1yr old won't settle at bed time

[obesebee]

Hi everyone,

Hoping I will be able to get some help regarding bed times. My very nearly 12mth old DS (who is normally an amazing sleeper) will not go to bed! 

His routine has been the following for a long time now...

6.30 Wake and Milk
8.00 Breakfast
10-11 Nap (1hr)
11.00 Milk
12.00 Lunch
2.00-4.00 Nap (2hrs)
4.00 Milk
5.30 Tea
7.00 Bed

His morning nap can be a little hit and miss. Sometimes he won't settle very easily and sometimes it will only be 45mins.

Our difficulties are with bed time and some night wakings (once before midnight and once after midnight but before 5.30am). He won't lie down and stands at the edge of the cot crying until I go back in the room. Sometimes he is just shouting and getting frustrated rather than crying. I don't go back in until he gets upset. When I lie him down he sometimes laughs and always gets up again. If I sternly tell him to lie down he does for a short while then he gets back up again. I have been as stubborn as I can by not talking to him and just laying him down every time he gets up but sometimes I get the impression my intervention is making things worse. Tonight I tried this technique for about 45mins but got no where. So to be honest I left him, he started crying as soon as I left and I left him about 5 mins before returning when as soon as I put my hand on his back he lay down and started making his sleepy noises. He was asleep within mins.

This has been the story for 3 weeks now with maybe 3 or 4 nights of no night wakings. I thought that maybe he was making the transition to just one nap but when I tried moving his morning nap later he was over tired and missed the nap all together. But then I would have to hurry up and give him his lunch before he fell asleep.

Then I tried an earlier bed time incase he was over tired again but that just prolonged the bedtime nightmare! So I'm no longer sure of what routine I should be aiming for or what I'm doing wrong. He will normally be asleep by 8.15pm so do I just make this his new bedtime?

There have been periods of teething among all this but I honestly don't think it is the main problem although I accept it will not help.

ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. Apologies for the long post!

[*Ali*]

He is actually getting a lot of  daytime sleep for his age so I expect he is undertired and that is why he is playing up at BT.
When you moved the morning nap later how much later did you try? Could it have been too much and that is why he was OT? What about if you moved it 5-10mins later for a few days, would he cope with that?
Having said that his morning A time is already the longest so you might like to try to extend that middle A time by just 15mins and then cut his PM nap to 1.5hrs. That should mean he is more tired at BT.
It is not uncommon for day times to become quite long as the A times extend so a slightly later BT would be OK to do for a while until he moves to one nap.
BW is against controlled crying which is effectively what you are doing by leaving him to cry for timed periods like 5mins so I wouldn't recommend this as it is likely to cause more problems and can leave your LO feeling abandoned.
Here are some links you may find useful for the 2:1 transition which is almost certainly what he is at the start of. By don't worry it is a long process so he isn't expected to move to 1 nap overnight.

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=95670.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=41952.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=186919.0
Once he is 12mo this support thread is more appropriate:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=173945.0

What do you think?

Ali

[obesebee]

Thanks Ali, these next few days I will try a longer middle awake time and shorter pm nap. What is the average awake time for a 1yr old? I felt terrible that I left him to cry for 5mins the other night but I had reached the end of myself. I think I need to know if I'm doing the right thing. Is it correct to just quietly keep laying him back down if he keeps getting up? He is not crying when he does this. But he starts to cry if I leave the room. So if I'm in the room what is the correct thing to do? I've tried just gently laying a hand on his back but it doesn't stop him getting up. Any thoughts on how to handle this?

Many thanks!

[Kay Dee]

Hiya, another thing you could try if you want to keep that nice long PM nap is to shorten the AM nap to something like 30mins and move the PM nap earlier, so something like AM nap 10-10.30, PM nap 1-3pm. Although if he's not settling for his AM nap this might not work!

[*Ali*]

Typical A time for 11-12mo is 3.5-4.5hrs so it does vary greatly. Here is a link with typical A times by age.
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64158.msg476652#msg476652

If he isn't crying I would just leave the room. If he cries and stands up I would go back in and lay him down and say your sleepy phrase. I just say "It's sleepy time honey. Go to sleep." in a soft and calm voice and then leave the room as soon as I have laid him back down. I only go back in if he stands and cries again. I go back in straight away even if it is 10 seconds after the last time. Here is a link to PUPD (which is more PD at his age) with suitable age adaptations.
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=208990.0

HTH

Ali