Am I the problem???

[ENMS]

Hi there,

I have posted on this board numerous times in the past year as DD has never been a great napper! However, after she started daycare at 9 months, things started getting better and eventually even on the week-ends at home she had good naps!    I was really excited!  Now she is 14 months and I have just started being on vacation last week, up until september (lots of accumulated vacation!).  I was home with her on Wednesday and Friday, and on Thursday DH was with me as it was a holiday here.  So Wednesday and Friday, she only had 2 x 45 min naps, while Thursday she slept wonderfully well 2 x 1h30.  Now today, she's been asleep 1.5 hours for her first nap.

Which bring me to question what is happening here... when she's alone with me, she doesn't take long naps whereas if DH is here, or if she's at daycare, she does.

I originally assumed she slept better at daycare because she's more stimulated and more tired physically from playing with other LO's.  But now, she's finally napping well at home too (for maybe 2 months now which means that the first 3 months she was in daycare she would sleep fine over there but medium at home) - except when DH is not there.  I am quite discouraged because I was really looking forward to having a nice summer off with her, but now these first 2 days have shown me that she gets OT by the end of the day so it's not fun for her...   

Has anyone experienced something like this? She's also not been eating too well on the days she's with me compared to the days DH is here and what she eats at daycare, I feel like a terrible mother, how can this be that she doesn't eat well and doesn't nap well when she's alone with me?  Since I've been on holiday she's been getting up at 6AM while she used to sleep until 7 AM.

So I'm really confused now, any ideas?

Élise

[katie80]

Hi Elise,
Not sure I have much helpful advice, but I wanted to offer some ((hugs)), as it's hard to feel like a bad mother.  I'm sure we've all been there from time to time, but honestly, you're not one, you're doing the best you can for your DD!

I don't have much experience with this, except that if the situation changes for my DD (i.e. new surroundings, had friends over for dinner, went to gymnastics class in the morning, etc) she does often take a longer time to settle for naps.  She's just a very curious and sometimes spirited LO, so when things are different it takes her a little while to adjust.  Your DD is most likely excited to be with you too!

I'd stick with the routine that works best for her on other days of the week when you're home with her, and I think eventually she'll get used to the new way of life.  Maybe on the days she doesn't nap as well, bring bedtime a bit earlier (15 - 30 min), so she doesn't get too OT. 

Hopefully, someone else will be along with a similar experience and have some great advice. 

[ENMS]

Well, I do have an update... today DH was here but no good naps, only 2 x 45 min.  So I'm wondering if there is a pattern of 1 day 2 x 1.5 hours, then 1 day 2 x 45 min.  Could it be that 2 x 1.5 hours is too much for her so the next day she naps less? Has anyone experienced something like this?

Maybe I'm just making it all up and it's really just chance but I'll continue watching this...

[~ Vik ~]

Could you post your EASY?  At 14mo, she's likely well on her way into the 2-1 transition and I wonder if it's time to start shortening that morning nap, in the hopes that she will then take a nice long afternoon nap.  Will wait to see what your days look like!

[ENMS]

Here is what her EASY looks like at the moment (taking one of the days with 2 x 1.5h naps):

W: 6:30
E: 6:45 (8 oz bottle)
E: 8:00 breakfast
S: 9:45-11:15
E: 12:00 lunch
E: 1:30 bottle (8 oz)
S: 2:30-3:45
E: 5:30
E: 7:00 bottle (8 oz)
S: 7:30

She gets about 3-3.5h of A time which hasn't increased in the past few months - she was about at 3h when she was 8-9 months old.

We went on vacation the first week of June and while we were there she was on one nap a day for about 1.5-2h. She would sleep later in the AM though, having night of 12-14 hours and she did fine.  However, when she wakes at 6:30, she has trouble waiting until midday for her first nap.

Lately she's very irregular in her W time in the morning, it varies between 6AM and 7:30AM.

[momtonb&ab]

i'm inclined to agree that 2x1.5 hours is too much for 14 mos.   could you try reducing one to 45 mins and leave the other at 1.5 hours?

[katie80]

Yep, I vote for shortening that morning nap too.  If I remember right, it was right about 14 mo that it happened for my DD as well.  You might try just cutting to an hour first, though, as when you've had 45 min on the other mornings she only did another 45 min (could be OT?)  in the afternoon.