7 month old NW....feel like giving up

[Hawaiimom]

My daughter will be 7 months old in 9 days. EBF. Up until 4 months she used to be a great sleeper. Everything went downhill at 4 months (when her feet found her mouth for the first time) and I’ve been trouble shooting ever since. Finally got her short naps sorted out but night time sleep problems are driving me crazy and I’m starting to feel like why am I even trying anymore since it’s always one thing after the next with her.

We usually have a good 4 or 5 days and then a week or longer of issues and the issues always change. Eliminated several feedings, weaned her off the binky, did PUPD. Its always I fix one thing, she sleeps great for a few days and then theres another problem. I think most of this has been developmental related as it gets worse when she is learning something new then she seems to take a break and things get better. My biggest success was a few weeks ago when she was going from the 10 pm DF until 5am without me getting up. However her wake up time for the day was then 5am (used to be 6 or 630). That lasted 4 days, now things are bad again and last week she discovered how to SCREAM which is what led me to finally post something here eventhough I've been lurking for a long time and have gotten so much help from everyone (thanks!).

Her NWs are really different and random in terms of what happens and they're at different times. About 50% of the time she gets up and practices her new skill (currently its babbling ALOT and trying to pull herself up to stand) but puts herself back to sleep. Other times she crys when she is done playing and I hold her for 5 seconds and back to sleep in crib.  Why can she go back to sleep sometimes on her own but not other times?! Other times she wakes up screaming no playing and it's hard to calm her (that has been happening more recently). The only way I get her down is rocking her until she sleeping in my arms (she screams if I put her down before then). other times she's crying but not screaming and I pick her up for 5 seconds put her down and shes right back to sleep. Lately I've been feeding her at least one more time after the DF. Usually when she is waking up screaming then doing the coughing, wa wa wa cry and trying to get the boob, or when I rock her back to sleep after the screaming cry and then she wakes up 15 min later again and I feel like okay clearly she was in fact hungry (??) and I'm a terrible mother. Overall, all the thinking and analysis that is required of my brain every hour of the night since every wake up (timing, crying, length etc) seems to vary so much is making me mentally and physically exhausted. I think I'm getting delusional and I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing anymore.

about the feeding her at night...I've done the increasing her milk during the day with the breast/bottle combo and it was a pain in the neck but did help because she wasn't drinking enough during the day I found. Do I want to go through all that trouble for 4 good nights and then likely she'll have some other problem? My gut says no, but maybe I'm just being a downer right now. Also sometimes it's really clear she's crying but it's not hunger so there are nights here and there or in 2 or 3 day blocks where I don't feed her after the DF.

In regards to PUPD. I assume this is what I should be doing right now. Instead of holding her for 5 seconds (and letting her burrow her little head into my shoulder).. She used to do really well with PUPD but her cry wasn't a SCREAM so now when she wakes up so upset I can't bear it or I start doubting and think maybe she really is hungry. I can't imagine doing anything worse then PUPD if she really is hungry (because she does completely lose it for awhile when we start).

Are things ever going to get better? am I destiend to have a baby that doesn't sleep well until 2 or 3.  I'm on the verge of putting her in bed with me and letting her snack all night long. I'm so tired of hearing from mothers who "wing it all day" how their babies just stir a little night and sleep 10-12 hours. I feel like my daughter is going to be swinging from the ceiling fan on of these nights.

Here's a typical EASY

6am: wake and breast
7: solids
830 - 950: nap
10: breast
1130: solids
1245pm - 2: nap
2: breast
430- 5:  nap (She'll only take the cat nap if she's in the stroller, car seat, or if I rock her to sleep; otherwise she has an early bedtime sometimes as early as 515, but it never seems to cause an early wake up)
5:30: solids
6:  breast
7or 730: sleep
between 10 and 11: DF 90% of the time she wakes for it, I have never tried to fix this. Should I? Aren't we supposed to be dropping it all toghether soon anyway.


other things to note:
- she's on solids now and seems eat quite a bit. She's a 95 percentile in everything girl.
- Some days out of necessity she takes the cat nap inbetween the 2 longer naps (she'll only sleep for 30-45 min outside of the house) and the whole EASY gets shifted around a bit
- One thing I've noticed is I do think she sleeps better when she gets 4 hours of naps in and she is getting way less then that sometimes. What should I do? If she takes a 1 hr 20 min nap and is happy...do I try to get in more cat naps?  I could do it if I take her out in the stroller.

I'm leaving to see family in another state on Friday so I know everything is going to get all screwed up there. Knowing me if she's screaming at night I'll just end up feeding her.  Then right after that my inlaws are coming to stay in my 2 bedroom house for 6 weeks!! I don't know for sure how that's going to go but I am anticipating tough since I have to be polite to them and explain all of my "rules" which is going to get a lot of eye rolls

Thanks in advance for any help!! sorry this is so long!

[LizzieN]

Hey there sweetie,
HUGS HUGS HUGS.
Look I am not really a good person to help here because with my DS I continued to feed overnight when he woke until he was 12 months old.  He had reflux and I believe most of the time it was more about comfort than true hunger, but it did mean I didn't have to have my brain plugged in at the middle of the night.  I also APOP my little man because I knew that most of the time he was in pain, so I just cuddled him.

I think in your case sweetie I would have a good think about how you want to approach these night wakings and have a clear plan about how you are going to deal with them (so you don't have to think too much in the middle of the night LOL)...
...if she is 95th percentile it is highly likely that sometimes she is hungry and the fact that she is waking at different times is actually a good thing because it means her wakings aren't habitual.

- At this time our little man started teething and he did not teeth well, the screaming that you are describing sounds pretty familiar to me....have you checked her mouth, does she usually have issues with teething.  If yes then do try giving some paracetamol before bed time or some gel on her gums when she wakes to see if it helps.

- If you think she has high sleep needs on those days that she doesn't get as much I would definately APOP and take her for a pram walk or a car ride to "top her up"....OT babies sleep so SO badly.

- I'm not an expert on dream feeds, but I'm pretty sure she shouldn't be needing this one now sweetie...if she is hungry at this stage I would be surprised (esp considering she is eating her solids well)...perhaps this habitual wake is mucking up her sleep cycles???  I would probably try doing some PU/PD here if you decide to drop this, but perhaps get some advice from other mums who have done dream feeds

Sweetie you should NEVER feel guilty if you get your LO back to sleep then they wake hungry, there is nothing wrong with doing this...she will let you know when she is hungry and she will never starve, so stop feeling bad!!  You are doing your best in a very tricky stage, so many developmental, physical and mental developments going on...you are always one step behind, you are not alone in that one!!!

When she wakes I would look at the time, if it's before say 2am I would probably try and get her down without feeding, but if she is obviously looking for the boob then feed   I would try and do PU/PD for these wakes as long as you are sure that she isn't waking from pain (look at her body language and listen to that cry, she may be getting windy from the solids or teething)...if you think it's pain just cuddle her sweetie and calm her down, take a bit of a soft approach for a few days and see if it helps.

Sorry I can't be more helpful and I'm sure there are heaps of things I haven't addressed, my main point is to have a little mental check list so you don't feel like you are struggling so much and have a clear idea of how you will respond to what behaviours....

good luck
hugs
xxLizzie

[Hawaiimom]

Thanks so much for your reply! I'm definetly going to try some of things out you mentioned and I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not quite sure what all the screaming is about. I don't see any teeth coming in and there have been so many times I thought maybe she's teething but they never appear. She's always been bitting down and drooling alot. My gut says that the screaming thing is just a new she's learned because she has different variations of it that she does now when she's excited, bored, frusturated etc.

I've been wanting to drop that dream feed so I'm going to work on that tonight for sure.

[LizzieN]

Oh sweetie, those teeth can cause havoc well before they actually cut.  With DS who was a refluxer I could tell MONTHS before that he had teeth coming (AGAIN)...he would get really cranky and his sleep would be terrible, his reflux flared, drooling, red cheeks, nasty nappies....sounds like she may well be struggling with them a bit.

When my DS was 12 months old his cry def changed into a more demanding and frankly angry sounding cry, it took me a while to realise that he was ok it's just that he had developed again...obviously not happy being left, so we did a lot of WI/WO with him.  It may well be that your DD has "found her voice" so to speak

Hugs sweetheart and good luck
xx