I've just discovered the Baby Whisperer, bought the book, and am endeavouring to start my 10wo baby boy on the routine. It's only day two, and I don't expect it to be easy, but I am troubled by just how much he is crying at nap times: it's affecting his perception of naps to the point that he now cries when we go into the room and pull the curtains, which surely can't be good.
The book suggests that young babies will cry when put down, but be comforted when picked up. It doesn't say what to do when they keep on crying. And crying. And crying. (45 minutes is the most we've gone, before I called a halt to nap time and went to low-key activity time.) I think I know why he's crying when I hold him: I have previously breastfed him to sleep (that is, when he had a series of colds between 6 and 8 weeks, he regularly fell asleep while feeding, and has continued that pattern since), so if he's in my arms he is frustrated at not being fed. He also hates being swaddled, having now discovered his hands. I have tried to get round the holding-breastfeeding association by putting him down in his cot, and leaning over him to: shush, hold the arm escaping from the swaddle, and stroke his head (patting overstimulates); sometimes it works well (in that he stops crying after 5 minutes or so), but often he continues crying. I'm concerned that this is creating a bad nap-time dynamic for him, and even more concerned that it is "breaking the bonds of trust" between us just as effectively as leaving him to cry would do.
My question: Is there a rule of thumb about how long you should keep trying to put a crying baby to sleep when he won't quieten down by being held? And is it different if the baby has already had *some* sleep (say 45 minutes)?
Background: Reuben's been a very easy baby -- perhaps an Angel in most regards?! -- starting (2 weeks postdate) at average birthweight, but rapidly putting on weight (and length), so at last weigh-in he was in the 91st centile for his age. He is breastfed: I haven't done a yield, so I don't know exactly how much he is getting at each feed (he often refuses to go for the full 20 minutes in any case), but his continuous weight gain suggests there's no problem with supply. I did try expressing in order to give him a bottle, but a series of colds at 6-8 weeks put paid to that (I was too tired; he was too grizzly). I'm now trying again, but of course he's very resistant. Because he's not been taking a bottle, he also refuses a dummy (pacifier), so that route is out. Our newly established routine starts around 6/6.30am, when he wakes with the light. We work in 3-hour cycles, but sleep is sometimes 45 minutes, sometimes 90 minutes, sometimes 20/30 minutes. I have tried keeping him in his cot when he wakes up before the desired time, but he just cries, nearly goes to sleep, and then startles and starts crying again, so I'm concerned that is creating bad associations for him.
