New room layout - DS going mental HELP

[essexlemon]

I'm keeping this brief as DS is screaming in his cot.

I've changed his room around in preparation for moving in a BBB and to make room for another wardrobe for new baby in September (I wanted plenty of time for him to get used to the new setup).  I was nervous when I realised how different the room felt and now he has gone to bed he is going ballistic.

How many hours do I keep up the WIWO before I give up, change the room back and try to lay him down later?

If he does, by some miracle, go off to sleep tonight without me changing things back how many nights do I keep this up before conceding defeat.

We do have a (very) small room DH and I can move into if sharing doesn't work out (it's downstairs and attached to the main living area so not ideal for the new baby) but the ideal is for DS to settle into the new layout and share with baby once there aren't too many NW's.

Thanks in advance.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

I would stick to it if it's really the best thing for everyone (which it sounds like it is) for when the new baby arrives.  I usually find it takes 3 days to really adjust to a big change.  You might need to WIWO for quite a while, though.    I would just take a deep breath and keep at it.  How old is DS?  Even if it takes a few days and things are pretty wonky, it sounds like it would be worth it once you get through it.

GL and keep us posted.

[anna*]

Agree with Kate. If this is the new layout, you just keep going til he sleeps - don't move the room back. Good luck, and strength vibes.

[essexlemon]

Thanks for that.

He is 2 years and 3 months.

When you say I might need to do the WIWO for a long time, do you mean tonight and the next couple of nights or do you mean that I might be in for a couple of weeks of WIWO?

I'm just a little bit terrified because it took us forever to get him to sleep in the first place and we still have a lot of issues with his sleep due to reflux and ear infections.  A woman from one of our playgroups moved her son, who was always a fantastic sleeper, from the smallest room into their second bedroom and he was still wonky months later which is worrying me a bit.

DH pointed out that it usually only takes a night or two to get used to sleeping at my parents but I get the room set up as similar to home as possible and I always make sure I don't change the layout there.  I think this is a bigger disturbance for him because his safest environment has changed dramatically - mainly from the point of view of the cot moving across the room.  I feel like that would be more disturbing for him than being asked to sleep in a different room - kind of like coming home and finding that someone has moved your kitchen to your living room and your bed into the lounge - kwim?

To complicate things, we are in the middle of potty training (just over a month in).  DS had it perfect but got another ear infection which has sent everything wonky so now we have brilliant days and absolutely rubbish ones.

He's been in a horrid overtired loop caused by his last infection which we've just managed to break so the timing is probably stupid but I wanted to try to take the bull by the horns while we're not in a really rubbish patch.

It took about an hour and twenty minutes to get him down which is not so bad I guess.  We used to do hours of WIWO in the early days, I think the longest I did was nearly 3 hours, but this time seemed much tougher, perhaps because the cot is further from the door now so it felt odd for me, like how far to walk into the room etc.

In the end he went to sleep with just about every single teddy that was in the cot in his arms (which is quite a lot of bears) and wanted to be able to see every single one individually which was pretty much impossible.

I'm dreading nap time tomorrow.  Naps usually go very well but when they don't no amount of WIWO will get him to sleep although I keep it up to try to give the idea that he has to stay in his cot whatever so might as well sleep the next time round.

Just seen your post Anna, thanks.  Strength vibes are very much needed as I'm feeling a bit pathetic at the moment.

Sorry, I've finished drivelling on now.  I always intend my posts to be a whole lot shorter than they end up.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Aww, poor little guy!  Sounds like he just really struggles with change in his little world.  I can relate!

Have you ever tried GW instead of WIWO?  That's always worked better for my somewhat sensitive little guy.   Maybe it would help him to feel more secure if you're physically in the room?  I can write out how I do GW if it would help, but perhaps you already have your own technique?

I meant that you might find yourself stuck doing WIWO for hours, which it sounds like you have experience doing !   It's always possible that it could take weeks for him to adjust but I wouldn't get too nervous about that quite yet.  That's pretty unusual, I think.  Usually these LOs adjust more quickly than we think they will.  I would try to stick to it for at least a week before you reevaluate.  Give him a chance to adjust. 

You can both do it!!!   Tons more strength and calming vibes coming your way....

(PS - My posts are always longer than I intend as well! )

[anna*]

I wouldn't guess it would take more than a week. For tomorrow's nap, do an extra super long wind-down, stay in with him for a while. Do playtime in his bedroom in the morning too.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Do playtime in his bedroom in the morning too.

Oh, great idea Anna! 

[essexlemon]

Thanks girls.

I tried GW early on but sitting in his room gets him quite hyper and lots of stuffed animals get turned into missiles (which he then cries to have returned to him).  It wasn't until we started WIWO that I realised how distracting he finds having me in the room.

TBH when I posted he was so out of his tree that I thought it was going to go on for at least 2 hours so I'm relieved that he has gone down at all.  That's a good idea about playing in his room.  He likes to play in his cot at the moment (I think it's down to all the OT) so I'll maybe encourage him to do that for a while.

Wind down at the moment tends to consist of him doing a HUGE amount of wees and poos on the potty and then me trying to coax him off before he gets OT.  He generally likes to sit there for a good half hour.  Lol.

[essexlemon]

Ok, I think I've made a terrible error.

I had already decided where I wanted everything when we started moving the furniture.  Then DH has a bright idea and suggests that everything I'd planned on one side should go on the other.  I agreed it would be better but have since realised that we are going to end up with the cot too close to the radiator.

So now we have a different room layout with the same issues as before. Aaarrrgh.  I don't know what posessed me.  At least I can now get to his wardrobe now though.

I don't think it matters what I do from here - the room is going to have to change at intervals because it's not really the right shape for two beds.  I can't get my head round where to put everything and DH shows little interest in working out where it all goes until he gets the bee in his bonnet that he's ready to start moving the furniture.

Before he stuck his oar in, all I wanted was for the wardrobes to be moved round so that they were accessible (there was a chair in front before) but I've ended up with a major change around which looks like it's going to be just as unworkable from a roomshare point of view as it was before.  I feel horrible that I've put DS through a major change that really only needed to be a minor shunt round (when the wardrobes first appeared they didn't disturb him at all - it's only the change in where his cot is that I think has upset him.

Whaddya think?  Should I shift everything to where I wanted it originally (i.e. his cot back in its original position but wardrobes moved) and hope that he accepts last night as a wierd one-off or is that going to confuse him even more?

I'm so frustrated.  The whole reason why the wardrobes had to be moved was because DH didn't listen to where I wanted them when he put them together in the first place and they ended up stuck behind a nursing chair where I couldn't get to them (and the chair got pushed close enough to DS's cot for him to start using it as a climbing frame to get in and out of the cot)

The other problem is that DH has hidden my tape measure so I can't work out where the bed will come to anyway so can't really make a sensible decision.

A warning to anyone else about to start reorganising or making a change... Make sure you're not an indecisive, hormonal wreck when you do it!!!

I think actually I will leave everything well alone until I'm in a better frame of mind to make decent decisions.

Sorry to bend your ears.  I think sometimes just by writing everything out I get an idea of just how mad I'm being.

[goldtooth]

just a quick hello - this age has a strong need for order. everything in it's place.   anything out of it's proper place can send them into orbit.  a big change in furniture layout could make them nutty.  might take a while for him to accept the new arrangement as the correct one.

my 20 month old freaks out if there is a single toy on the floor before his nap - it's just a very strong period for them for order.  it helps them understand their world and their place in it.

good luck~!

[anna*]

What did you decide to do?

[essexlemon]

Well, he went down really well for his nap the following day (although he did wet), and really well at bedtime so I decided to leave well alone for now.  His freak-out when I posted was so extreme that I was convinced it was going to take forever for him to settle but he seems reasonably content with the set up now.  PTing doesn't seem to have been affected other than at nap time (touch wood).

He's been wanting to play in the cot quite a lot and we've spent a bit of time in there playing as he's been keen to be in the bedroom.  I think today he was making approving noises at the change so that's helped make up my mind to leave things alone.

He is very particular about where everything goes - even down to not liking 'messy play' at our local Childrens' Centre because the layout is different from his regular playgroup there.  All his teddies have to be laid out just-so in the cot.

As he seems to have gone for one major freak-out and then calmed down  I think I'm going to let him stay where he is until we really NEED to move things again.  On the plus side, now that the nursing chair isn't next to the cot he can't climb out so might be able to delay the BBB for a while.  I think it may be a case of sending him out with my parents when we next reorganise so we can play with the furniture a bit without him buzzing around.  I think him seeing Daddy moving the furniture around probably distressed him more than the fact it ended up different.  Does that make sense?

I just feel bad that I put him through all that stress and we don't seem to have gained much from it. 

Thanks so much for your support girls.  I'm definately not making any other changes without forcing DH to sit and discuss with me to make sure I'm not being mad.  I think I posted originally out of panic but the replies I got helped to set my mind at rest that I hadn't started an ongoing sleep issue so a big thank you.

XXX

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Hugs.  I see what you're saying about the stress of moving being worse than the end result.  I hope you can figure out the best layout soon and that DS adjusts!

[essexlemon]

Thanks. We had an iffy bedtime tonight but I think that was down to OT as we had the chiropractor today and I had to wake him up early from his nap. We didn't get to the screaming stage though which was a relief.

I have a funny feeling he is actually starting to prefer the new layout. Yay.