Need some BDTD advice from those whose LOs hung on to a NF for a long, long time

[aimeeL]

So K just turned one (!!) and we still have a very stubborn NF.  She's never been a great night sleeper - taking awhile to do nice long stretches... and we were at 2 NFs for a long time...  But that disappeared on its own accord, and I've hoped and hoped that this one will simply vanish on its own, too.  But she's one, and it hasn't yet.  So I've been vacillating back and forth about what to do with and it's driving me - and my DH! - insane. 

I need a plan.  And I need to stick to that plan.  But I can't figure out what The Plan should be. 

Should I just make peace with the 1 NF?  And if so, should it matter WHEN the NF is?  About a month ago, there were a couple wks where she was sttn about 2-3 times/wk, and on the other nights, the NF was around 4-ish a.m.  But recently, the sttns have disappeared and the NFs are 12-2-ish a.m....  So - for those of you who have BTDT and went this route - did you set a time on it? - like no NFs before 3 a.m.?  And if LO *did* wake before then, you did PUPD or WIWO until the appointed time?  Or did you just feed whenever?

OR should I bite the bullet, assume that the NF isn't going to disappear on its own, and put in a long week - or two or three! - of PUPD/WIWO?

I simply can't decide.  On one hand, I have been much, much more...laidback with DD2 - wayyyy more than I ever was with DD1... and I've assumed more of a "it'll happen eventually" mentality with everything...   And so that part of me says I might as well go with the path of least resistance, feed her once a night - since it IS so quick and easy - and hope that she'll soon wean that on her own. 

But on the OTHER hand, I often sit there, - like I did last night at 2 am - nursing her, and thinking, "REALLY!?  You are 12 months old and over 20 lbs and you're waking up at 2 to eat?!?" And I resolve then and there that SOMETHING must be done....

And then it becomes morning, and all that resolve disappears... and I go back to, "Wellllll..it'll eventually go away, right?"

So what did you do?  What was your plan?

Oh - FWIW - our routine is:

7 a.m. - wakeup
noon-2:30-ish - nap (today, for example, was noon-2:50)
7 p.m. - bedtime

One nap is still pretty new around here... doing 2 naps if wakeup is much before 6:30... but she's a pretty good napper and the one nap has been going pretty well...

TIA

[Roseii]

Hello
Wow great routine you have there-well done I can only dream
As I've said on a couple of threads lately, I have found myself giving my 14mo a NF lately She STTN from 9-12 months pretty much solid, and since then it's crept in 3-4 times a week, to now it's every night
Anyway, it really is down to you what you want to do. I *suspect* at this age it's not going to disappear I'm afraid. How about setting yourself a time period, like a week or 2, see if she is still having it, then committing to settling another way?
Does she settle independently? If so then we usually say WI/WO. However I've already decided that when I do decide to tackle this NF (there's always a reason not to ) then I will do a sort of GW. Her NF varies from 11pm-2am and I can't face WI/Wo at the time so I'm going to pop a mattress on the floor and wait it out with her whilst she cries I think I am dreading it needless to say!
HTH xxx

[aimeeL]

Thanks! - sorry for the repetitive-thread-themes....

Anyway, it really is down to you what you want to do

  I know, I know... but that's precisely the problem... I don't know what I want!  Well, actually I do... I want her to sttn, but I don't want to have to DO anything to get to that point... 

She goes down for naps and bedtime like a charm.. but if she ever wakes in the MOTN, it is very, very difficult to settle her without a BF.  I *have* drawn the line at only 1 NF a night... so if she does wake besides that - which is not often - DH does his best to resettle.  But if it's just me at night - I'm totally screwed and usually end up BFing.   

We'd probably do more of a GW, too... BUT she's in a room with her big sis and there will be some logistical issues we'll have to figure out first...

Sighhhhhhh....so you don't really think it's just going to disappear, eh?     I think I'll drag myself to a corner and have a good cry....

 

[Roseii]

I cannot tell you how much this is exacty like us!! Routine isn't brilliant but bless her she naps like a trouper and settles beautifully fr naps and BT. And I keep convincing myself she will naturally stop wanting the nf!! And she is inpossible to settle without milk too Maybe we need a support thread for dropping the toddler nf!!! Xx

[aimeeL]

LOL - love the idea of a weaning-toddler-NF-support-thread!   

Was really hoping there were many others out there who'd been through the same thing, but apparently, there are not many who let their LOs have NFs for as long as I have...

[Roseii]

Haha at least she's 2m younger than mine I'm wondering about Martina..I know
F was having a nf recently (or v early morning one) wonder if he still is...

[clazzat]

I bit the bullet with e when she was 9 months, which I knew was way past the point when she needed it. Not sure if I am going to be in a good position to give advice, as my approach was to go through and sleep with her instead - and that took till 18 months to break!

I do think you are going to have to do something though - sadly, complaining about the thing that we don't like doesn't make it go away! You might actually find that breaking the habit turns out to be easier in practice once she sees that you really mean business. One thing you could try is giving her a bottle of water in the night instead of milk - it can satisfy the need to suck and fill their tummies a bit to make them think that they have been fed, but it is not really worth waking up for, iyswim?

[KiusMum]

well i m in for the support thread idea...my LO is almost 1.5 yrs old and we still have atleast 1 NF (bottle) . Hes never been an independent sleeper and I have been sleep-training him for the past 2 months or so using GW( i know i m really slow... ) the sleeps improved but i have not had a good plan to wean the NF still. Lately I have just decided that I wont feed him before 5 am and have had some success..i m  guess i really need to prepare myself for the Night Weaning challenge.

[aimeeL]

So....a few days ago, I stepped on a rusty nail.  Checked my records, and didn't see a tetanus shot for at least 10 years...  So I started asking my medical friends and family what they thought I should do.  After I ended something like my 10th conversation with the answer being the same - "go get a tetanus shot ASAP!" - DH looked at me and said, "So...are you going to keep asking until you get the answer you want?"   

Totally feel like that here.     I want someone to say, "Oh, don't worry....it'll disappear on its own in a few weeks..."  ...and I almost want to keep asking until I get that right answer. 

I think you're absolutely right, though, Clare... I do think that it might actually be easier once we set our minds to it and do it.  And it's just the anticipation of it that makes me crazy.

Sigh.

I just somehow have handled this so completely different than I did with.  Maybe it's 2nd child guilt... K gets the short end of the stick in so many ways - less individual attention, fewer pictures, etc - that somehow I've been a total wimp about her sleep training in trying to make up for that "lack" elsewhere.  So instead, I think of reason after reason why she MIGHT still need to eat in the MOTN... and reason after reason why it's not a good idea to wean now... like, for instance, her gums are swollen and molars are imminent... which means SURELY she needs a NF, right?