutes).  But then he doesn't go to sleep for next nap until 11:15, which means that's 2h15 A time! That's what about what a 5.5-6 month old does.

I'm also guessing that even though he eats at 7, maybe he wakes at 6:45? or earlier? That means first nap is mistimed from the get go, hence the 45 OT naps.

I may be wrong! But that's my guess, and if it's right then all you need to do is start calculating A times from the moment eyes open until they close, and I'm guessing that will fix it!

Does that make sense? Or did I misread your EASY? 

[arabesque]

Hi Becky,

No he does usually go back to sleep with the help of the dummy. So he's generally sleeping until the next feed or at least dozing on and off between spitting/dropping the dummy and needing replugging (this can sometimes happen after about 6:30am but he's always asleep when we get up at 7am). If he has woken early for a feed I always put him back to bed within 1h15m of waking. But generally it's safe to say that he'll sleep 45min, then need the dummy and a few repluggings to go back to sleep, even if it's just for 10-15mins. Also, he doesn't go to sleep as soon as he gets into bed, so he might still be awake up to 20mins after he goes in...usually he mantra cries for a few minutes then he can happily be awake for a good while.

So for eg. he goes into bed at 8:15am but then may only go to sleep at 8:45, wake at 9:30 then need the dummy to doze a bit until 10.

I thought that 45min naps were generally needing an extension in A time, and 30 min naps were OT?

Once or twice we have been out and I've come home for nap, but been a bit late (say an extra 10min A time). These times he has settled more quickly I think...sometimes within 1 min of mantra crying he's asleep. Would this indicate that he is one of those babies who can use a longer A time? Currently he's in bed for nap 1 (in at 8:20am...he slept soundly til 7am with no stirring) and it's 8:32 and he's still mantra crying on and off. Would a longer amount of crying indicate that he needs more A time?

Also, he wants to suck his hands. I think I mentioned that he often spits the dummy and requires several repluggings (we only use it to resettle, not to originally put him to sleep). But I know 8 weeks is too young to unswaddle his hand(s). He tries to suck them through his swaddle but this seems to make him more agitated. I've tried once or trice unswaddling one arm to see if that helps when he wakes at the 45min mark, but he just flails it around in anger/distress. Anything else I should try?

Thanks for your help!

[arabesque]

I guess my question is, am I doing something bad by giving the dummy to resettle? Will this reinforce waking at 45min? Or it okay to continue with this until he starts napping longer? I think 45min naps are developmental at this age?

[becky1969]

The trick to knowing whether a waking is UT or OT is whether the child will fall back to sleep. If they go back to sleep, they were OT.  If they can't, then they're UT.  If he was UT, there's no way a replugging would help him go back to sleep.  So I think the issue is that he needs 20 minutes to fall asleep, and by the time he does he's 20 minutes past his sleep window, which makes him OT.  It's probable he's even OT by the time you *start* the wind down, which is why he's taking so long to fall asleep.  At this tender age, 20 minutes is a REALLY long time!

So, I'd probably cut his A time down by about 5-10 minutes and see if he falls asleep easier.  I think the reason he fell asleep faster when you went out is he was probably just so exhausted from all the extra stimulus.  These first 3 months, overstimulation is a real bugger for little ones.  EVERYTHING is stimulating, and it wears them out! LOL! Just imagine if 90% of the things you encountered were new to you -- your brain would have to work so hard to catalogue each of those new things! by the end of the day you'd be cooked! 

So, instead of 1h15 A time, let's go back to about 1h05 and see how he does.  That means you want him IN HIS CRIB at 1h05.  That gives him 10 minutes to fall asleep and still remain in his sleep window.


I should also say that in these first 3 months the 'average'  A times listed by BW are just averages, and many many babies need less, not more.  If you have a touchy especially, those babies are so overwhelmed by stimuli that they tend to need less A time.

HTH!