I am about to give up - please help!

[embembim]

Hello everyone,

I am a new mum in this forum, my daughter is 5 weeks old. She suffers from colic, her tummy is terribly bloated and she cries a lot during the day, especially in the afternoon. This is why I started to comfort her during daytime, take her out in the pram, the sling, or let her sleep on my chest. I was so glad to have found ways to calm her after all the crying. She sleeps very well during the night (4-5 hours between feeds).

But now I have to realise that during the day I don't have a life anymore. She just never sleeps on her own.

I started EASY 3 days ago and now I am feeling worse than ever. The past 3 days I spent sitting in front of her bed, shushing/patting, picking up/putting down, for 60-90 minutes, watching her eyes closing, then opening again, getting upset. Yesterday she only slept 20 minutes during the day, today 1,5 hours (one hour was in the pram because I couldn't take it anymore), I had 10 minutes to myself, hardly ate or drank. I broke into tears several times today, by the thought that this is going to be my life now - sitting in a dark room watching my baby getting no sleep. I actually have the feeling that I am forcing something up upon her, that she has to fit into something she's not ready for, because she's so small and needs me. I am afraid now that she will associate her bed with something stressful and will start to get sleepless in the night as well.

Am I being to hard on us? Is she too young for EASY? Should I wait until the colic has gone (I find it very hard to tell if she's crying because of the pain, or if she's overtired, or just needs me close)? Is it ok to start with the routine of E A S, but letting her fall asleep on my chest/lap? How long does it normally take to get a baby in to the EASY routine?

I am so stressed and scared and I know I am transmitting that to my LO. But I really don't know what to do now, I am so helpless. 

PLease help!

Thank you so much!

[Vally]

Hi. Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I have an 8 week old and a two year and I remember feeling do lost and helpless with number 2. I still have plenty of days now with number 2 where it seems everything is all over the place. I do think you are being too hard on yourself as she is still so young so don't worry too much about EASY just yet as it will only stress you out when she doesn't do as the book says. It is really not a bad thing that she needs lots of your cuddles and comfort to fall asleep at such a young age so please don't feel bad. You can start to consider the Easy principles but I would spend the next few weeks getting to understand your LO and enjoy the cuddles. You will soon start to find that she will start establish some patterns herself and then you can start to think about a little more structure. I hope this helps. I really know how you feel and I have always found this forum supportive and full of good advice. Be kind on yourself and don't expect too much too soon. Big Hugs xxxxxx

[deb]

OMG, I so remember those first couple of months of isolation and hell. I didn't have family to help, and DH's work had him there at all hours, so it was mostly me and I was already suffering from PND/PPD. Can you give us some more information, and maybe we can find a starting point.

First off, is she BF or formula-fed? A bloated painful tummy sounds a lot like there might be a food issue, or at the very least a lot of gas, so if she's BF you can adjust the latch so she's taking in less air, and if bottle-fed you can try different bottles or teats/nipples.

Let's start there and see how we go on. 

[rachelusc]

I just read your post and wanted to offer some more support.  DS is 14 weeks now (DD is almost 2 yrs) and I tried so hard to get him on a routine from those early weeks...I wish I would have tried a little less in the beginning and worried less about naps being in the crib.  Within a few week awake/asleep time will make more sense during the day.  I am a firm believer in BW and EASY but urge you not to get to the point you can't stand to be in the baby's room...in a few weeks things will look totally different, I promise.  I let DD sleep on me and in her bjorn for the first four months (til I realized I needed a plan) and she conformed to EASY within a couple weeks. 

If you can, just try to not let your DD feed to sleep.  Also, continue letting her sleep in her crib at night.  These are GREAT starts and the "schedule" will fall into place in the coming weeks.  You are a great mom for caring so much and trying to do the right thing.  You won't go wrong as long as you care so much. 

Rachel

[embembim]

Dear Vally, dear Deb, dear Rachel,

thank you so much for your support! It helps me so much to know that there are other mums out there, who went through the same thing. My DH and I have agreed that we're going to be a bit less hard on us and our LO and that we use the BW as a guide not as a bible.

My LO is BF only, according to my midwife she latches on well, I try and burp her everytime she feeds, but sometimes it doesn't work. D

Last night my DH tried to put her into bed at stage 3, but she wouldn't settle and she started to cry really, really hard. I think it was colic (shrill cries, wouldn't settle even on us, curled tongue like lizard, flailing arms, pulling legs up), but I'm sure she was overtired as well, because she slept so little the last 3 days. I fed her at 10:30 pm, let her settle a bit on my chest, then put her on her back on my legs and let her fall asleep for ca. 10 min. I then put her back in to her crib and she fell asleep. This way we use to do it in the nights and she always goes back to sleep straight away. Sometimes we even put her into the crib at stage 3, she fusses a bit, but eventually falls asleep.

This morning we had a little success. I fed her at 08:30. I got a phone call from a friend who is a new mum as well. She reassured me, so I guess my voice sounded relaxed. I saw my LO going into stage 3, so I put her down in our bed, left the room and left the door open. She listened to my voice in the other room, with her eyes open, she talked a bit to herself and eventually fell asleep all on her own!

I will try to try a little less, because I am convinced, that my LO feels my tension, when I sit in front of the crib, praying she will fall asleep. I just hope we'll find a good way to get her to sleep a bit more independently during the day.

Thanks again, I am feeling a lot better now and am glad having found this forum!

xxx

[deb]

Definitely cut yourself some slack, especially with a young one. And not all babies follow BW to the letter- mine were so different as babies I wondered how anyone could possibly generalize about babies at all for a while! My second needed more mom time, more AP-type handling, and in retrospect my first could have done with some as well but she was Touchy and so was I so we faked it at the time.

I did also discover down the road that my kids are dairy-intolerant, altho at the time none of the doctors mentioned that. It might have saved us a lot of tears and refluxing and tummy-aches had I thought to stop consuming dairy while I was nursing, especially my first. Intolerance to dairy (or to any food not handled well by the digestive system) can for sure cause awful tummy-aches and bloating and gas, so it's something you can keep at the back of your head while BFing.  The food Allergies board is a good source of info, and the Colic/Reflux/Crying board as well.

[embembim]

The doctor says that my LO has 3 month colic and that there isn't a lot I can do. We've been giving hr ColicCalm, which I think helps, but her tummy is very bloated, bubbly and windy. I will try not to eat any dairies, maybe it helps.

I have another question on EASY. My LO shuts her eyes during BF and although she keeps suckling, I think that she is dozing or almost asleep. Is that ok, or does she have to be awake (eyes open) during BF? I've been waking her up after the feed (which is a bit heart breaking to be honest) and give her some activity.

LO has been falling asleep on her own during the past days! We put her on our bed, she looks around and eventually falls asleep. Sometimes it takes her a bit longer and I have to stay with her until she dozes off, but she is not laying on me, doesn’t have to be rocked, or carried around. The colic comes around 7pm and goes at around 9-10 pm. She then has to be comforted and carried, but then sleeps in her crib, all night long. I don’t do any A at night, but I guess that is ok?

Thank you so much for your help.

All the best for you
xxx

[deb]

The being awake while nursing is to avoid her getting too used to falling asleep while nursing and eventually needing to be nursed to fall asleep. If you can replace that with a pacifier/dummy that might be one option - some babies just need to suck on something even when they aren't nursing. (I had two of those, one super-stubborn about giving it up! You don't necessarily have to wake her fully (although it's probably ideal) - just try to avoid her needing to nurse to sleep in case she needs to nap sometime and only DH is there. (Ths is handy for night wakings. )

Doctors often call food allergies colic. Reflux also gets called colic. Pretty much any tummy pain gets called colic by many doctors, many of whom just don't know any better. Sad but true. The Colic/Reflux/Crying board has page after page after page of those stories, as does the food allergies page. So it may be a routine thing for your doctor, but a bloated tummy means something isn't being digested OR it means she's getting too much air in there - those are pretty much the options: either the air is being wallowed, or it's being produced by food not being digested right and/or yeast in the gut. BTW, have you or she been on antibiotics yet during her life at any point? If you're able to locate infant probiotics, a dose or two of those can sometimes helps, especially after a course of antibiotics.