can anyone help us to get our 2 yr old to stop waking up overnight

[chriswellings]

Hi, please help! For 3 weeks now our daughter has started waking up overnight. She's done it before in phases but only for a few nights before settling back down again.

it started 3 weeks ago when she had a bad cough & cold and lost her appetite, so when she started waking at night i gave her milk thinking maybe she was hungry. this lasted about 7 days on & off until her appetite came back and i knew it was habit now.

We had 3 good nights where she slept til 6am but then wanted to get up (too early for me!
She generally wakes up around 3am, usually she wakes crying (occasionally chats to herself then cries). When we go in she's still lying down but wants to be picked up and sat in chair at which point she wants to read a book or play.
so i put her back to bed telling her its sleep time not playtime.

Now for past week we dont get her out of the cot, but we have no consistency as to whether we go in every 10mins and tell her its sleep time or leave her crying for a while (about 1/2hr) then go in just once and let her cry it out (which seems very cruel but at a loss what to do for the best

sometimes going in makes it worse sometimes she settles and goes back to sleep! but mostly she's awake for upto 2 hours just screaming, but we no longer give into the milk.

Its difficult to know why she's waking, habit? bad dreams? but i work nights and its hard work being sleep deprived from nights and sleep deprived from her waking up

When she's done this in the past she's usually settled down after one or 2 nights of letting her cry it out but not anymore!
bedtime is around 7-7.30 and nap time in day is anything from 1-2hours.
any help will be gratefully appreciated!

[~*Nicole*~]

Could be that now that she is feeling better she needs a tweak with her nap time or length. What time is she waking in the mornings generally? And how old is she, I know you said 2, but a young two or an older two, how many months?

I wouldn't leave her to cry as she is likely a bit disoriented/confused and now isn't sure whether you will or will not come to help her which may make her cry out more thinking eventually you will come as sometimes you have and others have not. I'd pick one consistent way of dealing with her waking at night. So maybe you go in, remind her it's still night time and everyone needs to be sleeping, a hug/kiss and leave. If she keeps up, go back in, just say it's sleep time and leave and keep repeating. It's good you're not giving her milk anymore now that she doesn't need it.

If she is waking at the same time every night, you could try the Wake to Sleep method. Basically, you go into her room an hour before she normally wakes up and sort of stir her a bit. So you may rub her back, adjust her blanket, brush back her hair from her face, etc. Something that might elicit her to turn over or sigh or something so that you can tell her body noticed that you were there, but not enough to wake her up. The idea is that you are bringing her to a lighter stage of sleep and that once you leave she'll fall back into a deeper stage of sleep and sleep past the time she is waking out of habit. If this works you'll need to repeat it for a few nights to really break the habit and change her sleep cycle patterns from waking at that habitual time.

[chriswellings]

Hi, thanks for your reply.......our little one will be 2 next week.
She has been waking up around 7ish this past week, sometimes a little later but today i had to wake her up at 8.30am. Altho i forgot to say that last night was different for some reason she woke at 11pm and cried for about an hour but was unsettled til about 2am.
Her nap time varies in the day, today it was 12 o clock but usually its around 1 o clock.
I think we'll try the method you suggested about going in and settling down then walking out again.........fingers crossed.
Thanks again

[~*Nicole*~]

Do you base her nap time on the time she wakes up in the morning and how well she slept overnight? Or is it based on something else (daycare or whatever)?

Waking in the earlier hours of the night (prior to midnight) and restless sleeping, usually indicate being overtired. That is why I am wondering about her naps. I am wondering if they are falling a bit too late for her on some days.

When my DD just turned two we had a routine that was something like:

7am-wake
1-3nap
8-bed

but if she woke earlier, nap was earlier, if she woke later, nap was a bit later as she did best on a nap that was approx. 6 hours after she woke up for the day. If she had a horrible night for some reason, then I'd shorten that time to maybe 5 or 5.5 hours at most.

Hope that helps.

Good luck with the going in and out tonight!

Fingers crossed for you!

[chriswellings]

Hi, she usually has a nap depending what time she woke up or where we are. For instance, if she has woken up at 7ish and we're out and about she'll probably fall asleep in the car in which case she usually only has an hour.
if we're at home then she might last til 1pm, since writing this post last week she has been having 1 bad night and 1 good night, on a good night she'll wake up at 6.30 or bit before. which is still too early for me but better than being up at 3!

The going in & out doesnt seem to be making much difference but maybe because she's not consistent with her sleep.
Sat night she was crying on and off for nearly 2 hours but slept til 8.15am, we went out to lunch so didnt have a sleep til nearly 2pm and had nearly 2hours. She went to bed at 8pm but was still crying and wanting to read books, eventually she fell asleep about 9pm but was still awake at 6.20!
I'm wondering if she was overtired going to bed or even if she needs to stop her daytime nap (but not sure she'd cope with this as she does get very tired in the day).

I'm at a loss as to what is going on as it varies and changes all the time.
Thank you for your help!

[~*Nicole*~]

I am thinking it's the inconsistency of her sleep. Some naps are late, some are home, some are early, some are out and about, some are longer and some are shorter. Her body will likely do best if you are as consistent as possible b/c it will be tired at certain times of the day and be ready for sleep at those times. Plus then it's much easier to determine an appropriate bedtime b/c you'll know how long she can last after a good length nap for her. If her nap is different every day you won't know a good bedtime to choose and every day will be different and so each morning may have a different wake up time.

SO....long story short...I think you'll have to try to pick a more consistent routine and gauge how she is doing after a few days to determine whether you need to tweak her nap time or length and also her bedtime. But if you stick with the same routine for 3 to 5 days you should see patterns to help you figure it out.

Basically I'd start with a pretty average routine for a two year old, stick with it for a few days and see what happens.

[chriswellings]

Hi, good idea, its difficult if we are out and about or visiting people, however i think this week i can try and do what you suggest and see if it makes a difference.

Will keep you posted!
Thank you

P.S typically my in laws stayed last night whilst i was at work and apart from a few minutes of shouting for me she slept til 8am! Bet it doesnt continue for me tonight!

[~*Nicole*~]

8am is NICE!!!!!!!!!!!

[chriswellings]

Hi, thank you for your help a little while ago. for the past few weeks now (touch wood! she has been sleeping through, sometimes waking as early as 6-7 but sometimes sleeping til 8am or occasionally 9am!
Thanks again for your help

[~*Nicole*~]

So glad to hear it!